Hey guys, since it's summer and I have nothing better to do I think I'm just gonna keep uploading when I can which means probably more than 1 chapter per day until it's done. Mentions of self-harm in this chapter! Nothing graphic but just a heads up. Thanks for reading :)
It was only 30 hours until the swim meet and Emily couldn't sleep. She lay awake and stared at the never changing ceiling. She felt the urge to text Paige even though she had only left her 2 hours ago. The two had spent the past 3 weeks by each other's side. Emily was forgetting what Hanna, Spencer and Aria looked like but on the plus side, her driving was developing. Her instructor, Stephen, was sure Emily could be driving by February if she kept it up. By strange coincidence, Paige text first. A picture attachment was all she sent. Emily had no idea what it would be and braced herself for any kind of possibility. She sighed with relief when she opened it. On her screen was 5 year old Emily and Paige at a birthday party.
"Nice haircut xD" Paige felt the need to comment on Emily's unfortunate style.
"Hey you aren't much better miss 'I'm bringing back flares from the 70's'! Where did you even find that haha?"
"Okay I'm calling Switzerland now :-) I got a bunch of 'em all in an album. I think my dad keeps them"
Emily was borderline shocked to learn of Nick McCullers' soft side. It made her smile. She wondered how many more gems were in a photo album in an attic.
"Show me sometime."
"Oh I will, someone has to share the embarrassment :-) I have to sleep but I'll see you at swim practice tomorrow okay?"
"Sure. See you later."
"Wait, Em what's with the see you later xD"
"Bye is too final. I like to pretend that as long as I say see you later then I always will see you later. Go to sleep Paige x"
Emily didn't get a reply so she assumed Paige was actually sleeping now. She went to sit by her window and watch the night sky.
Another morning; another battle to get out of bed. At least Paige bought breakfast on Saturdays. Emily reminded herself that it would all be worth it. Plus, she got to spend all of this time with her favourite friend, who speaking of was waiting outside. Emily had been triple checking her jumper every single morning since the day she forgot to look while getting dressed.
"Here. I got bagels, toast, bananas, pineapple, energy bars... I didn't know what to get today so I thought we'd have a treat," smiled Paige.
Emily smiled in return at the thoughtfulness. She picked out a bagel for Paige with a little tub of cream cheese and a plastic knife to spread it. Paige started to drive to school and shot Emily a strange look. Emily looked questioningly back.
"Feed me."
"Paige what?"
"Feed me. I'm driving and my hands aren't free. My stomach is starting to hate on me so feed me. Please?"
Emily shook her head in disbelief while laughing at the clown sitting a few centimetres away. She strategically placed her fingers on the bagel she had just spread as to minimise cream cheese mess and stretched over to Paige.
"Any closer you'll be sitting in my lap, Fields. Mmmm - that is good," Paige said with a mouth full of bagel.
Emily rolled her eyes in mock disgust. "You wish I was sitting in your lap," she laughed with a glint in her eye.
"The only thing I wish for right now is another bite of that damn good bagel. Hey! You got cream cheese on my nose. I dare you to lick it off," Paige was in hysterics again. Emily told her to shut up and eat her bagel.
The 5 minute drive was taken up by Emily feeding Paige the bagel and Paige making jokes. Emily loved the little moments where Paige was completely herself. There were moments when Paige was elsewhere and Emily could never figure it out.
The locker room was dead at this time on a Saturday and not even Coach Fulton would swing by any time soon. Emily loved the privacy. Just her, Paige and the water. She got ready slightly too fast and looked at Paige a little too early. She wished she hadn't. Something on Paige's sides had caught her eyes, caught her soul. Emily looked away with a lump in her throat and a dilemma in her head. She couldn't pick a fight over something she wasn't even sure was- it didn't matter. The meet was only for one day, she had a lifetime more with Paige.
Paige looked over once ready and studied Emily's facial expression. "Have you seen a ghost, Fields? Worried about me beating your times?" she grinned.
"Uh no. It must just be something I ate. Come on, let's go prove I'm better than you again," Emily joked half-heartedly. What was she going to do?
Emily and Paige both gave each other a run for their money, proving they were both more than ready for tomorrow's swim meet. Emily's mind was still plagued with thoughts over Paige's sides. Paige continuously joked in the locker room and only picked up on Emily's mood when she didn't receive any laughs. Emily downplayed it and blamed it on the driving lesson she had later that day; nerves she said.
"Hey Em. You got this. You've been picking it up amazingly fast, soon it'll be you driving me about," smiled Paige.
Stephen picked Emily up at 4 PM. An hour of driving before Emily could retreat to her room to think things over. She did everything that was asked of her on autopilot; she couldn't process anything properly right now. She was glad when the hour was up.
Another sleepless night right before the swim meet was not what Emily needed but she was stressing out over what she had witnessed in the locker room. She couldn't comprehend it, she didn't want to. She just wished she would fall asleep soon.
"Ladies. Today is the first day of the swim season. Each and every one of you are more than ready to do this. Senior year is important. We have scouts from Danby, Stanford and other places of interest. You catch their attention, you may get a scholarship. Otherwise, our main focus is winning for us. We can do this. GO SHARKS!" Coach Fulton's team prep never quite got the team going but they were hyped enough already, buzzing off each other's energy on this fine Sunday morning.
Aria, Spencer and Hanna were sitting in the stands with little paper flags shouting on Emily and "wooooo"ing at her as well as waving at Paige when they both walked out. Emily loved the support and the feeling she got when she walked out to swim. She pulled out her earphones and lay them at the side where her team were occupying space.
"Hey good luck, Fields. We've got this."
Emily smiled at Paige's words of encouragement before they were pulled into a group meeting to discuss tactics one last time. It was going to go well, they just felt it.
"Is that one Em?"
"No Hanna, that's Em," Spencer laughed as she pointed out their friend.
"I can't help it if they all look the same, they're all weari- wait why is everyone cheering?"
Aria and Spencer just looked at each other and laughed at Hanna. They could always rely on her to provide them with the comedy. Aria explained that Emily had finished and the Sharks had won. Hanna cheered after everyone else and grinned when Emily waved up at her.
Paige and Emily hugged each other tightly, still clad in soaking wet swimsuits.
"You were great Em! I can't believe the Stanford scout took your details, that's awesome!"
"Well Stanford took yours! That's equally amazing Paige. I might actually be able to afford college if I get a scholarship..." Emily trailed off as she thought about her ideal future. Hers involved Paige but would that happen?
"Oh great, my dad's out of town tonight," sighed Paige, "We were gonna have a horror night but he has to work."
"I could totally come over, add in pizza and I'm there. I just have to ask my mom."
Paige smiled at Emily's offer. "Em, that would be great. Just you, me, pizza and films. Sounds good. I'll pick you up later then?"
"Yeah sure, I'll see you later Paige."
Emily was having a full scale meltdown on what to wear to Paige's and she was being picked up in an hour. She was flipping a coin between outfits and just about tearing her hair out.
"Hey, if you had to pick my hottest casual outfit what would you pick?" Emily was enlisting Hanna as her guide via texts.
"Are you coming on to me again? I've told you before I'm down for that but I have to check with Caleb lol. Black Nike jumper, ripped skinny jeans, Converse xo"
"Why that jumper?"
"It shows off your bodyyy. Thank me later and tell whoever it is you're trying to impress to thank me too." Emily laughed at Hanna's reply; the girl was unbelievable, however she did provide solace when it came to clothes. Emily thankfully picked out the outfit and debated what to do with her hair for the next half hour.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Paige's arrival. Oh no. She heard her mom open the door and Paige walk into her living room. Was there enough time to have another meltdown?
"Not too late please Emily, it's a school night," Pam reminded Emily.
"Yes mom," Emily replied with a roll of her eyes. Paige giggled as she shut the door behind them on their way out.
"17 years later and I still bear witness to you giving your mom cheek," laughed Paige. Emily only realised how long that is to be friends with someone when Paige actually said it. No arguments in those 17 years was impressive. No one knew Emily quite like Paige did.
"How was your driving lesson today? Didn't knock anyone down did you?"
"No, Paige. It was really good actually. I hope to be driving by your birthday."
"What? That's like 8 months away, Fields. You could totally ace the test by February."
"The practical is fine, I just don't have a lot of time between school, swimming and working to study the theory."
"Ah right. It is going to be a busy year, say the girls who are on their way to watch garbage." Emily laughed at Paige's delightful outlook.
"Okay so The Grudge? I mean the ridiculous noise is just hilarious." Emily went on to demonstrate the noise Paige was talking about, earning some eye water from Paige.
"That's the one!" laughed Paige as she doubled over from laughter. It only just hit Emily how cute Paige was when she laughed. It reminded her of childhood memories. Emily wanted to bring up what she had seen from the day before but she didn't want to ruin their evening. Paige had phoned for pizza and put the disc into her TV. Emily was shivering due to the other girl's incessant need to have a window open even when it was changing into the colder months. Paige lifted the duvet cover she was lying on and patted the empty space beside her as an invitation for Emily to sit next to her. Emily felt the heat radiating from Paige as she sat down, stretching her legs out while she pulled the duvet over her. Paige was still sitting upright and pulled Emily's head into her lap.
"Your hair's sitting funny again Em, let me fix that," said Paige with a mischievous grin on her face as she rubbed lightly at Emily's scalp.
"Get off you monster!" laughed Emily as she hit Paige lightly on the arm. The other girl feigned pain as she ran her fingers through Emily's hair attempting to rectify the mess she had just created. They both looked at each other when the doorbell rang while simultaneously yelling, "not me!" This resulted in them both getting up and trekking downstairs. Emily went to the kitchen to get plates while Paige dealt with the delivery guy.
"Paige I just got a text from Noel. Party at his cabin next Friday. I have a plus one, you in?"
Paige shut the front door and brought the pizza in whilst nodding as she already had a slice in her mouth. She swallowed before asking, "What about the other guys?"
"Aria is at Ezra's cabin next weekend but I'm sure Spence will bring Toby and Hanna will designate Caleb as our driver," grinned Emily, "hey give me some pizza!"
"I can't believe you get barbecue sauce on yours. I'm pretty sure that's an insult to the pizza Gods, Em."
Emily just laughed as they padded back upstairs to finish their film. The cold hit her once again when she entered Paige's room.
"Oh my god, Paige. Do you like to be freezing cold?"
"I'm always smoking hot Em," winked Paige, "I'm kidding. We can shut the window if you're cold."
Paige leaned up to shut her window and her t-shirt slid up a little, revealing what Emily had seen the previous day.
"Paige... Can I talk to you about something?"
"You know you can, Em. What's bothering you?"
"I'm not sure you want to talk about this or if I should even bring it up but I'm worried. So worried it makes me feel physically sick."
Paige just looked at Emily not quite knowing what to say. "Go on," was all she could think of to say.
"Are you okay Paige? Like truly okay?"
"Em, where is this coming from? Did you have one too many slices of pizza?"
"No. I just. I saw your sides today and yesterday. I didn't want to say anything at first because I was always so sure you would come to me if something was wrong. I feel horrible knowing I wasn't there or I wasn't enough to shield you from yourself. Your scars, Paige. Please tell me you know I'm always here." Emily's eyes began to fill up as she looked intensely at Paige. "Please don't say it was an accident or a cat scratched you. You're hurt and I want to help you," she pleaded as tears rolled down her face. "We've been friends since before we could walk. I tell you everything. Why is this different?"
"You don't understand, Emily. I can't be around you right now. Can your mom pick you up just now?"
"Paige. Please."
"No, Em. Just leave."
Emily got up, her face a hot mess from the tears. Paige walked behind her silently down the stairs towards the front door. Emily turned around and gripped onto Paige tight as she opened the front door. It was like hugging stone. Paige shut the door as soon as all of Emily had crossed the door frame.
"You don't understand," Paige mumbled as she slid down the back of her door before sitting in a heap.
Emily lay wide awake once again. She kept locking and unlocking her phone, hoping and praying Paige would text back.
