Original Publish Date: 20th-December-2015
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the hilarity that is the season of Chelsea F.C. And the disgrace that is Jose Mourinho (CUNT!). Before we proceed, let's just take a moment to point at them and laugh. Loudly and meanly. Revel in your schadenfreude people. Give in to the Dark Side.
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You done? No…that guy in the background is still sniggering…take your time mate, I'm right with you.
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All done? No more smartass comments? Because I welcome those. I haven't had enough of enjoying those. If you have any, leave them at the bottom :)
Anyway, on with the story!
Chapter 12 – Red Red Wine
I'd have sworn that with time
Thoughts of you would leave my head
I was wrong, now I find
Just one thing makes me forget
- Red Red Wine, Bob Marley
Seven Weeks Later, Konoha Hot Springs
A perverse giggling sound came from the foliage overlooking the female side of the Konoha hot springs.
The giggling wasn't even particularly quiet, as if the (badly) hidden pervert was only making a token gesture at hiding himself.
Perhaps it was unconscious, perhaps not; but it was only a token gesture by the Toad Sage of Mount Myōbokuzan.
When he was still in his teens, firmly in the iron grip of puberty and with hormones ensnaring his senses, Jiraiya had made the decision to spy on his (extremely hot) female teammate taking a relaxing soak in the hot springs.
It was a decision that changed his life.
When Tsunade had overheard his giggling and realized that he was on the other side of the barrier spying on him, she was enraged; she tore through the barrier as if it was made of wet tissue paper and promptly beat him to within an inch of his life. It wasn't the token comical beating either, Jiraiya was quite literally on death's door. Later in his life, Jiraiya would recount that moment and reverently say that he had never been closer to his mortal end. She didn't even heal him after the beating, setting his recovery back by weeks and causing him to spend the entire time in the hospital.
But the moment that changed his life came a few weeks later, even though the seeds had been sown that fateful day.
After a few weeks, when Jiraiya had been discharged from the hospital, he dreamed of that beating. He dreamed of the gorgeous nude blonde goddess with fire in her honey-coloured eyes passionately beating the living shit out of him; her breasts heaving with every blow she landed, drops of water sensually flying off her bare flesh with every bone she snapped like a twig. Every twist in her expression wrenched his loins as if he was causing her pleasure instead of her causing him pain. Every painful kick caused him to writhe and revel in pleasure. It all came to a head as he imagined her raising her fist for the final blow; as she gathered the chakra in her hand, his own explosion gathered in his groin. As she plunged her fist into his chest, he was woken up by the most messianic orgasm he had ever experienced in his life.
As he lay panting in the afterglow, his sheets and pajamas a mess, he coined the term 'wet nightmare' to describe his vision. And then he proceeded to write the incident down.
And thus, the first ever scene of the legendary Icha Icha series was written (not that he ever showed it to anyone).
Also, he fell in love with his teammate.
Thirty years later, he was still in love with her; but conversely she was still in love with her dead fiancé. So, being the understanding teammate he was, he left her to wallow in her grief, letting her have the space and time she needed to come to terms with her loss.
Contrariwise, he had a spy ring to run, a series of bestselling erotica novels to write, and a string of beautiful women (less than half his age) to chase.
It was his burden, but hey! We all have our crosses to bear.
Perhaps he wanted to recreate the experience of his youth; whether it was the beating or the orgasm it had led to he didn't know or care. In any case another (clearly audible) naughty giggle escaped him as he spied a naked beauty rise from the clinging water of the hot springs. There was inspiration to be gained and subsequently books to be written. Right now, there was only one thing on his mind.
"I've travelled all over the Elemental Nations, but at the end of the day…" a small spray of blood shot out of his nose as the woman he was spying on stretched sensually, emphasizing her curves and unwittingly giving the self-proclaimed 'Super Pervert' a free show, "There's no place like home."
Meanwhile: 4465617468
I tied my hitai-ate with a sense of finality, before looking at myself in the mirror and nodding seriously.
Today was the day I officially requested the diplomatic mission to offer aid to the ninja separatists of Mizu no Kuni.
The terms were still in the air; no doubt Sarutobi would inform me of the final reparations that Konoha and Hi no Kuni (Land of Fire) would demand in return for the subvention offered to the separatists for overthrowing Yagura, the Yondaime Mizukage under the thrall of the Sharingan. I was reasonably confident I would get the mission.
I hadn't spent the last two months sitting on my ass after all.
I had kept up my daily training regimen, pushing myself to the limits both physically and mentally, practicing the advanced chakra control exercises the Sandaime had assigned me while also getting a handle on the Yin chakra exercises that Kurenai had consigned. In the little spare time I had, I spent time with the Konoha R&D – ANBU division. There were a few… 'surprises' I had planned for our future enemies.
Coming back to the topic of Kiri though, from what I recalled their revolution was still in its infancy at this time. The Separatists would successfully complete their insurrection sometime after the 'Konoha crush'. Thus, Terumī Mei would narrowly miss out on becoming the first female Kage by a matter of months.
My hope was to speed up that time by a year.
The reasoning was simple, help Kiri in establishing a new order and thus deepen the bonds between the villages. They would then help us with our own invasion against Suna, who would come then onboard after their treachery was brought to light. Kumo would join the alliance once the threat of Akatsuki was realized.
The only wild card was Iwa, who were known sympathizers of Akatsuki at this time.
I shrugged. We would cross that bridge when we came to it.
I took a final inventory check: scroll after scroll full of supplies, weaponry and sealing supplies designed to last me two years. Once I was sure I had everything I could possibly envision needing, I lay down on my back, before rolling up my shirt and creating a Kage Bunshin to seal them individually into my stomach.
Hey, it wasn't like Kurama lived there anymore.
There were separate seals for each scroll. Nested sealing was exceptionally dangerous, even for a master like me, but for the infiltration I had no choice but to hide everything. I would expel all of them at the first sign of trouble. The last thing I wanted was to blow myself up, or become the nexus for a singularity; it would hurt my professional pride. Among other things.
I locked up the apartment and left down the stairway. I hadn't told Naruto that I might be leaving on a long-term mission because it would break his little heart. I had planned to send a Kage Bunshin back to my apartment via Hiraishin whenever I could manage it to look in on him and make sure he was keeping his focus on the basics. He would have a lot of powerful enemies in the future, and it was almost a given that he would be more powerful than me, given that he would avoid all my mistakes. The concept of the 'prophecy child' being a dominating powerhouse was enough to bring a smile to my face. He was going to be the most famous shinobi in the Elemental Nations when I was done with him. He was going to pound every single enemy into the dirt. He was going to take on the burden of the world and beat it into runny paste. He was…
...currently bent over, pulling as hard as he possibly could on his sandal straps, if the ridiculous expression on his face was anything to go by. "Nnnghh!" He gave another titanic tug to the straps. I felt a massive sweatdrop forming on my head. Whatever this was, it couldn't be good.
"You call that pulling hard!? HAH! A weak little brat like you just doesn't have the strength to lift himself!" Anko taunted. I sighed; of course Anko was involved in...whatever the hell this was. I shook my head, resigning myself to my daily dose of weirdness.
"What are you doing?" I asked, fighting the urge to pinch my nose.
Anko sniffed imperiously, "I'm trying to help a useless brat, but he's too weak to be any good."
"No way! I'm close! I felt something that time! I'll do this in no time at all; this is nothing for someone like me!" Naruto said defiantly. "Hrkkknnnnnnngh!"
I gave in to my urge and pinched my nose. "And what exactly is this...training?" I used the word with trepidation, already having come to the conclusion that Anko was being mean to Naruto.
"She's teaching me how to fly, 'ttebayo! Urrrrkkkkkk!"
"Pull harder brat! You're not going to fly if you put in a pitiful effort like that!"
"What does pitiful mean!?"
"Weak! Try harder!"
"RAAAAAAHHHH!" Naruto's sandal straps tore clean off, causing him to fly backwards and land on his butt, blinking in surprise.
"Ahahahahaha! Your face! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Anko pointed at Naruto and started gasping with laughter, causing him to grit his teeth in anger.
"She pranked you. You can't fly by pulling on your sandals, it doesn't work that way." I said gently to Naruto. He just turned red with anger, scrambling to his feet and kicking the ruined sandals away.
"But how!? I saw her fly! She pulled on her sandals as well!"
"Hah! I just used a genjutsu! What are they teaching you at the Academy if you didn't even recognize that!? You must really suck! Are you the class dobe!?"
"ANKO!" I snapped at her furiously.
"What?" She replied callously. I just glared at her for a few moments, before a smirk overtook my features. I lay my hand on Naruto's head, "You do realize that you've declared war on the Prank King of Konoha."
At this, a truly malevolent smile came across Naruto's face as he matched my grin and crossed his arms. Anko scoffed, but I saw her take note of the expression on Naruto's face. "Expect no mercy!" he declared, pointing a finger at her.
I sighed, "I'm only sorry that I will miss you making a complete fool out of her, little brother."
The smile disappeared from Naruto's face as he looked up at me. "What do you mean nii-chan?"
I then knelt down until my face was level with Naruto's. "Little brother, I might be leaving for a long mission today."
His face fell. "When will you be back?" He asked sadly.
"I don't know. It will be a long time." I ginned, and my tone changed to a more upbeat one, "You don't need to worry though, I will send a clone to look up on you every week or two, so you wouldn't miss me as much! You won't even notice that I'm gone!"
A grin tugged at the corners of his lips, and I continued in a faux-whisper, "You'll tell me how you pranked Anko in return, eh?"
His sunny grin came back full force as he nodded rapidly, his hair waving in the wind, and I matched it. "Keep learning from all the scrolls I left you, all right? You need to learn the basics very well if you want to be a good shinobi. What they teach you at the academy is fine, but you need to do better if you want to be Hokage." My smile turned teasing, "After all, you have someone new to help you learn more, eh?"
He pinked as he nodded shyly, suddenly refusing to meet my eyes. I ruffled his hair as I came back up to my feet and looked at Anko, who was gazing at me inscrutably. "What's this long mission about?" she asked.
I shook my head, "It's classified. But it's safe to say that I won't be in the country."
She raised her eyebrows. "Timeframe?"
Her professional curiosity had been piqued. She could probably work it out if I gave her a hint; but this needed to be top secret. Still… "Minimum of a year… Hopefully less than two."
She tilted her head, considering the information. While she tried to work it out, I turned back to Naruto, "Shouldn't you be going to the Academy?"
"Ehehe…I don't have any sandals now…"
I shot a disgruntled look at Anko before handing some money to the kid. "Get something nice; I'm not going to be here for your birthday, so consider it an early present!" His face lit up and he happily took the money. "And no wasting it on ramen!" He pouted, but nodded his agreement.
It took a few more minutes to say goodbye to both of them, but once I made plans with Naruto for a farewell bowl of ramen I finally started making my way to the tower. According to the Sarutobi, we should have received a report about the situation in Kiri latest by yesterday. I hadn't wanted to nag him every day, so I had waited until the timing was certain. I made my way up to the office, waving to the secretary as she nodded her greeting at me, wordlessly gesturing at me to enter. I entered the office, and saw Sarutobi behind his desk; but then my instincts suddenly kicked in.
There was someone else hidden in the office; not just the hidden ANBU agents. I narrowed my eyes before studying the technique closely, before my mind came to a screeching halt.
Instinctively I instantaneously put the strongest barriers I knew around the office and I threw myself at the hidden shinobi. "Ero-Sennin!" I cried as I wrapped my arms around my mentor, the only man who had been a parent to me.
"Minato?" he whispered in shock, pulling me back and peering closely at me.
"Not exactly!" I laughed, giddy at meeting him again. There was so much I had wanted to say to him, but right now he didn't even know who I was. "The old man just wanted to prank you. Come, sit. Let me tell you the…extraordinary story of my life."
A Few Hours Later
"I see."
There was silence in the Hokage's office following Jiraiya's statement. Both Sarutobi and I let him process everything we had told him; to be fair, it was a lot to take in. He must be pretty overwhelmed right now. When I had spilled the beans to Sarutobi, I had done it over a period of weeks; Jiraiya literally had it dumped into his lap.
The only other person who would be told the truth about the future was Tsunade, once she picked up the mantle of the Godaime Hokage.
After a while he looked up at me while fiddling with his sandal, "Tell me one thing, would you say that I was a good teacher?"
"The best!" I replied instantly.
He nodded, as if I had just confirmed what he had suspected, "Would you say you had any complaints against me?"
"Err..." This was not going in the direction I thought it would. "A few minor ones... You could have taught me a few more techniques, but by the end of your training I was ready to fight against S-rank criminals, so... No. No complaints."
He nodded again, looking grave. "Did I ever do something unforgivable to you? Accidentally spy on your girlfriend in the hot springs, perchance?"
A weight settled in my stomach; something was definitely wrong. "No. Nothing of the sort."
Once more he nodded solemnly. "So overall, I was a fantastic teacher to you, and you have nothing against me?"
"Err... You could have trained me a bit more instead of getting 'inspiration'..." I joked weakly, but it fell flat in the somber atmosphere. "But overall yeah, you were an awesome sensei."
He nodded a final time. And despite knowing that something was wrong, what happened next caught me completely off-guard.
His sandal flew into my face at warp speed. "YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT!" He thundered.
The sandal dropped from my face, leaving behind a red imprint. "What?" I squawked.
"WHAT KIND OF APPRENTICE MAKES HIS MASTER OBSOLETE!?"
"Wait…WHAT!?"
"I busted my ass every day for the last two decades to run my spy network and forage and scrap for every tiny piece of information; but YOU! You come along with your fancy 'Oh, look at me, I'm a time traveler! I know everything about everything! Where's Orochimaru hiding? Oh, that old chap? He's in the Land of Rice Paddies! Akatsuki? Well why didn't you say so? Here are detailed dossiers on their goals and capabilities!' Way to emasculate your teacher, dumbass!"
My jaw had dropped progressively lower with each mocking word that left Jiraiya's mouth. "Wait… so the fact that I pretty much just saved your life means nothing!?"
"Yay! I'm alive! Now that my life has been saved by my future apprentice, what should I do with it? I know! I'll go back to running my spy network…oh. I CAN'T! Because you RUINED IT!"
My eyes bugged out at the sheer audacity of Jiraiya's shameless ego-pandering. "BULLSHIT! Instead of being proud of how far your apprentice has come, you're blaming him for your own shortcomings! What kind of master does that!?"
By now we were both butting heads, snarling at each other; until we both looked away in a huff and crossed our arms. I felt my eye twitching at the familiarly annoying antics of Ero-Sennin. Still, I had to admit that the man had a point; I had pretty much done his job for him. Maybe a different approach was in order.
I cleared my throat. "I'll tell you the plot of the next Icha Icha book."
He scoffed, "Hah! I'm already working on the manuscript! Besides, that's my own work! How can you bribe me with my own 'fruit'?"
My eye twitched again, but I kept my cool. Fine. "I'll convince Fujikaze Yukie from the Princess Gale series to star in the movie adaptation of Icha Icha."
He perked up, "There's a movie!? I mean…" he went back to being gruff, "Is that something I did? In the future I mean?"
I shook my head. "Nope. That one is all me, 100%."
Jiraiya considered it for a moment. "I'm listening."
My eye twitched again at how easily I was being played, but I still gave him more. "Fine. I have another Icha Icha plot bunny in mind. I'll…share that with you."
He sniffed, "Trying to take over another of my jobs? I raised a greedy apprentice. The fault is my own."
I grit my teeth, but didn't explode in frustration, to my credit. It was time for my trump card. "I know the seal to turn the walls of the hot-springs transparent. From one side."
Half a second later Ero-Sennin's arm was around my shoulder while he cried manly tears of pride. "MINATO!" he wailed dramatically, "Your son is a true man's man! If only you could see him! You would be so proud!" He sniffed as his other arm came down from pointing at the heavens, presumably where my father was. As he wiped his face I rolled my eyes as I looked at the Hokage, who was shaking his head in bemusement.
I should have known that it was an act, because a moment later Sarutobi pulled out the Forbidden Scroll of Seals and placed it on his desk. "Such a seal can be dangerous in the wrong hands. I must insist you add it to the Forbidden Scroll."
My eye twitched again. "Don't think I don't know what you really use your crystal ball for."
The Forbidden Scroll disappeared as if it had never seen the light of day.
Once the shenanigans were over, we all went back to our seats and started the debrief; the real reason we were all here.
Jiraiya cleared his throat, "Before we begin, I want to ask you something." He turned to me with something unidentifiable flashing in his eyes. "Why do you want to help Kiri?"
I looked at him blankly. "I would have thought that was obvious. We need to have a united front against Akatsuki and the Zetsu army. The sooner we do that, the better."
He shook his head, "I know that; I'm asking you what your motivation for going on this mission is. The old man tells me you're pretty adamant on being the one to go. Why is that?"
Despite my attempt to remain unflustered, I flushed; for some reason a knowing grin appeared on Jiraiya's face. "Well… there's a person there."
His smile grew wider at my statement, "Go on" he said deliberately. He seemed to be waiting to confirm something.
My tone had turned reverent, "This person helped Konoha survive, looked out for us and helped us escape whenever things looked grim. I owe a massive debt; one that I will do my best to repay."
His smile had expanded to Cheshire proportions. "As expected from my apprentice."
My eyes were shining as I proclaimed righteously, "That's why I'm motivated; I cannot leave this to anyone else."
His smile had grown lecherous, "I knew it!"
"His name is Ao."
Jiraiya's face contorted in complete horror. "What?" he asked disbelievingly, his face completely white.
"He's the best tracker in the world, and the very best at obfuscating trails. I've lost count of the number of times he saved our hides." I tilted my head at the Super Pervert. "Who did you think I was talking about?"
Jiraiya was looking distinctly green as he shook his head. I shrugged; I still had no idea what went on in that brain of his.
"Anyway, what do you have for us?"
He shook his head a few times and took a deep breath. "All right, it wasn't easy, but I managed to get my hands on a civilian refugee from the mainland. He had escaped about 6 months ago and spent the time as a traveling from one place to another, hoping to hide. My contacts had tagged him as a possible source of information, which is why I finally tracked him down. In exchange for relocating him and setting him up with a new identity he agreed to spill the beans, so to speak. Here's what I learned from him."
He got up and opened a scroll, spreading it across Sarutobi's desk; it was a map of Mizu no Kuni. I took a seat on the corner of the table, while Sarutobi leaned over in his chair, his hands in their trademark steeple in front of his face. Jiraiya remained standing as he pointed at various locations on the map.
"Right, so we all know that the Mizukage has closed the borders for a few years; they're absolutely paranoid about letting anyone leave for any reason whatsoever. All ships that are involved in their trading from the mainland have a heavy shinobi guard. They don't let anybody out of their sight; if somebody does manage to slip their net, they will quickly find hunter-nin on their trail. The civilian I found was one of the crew from the trading ships; he had noticed a hole in the patrols and quickly took advantage to escape the tyranny. Once he knew that the Oi-nin were after him, he literally hid in a hole in the ground; in an outhouse to be precise." At this, everyone wrinkled their nose. "He said it was the price of freedom." Jiraiya grimaced, "he said he would happily do it again. He no longer had any family left, so there was no threat to anyone else with his escape.
"Anyway, what he told me was very interesting. The mainland is where the bulk of the loyalists are housed. Their supply lines are zealously guarded, but the separatists have been quite clever about their tactics. They use the neighboring islands as their hideouts. There aren't more than 10 or so of them at any given hideout; they act as splinter cells. All this my source picked up from the casual conversation between the shinobi guarding his ship. The separatists primarily use hit and run tactics, stealing supplies whenever they can get away with it, but very rarely committing large scale attacks. Those are reserved for the juicy targets; supply garrisons with inexperienced guards, one of the high-ranked shinobi on his own, that sort of thing.
"Another thing that my source told me, apparently Yagura is churning out Genin as soon as possible." He frowned in disgust, "And by that, I mean that a lot of them are 8-9 years old, barely able to hold a kunai straight, but 'Kiri needs their strength'." He scoffed, "Bullshit propaganda of course, he's hoping that the separatists don't kill them on sight and leave themselves open. The sick part is: it works." He shook his head in disgust, and I felt a similar expression cross my own face. Using children was unforgivable. Even Orochimaru had never…no, he had. Fuck. This was as depraved as anything I had ever faced. Obito/Tobi had a lot to answer for.
"So, overall, the situation in Kiri can be summarized as follows: a depraved bigoted sociopathic tyrant is in charge of the country, and is using his iron grip to spread chaos and impose his will on the common people. If you have a bloodline, you're better off killing yourself. If you are a civilian, you wish that you had a bloodline, because at least then you could kill yourself. Cruelty, oppression and hopelessness are the order of the day." He grimaced, "I hate to imagine what they would be like in a war with an outside enemy."
My jaw tightened. I had known that there was a civil war, but I hadn't known the rest; I had no idea about the everyday civilians being oppressed. I hadn't known that children were being forcefully conscripted. The more I heard the more I wanted to gut Tobi with a rusty kunai and disembowel him, leaving him under the desert sun to be eaten alive by wolves and vultures. What he had done was unforgivable.
I forcefully pulled myself out of my dark thoughts and analytically thought about the mission at hand. "How hard is it to infiltrate?"
Jiraiya shrugged, "Do you mean the country, the main island, or Kiri itself?"
"Any. All."
"Sneaking in is hard enough, but compared to getting out it's a cakewalk. There are multiple options for infiltration, with varying levels of risk involved. One, we can forge papers for you as on behalf of a business magnate, saying that you are exploring business opportunities in Mizu no Kuni. Two, you can sneak in via the cargo bay, if you don't mind 'sleeping with the fishes' if you pardon the expression. Three, you can stick to the hull of one of the ships and swim part of the way."
Sarutobi spoke up at this point, "While the third method is the safest, I do not recommend it. It would require you to be in the frigid water for a number of hours. On an average day, your body loses heat 20 times faster in the water than it does in land. The colder the water, the faster you lose body heat. You would be at severe risk for hypothermia. It requires a lot of training beforehand; training which you have not undergone."
Jiraiya picked up the thread, "Of course, all this assumes that you have a way to suppress your chakra from their sensors and are trained in infiltration techniques."
I rolled my eyes as I nodded, "Yeah, the hardest part is just an afterthought, right?" I asked sarcastically. At the stoic looks of both the Sandaime and his student I huffed, "Yes, I'm trained in infiltration and espionage. I've also designed a seal matrix that simultaneously locks me in a Henge (Transformation) and gives the impression that my chakra is that of a civilian."
Both of them looked impressed at that. "How does it work?" Naturally it was Jiraiya that asked this question, wanting to know the mechanics behind my seal.
I grinned, "Well, it converts the chakra escaping my body to Senchakra. It's perfect, because all sensors think that it's the natural atmospheric chakra, not someone's personal signature." I frowned, "Although if someone in Kiri knows Sage Mode, I'm screwed."
Jiraiya turned grave. "If that's the case, we're all in trouble. Speaking of, what's your plan if you do run into trouble? You know we can't provide any support, we don't have any military assets in the country."
"If worst comes to worst," I plonked my Hiraishin kunai on the table with a firm 'thunk'. "Here's my exfiltration plan. That said, I have no intention of leaving unless I leave the separatists refuse our aid. And something tells me that isn't very likely.
"Anyway, assuming that they accept our terms, they will want military support at some point. How do you plan on getting them into the country en masse? From what you're telling me it's hard enough getting a single operative into the country."
Jiraiya answered my query, "That will depend on you providing a distraction. See here," he pointed to the map; it was on the mainland, in fact… "this is where Uzushiogakure used to be. See, from time to time, there are still massive whirlpools around the area that affect currents miles away. So Kiri naval patrols stay away from this area, lest they get pulled off course. If we use the ruins of the former village as a staging area, we can penetrate almost a third of the way into the seas undetected. For the rest, like I said, we will need to rely on a distraction that you will provide. It can be anything, as long as it pulls the patrols away and gives the invasion force the time to reach one of the islands. Once they reach, it will be easy to get lost in the myriad of islands to lose pursuers and regroup at a later date."
I nodded, it was pretty straightforward. "Oh, I almost forgot." I took a scroll out of my pouch and kept it on the table. "This scroll is connected to another one that is in my possession. Whatever you write in this will show in mine and vice versa. We'll stay in touch via these. I'll write in mine around 10 pm whenever I need to convey something."
Jiraiya's eyes were gleaming; no doubt thinking about the mechanics behind the scroll, but Sarutobi took it without ceremony and placed it into a drawer. Sarutobi then spoke, "Like we said earlier, there isn't any military support for you. However, there is a retired Konoha shinobi living in one of the islands. He married a local and stayed after the war. Nobody there knows his past; it was only by chance that one of our forces recognized him during a mission. Approach him at your own risk, however. I do not know if he is loyal to the Mizukage or the rebels or even apathetic in general."
I nodded as I memorized his face and his last known location; there was a high probability that I would end up using him, since I had no idea how to locate the resistance.
The rest of the day we discussed mission protocols and the terms that Konoha wanted in return for our assistance. By the end of it my head was spinning with a hundred details about the landscape, the fighting capabilities of the most prominent Kiri ninja, the increasing prices of silk and how they could affect the trade which would lead to a subsequent increase in the price of dyes and how that would affect production and URGH! It was madness.
Apparently, knowing this crap was a requirement for being a Jōnin.
Jōnin were representatives of the Hokage, they could exercise limited authority in the field in his name. They could make preliminary trade agreements and alliances with foreign nations. Naturally, these would be further cemented once the Jōnin got back to the village and formalized the alliance. Now that I thought about it, no wonder Kakashi had gone ahead with the Wave Mission; he had probably wrangled some trade concessions out of them on behalf of Konoha. My head, on the other hand, was spinning. Maybe I should have stayed a Genin; there would be no need for all these book smarts.
It was only towards the end that I realized that Sarutobi had never explicitly told me that I was going on the mission; he just started preparing me for it. It brought a sense of satisfaction that was hard to put into words. Actions speak far louder than words, and he had effectively placed the future of our village in my hands, trusting me to do the right thing.
Maybe the fact that I had won one of our spars by trapping him had something to do with it.
Once I was sure I had memorized every relevant piece of information we broke for the day. I stumbled my way to Ichiraku's for dinner, not completely certain I was in my right mind. Random pieces of information kept flashing across my eyes; I'm not entirely certain how I made it to the ramen stand, but somehow I was slamming my head down on the counter with a tired groan.
"Wow, you look like you had a tiring day", Ayame said sympathetically.
I let out an incomprehensible moan at that; but Ayame, bless her, managed to decipher it and placed a cold glass of water in front of me. I put it against my forehead with a sigh of relief before drinking it and giving her a grateful smile. She pinked and took the glass from my hand, letting her fingers rest against mine a fraction longer than strictly necessary; I was too exhausted to react.
A few minutes later Naruto showed up and greeted everyone enthusiastically; I just let out a grunt in reply.
"Are you all right nii-chan?"
I let out a negative grunt.
"What happened?"
"Had to memorize a book. Mission." I grunted out.
His face scrunched up, "What!? You mean we have to learn stuff even after we pass the Academy!?"
I gave him a flat look and grunted an affirmative.
Poor Naruto looked like his world had fallen apart. "No" he whispered despondently.
I rolled my eyes and Ayame let out a giggle at the exchange.
"So are you still leaving for that long mission?"
I grunted affirmatively again, getting tired of acting like a caveman. I needed some nutrition dammit!
But Naruto had grown even more despondent at my reply. "Will you really be gone for a year?"
I sighed, "Yeah. It's an important mission, so I have to go."
"But… but if you go… Ayame-nee-chan will be sad!"
I glanced at the aforementioned Ayame-nee-chan, who did indeed look sad; but Naruto clearly wasn't talking about her.
"I know, but this mission is important to Konoha's wellbeing as a whole. They teach you about the important missions at the Academy right?"
He perked up, "Yeah! We learned about that today! Missions are important to the Konoha ecomy…econ…ec" "Economy" "That! Civilians all across the nation come to Konoha to give mission requests and are grateful for the services we provide!..." Naruto continued jabbering on about what he had learned today, but my attention was elsewhere.
Ayame and Teuchi were sharing a long look.
At that moment, I realized that I had never thought about how we had been perceived by the civilian populace. What did they think of us?
Based on the look I had just seen, it wasn't with the reverence we had been raised to believe.
I remembered with crystal clarity how the civilians had turned on the chakra wielders in my own past, after the Fourth Ninja World War had torn everything apart. Had they always harbored such feelings?
I realized something else; even Konoha was not above propaganda, because how else did you explain what Naruto had been learning at the Academy?
I was broken out of my reverie by a poke to the side, "Nii-chan?" I snapped my gaze to the wide-eyed-innocence of a 10-year-old me. "What were you thinking of?"
I shook my head, "Nothing important. You need to study hard and get better, all right? Don't forget the chakra control exercises I showed you."
Naruto grimaced, "Why is my chakra harder to control than everyone else's? It's not fair", he grumbled.
I smiled and ruffled his hair, "It's better this way. Because when you learn to control your chakra, you will be far stronger than everybody else!"
He perked up, "Really?" At my affirmative nod he seemed to grow a foot taller. "All right! By the time you come back, I will have mastered these chakra control exercises! That's my promise to you nii-chan!"
My smile grew wider at that, "I'm sure you will little brother. Don't forget to take care of your nee-chan while I'm gone ok?"
He snapped a military salute at me, "Yes sir! Don't worry about the Soba Noodle Guild, if they show up I will kick their butts!"
…what? Oh! The prank I had played on the kid. He hadn't really believed that they existed, had he?
I was vividly reminded of the scene this morning, when he thought that he could fly if he pulled on his sandals hard enough.
Ugh. I opened my mouth to correct his misconception, but hesitated when I realized I couldn't explain the real reason for his poisoning yet. "You do that" I said weakly, shaking my head at the entropy that seemed to make up my life.
But my mood still wasn't right, not after I had come to the realization about civilian life. Ayame served me with my bowl of ramen with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Naruto enthusiastically exclaimed 'Itadakimasu!' and dug into his bowl with gusto, completely missing the fact that something fundamental was monumentally wrong with the world. I hope that I could forever preserve his innocence.
Even ramen couldn't wash away the bad taste that lingered in my mouth.
Author's Note: I know, I know, I said that we would be off to Kiri, but that chapter just didn't want to be written yet, no matter what I tried! At one point I had written 1500+ words, but I ended up just deleting that file; I wasn't happy with it. Then, my friend sent me a youtube link to the Title Song for this chapter and everything clicked.
Be honest, how many of you thought that Nanashi was talking about Mei when Jiraiya asked him what his reason for helping the resistance was? The poor Toad Sage certainly did; and almost lost his lunch when he thought that Nanashi was into guys. Just to be clear: I'm not against homosexuality; but Jiraiya strikes me as the kind of guy who wouldn't condone that. Also, all is not right in the world, and Nanashi is only just realizing that. How that will play out remains to be seen.
Urgh, I had written this chapter 4 days ago, before Mourinho got sacked, but due to internet connectivity problems I couldn't upload it. I have no idea why Chelsea fired him; he was doing a fine job this season.
To all the people who recommended 'Life in Konoha's ANBU' by Shezza: THANK YOU! It was an extremely enjoyable read, and I loved the Kiri arc that it had. I can't believe that I hadn't read it before, but I'm glad that I you guys helped me find it. I highly recommend it to everyone reading this chapter as well.
STAR WARS: I changed the word 'rebels' to 'separatists' everywhere in this chapter in honor of Star Wars; which didn't release in India on the 18th like everywhere else in the world because a MOTHERFUCKING actor (whose initials are similar to meS-maR-K) who is WAY PAST IT, wanted everyone to watch his movie instead. I hope that I run into him on the street so that I can stick the largest blade in my Swiss Knife in his gut. Piece of shit.
In any case, thank you to everyone who helped me reach 300 reviews! Now let's make it 400! Get to reviewing people! Liked something? Review! Hated something? Review! Make me happy, and get the next chapter sooner the more you review!
