Caged Bird
"Cass, get out to Ace's, now!"
Vince never rings me. I didn't even know he had my phone number. I was up early for once and relaxing on my back porch, enjoying an ice-cold coke on a hot afternoon, when Vince rudely interrupted me. He didn't even bother to say hello. He just threw his demands at me without even explaining why I was expected to bike ten miles out to Ace's in the blistering heat.
He did, however, kindly remind me that he had the dreaded 'feet' incident in his arsenal and could whip it out at any time it suited him. He pulled that card out every now and then, making me get him a beer when he was closer to the fridge than I was – stupid things like that. But this time, he had a seriousness in his voice that made me grab my bike and peddle like mad all the way out there.
I wasn't looking forward to seeing Ace. I had already called him that morning to ask if he'd talked to Antonia, but he said he couldn't get hold of her.
I got out there at around three, all hot and sweaty, to see a line of cars parked outside Ace's. There was the '49 and Ace's 32' Ford pickup, Eyeball's shitheap and Vince's Studebaker. The front door was wide open, and I hung around outside a minute just to listen. The house was filled with Vince's loudness battling with Eyeball's drunken slur as the two were locked into some pointless argument, and I could hear a girl's voice pitching in every now and then. She talked quick – a rabbiting rabbit. And I was quite sure I knew who she was.
"Oh, my word! Cassie!" Just as I stepped into the living room, the blonde's sudden outburst killed off the guys' bickering.
There were five of them sitting around on Ace's collection of three sofas that were laid out in a U shape. On the sofa to my left sat Carol and Eyeball, although the gap between them was large enough to sit an elephant. To my right, Vince was sitting next to a girl I didn't know, and he had his arm laying across the top of the sofa behind her. At first, I thought maybe he had a new girlfriend, but when I saw how pretty she was, I cynically threw that notion out the window. Ace was sitting alone on the far sofa. I told myself to stay cool around him, but when those sly blues hit me with a wolfish grin, I only felt more flustered.
"It's Carol, right?" I asked, an excuse to stop staring at Ace.
"Yeah! How are you?" she asked, her eyes wide with enthusiasm.
"Oh, I'm just great." I looked down at Vince who was taking a mouthful of his drink and paying no attention to me like he hadn't impatiently called me out there.
"Have you met Natalie?" Carol asked. "She's new to town."
I took in the dark-haired beauty who was sitting quietly next to Vince. Her green eyes smiled at me just as kindly as her cute little mouth, and she had a flawless, olive complexion. Wearing a pinafore style, navy-blue dress that flowed all the way to her ankles and a blouse that went to her wrists, she looked a picture of innocence. It was surprising that she could stand to wear all those clothes in that heat.
"Nice to meet you, Natalie," I said.
"And you," came her reply.
I went into the bathroom and locked it (mainly so Ace couldn't get in if he tried) and splashed cool water over my face. It felt so good that I basically ended up giving myself a sponge bath before changing into the other clothes I had brought with me; I had accurately predicted how sweaty I would get biking all the way out there. I picked a light singlet and high-cut shorts to keep me cool, and I ignored Ace's stares as I took the seat next to him while mindfully keeping my distance.
Natalie's eyes kept wandering in my direction, and she'd smile like she wanted to talk but wasn't quite sure what to say.
"How long have you been in town?" I asked her.
"Just a few weeks," she said, sitting up a little more. "I'm from Santa Cruz."
"You moved from the beaches of Santa Cruz to this shithole?" Ace cut in. "What the fuck for?"
Natalie's cheeks went slightly pink. Maybe she wasn't used to being talked to in such a tone.
"Just ignore him," I said, and I heard a warning "hey" from behind me. "I lived there for the first few years of my life."
"You did?"
"Yes. I was born there. So, what will you miss most? The beaches or the surfers?" I winked.
"Actually, I wasn't allowed to go down to the beach."
Everyone in the room stopped whatever they were doing and stared at her.
"You're joking..." I said.
"Mother didn't like all of the riff-raff down there. I wasn't allowed to go to a lot of places. Only to church and outings that were organized by the church. And I'm afraid, the beach was never included in one of those outings."
"That is so unfair!"
"I know," she sighed. "And, to answer your question," she looked at Ace, "that is the precise reason why we came here. My parents wanted their children, that is, my twin brother and I, to get away from the bad influences of a big city and be out in the fresh wholesome air of a small, country town."
Everyone in the room laughed, even Carol. Natalie couldn't have found a worse group of influences to sit among if she tried.
"I hope they keep thinkin' all that," Eyeball said supportively. "'Cause it means we get to keep seein' you, right?" He held her gaze and she smiled, her doll-face cheeks turning from pink to crimson red.
"Any time you wanna go out, I can pick you up," Vince said, getting various looks from around the room.
"She can't get outta the house unless it's with Carol, dumbass," Eyeball said. "Her folks are strict like that."
"Who you callin' dumbass, dumbass?"
"Eyeball!" Ace cut-in. "Shut-up and pour the damn drinks."
Eyeball grabbed the whiskey bottle he'd brought with him and poured into the glasses that had been sitting empty for a while. I took a clean glass from the stack, being sure not to miss out.
"You want one this time, Natalie?" Eyeball asked her, and she cautiously bit her lip.
"Well... I've never... if they find out..."
Eyeball set a glass down in front of her and cracked a persuasive smile. "Just one drop ain't gonna hurt."
"Well, OK then," she said with a giggle.
"That'a girl," he praised her, giving her the lion's share of what was left. He poured in a nip of Coca-Cola to weaken it, and she gave a little "mmm" after taking a cautious baby-sip.
I, on the other hand, helped myself to the bottle and peeled back three straight shots like I was quenching a dire thirst. Which I was. But that wasn't the only reason. The gap between Ace and I was closing in every time I looked, and we were soon sharing a cushion with me up hard against the sofa arm. A couple of times, I felt his fingers wander and dare to slip under the rim of my shirt or a little way down the back of my shorts. I melted at his touch. He was driving me crazy, and I bet he knew it. When it became too much, I moved to sit next to Carol on the opposite side of the room.
"Hi," I said to her. I was doing my best to ignore Ace who was quietly laughing to himself about getting me all worked up. "How's life?"
"Oh, things are just fine! I've been having the most marvelous time! I signed up to the cheerleading team this year and we've been practicing our cheers almost every day. We get to wear these cool sweaters with our school name sewn on the back, and they gave us some cool horns and pom poms, and oh it's so much fun! I'd just love to show you one of our cheers sometime."
"Sure..."
"You don't wanna see one..." Eyeball murmured.
"Oh, I wish you went to our school, Cassie. We'd have the most fun time! You could join the cheer team too, we'd have picnics at lunchtime every day, we'd study together, and oh... oh... I hoped Natalie could come to our school too, but she'll be far too busy working in their new restaurant."
"Restaurant." I went cold inside.
"Yes, the old Blue Point Diner will become Castle Rock's first real restaurant, with a real menu and all! I can't wait to go there and order a meal. I'm sure it will all be so delicious. And they'll even have a dessert menu! Isn't that neato? Oh, it's all so exciting! They're not sure on the name yet, but the Blue Point Restaurant sounds funny, don't you think? They'll have to name it something else."
"But, the Blue Point Diner is iconic to this town," I said sternly. "It has even won interstate awards. If it's turned into a restaurant and the name is changed, everything Rose and Violet worked so hard to build will be lost!"
Carol blushed. "Oh... sorry, Cassie. I know you used to work there but... I didn't know you felt so strongly about... um..."
I supposed I looked like an idiot to them all for caring so much, but I couldn't help it. The room suddenly felt very small. I tossed back the rest of my drink – which didn't seem like enough – and went out to Ace's back porch for a moment to myself. I didn't get a moment though. Vince was right behind me.
"Can I finally find out why you dragged me all the way out here?" I asked him.
"Because of the babe!" He talked with such excitement in his voice that I just stared at him in surprise. "Boy, she sure is a beauty, ain't she Cass?"
"You're talking about Natalie."
"Nah... I'm talking about Eyeball's girl. Of course I'm talking about Natalie!"
"OK, OK, calm down there, tiger. What's this got to with me?"
"You are gonna get me a date with her."
"Ah... come again?"
"You can get friends with her, you know? And you can tell her how you'd think we'd make a great match and everything."
"A 'great match'..."
"Geez, I dunno what you should say," he said, backhanding me on the shoulder. "That's why I'm gettin' you, 'cause girls are all about that sort of talk."
"Why don't you just ask her out yourself?"
"Well, I will. But you've gotta... you know..."
"Con her."
"No, not con her! Sweeten her up. Make sure I can't lose." He glanced over his shoulder to look down the hallway. "Shit, Ace is coming. Do it, Cassie or you know what I'll tell them. DO IT." And then he walked off down the hall, avoiding Ace's curious stare as he passed him.
"What did Vince want?" Ace asked me as he stepped out onto the porch.
"Oh... nothing," I waved it off. "He's just being Vince. What's up?"
Ace surprised me as he pinned me to the wall and locked me into one of his tantalizing tongue rolls. I let him hoist me up against the cladding, and I clasped my legs around his waist to pull him in tight. I couldn't help myself.
"Fuck, I gotta have you, baby," he growled in my ear, making my abdomen throb.
His hands seemed to have minds of their own and no decency about them, but every inch of bare skin he touched tingled and begged him for more. James was always so polite. Sometimes I wished he'd stop asking for permission and just grab me like he owned me. And now that I was finally being served what I craved, that little annoying, niggling feeling was there just eating away at me. And it wasn't fair. It just wasn't fucking fair.
"Ace, I can't..." I pushed against his chest, but I think his mind was buried too far down his pants to hear me. "Just stop for a minute. Please?" I said it right into his ear that time, and he muttered, "What?" and started tugging at the button on my jeans.
"I'm sorry, Ace, but you've gotta stop."
I said it firmly enough for him to get the message that time, and he pulled back a way and just frowned at me.
"This morning, you said you couldn't get hold of her."
"I'm working on it."
"Why don't you go out there?"
"Because she'll be back at Diego's. I can't just roll up there asking to see her because he doesn't know about us. If he found out, he'd fucking murder me. For real."
I gave him a glum look. I understood where he was coming from, but I had laid my terms and I was sticking by them. "Let me down." I wriggled off him and went to go inside but he grabbed me by the wrist.
"What the fuck's the problem? We're over and that's that."
"But she doesn't know you're over, so technically, you're not."
"You don't think I'll do it."
"Doesn't matter what I think. You haven't done it yet. And I told you we're doing nothin' until she's gone. I need to be your one and only. Is that too much to ask?"
"But you are!"
"I'm not!"
"Fuck this! I'm goin' for a drink!"
"Fine then! Go!"
Ace stormed down the hallway and snatched his keys off the table before slamming the kitchen door so hard it bounced open again. I couldn't see the reactions of everyone in the living room, and I didn't want to. I sat down on the edge of the low porch and tried to calm myself. Our argument kept running through my head over and over and the more I heard it, the more I admitted to myself that Antonia wasn't the only problem. I was falling for Ace too fast and too hard, and I was scared half to death about it.
"Cassie... do you mind if I sit?" Carol spoke in a temperate tone and her pace of words was moderate. It was as if she had been sucked dry of excitement, leaving only seriousness. Something I never thought was possible.
"Sure."
She sat next to me on the low porch with her light, knee-length skirt spreading around her. "I'm sorry about what I said before. About the diner. I was just trying to support Natalie – to make her feel welcome."
"I know. Forget it."
"I suppose you have other things on your mind right now."
"How much did you hear?"
"Just about everything."
I sighed and hung my head in embarrassment.
"Look, we all know how Ace is."
"Then, you know him better than me. I don't know whether to believe him or... God, what am I doing?"
"Sounds like you're trying to listen to your head, but your heart is getting in the way. And Ace is a heartbreaker. They all are. Even Eyeball. I know it, but he is just a bunch of fun, and I'm going to enjoy it... while it lasts." I heard her voice crack mid-sentence, and it was hard to watch the girl with the triple spring in her step, crumbling.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me, and she sniffed as she tried to hold back the tears. I didn't need to ask her why she was upset; I'd seen Eyeball flirting with another girl in Irby's, and he looked interested in Natalie too. It was as if he couldn't help himself. It scared me to think that Ace might be the same way.
"I'm OK," Carol finally said, drying the few tears that had leaked out. "These guys – all of them – they're just for fun. After all, that's all we are to them. Don't ever fall in love with one."
"Carol... excuse me..." Carol and I looked behind us to see Natalie bent over and holding the door frame for support. "I don't feel very well." With a greenish tinge to her face, she didn't look well either.
"Oh, Natalie," Carol said, jumping to her feet. "You've had too much to drink."
"It happens to everyone," I said, getting up.
"I really feel like..." Natalie dry wretched and then bolted for the bushes with Carol on her tail. Carol held her hair while she held a tree and made all the usual sounds one makes while undoing one's overindulgence.
"Woohoo!" Eyeball laughed as he and Vince came outside, and I whacked him on the arm.
"Leave her alone. This is your fault – you were pouring her drinks." I bumped his shoulder as I headed inside to get her a large glass of water.
"Hey, she was havin' fun!"
"I think I need to go home," Natalie told Carol as I returned with the glass.
"Maybe you should sit for a minute first," I said.
"What's the time?"
"It's nearly four."
Natalie's already pale face turned ghostly white. "Oh dear... I have to be home by four!"
After that, it was all a blur and bustle of Carol apologizing, me getting Natalie to Eyeball's rust-bucket and stuffing her in the backseat, and Vince arguing with Eyeball that he was soberer and so he should get to take her.
No way would I let Vince take her.
"Eyeball, get in the car," I demanded. "Carol, sit next to her and look after her. Just tell her folks she ate some bad food. Now, go!" I slammed the door and Eyeball put his foot down and skidded all over the gravel as he went up the drive. It was lucky that Natalie had already emptied her stomach.
As soon as their tail lights were out of view, Vince was on my case. "What were you doin', Cass? You wasted all that time talking to Carol when it should've been Natalie!"
"Gee... sorry..."
"Oh, you sound so sorry. When are you gonna talk to Nat?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "When the opportunity arises next?"
"Tomorrow."
"I don't know how I can see her tomorrow."
"Figure it out and fast, or I'll tell Ace you love to lick feet!" He stormed over to his car, got in and snaked up the gravel while I stood there, mortified at the thought.
-2-
I wasn't sure what to expect when meeting Natalie's parents. They sounded quite strict and so I dressed conservative, ladylike and proper. In fact... I dressed like Carol – breezy, knee-length skirt, blouse, and even a cardigan despite the heat. I curled my hair and tucked it back with a matching baby blue headband that had a bow just off to one side. I twirled in the mirror thinking I could pass for a respectable, Christian girl.
Biking in that dress was out of the question, and so I walked the two miles into town. It was late afternoon, church was out and I was fairly sure Natalie would be home.
It was the first time I'd stepped onto that property in weeks. I walked through the little gate of the white picket fence, strolled up the tidy pebbled path and then stood on the front porch of the place I'd called home for four months. Everything looked exactly as it had before, but nothing was the same.
I knocked and, after waiting a long while, a lady opened the door. She wore a long, plain, navy-blue dress, a white apron, and her dark hair was tied back in a tight bun. With green eyes and a little dimple at her chin like Natalie's, I guessed that this must be her mother.
"Yes?" she asked sharply. She pompously looked me up and down, making me feel self-conscious, inferior and incredibly awkward. Despite my dressing efforts, I knew straight off the bat that she didn't like the look of me.
"Good afternoon, Mrs..." I realized I didn't know Natalie's surname, and all I could do was stare at her dumbly.
"Preston," she sighed. Now, what do you want, child?"
"I would like to speak to Natalie if I could please."
"And whom might you be?"
"I am... a friend of Carol's, actually... and Natalie and I met yesterday briefly, and I-"
Natalie appeared in the doorway beside her mother, and her cheeks flushed red as she saw me. "Oh... Cassie... hello..." she said uneasily. "Mother, this is a new friend of mine."
"Well, Natalie, you are well aware of the correct procedures for introducing new friends, and this is most certainly not it. Now, girl," she said to me, "if you are to be friends with my daughter then I must make your parents' acquaintance. It is of the utmost importance that Natalie only has the very best of influences, and your parents should feel the same way."
"Oh... of course. Except they're doing church... things... sermons... and things... out of town for a few days..."
"And they left you at home alone?" she gasped in outrage.
"Mother, may I please speak to Cassie for a while until supper?" Natalie interrupted. "I have finished all of my chores."
Her mother gave me a distrusting frown, more than likely doubting that leaving her daughter alone with a wild wolf in sheep's clothing was such a good idea. "You know the rules, Natalie. Unless your father and I agree that-"
"I understand, but we'll just be out here talking. There will be no harm in it. Please, Mother?"
"Hmm... I suppose you may," she finally agreed. "But DO NOT stray from the house, and DO NOT talk to anyone else who comes by and DO NOT close this door. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mother."
"I'll have your brother call you when supper is ready." She gave me one last disapproving glare before heading back into the house and leaving the front door wide open.
"Would you like to sit?" Natalie asked me with a kind smile. She gestured to the antique wrought iron furniture on the patio which consisted of two chairs and a table. Rose and Violet used to enjoy sitting in that space in the afternoons, watching over the street as they knitted before taking an afternoon nana nap.
We sat on opposite sides of the table, and she leaned in on the edge of her chair to whisper, "Did I mention my mother is strict?"
"Yes, and you weren't kidding!" I whispered back.
"I'm eighteen years old and they still treat me like a child."
"I'm sorry about coming here unexpectedly."
"That's quite alright. I'm very surprised that you would come to visit me, but I'm also delighted. I had a wonderful time yesterday."
"Even though you got sick?" I chuckled, and so did she.
"Yesterday, I was so free," she said with wide, excited eyes. "I was out drinking and sitting in a room full of boys, and my mother had no idea where I was! What fun!"
"You didn't get into trouble?"
"They didn't know! I snuck into the bathroom and showered and then went straight to bed. I did just as you said and told them I ate some bad food. But Cassie, it was a very risky thing to do. An offense like that would have likely earned me the cane."
"They hit you?"
"Only when I'm very disobedient. My usual punishment is being locked in my room, but I don't mind that so much. I like to be away from them."
"Why are your folks so hard on you?"
"Because they feel that any wrongdoing will reflect on back on them as parents and tarnish their reputation. They want us to appear as the perfect family. My brother and I must be faultless. Sinless. I dare say that he is much better at faking a sin-free life than I."
"Natalie, supper is ready." A dark-haired young man who was well-dressed in a collared shirt and dress pants came out to us. His olive skin had a flawless complexion, just like hers, and they both had their mother's eyes. He looked like the 'clean' type that some girls crawl over.
"Thank you, Nathan. I'll be there in a minute."
"Now, Natalie. Mother and Father are waiting to say grace."
Natalie's top-lip curled into a snarl as we watched him return inside.
"You don't like him?"
"He loves telling me what to do. Just because he's four minutes older, he thinks he can push me around."
I chuckled sympathetically. "I guess you'd better get going."
"Yes. Although... I wish we had had more time together."
"I can visit tomorrow if you like."
"I don't think Mother will allow a second visit without meeting your parents, and we both know that can't happen."
"Oh... Carol told you?"
"Yes. I'm very sorry to hear it."
"It's OK. I manage to get by."
"And anyway... I'm sure Nathan will lie and say he overheard you saying something nasty, and then I'll be locked in my room for a couple of days."
"Really?" I asked, outraged. "Why would he do that?"
"Because he loves to ruin my life. And he ruins all of my friendships. I only still have Carol because he secretly likes her."
I started to get a little worried – I had barely begun to get to know Natalie let alone touched on the topic of Vince. "Well, I have something I need to talk to you about. And it's rather urgent."
"Really? What is it?"
"You have a secret admirer..."
Natalie's cheeks flushed, and her eyes went wide with excitement again. "Who?"
"Can I come and see you tonight?"
"How?"
"I'll knock at your window."
"Natalie," her brother said sternly from the doorway. "Our food is getting cold."
"I will be there in a minute!" she snapped.
"You'd better be. Mother is already furious." He disappeared inside, and Natalie's expression filled with grit and determination. "My room is the one on the end there," she pointed.
It was my old room.
-3-
I jumped the waist-high picket fence and crept up to Natalie's bedroom window. It was only a one-story cottage, and the windowsill was at my shoulder level. The window itself was one of those push-up ones; the type you always worried about sticking your head out of because there was a good chance it would slip down and decapitate you. The good thing was, those windows are huge and, when pushed up to the brink, they can easily fit a person through them.
I leaned over the flowerbed to avoid standing in it, slipped my fingertips into the crack where the window was open an inch and pushed it up a bit more.
"Cassie," Natalie whispered from above, quiet as a mouse. She pushed the window right up and drew the net curtains to one side.
"You're awake."
"I couldn't sleep."
With one foot on the brick exterior and two hands on the sill, I hoisted myself up and got my head through the window, belly on the ledge. Natalie helped get the rest of me through as quietly as we could manage, and I was soon in the small room I used to call my own.
"I don't know if this is such a good idea," she said. "Nathan's room is right there, and he's a light sleeper."
"OK... would you like to come out with me then?"
Her mouth dropped open a little. I don't think she was expecting that suggestion.
"We could talk in the car for a bit," I said. "Surely you can be gone an hour without them noticing. They're all asleep."
"Well..."
"Half an hour?"
She bit her lip in thought.
"Ten minutes?"
"If I get caught, I'll get the cane. And I'm not kidding."
"Natalie, you're eighteen years old. You're not a kid. If anyone ever tried to touch me with one of those, I'd tell them right where they could shove it. Now, are you coming with me or not?"
She gave me a nervous smile, and her shoulders fell with a conceding sigh. "I'll just dress."
She switched on her bedside lamp and draped it in a cloth to dampen the light. The furniture was arranged much the same as I used to have it – there was a bed against the wall on my left, a dresser along the wall on my right and the door in the far-right corner. There was a beautiful cross carved in wood above her bed, but no others that I could see. But what took my breath away was the paintings that were on every wall. They were mostly nature paintings – butterflies and bunnies running freely in the fields, and all in intricate detail. But the one that caught my eye the most was a landscape shot of a huge crevasse in a desert setting, and on one of the small cliffs stood a silhouette of what appeared to be a girl with the wind blowing through her hair.
"You're an artist," I whispered. I softly tiptoed to her work-in-progress on the small easel in the corner.
"I began sketching as soon as I was able to hold a pencil, and then a few years later I asked to paint. Fortunately for me, Mother agreed that it was a suitable recreational activity for a young woman to have."
"These are amazing."
"Thank you."
I arranged her pillows into the form of a body under the sheets – I didn't think it would fool anyone, but it was worth a shot. I looked to see that she had dressed in something similar to what she had worn the other day - a drab pinafore style dress that touched her ankles, with a long sleeve blouse underneath.
"All ready?" I asked, mocking a devious grin.
"Yes. I'm ready."
"I'll go first and guide you down." I threw two legs over the ledge, turned onto my belly and put one foot on the wall to push off and help me jump clear of the garden. "Just do what I did," I whispered up at her.
She sat on the windowsill in her long dress, threw two legs over and turned onto her belly. To be honest, I expected her to get stuck at this point, but she jumped clear of the garden and landed firmly on two feet. I reached up to lower the window, leaving it open an inch so we could push it back up when we returned. We quietly scampered out, jumping the picket fence, and then walked down the backstreet towards the road.
"Still feel nervous?" I asked.
"Actually... what you said before, it's true – I'm not a kid. I've always wanted to stand up to my parents more, Cassie – and I do to some extent – but I just needed to hear someone say that that's OK."
"You're entitled to have a voice. That's all I was saying."
"When we lived in Santa Cruz, my brother would sneak out all the time, meet up with his friends and get up to all sorts of mischief."
"Is that so?"
"Oh yes. And if our parents ever had a doubt, heard a hint or had any misgivings, he would talk it all away with ease. They think he's an angel when he has the devil on his shoulder telling him how to appear so. I wish the devil would do me such favors."
"I think he did you one yesterday," I smirked.
"Yes," she smiled. "Perhaps you're right. However, my parents watch me much more closely than Nathan. That's because, unlike him, I have never lied to them about who I am. I'm sorry... I'm rambling..."
"No, carry on, please."
"My parents expect me to believe certain things without question, but I have always questioned. They expect me to conform, but I instead challenge. They know my faith is weak, and they don't trust me because of it. Isn't that... Vince's car?" she asked when we made it to the street.
"Yeah. He... erm... owed me a favor."
In actual fact, convincing Vince to let me borrow his car was like trying to pry a bottle of whiskey from the hands of an alcoholic. First, he laughed at me, but when I told him that Natalie might sit in it, he started to come around. In the end, I was given a list of conditions – practical ones actually, which was surprising coming from him. No drinking before driving, I had to have it back by 12:30 am and I had to get a driver's license. Nobody drove his baby without a license. I had been putting it off for too long now anyway, and so I finally got one earlier that afternoon.
I hopped into the driver's side and Natalie in the passenger's seat.
"Would you just like to sit, or do you want to go somewhere?" I asked.
She seemed like she had become a little distracted by something, and I don't think she heard me. "It's Vince isn't it?"
"What is?"
"My secret admirer."
"Oh. Yeah."
She breathed in deeply and exhaled. "OK."
"You seem disappointed. Not that I blame you."
"I guess I was just hoping... no, it's no one," she shook it off. "I mean, it's nothing."
"Holy shit... you've got a crush on Eyeball."
She glared at me and then looked at her lap to fidget with a loose thread on her dress.
"Wow. You do!"
"Is it that obvious?" she whispered.
"Well, I know it's not Ace. You flinch every time he speaks. And how many other guys have you met?"
"Don't tell anyone, please? Especially not Carol. She should hate me for it."
"Of course I won't." I smirked at the thought of innocent little Natalie crushing on a loose unit like Eyeball.
"So, what has Vince said about me?" she asked after a while.
"In a nutshell... he's got the major hots for you and wants to take you out."
"Really? You mean... on a date? Gee, no one has ever asked me out on a date before."
"He'll ask you himself, but he wanted me to seed the idea and tell you all about how great he is..."
"You don't like him, do you?" she chuckled.
"Vince and I... we're a strange pair. He picks on me and I try to win against him. But I usually lose," I smirked. "Some days I think I hate him and other days... I admire him. He can be clever, quick-witted... and cunning. But among all the banter that goes on, I think he'd be there for me when it counts – you know? I think I'd be there for him."
"He doesn't sound so bad."
"Well... he's not all bad, but he can be a complete jerk when he means to be. Especially when he wants something."
"Is that why you came to see me? Did he make you?"
"Yes, but don't take that the wrong way. I mean, I like you and I think we could be friends..."
"I'd really like that," she grinned. "But, I wasn't thinking ill of you. I was just curious of how he made you."
"We... don't need to get into the details. He asked me to talk to you, so you could tell him I did... and maybe say that he sounds great and all... but that it's too difficult for you to get out to see him. Then you don't have to go out with him and he can't say that I didn't do my bit."
Natalie seemed to think about it for a bit. "I've always wanted to go on a date..."
I stared at her in surprise.
"And I can't believe a boy likes me," she beamed. "He actually likes me. I feel all fluttery inside."
"I know what you mean," I muttered, thinking of Ace.
"Cassie, if I decided to go out with him... do you think it could work?"
"You really want to?"
"I get so bored at home that sometimes I think I'm going to lose my mind. If Vince can promise me a fun time, then it might be worth any punishment my parents give me. If they find out of course."
"Well, I'm sure it could work somehow. Maybe he could take you out in the day, if you told your folks you were with Carol."
"Although... she called this morning to say she'll be staying with her grandparents for the next two weeks. I'm already dreading being stuck in my house for such a lengthy period of time. I just know I'll be driven mad."
"Alright... so, you want to sneak out again?"
She gave me a lop-sided grin. "It scares me, but... oh, think of the fun I might have."
"Yeah. Natalie... how would you like to go somewhere tonight? I mean, with me. We'll take a drive."
"Oh... I would love that."
"OK! Let's go!" I said, reaching for the keys that I'd left in the ignition. Taking the keys with me was another of Vince's rules, and I broke it. It wasn't often that I had the keys to a car.
"But... can we please... if it's not too much trouble..."
After walking back to her bedroom window and seeing that everything was as silent as when we left, Natalie seemed satisfied that she could risk being out a bit longer. We jumped back in Vince's ride and sped off out of town, taking the highway that led to Ace's place. But that wasn't where I was planning on going. I stopped about a mile in and pulled over to park up on the side of the road.
"What are we doing?" Natalie asked.
"You'll see."
We got out, and I grabbed a blanket from the boot which I had brought with me from home. "This way," I told her. I stepped into the long grass which shouldered the side of the road and jumped the wooden fence into the nearest field. The moon was high that night which made it easy to see the vast the sea of fields that surrounded us. The usual countryside smells like hay and manure were around, but it was mild and completely bearable.
"Come on Nat, let's go!"
She tottered over in her big skirt, stepped up onto the lower fence plank and then over. "Where are we going, Cassie?"
I grabbed her hand and began to jog, towing her along behind me. The grass had been chewed shorter on this side of the fence, so it was easy to run on... I just hoped we wouldn't skid on a cow pat. Natalie puffed and giggled the whole way until I finally decided we were far enough away from anything that would remind us of civilization.
"This seems like a good spot."
"Good spot for what?"
"Stargazing of course." I laid the blanket down in a random spot and then lay on it to look up at the beautiful night sky.
"Oh!" she cried. "What a simply wonderful idea!" She joined me on the blanket and lay down to stretch out her legs.
"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"
"Breath-taking," she said softly. "Peaceful. Tranquil. Carefree. I wish I could stay here forever."
"Me too. The night sky is fascinating, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"I remember when I was young, when things got too much at home, I'd wait until late at night and then wrap myself up warm, go outside and just watch the stars. I'd usually fall asleep out there. They always brought me peace, even in the toughest times."
"Did you see that?" she asked, pointing to the east. "It was a shooting star!"
"Falling star."
"Falling star?"
"Yeah. Although, did you know that shooting stars and falling stars aren't actually stars? Sometimes bits of rock from space fall into the atmosphere. The nearest star is actually the sun and the rest are billions of miles away."
"Wow, you sure know a lot..."
"Yeah," I sighed. "I used to know a human encyclopedia."
"A human encyclopedia?" she chucked.
"I grew up living next door to this guy. We hung out together a lot. If anyone knew how to make being smart look cool, it was him. He used to fill my head with all sorts of useless facts."
"Tell me more," she said, nudging me in the arm, and I could hear her grinning.
"Oh, I dunno..."
"I told you about Eyeball."
"Only because I pried it out of you!" I teased her, and she laughed.
"It's OK if you don't want to," she said. "Although... if you wanted to keep him a secret then why did you say anything about him at all?"
I realized she had a point. She seemed like a good ear, and I hadn't had one of those in a while, especially not a female one that I could go to with all my 'boy' problems.
"OK, I'll tell you, but you have to swear on your mother's name that you won't tell another soul. Or... should we use someone other than your mother?"
"I won't say a word, Cassie," she said more seriously, and she crossed her heart.
"OK..." I breathed a sigh and stared back up at the stars. "I was five when my mother and I moved in next door to him. He was eleven. We lived in a short cul-de-sac street and there weren't many kids around. Apart from me, there was only one other girl, and she was older and didn't want to know me. I think James felt sorry for me because he took me into the little group of him and his brothers and a couple of other boys on the street, and he always made sure I was included in everything they did. Climbing trees, building forts, water fights – all that stuff boys like to do. And all through the years he always made sure I was alright. My mother had a lot of problems, but James was always there, looking out for me and making sure I always did my homework," I chuckled. "And honestly, I never thought of him like... you know... I mean, I wasn't attracted to him like that until I was way older. I was 16. And by then, he was 22. He was way too old for me, and I always understood that, but sometimes feelings just get in the way of common sense. He was the only person that knew how my mother was and didn't judge us. He always made me feel so normal while everyone else treated me like I was a freak."
"He sounds like a nice person."
"He was, but... oh, I don't know. Maybe it was all my fault. I was the one who kissed him out of the blue. But he never told me that it was wrong or that he didn't want it. Over the next few months, what started out as flirting and brief make-out sessions became... so much more. I totally fell head over heels for him. I think he did love me like he said he did, but the 'age' thing was always a problem. I was more like his dirty little secret than a girlfriend. He always had other girlfriends to keep up appearances, or at least, that was his excuse. But even when I was going on 18, he still didn't want to make it official. Because by that time, he'd fallen in love with someone else. Someone who was old enough to marry him and bear children. Of course, plenty of girls marry at 18 but he said he didn't want to tie me down so young. I told him I'd do anything for him, but... I guess he just didn't want me as much as he said he did."
"Oh, Cassie," she said, and I felt her hand on my shoulder. She was laying on her side and leaning up on one elbow, listening intently. Her face looked so angelic in the moonlight. I hoped I wasn't spoiling her pureness by filling her mind with all of my baggage.
"I feel so... stupid. And I'm embarrassed to have been so gullible and vulnerable. I mean, he dated other girls right in front of me and then said they meant nothing to him, and I let him get away with it just because I couldn't let him go. I always held a hope that he'd finally come to his senses and pick me. But he never did. And it took me a long time to come to terms with that and get over it. But... I think I finally have."
"Is that because you have someone else now?"
The question made me feel restless, and so I sat up with Natalie sitting up alongside me.
"You're scared of being hurt again, aren't you?" she asked.
"And I'm scared of being an idiot again. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes."
"Do you think... is he worth taking a chance on?"
I filled my lungs with cool night air. "Probably. And that's what I've been asking myself, but-"
"You just needed to hear someone say that that's OK."
"Yeah," I grinned.
Natalie lay back down again and looked up at the night sky above her. "What would you do if you were in my situation?" she asked.
"I'd leave home," I laughed lightly. "But that's easy for me to say. They're not my parents."
"If you did then where would you go?"
"Natalie... are you seriously considering this?"
"Perhaps. I love my parents, Cassie. They have raised me, and they are only doing what they think is best for me. But the life they have scripted out for me is not the life I want. They're already searching for a suitable husband for me, one who will keep me in a strict manner, just as they do. They believe that is what I need – to be kept in line. But I am not meant to be kept at all. I want to travel and see the world. I dream of such freedom every day. I yearn for it. And yet, I have no means to do it."
"Why don't you sell your paintings?"
She sat up to sit again and stared at me as if she were having a moment of sudden and great revelation. "I could..."
"You're very good, Nat. I'm sure you could find at least one store who would take them to sell for you. Castle Rock has an emporium that sells all sorts, and there will be places in the cities too, I'm sure."
"Oh... what a simply wonderful idea! And then I'll have the means to live."
"You know... I have a spare bedroom. You could help pay my rent."
Natalie went silent for what seemed like forever.
"Are you OK?" I asked.
"I'm just thinking about what it might be like. My parents will most likely never want to speak to me again. There is so much to consider."
"There's no rush to make a decision. I'm not going anywhere... that I know of. Take your time."
Natalie threw her arms around me and squeezed me so tight, her shoulder choked me. "Natalie..." I wheezed, "air..."
"Sorry," she chuckled.
"Are you ready to go home?"
"I guess so," she sighed, and she took one last look up at the stars.
I looked at my watch. "We should go. Vince wanted his car back by 12:30 and it's one am. He'll be waiting for us."
Note: Don't much like chapters that are rich in backstory and seem go on and on... so, sorry about that - I know it's a problem. I will try to move parts of it into later chapters to spread it out.
