We may have gone backwards, but with sacrifice comes reward. A new chapter! Again in the new Journal format. Looking forward to everyone reading it because I lost count of how many hours I spent on this f$%&ing thing. Haha :)
Thursday 4th August - 1 am
A couple of weeks have gone by since I wrote last. Ugh... things have been so tough lately, and I've felt so down that I haven't had the motivation to pick up the pen. Ever since Ace paid Diego and Carl the extra fifty-thousand dollars, he's been... difficult. Difficult to live with, difficult to work with, difficult to socialize with. He's just so angry all the time, and the boys and I can't seem to do anything right.
I should cut in here and write that, thankfully, paying the money worked. Carl made Diego write out a receipt, as such, and sign it to say I owed nothing more as of the current date. Diego was stubborn, but Carl worked on him until he did it. Good 'ol Carl. He pulled Ace and I aside later and offered to foot most of the bill because he knew how unfairly we were ripped off. But, Ace wouldn't have it. He wanted to cut ties with them, and he meant it.
And so, here we are, trying to rebuild, almost from scratch. Ace instated Jack and Fuzzy, but they seem very hesitant about the whole thing. I've only been able to take them out three times each over the last two weeks, and that's not enough time to build their confidence. The number one rule is, look like you're meant to be there. That helps to not draw suspicion. But, the boys constantly second guess themselves, and they look nervous - eyes darting around like they're expecting to be caught, even noticeably trembling with nerves at times. I understand that what we're doing is wrong on so many levels, but they signed up for it when they got COBRAS carved into their arm. I really don't think they understood that the title comes with expectations. I told Ace that I had some concerns about them without completely throwing them under the bus, but he was insistent that training time is over. Kyle is out of the hospital and so, me going out there now would be too risky.
I also asked if it was worth bringing Billy and Charlie in but, apparently, they have big mouths. Nobody would tell me why.
Well, it's all up to Jack and Fuzz now because, according to Ace, I'm officially done.
But, I still have goals. The guilt of everything that has happened weighs heavily on my mind. I want - no... I need to find a way to repay Ace what I lost him, whether he says he wants it or not. It's the only way I can think of to fix this. It would be like refilling the hole that I dug him into.
And I think I have an idea. It only hit me about 20 minutes ago as I sit here at the garage on my own, stranded after Ace stormed out to do something ridiculously crazy. Saying that, my idea is crazy too. My God... what are we doing?
I think I'd better back up the truck because that last paragraph probably made no sense.
While I've been focused on training Jack and Fuzzy, Ace has been trying his darndest to move his eggs out of the car basket and into something new. He has a LOT of contacts - I didn't even realize the sorts of people he knows. And so, he hears of jobs going and other startups in the area (nothing legal, of course) and he has - let's say - attempted to make many official connections. He's tried to make new deals. However, not one of them has been sealed. I wonder if the word about what he did to Kyle has gotten around and turned people off working with him. That's only a theory though.
I've tried to be encouraging, and I admire his persistence - I really do. But every time he is turned down, he buries himself into a kind of dark hole and no one can reach him. Not even me. And now and then, he'll suddenly burst out from that darkness and strike at whoever 'pissed him off'. Usually, it's over minor things. He nearly broke Charlie's arm for knocking over a beer and spilling it on his wooden floors that already permanently smell of alcohol. And then, there was the party we went to, and some guy looked at Ace funny (apparently) and he knocked him out cold and gave him a concussion. I won't even go into the arguments he's had with me.
I always suspected something else was going on - he always seemed under so much pressure. I mean, losing deals and having a slow rate of income doesn't matter unless something is making it matter. And it wasn't until tonight that I finally found out what that something is.
"Fuck!"
My heart leaped into my throat as I wondered what the problem could be this time. I rushed into the garage to see Ace, palms spread on the hood of one of our new cars.
"What's the problem?" I asked, exasperated.
"Who picked this car?"
Not wanting to get the boys in trouble - for whatever reason - I held off giving a name. "Every car is my responsibility."
Ace looked at me. His eyes were grievous. They were vacant like he wasn't really in there. "That's not what I asked you. Who picked this car?"
"What's wrong with it?"
Ace growled under his breath and then stormed into the trailer part of the place where Jack and Fuzzy were relaxing with a beer. He dragged Jack back into the garage with his fingers wrenched around the poor kid's upper arm, his fingertips digging so deep into his skin I could already see bruising.
"Was this you?" Ace asked him, holding him to the car.
Jack was wincing and writhing as he suffered in Ace's grip, and it looked like he was having trouble focusing on much else. He looked to me for answers with the same confusion in his eyes as I was feeling. He finally nodded 'yes' to Ace.
Ace released Jack's arm and instead grabbed him by the back of his singlet and slammed him down on the hood of the car with a BANG! Jack grunted in pain as his skull hit the cold metal. Luckily, he had turned his head to the side or he would have gone nose-first.
"Do you see that?!" Ace's voice boomed in his ear. He grabbed Jack by his now ruffled, greasy black hair and yanked his head up to make him look at the windshield.
"It's... a crack?" Jack squirmed.
"Ace," I rolled my eyes. "Let him go."
"How much do you think a new windshield costs?" Ace dug his knee into the back of Jack's thigh, shoving it into the car's front fender.
"About... $40?" Jack wretched.
"If I add that to everything else I gotta do to this piece of shit you hauled in here, I'll lose money."
"Ace..." I tried to cut in.
"You got it?"
"Got what? The money?"
"Well, you don't think I'm paying for your stupid mistakes, do ya?"
I went to Ace's side and gently put my arm around him, kissing into his shoulder. "Ace, let him go. I think we need to talk."
Ace's expression was taut and his breathing ragged. I rubbed his back, and his whole body felt rigid and stiff, his arms like steel bars.
"Come on. Let's send the boys home and have a drink. You need to relax and we'll sort this out, OK? We'll sort it out together."
Ace released his grip on Jack who sighed in relief as he rolled off the hood. Jack rubbed at his messed up arm, his expression panicked as he stared at Ace as if he were too shit scared to leave without explicit permission.
"Get the fuck outta here," Ace seethed.
Jack scooted out of the room, collecting Fuzzy on the way who had been watching wide-eyed from the doorway. I heard the front door of the trailer home close, leaving Ace and I alone.
I went through into the kitchen of the trailer and fixed Ace a neat scotch. I decided not to have one as I wanted to have this conversation straight.
Ace lit up a cigarette and paced around the room. I handed him his drink, expecting him to sip it, but he tossed the half-glass back in one mouthful then handed it back to me to refill.
"What's happened?" I asked as I popped the lid back off the decanter.
Ace didn't say a word.
"I know something's up." I poured him his second glass and handed it to him, and he seemed to avoid eye contact.
"The money's coming in too slow, isn't it? Is that becoming a problem?"
Still silence.
"Ace, talk to me."
He tossed back his half-glass and then went to the bench and poured himself a full one. He drank back the lot - no kidding - and then leaned, palms down, on the bench with the cigarette still burning between his fingers. "You know how I've been talking to Markus about that deal with the guys in Portland?" he said.
"You mean those business guys that own all the companies? The one who'll start cleaning your cash?"
"Yeah."
Ace has talked about getting into a partnership with the other garage in Chamberlain that we delivered cars to when Ace's was full. But apparently, the arrangement is far more involved than just the one garage. There are a couple of big-wigs from Portland who own more than ten companies, and they are looking to wash money through them for both Ace and Markus - the owner of the other garage. The plan is for the two guys to officially buy into the parent company and receive a percentage of their money back as wages, dividends and other bonuses over time. If the deal works out, not only would Ace have clean cash to spend, but he'll have a legit income to help keep the cops off his back. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and one he cannot afford to miss out on.
"They can clean everything I get; every penny. But here's the catch. The deal only stays on if I can feed them $25K every month or it's not worth their time. I got about seventeen. And the first payment's in two days."
"So... you need eight thousand dollars in two days? What happens if you don't get it?"
"Deal's off. For good."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I don't need you going grandma and freaking the fuck out about it."
"I'm not freaking out," I said, defensively folding my arms. Although, that was a lie. My brain had already kicked into overdrive as it racked itself for solutions. "You, on the other hand, you're like a different guy. You're angry all the time, you hardly eat, don't sleep, and when was the last time we-"
Ace paced the room, sucking on his cigarette, making no eye contact with me. For a moment, I wondered if he was even listening to me or if his mind was elsewhere.
"I get you're under pressure," I continued, "but let's put our heads together and work it out. You shouldn't be going it alone. Especially since this is my fault."
"Diego's fault."
That's not my view, but I refrained from sidetracking the argument. "Whatever. Just, don't shut me out."
"There's nothing you can do, Cassie," Ace spat. "I've been trying to rig up these other deals to get more money coming in, but they've all been thrown back in my fucking face. And now, I gotta do some shit that I really don't wanna do." Ace's shoulders heaved as if another surge of anger was building, and it thundered out of him as he booted the kitchen wastebasket, caving in the tin as his steel cap almost went right through it.
"What do you have to do?"
Ace tossed his smoke into the side-squashed wastebasket. "I'll be outta town the next couple of days."
"Ace, why can't you just talk to me? I thought we were a team. I swore to stick by you. But I can't do that if you never tell me anything."
"Alright - you wanna know? OK, but you gotta swear you won't preach any of your goodie-two-shoes bullshit."
"OK... I won't judge." But I did brace myself. Because this sounded bad.
"I'm gonna do some burgs."
"What... burglaries?" I know I said I wouldn't judge, but I couldn't have spat that any more derisively, and I'm sure my expression was to match. Stealing cars was one thing. Invading someone's private chambers, rummaging through their draws and other personal spaces and taking their belongings - that's bottom of the barrel bullshit.
"It'll fix this."
"That may be, but what about the 25K we'll need for next month? Are you gonna go out and steal more stuff? With the cops already on your back, long term, this is completely unfeasible."
"Don't you think I know that?!" His roar ricocheted off the thin trailer walls, and I rubbed away the tickle in my eardrum. He snatched up his keys from the bench and stormed out the front door, slamming it behind him so hard it bounced open again.
I slumped down on the sofa and watched the tin door sway in the breeze as the '49 roared up and sped off down the hill.
And that's when the crazy idea hit me. It was a lightbulb moment. I mean, I don't know if Keith will have anything for me, and if he does, the chances of Ace letting me do it are slim to none. But maybe... if it pays well enough... Ace won't be able to say no. The way he was tonight, the lengths he's willing to go to, he's scaring me. Things are getting desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures.
