"Another round on me!" Porky yelled above the bangs and shrills coming from the bandstand.
"Porky, sit down! The studio's already paid for all the drinks," Bugs yelled and pulled the swaying pig back onto his seat. He grabbed the half-empty glass from his hand and slid it across the table. "Besides, you've had enough alcohol in one night to even make Humphrey Bogart jealous."
"Oh c'mon, Bugs, we just got here! The party's barely started!" Porky shouted.
"It's almost 11:30, Porky. Why don't you take a break for a bit." Bugs said.
"Fine, but you really are a party pooper." Porky pouted and rested his head on the table. Within seconds he was fast asleep, drooling on the studio's fine china. Elmer peered over at him and raised an eyebrow.
"I still don't undewstand why his stutter disappeaws when he's dwunk. It's not like my speech impediment is gone when I get a widdle tipsy." he grunted. Bugs shrugged and turned his attention back to the crowd.
Couples danced feverishly in front of them on the expansive dance floor, which was newly adorned with sticky puddles and globs of who-knew-what. Bugs's headache was growing more unbearable with each note of the blasting music that ricocheted off his eardrums. The perk of being a rabbit was having acute hearing, but the con to being a rabbit was also having acute hearing. He liked Harry James and his Orchestra, sure, but would be much happier listening to the blaring tempos from the back of the room- or even better- on a record in his living room.
He hadn't even wanted to come to this party. If Jack Warner hadn't chewed him out last week for missing the last two Looney Tunes premiers, he would have happily stayed home and enjoyed a rare evening free of his celebrity duties. But, this was the studio's big television launch party, and all the biggest stars were there. He'd just prefer that they'd not all be wasted.
"They sthound good tonight, don'tsha think?" Sylvester smiled at him from across the table. Bugs's glare remained unchanged and the cat nervously scratched the back of his neck and looked away from him. Bugs tapped his foot as he watched Daffy saunter through the crowd with several glasses of punch in his hands. He took one of the drinks from the duck once he had sat back down at their table.
"I thought I told you to cut Porky off a half an hour ago." he muttered to Daffy.
"No you didn't." Daffy huffed. "You've hardly said anything to me all night."
"That's because you were too busy googly-eyeing Betty Boop over there, boy." Foghorn said. "I tried to tell you three times that your fly's down and not once- I say- not once have you even acknowledged me."
"Well, she's been dropping hints at me all night. How could I look away?" Daffy protested and hastily pulled his zipper up.
"Hints? Boy, the only thing that girl is gonna drop is an anvil on your head when you get too close to her." Foghorn snorted.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Daffy jumped up and glared at the rooster.
"It means she's out of your league, doc," Bugs said. "Besides, she's already here with Rocky. I'm surprised the guy hasn't popped one in your head yet for even looking over there."
"It's not like she's serious with him or anything. I still have a chance," Daffy said, ignoring the first part of what Bugs said. He turned around and looked at Betty, who winked at him after Rocky got up from the table. Daffy sent a weak wave to her with a silly grin plastered on his face.
"She's just trying to get a gig by going with Rocky. The girl is practically a nobody nowadays." Foghorn said.
"She is not a nobody!" Daffy growled at him. He turned back to stare at her and an instantaneous, dreamy expression washed over his face. "And she certainly doesn't look like a nobody." he cooed.
"Please, that girl is the biggest suck up in Hollywood. If she came with any attachments, I'd throw out my Hoover." Bugs said as he lazily traced the rim of his glass with his finger.
"You're just jealous that someone likes me and not you for once!" Daffy hissed back.
"Daf, I'm not jealous. Just a little confused by your taste in women." Bugs responded.
"Well you're- the thing is, rabbit- oh just forget it!" Daffy jolted out of his chair and stormed off into the crowd. The band started to play an even louder, more upbeat song and the people around them began dancing and twirling more ferociously than before.
"Was it something I said?" Bugs shrugged.
"Nah, the boy's just love struck, is all. He'll get over it soon enough." Foghorn yawned.
"I'd better go see what's really bugging him." Bugs sighed. He put on his coat and squeezed past the couples jitterbugging on the dance floor as Moe and Curly Howard mockingly led the band with baguettes instead of batons. Bugs shook his head. And they said toons were too looney.
After searching through the crowd to find Daffy, Bugs turned and made his way to the large front doors of the ballroom. He nodded to the waiter who held open one of the doors for him and made his way down the stained red carpet that was littered with streamers and broken flashbulbs.
Only a few scattered fans remained, all of whom were busy speaking to stars that were thankfully not him, and he quietly moved behind one of the building's large pillars. Spotting the outline of a toon against a stone wall near the back entrance, Bugs swiftly moved towards it.
Daffy sat against a trash bin with a bottle in his hands. Bugs couldn't tell if Daffy was glaring at him or not, but decided that the duck's silence was an invitation, or at least not a protest, for him to sit down.
"Is everything alright, doc?" he said as he slid down next to him. Daffy stayed silent for a moment before letting out a sigh.
"How can you tell when a girl is leading you on?" he said, quietly.
"Who? Betty?"
"Her, Olive Oil, and a bunch of other dames. It just feels like every girl I like only talks to me when we're around other stars. I don't know... Porky's got Petunia and Pepe's been married three times in the past year alone. Even Elmer's got someone."
"Daf, you're too good for all of those broads put together. And don't worry, you have plenty of time to shop around and settle down."
"Yeah, but I want a girlfriend!" Daffy whined.
"That's why you're a maroon, doc-"
"Geez, thanks."
"- but you're my maroon, I guess," Bugs slung an arm around his shoulder. "It's okay to be single. Look at me- I'm on the market but I'm still happy."
"Yeah, and girls throw themselves at you the moment you step out the door." Daffy murmured.
"You think I like that?" Bugs said and pointed to the missing patch of fur on his neck from where a fan was clinging to him last week.
"Touche."
"C'mon, lets get going. We can cheer you up back at my place." Bugs said and pulled Daffy up from the ground.
"Can we have ice cream sundaes?" Daffy batted his eyes.
"Why not." Bugs smiled. They walked back towards the front of the building. Katherine Hepburn was walking to her limo and waved to them, and just as Bugs was about to wave back, he heard several high-pitched shouts travel down the street. He turned around and was startled to find a heaving toon woman staring down at a smaller toon.
"Don't touch me! Don't you even dare come near me- hey, I said no!" he heard the woman scream. Sharing a concerned look with Daffy, the pair quickly made their way towards the toons.
"Come back here, bitch! I ain't through with you yet!" the smaller toon growled. Bugs approached them and tapped the woman on the shoulder.
He could only see the caked-on makeup on her face that was several shades too light for her complexion under the dim streetlight, and still had trouble making out the other toon's features since everything except his faint outline was masked by the darkness. He had no problem inhaling the strong smell of alcohol that rolled off of the toon, however, and was tempted to plug his nose at the stench.
"Is everything alright, miss?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, my freaky little 'boyfriend' here just doesn't know when to quit the booze, is all." she snorted, keeping her eyes firmly set on the toon.
"Can it, Sylvia," the toon staggered into the light and glared up at her. "I ain't afraid to wail on ya when you deserve it!" he shook a fist at her.
"That ain't necessary, doc." Bugs said and stepped in between them. He frowned when he was finally able to get a good look at the toon, who shared a similar, if not more disgusted expression when he looked up at him.
"You." the toon growled and his face contorted into one of the hollowest glares Bugs had ever seen.
"Yes, me. Nice to see you again, Bosko." Bugs said, dryly. Sylvia spun around and grinned at him, grabbing a piece of her hair and twirling it.
"Oh- hello Mr. Bunny, I didn't know it was you! I'm Sylvia-" she giggled before Bosko grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Bugs just as she reached out for a handshake.
"What the hell are you doin'?" Bosko said through gritted teeth.
"Ow, Boskie, ya hurtin' me!" she whined.
"Okay, doc, let's just get you home. You'll feel better then." Bugs stepped forward and put his hand on the toon's wrist.
"Don't touch me! I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for you!" Bosko shouted.
"Sorry, but I don't recall force feeding you Jack Daniels any time over the last few hours." Bugs said slowly.
"Yeah, yeah. Act so innocent like you always do, rabbit," Bosko came closer to him. Bugs almost recoiled when the stench of of alcohol rolling off of Bosko became even stronger. "Think you're so grand and righteous all the time, like Hollywood was made just for you, ain't that right?"
"Oh lay off it, Boskie." Sylvia chided.
"Shut it!" he pushed Sylvia, who tripped on her obscenely tall heels and would have landed on the pavement if Daffy hadn't caught her. Bugs grabbed Bosko's shoulders and moved him away from her. The toon roughly shoved Bugs's hands off of him.
"You need to cool down, doc." he said, angrily. "C'mon, miss. We'll take you home."
"You would? Oh, what sweethearts!" Sylvia hooked her arm around Bugs and Daffy's elbows. "My girlfriend would absolutely die if she knew I was going home with you two!"
"Hold on, lady. You know we don't mean home, right?" Bugs said with a raised eyebrow. He heard a low growl come from Bosko when Sylvia shrugged and giggled. Taking that as his cue to leave, Bugs started walking back toward the front door with Daffy and Sylvia.
"What the hell are you doing? Get back here!" Bosko called after them. He started after them but stopped when two policemen turned the corner.
"Is everything alright here?" the taller of the two policemen asked.
"Oh yeah, just peachy," she smiled. "'Cept that guy over there keeps bothering us." she pointed to Bosko. The toon's glare became even more piercing.
"Sir, would you please move along." the other policeman said. Bosko looked between Sylvia, Bugs, and Daffy.
"Fine." Without another word, Bosko turned around, shoved his hands in his pockets, and walked down the sidewalk. Bugs let out a silent sigh when he was out of sight.
"Thank you, officers. Have a nice night." he said and turned around as the policemen waved goodnight.
"What's got Bosko's knickers in a twist?" Daffy asked Sylvia as they walked back.
"Oh nothing. We just got into a little fight at the bar. He'll be fine in the morning," she giggled. Pulling Daffy and Bugs closer to her, she continued. "So, what are you boys doing tonight?" she purred.
"Eh, we already have plans." Daffy moved away from her. They arrived back at the hall and stopped at the edge of the parking lot. Several groups of stars trickled out from the wide doorway.
"Is that Cary Grant? And James Cagney!" Sylvia squealed. Daffy rolled his eyes and reached into his hammerspace.
"Here," he pulled out his wallet and handed Sylvia a fifty. "Go call yourself a cab. There's a phone booth over there you can use." he smiled insincerely. She took the bill and stared at it in disbelief.
"What? I couldn't possibly take this much money! Toontown's not that far away, ya know."
"Go buy yourself something pretty, then." Daffy smiled as he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her towards the phone. She wrapped herself around Daffy's neck and took off with a squeal.
"Fifty?" Bugs asked.
"It got her off our backs, didn't it?" Daffy shrugged. A small frown appeared on his face when he saw Rocky and Betty Boop get into a long, black limo.
"Why don't we get going. This party's starting to be a real drag." Bugs put a hand on his shoulder.
"It was a drag all along," Daffy said glumly. He looked up and pointed at a group of toons outside the building. Foghorn and Elmer waved at them as Porky bent over and threw up into a bush. "Porky isn't looking too good over there..."
"We'd better go check on him," Bugs sighed and walked towards them. "Remember the last time he was this drunk and we were in Hawaii? It took three of us to get him off the pole at that luau." he chuckled.
"Then he choked on the apple... how could I forget? I'm the one who had to give a basted pig the Heimlich!" Daffy snorted. They stopped next to Elmer and looked down at Porky, who was on his knees beside a puddle of vomit.
"How you doing down there, doc? Systems all cleared yet?" Bugs asked.
"H-hi, Bugs-" he paused to hurl again. "I'm d-doing b-be-bet-well." he stuttered.
"Oh good, sounds like he's sobering up." Daffy muttered to Foghorn and rolled his eyes.
"The boy needs to handle his drink better. This is a crying shame, it is." Foghorn tisked.
"Daffy and I are going back to my place. Any of you wanna come along?" Bugs asked.
"No thanks, I have to get up eawly in the mowning. Do you need anymowe help with Powky beforw I go?" Elmer said.
"Nah, we can handle him. See you Monday." Bugs said. Elmer waved goodnight and disappeared into the parking lot.
"I think- I say- I think I'll take you up on that. Can't say this party perked me up any." Foghorn said.
"What about you, Porky?" Daffy bent down and asked the heaving pig.
"If y-you wouldn't m-m-mind, a ride home w-would be real s-swell."
"Sure. I'll go get the car and make sure someone picks up yours in the morning." Bugs said and walked up to the valet area.
The boy, who's small stature and meek appearance made Bugs question if he was even old enough to have a license, brought the red Mercedes to him after narrowly missing Doris Day's pink convertible. Bugs got in and drove to where the others still stood, and took off down the dark street after Daffy and Foghorn hoisted Porky into the back seat.
They rode through Hollywood with the the music from the radio trickling out the window until reaching the edge of Toontown's Ashburn district, the wealthiest area in the city. Only a few cars were on the road. Another Mercedes was cruising in front of them and a rusty Ford was rattling and clanging behind. Bugs rolled up his window as the cool night air was swept into the car by streams of wind, and became deaf to many of the noises outside.
"Here we are. Need any help?" Bugs asked after pulling into Porky's driveway.
"No, i-it's fine. I l-left the side d-d-door unlocked so Petunia c-can't hear me c-come in."
"Wait, so you planned on getting wasted?" Daffy said.
"Well, i-it's not often I g-g-get to go o-out without Petunia much a-anymore. I n-need t-to take advantage of i-it w-when I can." Porky said, holding on tightly to the door as he got out.
"I'm tempted to punch him right now." Daffy muttered to Foghorn. He yelped when Bugs kicked him.
"Alright, then. Tell her we hope she feels better." Bugs said. They pulled away after making sure Porky made it into the house without toppling over into one of the many rose bushes that lined the path on the side of the house, and drove to the other side of the neighborhood. Daffy jumped out and sped up the pathway the moment Bugs rolled into his long driveway and turned off the car.
"Can I have the keys? I need to pee!" Daffy shouted from the front stairs.
"Oh no boy, I want the bathroom first!" Foghorn called back and ran toward him. He pushed the duck out of his way and the two swatted at each other as they both tried to block the door.
"I have more than one bathroom- oh, just take the keys, you animals." Bugs threw the keys at them. Daffy lunged for them but was pulled back by Foghorn, who snatched them off the ground before Daffy could escape his hold. Bugs started walking towards his squabbling friends and put his hands in his pockets, but stopped when they felt emptier than usual.
He walked back to his car and went to open the door when he noticed the noisy truck they had seen earlier pull up beside the curb across the street. Figuring it was a friend of his neighbor's rambunctious teenage son, Bugs shrugged and picked his wallet up from the floor of his car. He walked back into the house and called out to Daffy and Foghorn. Hearing no response except a slam upstairs and a groan that presumably belonged to Daffy, Bugs rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen.
He placed the needle on his record player in the corner of the room down on his Billie Holiday record. Music filled the air as he opened the fridge to pick out a bottle of wine, and masked the sound of someone coming into the kitchen. Turning around to grab three glasses out of the cabinet, Bugs stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him.
A disheveled, sweaty Bosko stood in the kitchen doorway. His fists were clenched so tightly that it looked like his already threadbare gloves were about to rip apart, and his icy stare pierced through Bugs. Trying not to appear as startled as he was, Bugs cleared his throat and spoke up.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, keeping a firm grip on the glassware in his hands.
"Just came to check on an old friend. Seeing you earlier reminded me of how much I... missed you." he said with a twisted grin. Even from across the room, Bugs could still smell the alcohol on Bosko's breath.
"Why are you really here- how'd you get in?"
"Those birds of yours left the front door open. Not too bright, are they?" the toon chuckled darkly. "And you heard my spiel earlier, so now I'm gonna just sit back and- "
"and what?" Bugs interrupted.
"-let me finish, rabbit. You things are always too jumpy," he muttered. He gave him a long, cold glare before continuing. "You're gonna pay for what you did."
"And how are you gonna make me pay, exactly?" Bugs raised an eyebrow. Bosko's grin widened and he reached into his hammerspace. He pulled put a small pistol and pointed it at Bugs.
"By doing this."
Wakko stared at Bugs with wide eyes. He shifted in his spot on the ground and glanced at his siblings. Yakko was looking at Bugs with rapt attention as he absentmindedly picked at his gloves, while Dot clenched the hem of the over-sized t-shirt Bugs had given to her to sleep in.
"I still can't remember what happened after that. Foghorn and Daffy said they heard a shot from upstairs and found me with a bullet in my gut."
"Why didn't you try to fight back? You could've taken him easily- you're the best toon in the business!" Yakko said, dumbfounded.
"It happened so fast... that and I guess I just always felt bad for the guy." Bugs said.
"How could you feel bad for him? He's the biggest creep on the planet!" Dot said.
"I mean, I've always kinda thought it was my fault that his career went down the drain. He pretty much stopped getting gigs the day I signed on with Warner Bros. In hindsight I see it wasn't, but I guess I thought that if I listened to him that night, it might help him move on or something. When he pulled the gun out I just sorta froze. I don't know... I just wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have been surprised by what he did. He had a history of violence even before being fired, and it only got worse when he was out on the streets after." Bugs said. Wakko and his siblings stayed silent for a moment. He tugged on the thin t-shirt he was wearing as the air became cooler and a large accumulation of dark clouds settled over the area
"Did you ever tell Bosko that?" Dot said, softly.
"No, and I don't want to. He made my life a living hell," Bugs sighed. "I did try to give him money a few times before that, but he never took it. He was just so messed up that I figured it wasn't worth it. Besides, I'd rather not associate myself with a toon who came this close to killing me." Bugs held his thumb and pointer finger so close to each other that they were almost touching.
"How'd they catch him?" Wakko asked.
"Daffy and Foghorn came downstairs after they heard the shot. Foghorn grabbed him before he could get away. His trial happened so quickly that I was still on medical leave when it ended."
"I think Bosko was overreacting a bit." Wakko said slowly.
"A bit? The guy's totally crazy!" Yakko responded. "Who would shoot another toon just because he got gig at the studio he used to work at?"
"He just snapped after getting fired and got even worse from there. I couldn't tell you why." Bugs shrugged.
"Why'd he get fired?" Dot asked
"His popularity was down and he was always going to sleazy parties. Getting in a bar fight with Popeye didn't help him any with PR, either," a light drizzle had started and Wakko pulled his hat around so that the brim was keeping his face as dry as it could. He hugged his knees closer to his chest once the rain turned into a heavy downpour and watched Bugs look around the alley before standing up. "C'mon, It'll be more dry over there." he pointed to the wall of one of the buildings around them. The ground next to it seemed relatively untouched by the rain.
They sat down and huddled together against the scratchy brick wall. A trail of dry, green slime ran down the wall from the roof and stopped right below Wakko's neck. He pulled down his hat and leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the odd smell coming from the slime. The wind picked up and the rain continued to pour down, shifting direction so that it hit the Warners and Bugs square in the face.
The rain soaked through Wakko's clothes and then his fur. He watched as Bugs pulled out a blanket that was covered in a thick plastic on one side and what seemed to be wool on the other, as well as a box of crackers. Bugs handed a sleeve of crackers to Dot, Yakko, Wakko, and then to himself.
"You must have been an air raid warden or something in a past life. Are you always this prepared?" Yakko asked as he took a part of the blanket and tucked it under Dot's shoulders and knees, then Wakko's.
"It never hurts to be a bit prepared. And what can I say? You three look like drowned puppies," Bugs responded with a small chuckle. "You might want to take a page out of my book and pack a jacket or something back there. You never know when you'll need it." he sat back and placed a cracker in his mouth, looking around at their surroundings.
Wakko made a mental note to pack an emergency kit as soon as he was able to. If he had been separated from his siblings again, he'd say that he was worse off now than he was before. But, here he sat next to Dot, Yakko, and Bugs, and he trusted that Bugs would keep them away from trouble. He just hoped that everything would be back to normal soon.
Wakko opened the package of crackers and stuck a handful in his mouth. He crunched down on them and watched as the rain drops plopped onto the ground, puddle by puddle, one by one.
Bosko clutched the window frame as he stared out at the gray city below. He dug his fingers into the wood with so much force that jagged splinters dug into his skin. The bastards had screwed up so badly that all he wanted to do was yell until his throat was too raw for anymore sound to scrape through it. But Smokey had taken care of that already. Hell, he was surprised that the rats were still in one piece, let alone not inked. At least he wouldn't have to work with the dumb-asses again for awhile.
He turned around when he heard the door creak open. Gonzo walked in with his hands in his pockets and his hat sitting slightly askew on his head. He leaned against the far wall and stared at Bosko.
"Smokey gave me, you, and Oswald an assignment. Tango was gonna be on it, but, ah, you know. He's still in the infirmary." Gonzo said.
"What is it?" Bosko replied, shortly.
"He wants us to break a bunch of toons out of Clampett."
"Who?"
"He didn't say yet. Just that we needed to do it before the building was done being repaired." Gonzo said. He paused for a moment before continuing. "Are ya, you know, doin' ok?"
"Why would you care? You hate my guts." Bosko snorted.
"Well, they were so close to catchin' that bunny that I would expect you to be a little on edge about it. That and I figured you'd probably need comforting or therapy or whatever 'cause Oswald ain't here." Gonzo said in a borderline mocking tone.
"I appreciate the sentiment, but last time I checked, we don't work for Disney. That cheesy stuff doesn't stick too well around here."
"Just tryin' to help, asshole." Gonzo muttered. "But then again, what else should have I expected from you." a hint of bitterness clouded his tone and Bosko tensed up.
"I still don't see why you're so goddamn pissed off at me all the time." Bosko said.
"'Cause you're the biggest ass I know." Gonzo replied.
"Sure I'm a bit of an ass, but I've had your back since the first day they locked you up." Bosko retorted and pointed at him.
"Yeah, but I'm sick of being walked over all the time! The only toons who take me seriously around here are Smokey and Oswald. Even before now I've felt like you always looked down on me- like you don't think I can do anything. "
"Then stop whinin' for once. All you do is complain and it gets tiring to listen to all the time."
"Well I've got a lot to complain about!" Gonzo said, sounding flustered and angry. "But what would you know about that? It's all about you whenever you're around." Bosko was about to retaliate, but stopped himself and dug his nails into his palms.
"Look, I'm sorry you feel so 'misunderstood' or whatever, but we've got more important stuff to worry about right now."
"Like what? Some stupid bunny? The whole thing's a waste of time, if you ask me." Gonzo chided. Bosko sent him the deadliest glare he could manage and slowly moved towards him.
"Don't you dare go there. Don't you dare do that." he hissed.
"Whatever. Just meet us in Smokey's office in an hour." Gonzo muttered and left. Bosko kicked over a chair and sat down on the floor next to another smaller window. He stared at his reflection in a dusty mirror and glared. Gonzo had no idea what he'd been through, and he was in no place to judge Bosko over it.
Taking a swig from the bottle of whiskey on the floor next to him, Bosko leaned against the wall and turned his gaze back to the depressing city scene below.
