I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA
Before
Maxine took a deep, unnecessary breath as she looked down at her latest victim. This time it was an elderly woman who had obviously been homeless. Her salt and pepper hair was greasy and slightly matted, her clothes were dirty, and she reeked of alcohol. The first time Zuzanna took Maxine out hunting, she had told her to always look for these types of humans.
"It's always better to go after the ones who won't be missed," she had informed her. "That way the Volturi won't come down on us." Max shudders at the thought of the infamous Volturi. Supposedly they were a coven of older vampires who were kind of like royalty to the immortal species. They kept the peace and enforced the rules. There was only one rule that they enforced consistently: don't reveal yourself to the humans. No going out on a sunny day because of their sparkly skin, no staying in one place for too long so that humans don't notice that you're not aging. No excessive feeding or targeting high profile people. Nobody who's disappearance will cause the humans to take too much notice. And Max stuck to that. She always followed the rules.
But a feeling settled over her as she stared down at that woman. Like the heaviest weight in the world had been placed on her chest and made it hard for her to function. Her new enhanced strength had nothing on the weight that burdened her. Another human…dead…because of her. That woman will never get the chance to get back on her feet. She didn't look that old, probably no older than sixty. She could have still gotten a job and gotten back on her feet. Maybe meet someone and get married and spend the rest of her days with her true love. But now she'll never get the chance. An entire future had been wiped from existence. Despite it being impossible, Max felt sick. She knew that she shouldn't be feeling remorse. Most vampires saw humans as nothing but a blood bag. They didn't feel bad about killing them. They looked at humans like most humans looked chicken or beef.
But she couldn't help but feeling like a monster. No better than the Nazis who had taken her life. Most days she found that she didn't want to live this life anymore. She didn't want to be a monster. She didn't want to be a murderer. She wanted to be human again. To be able to eat human food. She would give anything to have one last taste of her mother's kalduny. She just wanted to die in general. To be with her family. She missed Noah more than anything. He was her other half. But he was gone. Just like her parents and baby sister. She only hoped that Helena survived through this.
Once she had disposed of the body, she walked back to the house she lived in with Zuzanna. She quietly wondered what her rabbi would say if he could see her now. He'd probably condemn her to hell for the things she's done. She had certainly seen him condemn people for far less. One time, Petra Kovacevic was caught nearly having sexual relations with Dmitry Nowak and they were practically shunned from the synagogue. But to be honest, Max wasn't really feeling very fond of religion at the moment. She held a great contempt for her maker and wasn't completely sure if he existed or not.
The whole way back to the house, Max couldn't shake away the image of the homeless woman. An overwhelming wave of guilt washed over her, and she knew that if it was possible, she'd be crying right now. She's tried to talk to Zuzanna about it, but every time she did, Zuzanna would brush it off. She'd say that Max was still young and that she'd get over it. But Max knew that she wouldn't. She'd only been a part of this life for three months, and yet she knew that she couldn't do it anymore. She was still in Poland and looking around at all of the people going about their day when there were still people in the concentration camps made her feel sick. They pretended like nothing was wrong. She needed to distance herself from the country in which she was born. At least somewhere else she could comfort herself in saying that the reason why they aren't doing anything is because they are on the other side of the world.
She would go and she would try to find her way. And if she couldn't find a way to live peacefully with the humans, then she'd go to the Volturi and beg them to kill her. She had spent so much time as a prisoner, she refused to be a prisoner to her own body. But she wasn't sure how she'd break the news to Zuzanna. Of course, Max was grateful to her for saving her life. And she didn't want to come off as ungrateful. But she knew that she needed to do this.
When she got back to house in which she first woke up as a vampire, Zuzanna was nowhere to be seen. The house was silent, and Max could tell by the smell of the air that Zuzanna hadn't been in the house all day. This is good, Max thought. I can use this time to practice what I'm going to say. Maybe I can keep from hurting her feelings. She stood in front of a mirror like she used to do when she was thirteen and had a crush on Paul Zielinksi, and practiced what she'd say. She went over several possible ways to break the news, but in the end she knew that whatever she said, Zuzanna wouldn't take it too kindly. So, she resorted to reading her favorite book Of Mice and Men. It came out when she was fourteen and she'd been obsessed with it ever since.
It didn't take long for Zuzanna to return, smelling like the same gas that took Maxine's life. Max didn't breathe. She didn't want to smell even a whiff of that gas. The memories were still too fresh in her mind. Max laid the book down on the worn-out sofa on which she was sitting and watched as Zuzanna took her coat off. She knew that if she didn't say something now, she would never have the courage to do so.
Standing up, Max clasped her hands in front of her. "I'm leaving," she revealed to her friend. Zuzanna stopped in her tracks and looked at the younger vampire. Max could see the shock on her face. She was as still as a statue, but she couldn't tell what was going through her mind. Zuzanna's crimson eyes searched Max's bright blue ones, and the slight breeze coming from the open window caused her red curls to sway slightly.
"No," Zuzanna finally replied. Shock jolted through Maxine at that one little word. Zuzanna sounded like her mother. So final. Like she thought that saying it would change Max's mind.
"I beg your pardon. I don't believe I was asking your permission, Zuzanna. I was simply informing you." The redhead shook her head.
"You're not ready to be out on your own. You still have a long way to go when it comes to your self-control. I don't want you to slip up and have the Volturi come for you. You need to wait at least another year." Max shook her head.
"I can't take another year of this, Zuzanna. Of killing humans. Of being a monster. I miserable, Zuzanna. I hate what my life has turned in to. I need to find my own way."
"Do you think that you'll magically be able to stop drinking blood once you're on your own? It's a fact of this life. You need to accept that, Maxine." Max sighed and walked over to where her friend stood.
"I know that. But I need to figure out a way to come to terms with it," she said. There was no reason why Max had to tell Zuzanna what she actually planned if she couldn't figure out a way to stop drinking human blood. She'd never allow her to leave in that case. "And I need to get away from this place. It has so many bad memories. Everywhere I look I'm reminded of what I lost. I need to make a fresh start." Zuzanna looked at Max for a good long while. Max could practically see the wheels turning in her head. She knew that by bringing this up that she'd get Zuzanna to relent.
"Okay," the redhead finally agreed. "But I'll come with you. We can leave in the morning." This was the opposite of what Max wanted. She cared for Zuzanna, but she knew that she'd never be able to fully heal from her past if her friend came with her.
"No, Suzie. I need to go by myself. I need to cut all ties from my former life if I'm going to heal. And while I did not know you when I was human, you are a reminder of the day my human life ended." Max clasped her hands once again. "Perhaps, one day in the future I'll be able to come back to you, but I need to find my own way." Once again, Zuzanna looked at Max for a prolonged period of time. Max wasn't sure what she was thinking, but she could have never predicted what would come out of her mouth next.
"If you leave, I'll have to kill you, Maxine." It was Max's turn to be surprised. Had she herd the woman correctly? That sentence was like a punch to the face, and it stung far worse than the pain in the back of her throat.
"What do you mean? Why would you have to kill me?" Max was still trying to make sense of the words that had come out of her friend's mouth. Anger coursed through her. She had thought that she could trust Zuzanna. She had saved her life, after all. And okay, maybe she wasn't technically alive, but she was still living. She had always felt grateful towards the woman for that. But now she just saw it as a way that Zuzanna could manipulate her. Play on her gratitude and guilt her into staying. But now the woman was turning to threats? She had never thought it would come to this.
"Because if you go crazy and start killing humans in a blood thirsty rage, the Volturi will come after you. And when Aro looks into your mind he'll see that I was the one who created you and then they'll come after me for creating you and not keeping track of you. I can't allow you to go on your own until I'm absolutely sure you're not a danger to our secret." Max was fuming at that point. She finally saw Zuzanna for who she truly was. She never cared for Max. She just cared about herself. Perhaps she had gotten lonely and so that was why she had changed Maxine in the first place. And now that Max wanted to leave, she didn't want to let her go. Max knew that Zuzanna would keep making excuses as to why she needed to stay. Even a year from then she'd find a reason as to why Max needed to stay with her or be killed by her.
Struggling to keep ahold of her anger, Max strutted forward and got right in Zuzanna's face, their noses only centimeters apart.
"I will leave," Max began, her voice hard but almost hypnotizing. "I will leave, and you will not follow me. You will watch me as I pack my bags, and then stay here when I leave. You will not follow me and will forget that I exist the moment that I leave. I do not want to hurt you, Suzie, but I will if you make me. Do not forget who the strongest is out of the two of us." When Max pulled back, Zuzanna looked at her, and for a second, Max was slightly concerned. The older vampire looked like she was in a daze. Her eyes were glassed over almost, and it seemed as if she was not completely there. But her concern only lasted for a fraction of a second.
Max made her way to her room and grabbed the only thing that she genuinely wanted: the locket that been given to her by her parents for her birthday. The last birthday she would ever celebrate. Before the Nazis had taken her and her family away, Maxine had buried the locket near a tree in which she had engraved her initials. It took a month of convincing Zuzanna to be able to go back and retrieve it. Max opened the oval shaped locket and looked inspected it for a moment. One side was engraved with a saying in Polish. In English it translated to "My love is always yours." It's something that her parents would say to her and her siblings often. The other side held a small black and white photograph of her and her family. It's the only photograph she had of them. That locket was her most prized possession. She didn't need anything else at the moment. It would just drag her down, and she knew that she could always get new things if she wanted.
She secured the locket around her neck and walked through the house for the last time. Zuzanna was still frozen where Max had last left her. But Max couldn't bring herself to care. She just walked out of the front door and into her new life.
A/N: What did you guys think? It's been a while, I know. I've just had literally no inspiration to write in a while, but I was just hit with motivation today. Please review!
~Gina
