Chapter 6: Secrets

Dannae's fainting spells were becoming more frequent, and she wasn't eating much. She was suffering from depression, which was making her physically sick. Her son knew it, and everyone that knew her knew it, but she refused to acknowledge it or do anything about it. Her inability to generate enough energy for two jobs led her to lose one, and she began to isolate herself. Money became even tighter than before, and a sense of gloom began to settle over the houseboat.

One day, Shuyin sat at the kitchen bar, eating an afternoon snack and studying, while his mother stacked the dishes in the washer. A glass dropped to the floor and shattered, but she continued her task as if nothing had happened. Did she not hear it? Or did she just not care?

After a few minutes of waiting for her to respond to the broken glass, he grabbed the auto-vac from the closet and set it to sweep up the small slivers as he disposed of the larger pieces. "Mom, let me finish. You should lie down." She didn't seem to hear him, so he touched her shoulder and turned her around to face him. He was a whole head taller than her now. That and the fact that she was so thin made her seem ... fragile. "Mom," he repeated, waiting for her to make eye contact. "Go lie down."

She stared at her son vacantly, as if not knowing who he was for a second. "Did you practice your keyboard lessons?"

"Um ... yeah," he lied.

"You're a good boy, Shu." She gave him a sad smile and coughed. Then, giving his arm a pat, she left for her bedroom.

The auto-vac was already sweeping the entire kitchen floor, so Shuyin finished stacking the dishes. He was almost done when a knock on the front door of the boathouse interrupted his task. So, grabbing a towel to dry his hands, he left to answer it.

Dressed in tan shorts and a faded, rose-colored T-shirt, with her brown hair swept into her usual ponytail, Kaila smiled and waved. "Hi. Um, I was on my way to the library and happened to be in the neighborhood, so I just thought I'd stop over and say hi."

Shuyin sighed in disappointment, knowing why she had come—Koji's stupid idea suggesting him as a date for his sister. Kaila had been the tag-along or target of his and Koji's jokes for eleven years now. But despite the harassment endured at each other's hands, there was a sense of responsibility toward one another in their little trio. He didn't know if he could live with the guilt if he turned her down. So much for asking Birana to the dance. "What do you want, Kaila?"

Her lips pursed in a small pout at his sour greeting, but then she deliberately smiled again. "I have a favor to ask. Can I come in?"

Shuyin glanced over his shoulder. He had stopped inviting friends over as his mother's condition worsened, but Dannae was on the lower level at the moment, so he shrugged and stepped aside.

Kaila removed her sandals at the door and walked past him into the houseboat. Amused, she gave the towel on his shoulder a small tug. "Doing dishes?"

"Something like that." He led her into the kitchen so he could put the dish towel away, finish loading the washer, and return to his snack.

"Hm, I'm used to you being either a lazy bum or a wrecking ball, but nothing in between. Are you actually being helpful now? That's new."

"Nothing gets done around here if I don't do it."

Kaila's smile faded. "Your mom still refuses to see a healer?"

"She refuses to go for even a diagnosis."

"Is she getting worse?"

He nodded but didn't want to dwell on this topic. Looking for something to do while he waited for Kaila to pop the inevitable question, he pulled another handful of cookies from the counter jar and split the serving with her for all those years she had shared candies with him after swim lessons and blitzball games. Then, he popped a cookie into his mouth and checked the dryer.

"Thanks." Kaila ate one of the offerings.

The dryer was empty. Seeing that his mother had left the laundry in the washer, Shuyin cursed under his breath and started transferring the wet clothes to the dryer. "What did you want?" he repeated. "I was getting ready to go meet someone at the library in a few minutes."

"Oh. Well, since we're both going to the library, we could walk together."

He shook his head and reached for an excuse. "No, I have to finish my chores first."

"I can wait."

"I was studying, too."

"I can wait," she insisted, unbothered. "Who are you meeting?"

Shuyin's shoulders slumped. "A tutor."

"Are you still making bad grades?"

"If I was making good grades, I wouldn't need a tutor, now would I?"

"What subject? Let me guess—history. For a while there, every time I looked over my shoulder, you were asleep."

Shuyin paused the laundry transfer, folded his arms, and tilted his chin at her unflattering observation. "What were you doing looking at me when you were supposed to be listening to the lecture?"

"I'm not the one who's not listening to lectures. You know, I'd have been willing to help you study if you weren't too proud to ask for help."

"Ask your favor, Kaila," he prompted her again to get to the point.

She rolled her eyes at his inability to admit defeat in anything. "Okay, it's about the spring dance." Quieting for an insecure moment, she brushed the flour dust from her remaining cookies. "I was kind of hoping this guy that I like would ask me to go with him, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen." Disappointed, she moved around the bar toward the sink.

Koji hadn't mentioned that was part of the equation. For all his popularity with girls at school, Shuyin sympathized with Kaila liking someone beyond her grasp. That's how he felt around Birana. But as he considered this dilemma, his eyes were drawn to Kaila's bare feet. She was walking where the glass had broken. Lunging forward, he pushed her back and crouched to inspect the floor.

Kaila stepped back at the unexpected action. "Why are you looking at my legs?"

He straightened, annoyed at the accusation. "I'm not looking at your legs. I just cleaned up some broken glass and didn't want you to cut your foot if the vac missed a piece."

She looked over her shoulder at the auto-vac that was bumping around on the other side of the room. "Oh." Having misinterpreted the action, she fidgeted with another cookie before biting into it.

Shuyin shook his head and returned to transferring the laundry before turning on the dryer.

"Anyway," Kaila continued, "I know it's kind of last-minute, but ... Koji suggested that I ask you, instead."

With a sigh of resignation, he leaned against the dryer and folded his arms. "Okay."

Kaila blinked at his acceptance. "Are you sure?"

"I said okay, didn't I?"

Her brows knit in suspicion. "No argument? No mockery? No jokes about how I couldn't get a date on my own? That was too easy."

"You want me to say 'no'?"

"Koji told you I was going to ask, didn't he?"

Shuyin hesitated a second too long in providing the answer.

"I'm going to kill him!" Her hands curled into fists. "You knew this whole time, didn't you?"

"Look, it doesn't matter whether he told me before you asked, okay? I'll do it." He collected his digital notebook and study spheres.

"Yes, it does! I don't want you to go just because he talked you into it."

"You'd rather I go because you talked me into it?"

"Yes!"

He frowned at her logic. "What's the difference?"

She scowled at his inability to grasp it. "If he talks you into it, then you're doing it for him. If I talk you into it, then you're doing it for me."

"Kaila, do you want to go to the dance with me, or not?" he fussed.

"Yes!"

"Fine."

"Fine!" Kaila stormed out of the kitchen and back through the living room to get her sandals. She left without saying goodbye.

Shuyin popped the last cookie into his mouth and glared at the door. Something significant had happened here. He just wasn't sure what.

))((

The night of the dance, Shuyin answered the front door to find Kaila standing before him again. This time, her hair was swirled into a pretty flare with a few loose curls hanging around her face. And she wore a strapless, plum-colored dress and silver heels. He had expected some kind of glamorous caterpillar-to-butterfly transformation that girls go through for these things, considering it was a semi-formal event. He just wasn't expecting the transformation to look so … familiar. Kaila was Kaila.

"Well? Aren't you going to invite me in?" She seemed uncertain what to think of his greeting … or lack thereof.

Shuyin obediently moved out of her way. "Where's Koji?" He looked past her to the deck, but she had apparently come alone.

"He went to pick up his date—said he'd meet us at the dance." She removed her heels and hooked the straps on her fingers before entering the houseboat. "Is that what you're wearing?"

He looked down at his jeans. "What's wrong with this?"

"Depends on whether shoes and a shirt will eventually be part of the game plan?"

He checked his bare feet and chest, then frowned at her disapproval. "I'm not ready yet because you're an hour early. Also, I thought I was meeting you and Koji at your place." After shutting the door, he walked back to his bedroom to finish dressing.

Kaila followed out of habit. "Well, that's what I thought, too, but Koji said he wanted to pick up his date early, and I was dressed early, but I didn't feel like sitting around watching the clock."

"Did he say who he was taking?" He browsed his closet for shirt options.

"Nope, and I didn't ask. I get the impression his was a last-minute invitation, too." Kaila glanced around his room and set her silver heels at the foot of his bed. "How is it possible for this same mess to be here every time I visit?"

"I do clean it if you're implying that I don't." Shuyin pulled a blitzball uniform from the closet and held it up for approval as a joke suggestion.

Kaila was humored. "You're supposed to wear something that matches my dress. Should I go home and change into Koji's uniform, instead?"

"Are you serious?" He made a face and put the uniform back. "What kind of stupid rule is that? I don't have any purple shirts."

She found a dubious fantasy comic with hour-glass-shaped women in chainmail bikinis half-hidden under his digital notebook and papers and began flipping through it without expression. "I didn't know about it either until Mom said something about traditions with formal events. I don't care so much. Just pick something you like. Whatever you choose will look nice on you, Shuyin."

He pulled a shirt from his closet, but then saw what she was looking at and jumped to her side in one big hop to snatch the comic out of her hands. "Stop going through my homework!"

Kaila laughed at his quick save and ridiculous claim. "What are you, a ninja? That is not homework."

He dropped the comic into a dresser drawer to keep it away from her. "My homework was on top of it. You know, the homework you mashed my face into?"

Amused that he would bring that up, Kaila shoved his other "homework" items out of her way so she could sit on the edge of the bed. "You deserved that, and you know it … tipping my desk over like that."

"I was minding my own business, sleeping in class—sweet and innocent." He removed the chosen shirt from the hanger.

"Wow. That kind of lie is just asking for lightning to strike, isn't it. You stopped being sweet and innocent when candy was no longer the only thing a girl needed to impress you. However, you do seem a little nicer when Koji's not around."

"Well, maybe if someone still gave me candy, instead of mashing my face into my desk, I'd be nicer all the time." He stood before her to compare the shirt to her skirt but remained skeptical.

"Oh, so, it's my fault you're a delinquent? Because I classically conditioned you but stopped bringing the candy?"

"Don't turn this into a pop quiz from psychology class. I'm having enough trouble with history and language arts."

Kaila stood and took the garment Shuyin was holding, laying it over his chest and shoulders. The black, long-sleeved t-shirt with dark blue and dark purple designs coordinated perfectly between his dark blue jeans and her dress. She smiled but shook her head in dismay. "I told you not to worry about matching, but you did it anyway."

"It's just a t-shirt, but I might be able to dress it up with something else."

She lowered the shirt and stared at him with an uncertain sigh.

"Or … not." He mirrored her uncertainty. "Maybe you should pick the shirt." He gestured to the open closet.

"This is fine. It's just … Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Shuyin was confused and, therefore, cautious. "Are we still talking about the shirt?"

"Koji put you up to this. And the event is a couple's thing, but we're not a couple."

"I didn't think we had to be. It's only for a few dances."

"I just don't want it to get awkward, you know? The slow dances, between the dances, after the dance … I mean, it's not like I'm the type of girl you would normally be interested in. And I'm not the type to hang all over a guy for the sake of having someone to hang onto." She gave the shirt back, then stepped back and looked down at her toes, curling them under as if being careful where to step now.

"Well, to be honest, I hadn't really thought about all the … hanging." Shuyin smirked, thinking humor might ease any awkward anxieties.

"Good." Kaila nodded. "I guess that's the benefit of going with my brother's best friend," she lightly joked. "I mean, we'll probably end up fighting before the night is over, right?"

Shuyin thought she seemed a little disappointed to be stuck with him for a predictable night of insults and squabbles. He didn't know whether to be relieved or insulted. After all, she's the one that had invited him to this thing. But something about her words compelled him to take a good look at her.

He had always thought she was kind of pretty, even in shorts and t-shirts. Maybe that's why he wasn't shocked to see her dressed with a touch of elegance. She didn't need it. And he liked that he was able to be himself around her, rather than having to impress her with trick shots or high grades. She had endured relentless teasing over the years, yet here she was, still talking to him. She never accused him of trying to be like his father. And she understood his worry and fear concerning his mother. It had been a simple matter to pick out a matching shirt, yet she was behaving as if he'd made a noble sacrifice in doing so. … Or, Maybe he was behaving as if taking her to the dance was a noble sacrifice. Was the thought of a date with her really that bad?

He pulled on the long-sleeved T-shirt and cast the hanger aside. "Kaila?"

She nodded in approval of his final choice.

"Don't hit me, okay?"

She quirked a brow of suspicion at the odd warning.

Taking a step forward, he leaned in and pressed a light kiss to her lips—soft, simple, sincere. Then, stepping back, he winced and waited to be smacked for it.

Kaila's cheeks flushed, but she said nothing as she cleared her throat and smoothed the wrinkles from her dress.

It was the weirdest reaction he'd ever received following a kiss, and it left him more than a little unsettled. "Well?"

She swallowed, seeming a bit flustered for words. "Well, what? Am I supposed to rate that?"

"I thought you might … fuss at me, or …"

"If I fuss, you might not do it again."

"Again?"

Lifting her chin, she met his gaze. Lips pressed together, she returned a casual nod to avoid appearing too eager.

Her subdued approval brought a slow smile to him. Well, they did have a few minutes before they had to leave for the dance. Gesturing for her to stay put, he went to the door and looked down the hall toward the lower cabin. His mother didn't seem to notice him so much anymore, but he closed and locked the door to prevent any surprise entries. Then, slightly nervous, he returned to Kaila. "Just don't tell Koji, okay? He'd never let us live it down."

Kaila smiled and nodded in agreement. For once, she was Shuyin's partner in mischief, instead of her brother. "Our secret."

Sitting next to her and slipping a hand behind Kaila's neck, he dared to kiss her again. Her shoulders and neck stiffened beneath his touch, so he figured this must have felt as strange for her as it did for him. But it was a beautiful, familiar kind of strange. And as the kiss lingered, Kaila drew her hands up his back to pull him closer.

))((

Dannae surfaced from her bedroom to get a drink from the kitchen only minutes after Shuyin shut his door. Passing his room, she heard a girl's voice in low-level bits of conversation and paused. Frowning at her son's blatant disrespect for her rules about closed doors in such circumstances, she started to reach for the handle. But then, she heard him laugh and say a name: Kaila.

Her mind had been erratic and distant lately, but she was immediately able to recall the little girl Shuyin had grown up with. Kaila? Dannae withdrew her hand, and though it was hard to walk away, she returned to the solitude of her own room.

Sitting on her bed and setting her empty glass aside, she lifted a holograph from her nightstand. It was an image of three children playing in the waves on the beach, a memento of happier times. Setting that holograph down, she chose another. This image was of herself and Jecht, right after they were married. Whatever happened to those happier times?

"Your son is almost grown now," she told her husband's image. "And in many ways, he is so much like you." She touched the picture as if caressing his face. She still missed Jecht. She would never stop missing him.

"Apparently, he has chosen Kaila. Remember her? He certainly could do much worse—and believe me, he has." She chuckled, but the chuckle turned into a small cough. "Shuyin needs someone like her. Someone who can temper his pride with humility … balance his impulses with rational thought … calm his chaos so that he can find peace … He needs someone who can appreciate his deep devotion and offer him unconditional love. There is nothing more I can do for him, Jecht."

She coughed again and hugged the holograph to her chest as she rocked slowly with the frame. "I am nothing but a burden to him now. He will never move beyond this boat if he feels obligated to take care of me."

Her eyes glazed with tears, and her arms felt numb from clutching the frame too tightly. Her heart ached. It hurt to think of the past, while trapped in the present. It was frightening to think of the future. So, Dannae escaped time completely by withdrawing from it, and she chose to forget … again.