Chapter 7: Broken Hearts
It was only thirty minutes later when Shuyin threw open the door to his bedroom and ran down the hall to answer the banging on the front door that he almost didn't hear. Still barefoot, he scrambled over the back of the sofa instead of going around it because, though he had no time for visitors since he and Kaila needed to be leaving for the dance, he didn't want or expect his mother to respond to unexpected visitors either. He was prepared to shoo away whoever was at the door, but it was Koji.
"Ready?" Koji was dressed in pants covered with lots of buckles and zippers that seemed to serve some kind of important purpose but actually didn't. His shirt was simple and white, but his long, black jacket with white accents pulled the otherwise casual ensemble together in a cool, sophisticated manner. Taking in Shuyin's bare feet, rumpled shirt, and spry hair, he was amused. "Hm, I guess not. Don't tell me you just woke up. Kaila was dressed and ready to go before I even left the house. Don't be late picking her up, or she might transform into a fiend and beat you with a big, ugly stick."
"I was ... getting dressed." Shuyin tried to avoid looking guilty as he pulled the waist of his shirt down and glanced toward his bedroom. Hopefully, Kaila heard Koji's voice and had the sense to remain out of sight until he left. "I thought we were supposed to meet at the dance."
"Yeah, about that …" Koji shoved his hands in his pockets and invited himself into the living room. "I went to pick up my date early, and we spent a little time at her place. Then I remembered you saying you were bringing a surprise. I have a little surprise, too, so I thought maybe we should discuss them here … so they don't actually surprise us there."
"Okay, sure." Shuyin scratched the back of his head, then attempted to smooth his hair back into place. "Where's your date?"
"Waiting at the dock. I told her this wouldn't take long. So … you first," Koji prompted with a hint of anticipation.
Shuyin grinned. "Wait right there." Closing the front door, he jogged to the kitchen and returned, holding a little , he gave it a shake to indicate the liquid within it. "Surprise."
Koji chuckled. "What is that?"
"My mom was going through a lot of my old man's stuff—his old sword, memory spheres, blitzball uniforms, etc. so I was helping her pull out boxes, and I found his hidden stash of nog."
"And what if we get caught drinking that?"
"Oh, it's not for us. However, I always wondered what the teachers would be like if they were really, really happy. Know what I mean?"
Koji laughed at the prank. "You are one warped individual, man."
"Why, thank you." Shuyin accepted the compliment with a cheesy grin. "Anyway, your turn. What's your surprise?"
"Well, remember how Birana said she's not going to date you until you make the grade?"
"You talked her into coming anyway?" Shuyin's face lit up, and he started toward the door to see if she was waiting outside. Then he realized the complications that could come of that now and gave his head an emphatic shake. "Wait! No! Very bad idea!" He lowered his voice. "I've already agreed to go with Kaila."
"Well, see, here's the thing. Since you already agreed to go with Kaila, and since Birana is your tutor, not your girlfriend, I just thought maybe …"
Shuyin was not humored. "You asked Birana to the dance as your date?"
"Well, considering current circumstances, why not?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you knew how I felt about her?" Shuyin caustically returned, folding his arms.
Koji frowned. "See, I knew you would take it this way, but this has nothing to do with your feelings. That's why I wanted to explain before we got to the dance."
Shuyin winced in disbelief. "Excuse me?"
Koji sighed. "Look, Birana refuses to date you right now, but it's not because she doesn't like you. She told me that much when I asked. I'm sure when you drop that ninety on her desk, she'll never speak to me again. This is a one-time thing for one night."
"But—"
"By going to her place to pick her up, I was able to talk to her dad about possible openings in the Duggles line-up in the next couple of years. If my plan to try out for the Abes falls through, it might be good to get my name out there with another team."
The locker room conversation came back to Shuyin. He understood where Koji was coming from with this scheme now, but he still didn't like it. "Does she know you're using her like that?"
"Does it matter? She's not interested in me. She's holding out for you. It's like how you agreed to go with Kaila since you couldn't go with Birana."
Shuyin's brows dipped in anger, and he stepped closer, getting in Koji's face. "Did you throw Kaila at me to keep me away from Birana?"
"Kaila threw herself at you. I did her a favor by convincing her to do something she always wanted to do … and convincing you to agree to it."
"What?"
"I know you said she looked like a female version of me, but if you can put up with Kaila for one night and pass your next test, you'll get Birana anyway when all is said and done."
"Put up with me?" Kaila came into the living room.
Koji and Shuyin both jumped at her unexpected entrance. "Geeze, Kaila! Warn someone when you're eavesdropping," Koji complained, clutching his heart.
Kaila walked past her brother to stand before Shuyin. "Is that true? Are you putting up with me because you can't go with the girl that you like?"
Shuyin found himself at a loss for words. He'd had seen Kaila get irritated at his teasing hundreds of times in the past, but he had never seen her with this kind of wounded expression before.
"Do you really think of me as nothing but a female version of Koji?" She searched Shuyin's face for an honest answer.
"That was before … you know." To avoid spilling their secret in front of Koji, he tried to remain cryptic. "Before I saw you in that dress."
"So, as long as I wear something short and tight, I'm worthy of your attention—like that comic. Otherwise, I look like a female version of my brother?"
"No, that's not what I said," he corrected with an apologetic expression. "You're like a sister to me. I don't mind taking you to the dance."
She stiffened as those three fatal words spilled from his mouth—like a sister. "You don't mind?"
"I didn't mean it like that!" Frustrated, Shuyin ran a hand over his head and began to pace. "I'm not good with words, Kaila. Just—"
"I have always liked you, Shuyin," she bravely confessed. "I liked you from the first time we met at the pool, and through all those awful pranks you played on me when we were kids. I sat in the stands at every one of your games and cheered my heart out for you. And you want to know why I was watching you sleep in history class? It's because I was worried about you. Okay, maybe picking on you wasn't the smartest way to go about letting you know that, but that's what we've always done, so it's all I know. I was afraid you agreed to go with me tonight out of pity, but when you kissed me the way that you did just now ..." She was on the verge of tears, but her fingers curled into fists. "You have no idea how much that meant to me. Why would you kiss me like that if you like someone else?"
Koji cut a side-glance toward Shuyin. "You kissed her?"
"That really great guy I was hoping would ask me to the dance … was you." Kaila's mascara smudged as she dabbed at her eyes. "But if all I'll ever be to you is your best friend's sister, then I'm done here." A tear rolled down her cheek anyway, but she didn't seem to notice or care. "You broke my heart, Shuyin. I just want you to know that. But don't worry. You won't have to put up with me anymore." Drawing a ragged breath to fight further tears from ruining her resolve, she ran back to his bedroom.
"Kaila, wait!" Shuyin ran after her and tried to block her exit after she grabbed her shoes and turned around. "Let me explain."
"I don't want to hear it!" She marched past him back into the living room. "And you!" She turned on her brother. "You convinced me to ask him to the dance, just so you could get him out of your way for that other girl. You used both of us! Don't even talk to me anymore!" Kaila stormed out the front door and slammed it shut behind her.
Koji immediately confronted Shuyin. "Why didn't you tell me Kaila was here?"
Shuyin frowned at his tone. "Because it was none of your business." Padding past him, he set his dad's drink on the end table. "And now it looks like the only thing I'm taking to the dance is the nog, thanks to you."
"Oh, it's my business, alright. I know you better than anyone, Shuyin, and Kaila isn't one of your groupies. I didn't set her up with you so you could take advantage of her."
"Are you accusing me of leading Kaila on, when you admit using her to distract me?"
"I didn't mean for you to kiss her. You knew she'd interpret that to mean you actually like her."
"I do like her!"
"That's not what you said in the locker room when I suggested you take her to the dance."
"I didn't know she liked me then. And you twisted my words!"
"Oh, come on! It's obvious to everyone but you that she likes you. Does this mean that you don't like Birana? If you don't, why are you angry at me for asking her out? You can't have it both ways, man—not with Kaila. And as for Birana, you would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes. You're just pissed because I beat you to it for once."
"Now, see, that's where you're wrong. I would never stoop so low as to go behind your back with a girl that I knew you liked! If I knew that you liked her, I'd back off! Because you're my best friend, and that's what best friends do!" Shuyin and Koji glared at each other as both of them tried to find stable ground before this argument got any more out of hand.
Finally, Koji sighed and turned away. "Okay, maybe it's partly my fault because I don't speak up enough when I like something—like that time you hooked up with Gin before I even got the chance to talk to her."
This was news to Shuyin. "You liked Gin? Why didn't you say something?"
"Because Gin picked you. It's always been like that. Whatever I want, you get it first—whether it's girls, or team positions, or whatever. You hate having a legendary father? Try having a legendary best friend. People like your charismatic crap, even when you screw up. The teachers, the coach, the girls, my own sister—even I fall for it now and then. Well, no more second place for me. From now on, if I want the strawberry candy, I'm taking it. That's why I decided to take my chances with Birana while I could. Because you'll get the girl in the end, Shu. You always do."
Shuyin was stunned to hear that his friend resented him so much for so long. "We've always been a little competitive with one another, but I have never set out to sabotage you on purpose, Koji. In fact, you've got my team position right now."
"Only because you were benched."
"You got it because you deserved it. Didn't you hear what the coach said? Most consistent shooter on the team."
"It doesn't matter! Who wants ordinary consistency when they can see spectacular sphere shots? You're a risk, Shu, but it's a risk they're willing to take because, most of the time, you nail it. When you do, the crowd goes nuts, and the other team cowers in their shoes. No matter how many times I score, they're going to ask what happened to you. That's why Birana called you by name but didn't even know I was on the team. Yet you're upset with me for trying to win the slightest recognition with her father on one date with a girl you're not even dating?"
"I'm upset because you stabbed me in the back to do it!"
"What was I supposed to do? Ask Birana to put in a good word for me with her dad? She didn't even know my name. And do you realize how many other nameless rookies probably hound him to get noticed? I am sick of being the shadow in Jecht Jr.'s spotlight!"
"Then, just take Birana and go!" Shuyin waved him off. "I'll spare you the spotlight tonight by staying home."
Koji seemed angry at himself for feeling angry about this. But he couldn't apologize for how he felt. Instead, he headed for the front door without saying good-bye. But when he opened it, a very unhappy Birana stood on the other side. Koji sighed and tried to smile, but it was strained. "I'm … sorry. This took longer than I thought it would. We can go now."
"No." She was so matter-of-fact about it that Koji blinked as if he'd run into a brick wall. "I just met your sister. Hard to ignore a crying, barefoot girl fleeing the scene. She was too upset to say much, but when I stopped her, she asked if I was the girl Shuyin liked that her brother was taking to the dance. She said she wasn't going with Shuyin to the dance anymore, so I could have him. I can guess the rest of what happened based on what I heard through the door just now. I didn't know this was where Shuyin lived, and you didn't tell me. Why is that, Koji? Didn't want me to see him?"
"I was going to talk to you after I talked to him."
"You're not the first jock to try and win my dad's favor by winning me. And I am not a blitzball to be netted for a score. If you wish to speak with my dad about his game, make an appointment like everyone else." She looked past him to Shuyin, who was equally surprised to see her at the door, even though he knew she had been waiting outside. "And here I thought you might actually be interested in me for who I was, rather than using me to get to my father."
Shuyin gave a defeated sigh. "I'm not the one who used you, Birana."
"No? Koji told me you were going to the dance with someone else. That's the only reason I agreed to go with him. Now your date is heading home in tears because, apparently, you didn't tell her about me. Just like you didn't tell me about her."
"There was nothing to tell! I'm not good enough for you yet, remember?"
"No, I guess you're not. But I had hoped those weren't empty lines you were feeding me all that time I was helping you study." Birana gave him, and then Koji, an icy glare and walked away without another word.
As soon as she was off the boat's deck, Koji threw out his hands in a gesture of frustrated disgust. "Happy? Now neither of us have dates."
Shuyin was livid. "You told her I was going with Kaila so she would stay away from me?"
"Did you not hear what she said? She wouldn't have gone out with me otherwise! It's all about you, Shuyin! It always is!" Koji stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him—an angry echo of his sister's emotional exit.
With all the yelling and door slamming, Dannae was drawn from the solitude in her bedroom into the living room. "Is everything alright?" she asked her son.
Shuyin stared unhappily at the door. "Everything's fine, Mom." Lifting the jug of nog from the end table, he walked past her to his room. "Just one adventure after another," he muttered.
Shutting the door, he popped the cork and took a swig of the strong drink, making himself choke it down as it burned through his throat into his chest and nearly knocked him off of his feet. In a short while, he became quite numb. But just when he was beginning to understand the appeal of his dad's drinking habits, he also began to feel quite sick.
Shuyin finished off what was left of his dad's nog all by himself that night. And after much puking, he then dragged himself to bed.
))((
The next morning, Shuyin's tongue felt like leather, and his head had a machina army marching through it. Moaning at his irrevocable discomfort, he looked at his alarm clock. It was past noon. Wasn't there something he had to do today? Game ...
"Game!" Sitting up in bed, he threw off the covers but immediately groaned again and grabbed his head. Standing slowly, he stumbled to his drawers for a clean uniform. No shorts were available, but he remembered the shirt hanging in his closet. The rest of his uniform was probably still in the dryer.
The thought of trying to play blitzball in this condition almost made him sick. Then, he remembered he wouldn't be playing today. He'd been benched. He still had to show up in uniform on game day, though. Those were the rules if he wanted to remain a team member. At his touch, the memo pad on the wall lit up the calendar display for the day. His game was in two hours. Maybe that would be enough time to settle his stomach and feel better.
Shuyin padded into the kitchen to butter some bread and pop it into the range. He selected the toast option and poured some juice to rinse the awful fuzz from his tongue when the comlink in the living room chirped with an incoming message. Shuyin left his toast to touch the receive button.
On the screen, Koji chuckled lightly at Shuyin's morning expression and messy bed-hair. "You look rough, man—really rough."
"What do you want?" Shuyin groused, still in a foul mood from the night before.
Koji's attempt at humor faded, and he drew a somber breath before saying more. "Listen, I ... didn't mean to blame you for my failures. I just wanted you to understand why I did what I did concerning Birana—one night out, no strings attached. I set it up so I would take the blame if she got mad. If I meant to stab you in the back, I would have shown up at the dance with your girl and let the pieces fall where they may, instead of talking about it first. I never meant for it to turn out this way."
Shuyin grew quiet, wondering how anyone could envy his tattered life. Then, with a sigh, he scratched the back of his head. "You're not a failure, Koji. School is easy for you. You're one of the best shooters on the team. You've got good sense—better than me most days. And you've got a great family. You've never had to put up with the kind of crap I go through here. If not for blitzball, friends, and girls … what would I be? Those things are my escape, man. I thought you knew that after all these years."
"Are we okay, then?"
Shuyin realized that Koji's resentments had built up over a long time. Stuff like that didn't go away overnight. He had no idea his friend felt that jealous about all the attention he got, but now that he knew, how could he ignore it? "I guess so."
Koji nodded, tense but relieved. "Did you go out at all last night?"
"Nope. Stayed home with the nog."
"Ah." Koji smirked. "So, that's what a hangover looks like. It's not pretty, Shu."
"Doesn't feel so good, either. Did you go to the dance anyway?"
"Yeah, but you didn't miss much. In fact, you should have come and put your little secret in the punch to liven things up a bit."
"Did Kaila and Birana go?"
"Birana came and shifted around with other guys, but Kaila went straight home and hasn't been out of her room since. She's really upset."
"Think she'll talk to me?"
Koji shook his head. "She's not talking to me, so I doubt she'll talk to you."
"Is she coming to the game today?"
"Doubtful."
Shuyin groaned and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "I really need to talk to her."
"I can pass her a message if you like."
Shuyin's brow furrowed, troubled. "Nah, just ..." He thought about it and changed his mind. "Just … tell her I want to see her, so we can talk. I think she needs to hear the rest directly from me."
"Okay, I'll see if she's willing to come with me before the game." He paused and then frowned in mock threat. "But you will stand on the opposite side of the room, fully dressed this time."
Shuyin snorted at the command and almost said something defiant in return but smiled quietly to himself as the sphere blinked off.
When he returned to the kitchen to check on his toast, his mother entered with her usual vacant expression. Then she stopped as if she had forgotten what she came for. "Need something?" he asked. When she did not respond, which was becoming all too commonplace now, he set his glass on the counter and placed his hands on her shoulders, bringing her focus to him. "Mom, what do you need?" Something looked different about her today. Her eyes were red from crying, and the dark circles under them looked darker. "Does something hurt?"
She shook her head and avoided looking at him. "It hurts too much."
"What hurts too much?" he asked, concerned and puzzled. "Let me bring you back some healing potions from the locker room today, okay? Please? Will you take some medicine if I bring it to you?"
She shook her head and started to cry again. "I can't do it anymore, Shu. I'm so sorry."
"Do what?"
"But, you'll do just fine. Right?"
"At what?"
"She'll help."
"Who?"
"The one you've chosen."
Shuyin shook his head at her incoherent mutterings and sat down to eat his toast. When he was done, he put away his dish and grabbed the rest of his blitzball uniform from the dryer. Then, he went to the bathroom to shower, change clothes, and brush his teeth. Not long after that, he heard a knock at the front door. Knowing that would be Koji, Shuyin jogged to the living room to answer it. "I'm almost ready. I just have to pack my bag," he told him as he let him into the living room.
"Okay. Oh, and ... Kaila's here, but she's not happy about it, so don't expect much," Koji whispered in warning as his sister came in behind him and gave Shuyin a cold glare.
Shuyin felt relieved but became nervous about screwing up a second time. "Oh, good. Okay. Um, ..."
Glass shattered in the kitchen.
"Damn," he muttered and looked over his shoulder. "We're going to be eating off of coasters if she keeps this up," he told his friends before heading back into the kitchen, annoyed but prepared to clean up another mess. He expected to find her on the floor, having fainted again. So, ignoring his broken juice glass, he dropped beside her and turned her head toward him to check how alert she was first.
"Shu ..." With tears in her eyes, Dannae touched his cheek with a cold, wet hand.
"Mom, you need to go back to bed." He raised her shoulders and started to help her up, but then noticed how unusually limp and pale she was.
"I loved both of you so much. Someday … I know you will understand." Closing her eyes, she released her pain with a soft, sad sigh.
"Mom?" He touched her cheek, and her head tilted away from him, unresponsive. "That's it. I don't care what you want. I'm taking you to a healer. You have to do this, like it or not," he fussed, not realizing how much he sounded like his father all those years ago.
With caution, Koji had followed Shuyin into the kitchen. He took one look at his friend's mother on the floor, and then the sink, before realizing the full extent of what had happened. "Shu ... let her go." Sympathetic, he crouched next to him and placed a hand over Shuyin's shoulder.
"She's just fainted again. She does this all the time. Hold the door for me," he instructed, slipping his arms underneath his mother's frail body.
"Put her down, Shu," Koji repeated a little more firmly. "You can't help her now."
"What? No. I don't care what she says, I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago. I'm taking her to a summoner."
Koji grabbed Shuyin's shoulders to prevent him from standing. "Would you listen to me? You can't help her anymore." He lifted one of Dannae's wrists.
Kaila had come into the kitchen behind her brother and stood in the doorway, stunned. But she gasped when she saw what Koji was trying to show Shuyin.
Shuyin's heart constricted as his eyes followed blood smears he had not noticed before. "Mom?" Her wrists bled onto her hands, smudged her nightgown, and smeared the floor. He looked at the tainted-red water and the knife near the sink where she stood before she fainted. "No." Releasing her shoulders, he stood and backed away, shaking his head in disbelief. "No, she wouldn't do that. She's sick, but she wouldn't give up like that. A summoner or a white mage can ... can still heal her." His voice caught in his throat. A rush of emotions suddenly overwhelmed him.
"Shuyin …" Kaila rushed to his side and tried to turn him away from the sight.
"Kaila, please, go get a summoner," he begged.
"But she's already—"
"She's not dead yet! She needs a summoner!"
Koji touched his sister's arm. "Contact the temple and ask for one of the summoners. We still need someone to do the sending."
Hesitant to leave Shuyin, Kaila nodded and ran out of the kitchen.
Tears filled Shuyin's eyes as he knelt at his mother's side and lifted her hand, unable to make the connection between her wounds and lack of response. "Why would she do this?"
Koji sighed with sadness. "Why does anyone do it? Reality becomes too much of a burden. A quick escape is easier than worrying over a long time."
Shuyin sniffled as he looked at him with a wounded expression. "Are you saying she did this because of me?"
"No, of course not. I'm just saying it's not surprising. She was long gone before today, Shu. You know that. We all saw this coming. It was only a matter of time."
"How can you say something like that at a time like this?"
"Have you been in denial the whole time you've been taking care of her?"
"It's kind of hard to deny broken glass all over the floor, nothing being done around here, and having to answer calls about why my mom isn't showing up for work again."
"Which is why I said we all knew this was inevitable."
"So, I should have had a summoner waiting outside to do final rites at any given moment?"
"No, but if you really didn't want this to happen, you could have brought a white mage to the house before now."
"She didn't want me to! I was trying to respect her wishes!"
"Well, if you weren't trying to save her, what did you expect?"
"You think I didn't try to save her?" Shuyin's composure broke as he raked a hand across his face to wipe away the tears, smearing the bloody smudge that his mother's last touch left on his cheek. "She didn't want to be saved! I did everything I could to change her mind!"
"Except, bring a white mage to the house!"
"So, you are saying this is my fault!"
Koji's patience with his friend's erratic behavior waned. "All I'm saying is she's been losing her freakin' mind ever since your dad left. It's as if she needed someone to slap her around to keep her sane or something. If you truly wanted to save her, you could have done something different to help. Look, I know you're upset, but don't take it out on me. I'm sorry your mom killed herself, but it's not my fault she felt there was nothing left to live for."
Shuyin stared at his childhood friend with more hurt and hate than he ever thought he was capable of feeling toward him. Clouds darkened his ocean blue eyes, and he took one step forward to confront his accuser. "Get out."
"Okay, I admit that was out of line. I'm probably still wound up from last night, but blaming me because you're feeling responsible for this is—"
"Get out!" Shuyin gave Koji's chest an open-handed shove.
Straightening his uniform shirt, Koji met Shuyin's glare with narrowed eyes. "You know what? I don't know why I even bothered trying to patch things up with you. You are just like your father—hot-headed, arrogant, and unable to see the truth when its right in front of you." Turning around, Koji marched out of the kitchen toward the front door.
Kaila peered into the kitchen with caution, but Shuyin's dark demeanor told her to keep her distance. "A summoner is on his way," she quietly informed him. "I'm so sorry, Shu." Wiping a sympathetic tear from her own eye, she approached to give him a hug, which he did not resist.
Resting his cheek on her shoulder, Shuyin sniffled and let the tears silently fall.
"Do you want me to stay with you until he comes?"
"I think … I'd rather be alone."
Kaila nodded in understanding, released him, and reluctantly left him to his grief.
As he watched the door shut, Shuyin mentally kicked himself for forgetting to apologize to her for last night. But then his attention returned to his mother's lifeless form. Koji was right. He did feel responsible for not being able to save her. But there one person he blamed more than himself. If his Jecht had not abandoned them, Dannae would not have had such a difficult life. Kneeling beside his mother, he gently lifted her torso into his arms. Hugging her to his chest, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and cried. "I'm sorry I wasn't an easy kid, but ... I never did anything to hurt you like he did. How could you leave me like this to be with him? Why did you always love him more than me?"
