Chapter 11: Regrets
The Abes' first loss of the season came a week later at the hands of the Duggles. Team spirits were low as they left the stadium but none lower than Shuyin's. He kept mentally reviewing his plays, wondering if there was anything he could have done differently to change the outcome. He had hoped to celebrate a victory for his seventeenth birthday, not a disappointing loss. But his only consolation was that both teams had played hard. The Duggles just happened to hustle a little better this time.
Freshly showered with a duffle bag packed to go, Shuyin hit the exit doors and walked out into the chilly night to find a handful of Abes fans waiting for autographs. There were always a few stragglers after the games, but they numbered less than the pre-game gathering. And tonight there were even less due to the loss. Still, they were upbeat and started singing "Happy Birthday" as soon as he appeared. Stunned but greatly amused, he wondered how in the world they knew … until he spotted Lenne and Bahamut among them. As they sang, she stepped forward, jiggled a wrapped box, and placed it into her little brother's hands. Then the crowd hooted and applauded congratulations.
Shuyin nodded with mild embarrassment and bowed. "Thanks, everyone. But … you really shouldn't have."
"You played well, even if it was a loss." Bahamut stepped forward to give him the gift.
The blitzball player grinned and gave the box a light shake.
"Open it! Open it!" someone from the small gathering called out.
"Now? I don't know," he answered with caution. "It might be a prank, like those things that jump out of the box into your face."
Everyone laughed.
"Why in the world would we give you something like that?" the boy asked.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because your sister hit my foot multiple times after I told her it fell asleep."
"I promise it won't jump at you," Lenne assured him.
Shuyin's eyes narrowed in skepticism. Then, he shifted his duffle bag on his shoulder to free both hands and opened the wrapped box. "I'm not ruling it out. What do you think, kid? Is she telling the truth?"
Bahamut smiled. "It's fragile. It won't jump."
"So, according to the official records, you're no longer a ward of the temple, right?" Lenne asked. "You must be happy about that."
"All legal documents have been officially transferred to my name," Shuyin answered with pride.
"Woohoo! Those bills are all yours!"
"That's right. I'm a man now, and I have the dock rent bills to prove it." He gave her a playful wink but became confused as he lifted a memory sphere from the box.
"It's the concert that you missed," she explained. "I got a copy from a guy on our light crew. It was Bahamut's idea. This way, you can see the concert whenever you want without ... complications."
Complications … She meant Koji. Still, this was an offer to help him avoid another uncomfortable meeting.
"Do you like it?" the boy asked.
"The only way I could like it more is if it was the real thing." Pleased with his gift, Shuyin tucked it safely back into the box. "Thanks. I'll watch it tonight when I go home."
The other fans offered a few more congratulatory remarks and requested some delayed autographs. Shuyin passed the box to Bahamut as he signed and chatted with them until the gathering thinned to go their own way. Then, he took back his gift and tucked it into his bag.
"What kind of birthday cake do you have?" Bahamut asked.
Lenne elbowed him. "That's a little rude, ne?"
"I don't have one yet. I was on my way to order a slice at the Waterwall in the Neon District. The rest of the team should already be there." The logical thing to do now was to wish them goodnight and walk away. "Would you ... like to come?" The invitation spilled out of his mouth before he could rethink it.
Bahamut looked to Lenne. "Cake," he hinted with a smile.
"Well, if you're sure you don't mind."
Shuyin shrugged. "The whole team and a lot of fans usually go there after the games. I just wish we'd won, so I'd feel more like celebrating." He led them away from the stadium toward the floating bridge and the harbor.
Lenne fell into step with him and slipped an arm across her brother's shoulders as they walked. "You've lost only one game so far. That's a pretty good record out of twelve played, I think."
"So, now you're tracking our stats?"
"The kid here gave me an earful of statistics during the game. That's the only one I actually understood and remembered. I'm sorry, but I still can't get into it. I just don't see the point of risking bodily harm to kick a ball into a net. What purpose does it serve?" Lenne allowed him his inevitable frown at her opinion of his profession but then chuckled when he did.
"Well, all you do is sing. What purpose does that serve?" Shuyin retorted.
"Songs are poetry put to music." She smiled, reflecting on that. "Words can help us internalize and sympathize with each others' experiences and feelings."
"Oh, please." He rolled his eyes. "Your profession is just as entertainment-based as mine. Mine's just more difficult."
"Oh, really. I'd like to see you dance around on that stage for two hours while also trying to maintain a steady voice. It's not as easy as it looks, you know."
"I play ball underwater for two hours. I think I could handle dancing for at least that long."
She chuckled at his boast. "While singing?"
"Okay, you got me there," he conceded with a laugh. "I can't sing worth crap."
"You're right about one thing, though. We're both essentially entertainers. I guess I've just always felt entertainment should be balanced with another kind of purpose to prevent it from becoming nothing more than a self-indulgent popularity contest, you know? The entertainment business is built on other people's moods and opinions, and those things are fickle. They change frequently. When the ratings and sales go down, celebrities often self-destruct if they have no other purpose giving them that high outside of being adored by other people. I guess that sounds strange coming from someone like me, doesn't it?"
"Not really. My dad complained a lot about his contract obligations before he disappeared. Maybe his stats and popularity had something to do with why he was being pushed so hard. And maybe that had something to do with his drinking. I saw him burn out, so I don't want to end up like that, you know?"
"That's why summoning is my primary purpose in life. When I'm not singing, I'm sending the dead to the Farplane and fighting fiends. That's what I'll be doing when I'm wrinkled and gray, long after my songs have become forgotten and outdated. What do you plan to do when you retire from blitzball?"
He snorted, humored. "I've just turned seventeen, and you're already retiring me from the game?"
"Okay, then. Let me rephrase that. What would your second choice for a profession be? You're obviously very fit." Lenne smiled. "I could see you as a guardian or something."
Shuyin smirked at her subtle nod toward his physique but was seriously doubtful beyond that. "Me? A guardian?"
"Why not? Summoners are always in need of guardians to defend them while they're casting magic. And most of our spells serve to protect other people, rather than destroy fiends. A guardian is in a much better position to use a fire spell or a blade when necessary."
"Well, my old man did have a sword lying around in the closet. I suppose I could dig it out and learn how to use it. But as a summoner, aren't you supposed to be defending me? I should be able to hide behind you and let you protect me." He side-stepped behind her, then passed a hand a couple of inches above her. "Hm, that's no good. If I'm taller than you, we might have a problem with head shots."
The corners of her lips curled with a laugh. "And if I move out of the way?" She side-stepped as they walked, so she was no longer in front of him.
"Well, that would be even more sadistic than hitting my foot when it fell asleep. You have a definite mean streak in you."
"Just saying I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you if the only thing you know how to defend is a ball."
"Wait, that means you're actually worried about me, right?" He gave her a playful nudge. "And if you're worried about me, then maybe you secretly enjoyed my poetry and monkey doodles, eh?"
She laughed again and shook her head. "No. The monkey doodle was so not happening."
"You're smiling, though. I think you liked them," he teased.
"I'm smiling because I think you'd make a great guardian. And Zanarkand needs more guardians, especially now with what's happening in Bevelle."
"Why? What's happening in Bevelle?"
Lenne's smile faded with a sigh, and her brows rose with worry. "The Founders are getting very nervous about the way that Yevon's popularity has spread throughout Spira, so they're bumping up the restrictions on magic. They're choking off the rights of Zanarkand's ambassadors in Yevon's temple in Bevelle."
Shuyin shrugged and came to a stop at the public transport station, where he popped a fist against the large call button. "Why should I care what Bevelle chokes on?"
"After all this time, the Founders still want to reclaim Spira and take her back to Earth to scrap the whole colony project. They point to the increasing number of fiends as evidence that the use of alien technology and magic has gone too far. If they can convince Bevelle to cut off relations with Yevon, without having reached an agreement over the issues involving restrictions, Bevelle could convince the rest of Spira to break off ties with us, too. And if that happens, Zanarkand could become a political target."
"What could Bevelle possibly do to Zanarkand? We're the biggest and most advanced machina city on Spira. Plus, we've got Yevon and all his multi-talented summoners," he added, gesturing to her.
Lenne appreciated his blatant, comic flattery, but tried not to smile too much when speaking of burdensome matters. "They could block our trade with the rest of Spira. They could place tolls on our only passage through the mountains, or increase taxes for using their docks. That could mean your docking rent increases down at the harbor, as well."
He straightened with annoyance. "Well, that would suck."
"And High Summoner Yevon announced yesterday that all of the city's guardians and summoners should be ready to defend it. He may draft people who are physically capable of helping build an army. If so, that would probably include us."
"You mean I might have to fight in a battle because people that I don't even know disagree on something that I don't even care about? That would really suck."
"Yeah, that would really, really suck, Shuyin," she sympathetically agreed.
The nearly invisible train slid down the rail with a hiss, and the doors popped open. Shuyin boarded the "snake" and grabbed a glowing, blue side-rail. Bahamut and Lenne followed him onto the platform but were immediately crushed by about forty other people cramming into their compartment. As everyone shifted and vied for standing space or seats, Shuyin was reminded of why he hated taking public transportation anywhere at certain times of the day and preferred to walk when possible. But in this case, he was pressed up against Lenne, so he wasn't going to complain. The doors hissed shut, and the tube whisked them around the harbor, over the water to the mainland.
The transport's brakes activated and jerked back slightly to slow momentum. Lenne stumbled against him and her brother, nearly squishing the boy between them. "Oops! Sorry."
Shuyin's eyes narrowed on her. "Did you just grab my butt?"
"What? No."
"Well, someone did." He frowned accusingly at the other people near enough to do so.
"Unbelievable. I'm talking about the threat of martial order being placed on us, and you're worried about someone grabbing your butt?"
"My concern is more immediate. You never know whether those kinds of encounters are accidental or on purpose."
Amused, Lenne leaned closer. "I think it was the woman to your left. She looks pretty pleased with herself, don't you think?"
Shuyin immediately checked the expression of the woman to his left but thought she looked more like she was about to fall asleep. He giggled at the bizarre suggestion, then whispered back to Lenne. "She's old enough to be my grandmother. Stop messing with my head."
"She looks like a raging blitzball fanatic to me."
He chuckled at her retort. "Are you sure she's not one of your aeons?"
Lenne stifled a laugh but gave him a light swat for the comment.
"Did you just hit me again? First my foot, now my arm ... All that talk about blitzball being too violent, but then you turn around and hit me? Tsk." His complaint only made her laugh more.
When the transport came to a stop, its doors opened with another hiss. The Neon District was colorful and bright as usual that night, and it was almost as crowded as the transport rail. Once everyone was back on the sidewalk, they made their way through the passers-by toward the Waterwall sports bar and restaurant.
Lenne hooked his arm and gave it an apologetic pat. "I didn't know you were so sensitive to playful swats, especially in light of all those tackles you endured in the game. Do you need a cure spell to fix your shoulder where I touched you?"
"Not if it's going to be anything like how you fixed my foot." He tried to pull away and block her hands when she tried to grasp his arm again. "Don't even touch me!"
They were both laughing but trying not to laugh when Lenne kissed her hand and slipped it past his block attempts to smack his arm. "There! All better."
He laughed in disbelief at the maneuver. "What kind of sorry, second-hand kiss was that?"
"The only kind you're going to get for bad melodrama."
Shuyin told himself to quit while he was ahead. Flirting with Koji's girlfriend was bad—very bad. "Well ... what do I have to do to get a better one?"
Lenne gave him a wry side-glance. "That depends on how much better you want."
"Should I be hearing this?" Bahamut spoke up, reminding them he was there.
Shuyin came to a stop outside of the restaurant and placed both hands over the boy's ears. "How many degrees of 'better' are we talking about?"
Bahamut giggled at Shuyin's animated way of handling the situation and tried pulling his hands away from his ears.
Lenne bit her lip to keep from grinning too broadly. "How about a birthday kiss? Will that do?"
"Maybe. What's it like?"
She cupped one side of his face in one hand and kissed his cheek on the other. Then she stepped back with a smile and used her thumb to brush away the lipstick smudge left behind.
It was just a friendly little peck, but feeling her breath against his ear sent a chill down his spine. In spite of that, Shuyin managed to continue looking utterly unimpressed. "Well, that was better, but it reminded me of something my mom might do."
Lenne drew back in open-mouthed shock. "I do not kiss like your mother!"
"That was a motherly kiss. Now I'm going to have this mental association with you that's really not working for me." He moved Bahamut through the revolving door and continued to guide him into the restaurant keeping his hands over the boy's ears. Bahamut continued giggling at being "driven" to their table in this manner. "Dinner and dessert are on me since I invited you, okay? I insist."
Lenne followed with a wry grin. "So, a birthday kiss has to be something your mother wouldn't do? What exactly did you have in mind?"
Shuyin started to answer as he "parked" her little brother at one of the chairs, but then shut his mouth and shook his head. "You know what? I'm quitting this conversation before I say or do something I know I'll regret."
"Your ears are turning red." She poked a finger through the wisps of damp hair at his temple. "Wow. A real blush. I think you'd better explain."
"No, you really don't want to know what I'm thinking right now. Trust me."
She placed her hands on her hips. "Is it that bad?"
"No, it's just … It's like …" Shuyin reminded himself again that Lenne was with Koji. He told himself to step away from the pretty singer, and no one would get hurt. But then, he leaned close, intending to kiss her, but paused, as if in doubt or asking permission. When she didn't act shocked, he touched his fingertips to her face and brushed his lips over hers, soft and light as if she were a fragile thing he was afraid he might break. When she didn't push him away, he became braver, drawing nearer, pressing closer, and allowing a hint of desire to relax his underlying anxiety about his defiant impulse. But when he withdrew, he immediately felt a pang of guilt for having crossed that line.
Lenne opened her eyes but seemed to be at a loss for words.
Shuyin was stunned at his own audacity for, perhaps, the first time in his life. "Something like that," he added, as if the demonstration was a reasonable excuse for having done it.
She cleared her throat and quietly found her voice. "Well, that … that was … definitely better than any … motherly ..."
"I shouldn't have done that."
"It wasn't—no, I mean it was—it's ..." Lenne shook her head as chaotic thoughts clustered together.
"It won't happen again. You have my word." Shuyin's head dipped in deference to both her and Koji, asking forgiveness where further apology or explanation escaped him.
She frowned at being unexpectedly flustered but then studied his expression. "Do you … regret it? Or do you only regret that it was inappropriate?"
The odd question caught him by surprise. He had to think about it for a minute before answering. Lenne's eyes seemed to see right through his soul in a manner that made his heartbeat catch in his throat. "I regret that I didn't meet you sooner." Perhaps it wasn't the right answer, but it was an honest one. Ashamed that he had given in to impulse, he made himself step back away from her.
Though he half-expected her to make up some excuse to leave, Lenne seated herself, spread her napkin in her lap, and picked up the menu. Bahamut had watched the whole exchange without stirring or saying a word. But when his sister sat down and picked up her menu, he did the same.
Shuyin set his duffle bag on the floor by the chair opposite hers. Sitting down, he opened his own menu and scanned the options, but his mind wasn't on food anymore.
"That wasn't a very smart thing to do, you know," Bahamut spoke, breaking the awkward silence.
Shuyin gave the boy a tight-lipped glance for his unwelcome observation. "I'm aware of that."
"You just kissed her in front of the whole restaurant. Did you forget where we are? Or did you not care?"
"I wasn't thinking about the restaurant, okay?" Shuyin lowered his menu and tapped the number next to the meal he wished to order. The electronic menu sent the order to the kitchen.
"So, you wanted to kiss her so bad that you forgot where you were? That was quite a risk, considering you're both famous and she's got a boyfriend. If she didn't like it, she might have slapped you, or made a scene to draw attention."
"Do we have to keep talking about this?"
The precocious boy smiled. "I think she liked it."
"Really? How can you tell?"
"She's holding her menu upside down."
Lenne lowered her menu, unable to believe her little brother was having this conversation about her in her presence. But as she flushed in embarrassment, she flipped her menu right-side-up and used it to pop the back of his head. "Keep your opinions to yourself and order your food."
Bahamut placed his order on the menu, then put it down and leaned on the table, chin in hands. But he smirked at Shuyin knowingly, happily swinging his feet under his chair.
Shuyin could take the awkwardness no more. "I'll be right back." Standing, he placed his duffle bag in his chair and headed to the restroom. Hitting the swinging door on the way in, he stopped at the sink and splashed a handful of cold water over his face to snap himself back to reality. Then, he looked at himself in the mirror to see if he even recognized himself anymore.
))((
Lenne held her composure until the restroom door swung shut behind Shuyin. Then she groaned and dropped her head on the table behind her menu.
"You like him, don't you." Bahamut quietly observed.
"I like Koji."
"Then, why did you kiss Shuyin?"
Lenne lifted her head from the table. "He kissed me." After displacing the blame, she touched the menu to place her order. Then she collected all three menus and dropped them in the side pocket of the table for the waitress to retrieve when she brought the food.
"But if he did something you didn't want him to do, you would have told him off, right?"
"He was right there in my face with those beautiful blue eyes, okay? How could I say no to that? Why did he have to be so cute?" she quietly demanded, sternly poking the table. "And nice … and funny … and sincere," she complained with a pout. "He wasn't supposed to be like this! Either Koji was wrong about him, or I was stupid enough to fall for him in spite of his warnings."
Bahamut straightened with a grin. "Then, you do like Shuyin?"
"No. I barely know him!"
"But you like him enough to want to know him?"
"No, because that would upset Koji. If only there was some way to mend their friendship."
Bahamut shook his head at his sister's folly. "Even if they got along, you'd still have to choose between them. You can't have them both."
Lenne drew back with distaste. "I don't want them both. What kind of person do you think I am?"
"A person who is questioning if reaching for what she wants is worth the risk of losing what she already has. Someone will get hurt, but eventually, you must choose."
She frowned at her brother. The kid was too intuitive and precocious for his own good sometimes. Removing her napkin from her lap and wadding it into a ball on the table, she stood and headed toward the men's room.
))((
Shuyin was drying his face in a brown paper towel when Lenne entered the men's room and approached him at the sink. "What—what are you doing in here?" He looked around to make sure no one else was present.
"Look, I don't want things to get more awkward than they already are, so I need to say something."
"You're standing in a men's restroom telling me you don't want things to get awkward?" He pitched the towelette into the trash. "There's nothing left to say. I told you it wasn't a good idea for me to be around you like this. But then you brought me a birthday present, and I invited you to dinner, and then I kissed you, and now here we are." He paused and made a face. "In the men's room. Being awkward."
Her mouth twisted as she tried to keep a straight face about it. "I know. You told me to stay away, and I didn't take it seriously."
"I knew better, but I did it anyway," he fussed. Sitting on the edge of the sink, he scowled at the floor.
"Exactly. I knew better, but I didn't walk away."
"This is why he hates me."
Lenne moved closer, standing before him to meet his gaze. "What happened just now … I'm as much to blame as you. I kissed you first."
"It's not the same. And I have absolutely no excuses up my sleeve to clean this up when it hits the fan."
"Neither do I. So, I think it's best if we just don't talk about it and move on. Telling Koji will only upset him, and we don't want him to misunderstand anything, right?"
"Right …" Shuyin hesitantly agreed.
"So, there's no reason for us to talk about it again. I know Bahamut won't tell him. So, if Koji finds out because someone else tells him, I'll take the blame."
"He won't believe you."
Lenne sighed, knowing he was right. "Well, it's not like we can take it back. And, honestly, I wouldn't want to."
He tilted his chin, unsure what she meant in saying that.
"It wasn't smart, but it was a nice kiss, Shuyin. I'm okay with it. Really." She admitted with a small smile. "Don't hide in here blaming yourself for something I'm just as guilty of when you should be out there enjoying your birthday dinner."
The door to the men's room swung open, and Luperis entered but stopped upon seeing the two of them at the sink. "Woah, okay! Never mind!" Turning around, he walked back out.
Shuyin rolled his eyes, shook his head, and buried his face in his hands. "Great. Now I'm going to have to explain this to the whole team."
She chuckled. "Our dinners are probably on the table, getting cold. Let's just enjoy our meals for now, and tomorrow is a new day. Okay?"
Uncertain, but agreeing that there was nothing he could do to take it back, Shuyin straightened, grateful for her acceptance and forgiveness.
Lenne led the way back to their table. Their meals had just been delivered, and Bahamut was already digging into his plate. The boy glanced between them but kept his thoughts to himself this time as he noisily slurped his noodles.
Shuyin set his duffle bag back on the floor and sat down, ready to enjoy his meal. But upon seeing his order, he made a face at one particular kind of mushroom sprinkled over his noodles and promptly used his chopsticks to transfer them to the side of the plate. "Oh no, no, no ..."
She smirked at this peculiarity. "That's a mushroom dish. If you don't like mushrooms, why did you order them?"
"I don't like those mushrooms. I like the others."
"What's the difference? A mushroom is a mushroom."
Shuyin took a bite of his noodles and dropped one of the banished mushrooms from his plate onto hers. "Okay, then, you eat it." He waited, expectant.
Wondering what could be so bad about a little mushroom, Lenne picked it up with her chopsticks. But when a string of slime oozed off of it, she put it back down. "I'll take your word for it."
Shuyin chuckled. "No, no fair. You have to taste it since you dogged me about it."
Lenne couldn't help but grin. "I don't want it to spoil my appetizer."
Her reference to his kiss made him smile quietly to himself, so he took another bite of his meal. "I won't even let those mushrooms in my house, much less put them on my plate."
Lenne nudged her little brother. "Did you know that Shuyin lives on a houseboat at the docks just a short distance from you and mom?" she asked before tasting her own dish.
The boy lit up with curiosity. "You live on a boat?"
Shuyin put down his chopsticks to open a straw. "Why does that fascinate people? It's just a boat."
"Can we see it?"
The blitzball player saw that request coming and knew it had the potential for making an already awkward evening more delicate. But Bahamut was already giving him the same kitten-like expression that his older sister had used to win herself a quick tour of the boat. With a sigh of surrender, Shuyin dropped the straw into his drink and raised it to his lips. Bahamut giggled and clapped at his unspoken victory.
