Warning: Trigger warning for child and implied sexual abuse! Please send feedback, and I hope you enjoy!
I hope you all have been staying safe and washing your hands. Schools have been cancelled for the moment, word is going around that they're starting back up in September, so I have an awful lot of time on my hands to write, so I can get chapters out quicker. Again, stay safe and be alert, not anxious. Love you all!
Mary Margaret was still confused as to why Regina acted the way she acted that night. She was never herself if she wasn't irritated with everyone's incompetency, but Mary Margaret never thought of her as violent. It wasn't really surprising, but it was unexpected and slightly terrifying. She remembers what it was like to be on the receiving end of her bad moods.
Her bruises were nearly healed, and so was her heart. Regina was always busy, but she was better at communicating with her, and she hasn't been angry at her since that night, and she's clearly made sure that Mary Margaret knew she was sorry. That was something, at least.
"Regina, can I talk to you," Mary Margaret asked.
"Sure, I can have the house cleaned up in five," Regina answered over the crackling static of the phone.
"Okay, see you then." Mary Margaret hung up the phone and smoothed out her pink dress. She pulled at her cardigan and slipped on her shoes.
She didn't have to knock, Regina was already at the door waiting for her. Mary Margaret slipped past Regina and held her hands in front of her, twisting the green ring on her finger.
"What did you want to talk about," Regina asked, biting her bottom lip and filing the last of her Manila folders. She loved it when Regina bit her bottom lip.
"What happened that night. The one when I came and you…"
"I don't need specifications, I know which one you're talking about, dear."
"Were you just angry at someone else, or was it something I did?"
"It's…complicated, too complicated to explain."
"Try."
"Excuse me?"
"Try to explain. Please. For the past week, I've been convincing myself that I did something to you, it I don't know what it was I did, so if you could tell me-"
"Like I said, it's complicated."
"Please, Gina. For me. I want to know. I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't a necessity to me. I deserve this much."
"No," Regina whispered,"you deserve so much more. More than I can give you."
"Don't be like that. If I didn't deserve you, I wouldn't be here. I would've been long gone, so please. Tell me. Let me carry a bit of the weight you're carrying on your shoulders."
"Do you really want to know?"
"With all my heart." Regina took a steadying breath and closed her eyes, slowing moving to sit on the couch.
"It's just that, I've never told this to anyone and I need a second."
"Take your time. I'm here for you." Regina looked up at Mary Margaret, now sitting on the armrest of the chair Regina was on, with curiosity and gratefulness.
"Really," she asked with wonder. Her face broke her heart.
"Of course."
"Well, um…I didn't have the best of home lives," she started, her sentence drifting off. When Mary's gaze didn't falter, she continued.
"My father loved me very much, but he never defended me."
"From what?"
"My mother."
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The fields smelled like springtime. Fresh dew still settling in the cold morning air and the smell of her horse she was sitting atop of. Cora rarely let her ride Rocinante, now that she's maturing. Instead, Regina was knee-deep in books, assignments, and due dates. At least she had the early mornings to ride, but even then, she has to wake up before the sun rises to get in enough time for riding.
"Goodnight, Rocinante," she whispered to the horse, shutting the gate in the stable as quietly as she could manage. She sprinted back to the castle, hand fisted in her hair, untangling it from the intricate weave running down her back.
She told the maids and knight's not to tell her mother of her absence, but she always has her ways.
"Regina, how nice of you to join me," Cora said from the middle of the room.
"Mother," she choked out. "What are you doing here?" Regina walked over to her mother, arms crossed and eyebrows furled in irritation.
"I was just about to ask, what were you doing out there?" She pointed to hallway out the open door.
"I was just…well, I was-"
"-Save it, I know all about your excursions in the early morning."
"Mother, I was just about to-" Regina was stopped by Cora's hand raising in the air, bringing her neck along with it. She gasped and struggled for air through her constricting windpipe.
"I don't want you going outside without my permission. Is that clear?"
"But mother, I-"
"Is that clear," she asked further, tightening her hands before dropping Regina to the floor. She want done with her yet, though. Her long nails dug into Regina's cheeks, squeezing them together uncomfortably.
"You're absolutely worthless. I hope you know that. I hope you live with that, knowing that you were never enough." She pushed her to the floor and dug a high heel into her back.
"You will learn to never defy," she said. Regina's vision was blurry around the edges and fading in and out of black, but she remembered every bit of pain that day.
"I hope you learned your lesson. You will never talk back, and you are not allowed outside, apunless I say so. Understand."
"Yes, mother. I understand."
"Good. Now let mother heal you." She held her arms open to Regina. Cora had a funny way of showing Regina love, or at least what she convinced herself was love. No matter what she did, she would go back to her.
Cora hovered her fingers over Regina's bruises, scratches, and scars.
"See? Pretty girls don't show their pain."
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"That was only the beginning of it," Regina said, looking at her hands, twisting around each other. "She had a funny way of showing her love, and I learned from the only love I've seen."
"Oh, Regina. I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, especially from a mother," Mary Margaret said, taking her hand and rubbing a circle over skin with her thumb.
"It's funny, I always thought she was doing what was best for me. That I deserved it, and I didn't know that what she did was so wrong until I was married to…someone else."
"I'm assuming it didn't go well?"
"It didn't last long and he didn't treat me any better- worse, actually- but I met someone who made everything more bearable."
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"You don't have to apologize, none of this was your fault. I had blamed everything on someone else after she…pushed away someone I loved very much. But I know now that I was completely wrong. I was oblivious to the damage she caused once I saw that the person I blamed didn't have bad intentions." Mary Margaret watched her with something akin to love, but she knew it wasn't; nobody could love her, after everything she did. But Mary Margaret could see right through her.
"This isn't your fault. You are still capable of loving someone, if you truly want it. And there are so many people who love you: have the potential of loving you." Regina snickered. The very idea made her want to drill screws into her head with the amount of thought and emotions that required.
"Right. Who?"
"You're looking at her." There was a glint of hope in Mary's eyes, of concern, of adoration, of authenticity, of the love she's yearned for. She broke out into tears.
"Oh, honey. You're okay. You're completely safe with me. I would never hurt you. I promise."
"Promise," Regina asked for confirmation. She sounded so small and sweet.
"I promise, with all my heart." A new wave of tears washed over her. She wasn't sad, not really. Sure, it was horrible digging up those memories buried along with her past life, but the prospect of love. The possibility of the happy ending she's wanted since the beginning, with the woman she vowed she would hate until the last beat of her broken, dying heart.
She wasn't overwhelmed with pity for herself, no. She was crying because she found herself lucky. She had the woman who's death would've brought her joy, but instead, her life has brought joy, her happiness, and her devotion. Her tears weren't filled with sadness. They were filled with relief.
"I love you," Regina said. Mary Margaret blinked for a second.
"You do?"
"I think I do. I never knew someone as horrible as me could find love with someone who deserved someone so much better than me, but I did. I might've had a hard past, but I'm ready for the future. Hopefully, you're included in it."
"I'd be more than happy to be. I love you too." A new stream of tears flowed down both their red cheeks. Regina pulled Mary Margaret off the side of the couch to sit in her lap, pressing kisses all over her skin, ending wth her lips. Unlike any of their other kisses, this one was gentle. It conveyed how grateful one woman was for the other.
"I'm assuming you're starving. I have some takeout from Granny's in the kitchen, if you'd like to join me."
"I'd love to." Regina pushed Mary off her legs, then stood up to join her, grabbing onto Mary Margaret's arm for balance.
"I'm really glad you told me, Regina. It took a lot of courage to dig up the past like that."
"I'm glad too." Regina led Mary Margaret into the kitchen, finally accepting who she really was. She wasn't only broken anymore, she had love to put the pieces back together. It'll take a lot of hard work and undoubted self-loathing, but she was ready for whatever the future holds, and she wasn't lying when she said she couldn't wait to see where that took the both of them. Right now, she was enough.
