The mauve tinted light shining through the curtains was the first thing Kara saw as her eyes fluttered open. It took her a few long moments to remember where she was and all that had happened in the past few days. She glanced over at Selah's bed to check on the girl, and let out a breath she had instinctively begun holding in once she saw her curled up under the blankets, still asleep. They had been at Linda's for three days now, and Winn didn't seem to be any closer to a breakthrough when it came to building the device that would bring them back home. He had built two prototypes, both of which exploded soon after they were turned on, and Selah's psychic powers didn't seem to be enough to get the machine running on its own. On the bright side, he did manage to create a new remote sensor for the nanites, meaning Kara had finally been able to get out of her supersuit. Linda had supplied her and Selah with enough cardigans and pantsuits to keep them going for several weeks, all of them pink toned.
Kara rubbed her eyes wearily, wishing she were still asleep. She glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table and saw that it was barely five in the morning. She had been having nightmares again- the old ones of Krypton, but also newer ones filled with long shadowy corridors and blue lights.
Selah stirred and murmured something in her sleep, and Kara glanced over at her, wishing -not for the first time- that she had the girl's telepathic powers. As much as Selah had opened up over the past few months, there was still so much of her that seemed shut off and distant, and Kara knew that her trauma ran deeper than she could even guess. She made a mental note that once they were back on their Earth, she needed to ask Kelly about alien therapy for Selah. And for herself, for that matter.
Being on this earth was strange, in many more ways than just one. At home, Kara was always busy, always working on some project for work or case as Supergirl. There wasn't much down time, but here, down time was all that she had. There was no Supergirl on this earth, and while Selah was fully involved in getting them back home, Kara didn't know the first thing about mechanical engineering or physics. Every day, she followed Linda and Selah to campus, and sat in Winn's office as the girl tinkered with machinery and pored over blueprints. Kara tried to help as much as she could, but usually she just stayed out of the way, not wanting to hinder the process in any way. And while she appreciated the break from the rush of daily life, she longed to be busy again, to feel like she was achieving something and not just waiting and hoping for things to fall into place.
She heard birds beginning to sing outside, and burrowed her head under the pillow. Sometimes she really wished she didn't have super hearing. Rolling over, Kara tried her best to fall back asleep, knowing it was a fairly fruitless endeavor.
.
The evening air was cool- Kara was certain that this earth was colder than hers- and she wrapped her coat tighter around herself despite not really feeling the chill. The coat was Linda's, woolen and pink, and it looked to be at least thirty years old. It was slightly too big for Kara, enveloping her in a comfortable warmth as she walked along the streets of a city that was ever so slightly not hers. Everything was bathed in the dim tea-colored light of early evening, and the buildings around her seemed softer in its glow.
Kara wasn't certain where she was going as she walked, but she had learned that this National City was laid out almost identically to her National City, and that she could still find her way around with surprising ease. She idly wondered if any of the people she passed lived in her city as well, and if she had seen any of them on her walks in the evenings back home. Walking always helped Kara to clear her head when things felt too confusing or if everything was changing too quickly. It was second only to flying, but she had decided that it was best to try to stay under the radar while they were here, and flying wasn't exactly conspicuous.
As she walked, she wondered about what life might be like back on her earth. Had it snowed there yet? Was everything still relatively the same as they had left it? A lump rose up in her throat as she thought of Alex. She really missed her sister, she missed movie nights and pizza and late night conversations about anything and everything. It was always hard for Kara when she was away from Alex, but this time was worse. She wasn't sure if it was just because she had no way of contacting her sister to check if she was alright, or if it was because she knew how worried Alex must be, or if it was a mixture of the two, but the guilt she felt weighed heavily upon her.
She approached the waterfront and sat down on a bench, staring out over the water. The wind was stronger away from the shelter of the buildings, and it blew her hair around her face. She closed her eyes and imagined that she was flying, soaring high above the city where the world was quiet.
When she opened her eyes again, it was darker around her. All of the streetlamps were turned on, and the sleepiness of dusk had been replaced by the sharp chill of evening. Kara stood up from the bench, giving the water one last glance before heading back to Linda's apartment. The professor lived on the other end of town from Kara, and she passed her loft as she walked, staring up at it wistfully.
She found it surprisingly difficult to connect with her doppelganger. Seeing as all of the other Karas she met had tried to kill her, she greatly preferred Linda, but there was a strange sense of distance with her. Kara wanted to talk to her about Krypton, about how it was the same or different from Linda's, or about how it was for the woman when she came to Earth without Kal-El. There were so few people that she could talk to openly about what her life had been like, but Linda was so stoic and reserved. Kara didn't want to make the woman uncomfortable, or to overstep on any boundaries, especially when she had so graciously accepted them into her home and life. Still, she yearned for that connection, to be able to tell her about how awkward middle school was, or how her aunt used to read her bedtime stories and teach her Krypton's constellations, knowing that Linda would truly understand her.
Kara knocked gently on the front door before opening it. The professor was in the kitchen, drinking a cup of tea, but she looked up as Kara entered and hung up her coat.
"Hey," she said, wiping her shoes on the mat.
"How was your walk?" Linda asked.
"Good. Helped me clear my head."
"Alright. Winn asked if you and Selah can help him with the machine tomorrow evening. I have a late class so I won't be able to help." She hesitated, taking a long sip of her tea before adding, "I think they've been having some difficulty with the prototypes. Selah's been pacing a lot."
"I'll check in with her."
"Would you like a cup?" She gestured to her mug. "I usually drink a cup of chamomile before bed."
"I'm fine, thank you," Kara replied. "I think I'm just going to turn in for the night."
"Okay, goodnight."
"Goodnight." Kara smiled at her doppelganger, who returned the favor, but the woman's smile didn't quite meet her eyes. Leaving the kitchen, Kara went back into the guest bedroom that she and Selah were still sharing. The overhead light was off but the girl had turned on the bedside lamp, bathing the room in a soft yellow light. Selah's bed was lined with papers and blueprints but she didn't seem to be doing much with them, and was stonily staring at the closet door instead.
"What's up?" Kara inquired, and Selah tore her eyes away from the wall.
"Nothing," she answered evenly, much too quickly to be believable. Kara closed the door and walked over to Selah's bed, carefully clearing a space for her to sit down.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I can't focus," Selah admitted, looking down at her hands, which still had no fingers. "On the prototype, on anything. I feel like my brain is mush."
"Why?"
"I don't know." The girl slouched forwards and cupped her chin in her hands. "We almost died."
"We did."
"Does any of this ever get normal?"
"What do you mean?"
"I just-" Selah trailed off, rubbing a hand over her eyes before beginning to speak again. "Someday I want to live in a little house where the sun shines into the kitchen and I'll have herbs growing in pots on the windowsills. And I want to have a cat. And I want to get married and to have kids that I can take to their little league games on Saturdays. And I want to graduate from university, and get a job. I want to feel normal. But it doesn't seem like I'm ever going to get that. Between my awful mother and the terrorist organization that's chasing us and now my inter-dimensional travel-" she cut herself off, and turned to look at Kara seriously. "Does it ever get more normal?"
"Honest answer?" Kara replied. "Not really." Seeing the girl deflate slightly, Kara put an arm around her, knocking a few papers off the bed. "Selah, you and I aren't normal by Earth standards. I tried being normal for half my life and things still never felt right. Trying to fit into that is only ever going to limit you and your potential."
"Yeah but it would be a whole lot easier," she muttered, looking at the floor. Kara snorted.
"Maybe."
"What do we do instead?"
"Make our own normal. Using my powers, finding my chosen family, being a journalist, that's what finally made me feel like I was doing things right. And no, it's not always the most stable or safe thing, but it's what I'm meant to be doing."
"I just wish sometimes it didn't have to be me, y'know?"
"I know." Selah's eyes were still fixed on a spot on the floor, and Kara shivered as a wave of energy rolled off of the girl. She took a deep breath and began speaking again: "Sometimes I feel like I have this clock over my head, right?" she said. Selah didn't react. "And it says how much time I have left before a villain punches too hard, or someone gets their hands on Kryptonite, or I fly too far away from the atmosphere. I don't know how much time is on the clock, but I know it's there. And every morning I think is it today? Is today the day that the clock is going to run out?"
"And then what do you do?" The girl asked, still not moving.
"I get up. I go through my day. I live, Selah. You're still here, you're still living. Don't waste that." Finally looking up, Selah met Kara's eyes and nodded quietly. "Now," Kara began, standing up, gathering some of Selah's discarded papers. "You should try getting some rest. I don't want to be stuck awake all night with you trying to figure this out."
"I just want to make it make sense."
"That's a job for tomorrow. You can make the scientific breakthrough of the century, and I can discover if there is recycling on this earth or not." She put the stray papers into a stack and put them onto the floor.
"My job seems significantly harder than yours."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kara quipped with a smirk. "I have complete faith in you."
"Thanks," the girl replied, telepathically putting the cap onto her pen and setting it on the nightstand.
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