A/N: Back by popular demand, I present to you chapter two. I can't tell you how happy I am that you all are enjoying this. Please keep the reviews coming. My plan is to finish this thing but I find that it's extremely motivating when I hear from you guys.
Please enjoy:
Even though Endymion had determined that he would try to accept his new found inclinations, it still made him feel self conscious. He sat on their balcony for long periods of time just thinking about it. Why would he feel that way? It wasn't like anyone else knew and for the time being he only had contact with Serenity. "What has you so preoccupied?" He looked back into the bedroom where Serenity had just walked in. He didn't answer right away, just looked at her. "Oh, I can tell from your face that it's something serious." She made a silly face at him. He smiled a little.
"Nothing of great consequence." He finally answered. She tilted her head in a way that only she could. She looked him over briefly before walking to him.
"We need to talk." She said. For some reason his stomach tied itself in knots when she said it. She sounded rather grim. "I don't think I went over this with you and that is my fault…". She reached his chair and stood behind him, resting her hands on his shoulders. He let his head fall back against her. She sighed heavily. He could tell from her tone that it had something to do with his sentencing.
"It's about me passing out, isn't it?"
"Yes…". She fell silent for a minute. "I should have made it clear sooner but I suppose the stress of everything has gotten to me." One of her hands traveled to his cheek. "Endymion, if you lose consciousness and are unable to continue through all 20 lashes it will be considered an incomplete administration of punishment. As a result an extra lashing and an additional month will be added to the end of your sentence."
"I sort of gathered that was the case."
"I convinced the judicial committee to consider this month as complete since you were able to come back around but they won't allow me to do so again." They fell silent. "I… I took some initiative on your behalf." He shifted so he could look back at her. "I spoke with Mars. She, of course, is an expert on meditation and focusing energy. I wanted some insight on how to help you."
"Serenity-"
"Endymion would you please just listen. You've always resisted outside help." He stopped. Taking a deep breath he nodded.
"Continue."
"I wanted to know if there was something we could do to- let's say 'condition' you- so you can make it through the next 10 months."
"Well, what did she have to say?"
"There are some mental exercises she recommended. She also suggested that you do them in the shower with the hot water off. She said the colder the water is, the better."
"What?"
"It's meant to train your body to resist shock."
"Hmm." He thought it over for a few minutes. It made sense. "I suppose it couldn't hurt to take her advice." He heard Serenity sigh with relief.
"I've run it by Mercury to make sure that it wouldn't affect your healing or health and she didn't have any immediate concerns. I brought you this…" she produced a book on meditation and thought training. He took it from her and flipped through the pages.
"Thank you." She leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
"No, thank you- for letting me help you." He rested the book in his lap and went back to staring out into space, deep in thought. She stood behind him for some time, both of them silent. "Are you going to let me in, Endymion? I feel like you're very far away. I miss you."
"I'm sorry, Serenity… I feel far away from myself… I feel like a giant question mark right now…". He felt his heart ache. What should he do? Everything he thought he knew about himself was now unclear. This whole ordeal was weighing on him, testing his resolve. And in spite of his firm determination not to blame his wife for this, it still felt like it was driving a wedge between them. This could end up breaking him.
"You are still you, Endymion. New realizations don't take your identity away."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if you find a new meadow in a forest does that mean it isn't a forest anymore?" Her question pulled his focus back to reality a little. It sounded like a completely absurd question until he began thinking about it. How was she always able to pinpoint the problem and shrink it down so easily?
"I guess not." His mood lifted a little.
"You're still my forest, Endymion. I'd love to see this new meadow of yours."
"I… " he cleared his throat. 'Complete trust… I trust her unconditionally… no more walls.' He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I think about you, imagining you in that black dress… I dream about it…. ". It suddenly dawned on him why that gap was forming. It wasn't that he was blaming her- it was about him trusting her. "I… I desire to have you dominate me… I want you to punish me… to be completely at your mercy." It made him extremely uncomfortable saying it out loud. "I want… to be yours, to do with as you please. These thoughts and feelings- they scare me. I don't know if I can accept them as easily as you have."
"Can I make a suggestion?" He opened his eyes and gazed up into hers. "Why not give it a chance? If you decide it's too much for you right now we can let it alone until you want to try again." He held her gaze for a few minutes and then smiled weakly.
"I trust you… but I'm not ready yet."
"Okay… but you trust me completely?"
"Yes."
"No hesitation? No questions?"
"Yes."
"Alright." She caressed his cheek and he leaned into her touch. "Let's go to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow." He got up and followed her inside. He had a vague feeling that she was planning something but he let it go. He was tired and he'd spent too much time dwelling on his issues anyway. It wasn't healthy to be so self-absorbed but it was hard for him to be any other way right now. 'These are all issues I can deal with later…' He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
"Endymion…". He stirred. "Endymion…come here." He sat up and looked in the direction of her voice. Serenity was poking her head out from her dressing room. Her hair was still down and it brushed the floor. "Well? Come on…"
"Um yeah… okay." She smiled and disappeared through the doorway again. He got up and followed her into her through the door. When he entered he didn't see her. He heard the door close behind him but before he could turn She'd fisted his hair and used her knee against the back of his and he dropped to the floor. She forced his head to the side and he could feel her breath against his neck. "Don't forget you need to kneel before your queen." She said against his ear. "I'm afraid that I can't let that go unpunished." Her fist tightened, pulling his hair painfully. His breathing quickened, coming in bursts. She bit the sensitive skin just behind his ear hard and then did the same where his shoulder met his neck making him groan.
"I beg your pardon my queen." He panted.
"You'll be begging for far more than that." She growled against his cheek. Never releasing his hair she circled round the front of him. She wore only a black bra and thigh-high tights held up with a lacy garter, no underwear to speak of. "Are you ready for your last meal?"
"What is it I'll be having?"
"Haven't you guessed?" She spread her legs and pulled him forward. "And you haven't finished your meal until I say you have." He took a deep breath, drawing her scent in and kissed the inside of her thigh. He then moved on to to the apex of her thigh. Her head rolled back and her eyes closed when his tongue shot out and licked against her clit. He sucked on her making her moan. "Endymion…" she breathed. "Endymion…"
"Endymion."
"Endymion, wake up."
He opened his eyes and found that he was in their bed and it was still dark out. It was a dream? Well damn it. "Are you okay? You were crying out in your sleep. Do I need to change the dressings on your back?" He felt painfully disappointed.
"N-no. I'm fine." He answered groggily. "Sorry I woke you again." He felt her eyes on him. Finally she spoke again.
"Another wet dream? I'm seriously starting to get jealous of myself…". She said, annoyed. That's when he noticed the damp spot under the sheets.
"Yeah… sorry." He answered sheepishly. She got up and went to his dressing room and came back out with a fresh pair of boxers. She tossed them at him, hitting him in the face. "What was that for?"
"I'm kinda frustrated with you. You're over there getting you rocks off in your sleep and I haven't had any attention in two months. I don't see how that's fair."
"That statement was not very lady like."
"In this room I'm not a lady, I'm your wife." She walked over to her dressing room. "I'm going to get ready for the day… you can have breakfast by yourself." He heard the door snap shut. His head dropped back onto the pillow. He knew she was right but… well… he supposed there weren't any buts. At this point she was going to be upset either way so he opted to go back to sleep.
The next day her irritation seemed to have evaporated. He turned his thoughts to the next three weeks. He had to prepare for August first. His back still had open wounds from the last flogging but he decided to start the regimen that Mars had recommended any way. He sat in the cold water of the shower for as long as his body would physically allow him. At first he could only manage about 5 minutes but as he continued with his meditation he was able to increase that to almost half an hour by the end of the first week. The exercise had an added benefit of helping him clear his mind and relax instead of wallowing in his insecurities. His mood even improved overall. As his back healed again he added in some yoga. Serenity was also making an effort to be more present with him. She made sure she had at least two meals with him every day and she was trying to involve him more with her royal duties. He could only do so much but she was making sure he could contribute.
For the first time in two months he was beginning to feel optimistic. Serenity had arranged for him to go to the palace library every morning should he want to. Doing it this way he was only allowed half an hour there but it was time enough to find new reading material. And, trying to keep him busy, she had sent for a piano. 'I hope you don't mind, it was so easy to imagine you playing it.' He'd never really thought about learning an instrument but he suddenly had quite a lot of free time so why not?
Her insight again surprised him when he began fiddling with the piano. It felt so natural to touch the keys and the sound of each note hummed with his soul. Why had he never tried to learn an instrument before? All of those feelings that had been tangled up inside of him came undone and were allowed to flow through him when he played, even if he started off a bit clumsily. 'Let me hear you play, Endymion. Pleeeease.' So he played it for her every night, becoming more and more confident all the time.
August was fast approaching but he wasn't really worried about it. Everything that he'd been doing- the piano, meditating in the shower, yoga- it had begun to scrub him clean of his emotional grime. He felt clear-headed again and it was freeing. Could he maybe explore some of those things he was dreaming about? Had he gained enough confidence to allow himself that freedom?
No
July 31st came and he was taken to the inner guest room to prepare for the next day. He'd been spending enough time with Serenity lately that he missed her. He thought about the next morning. His breathing quickened when he imagined her in her black dress… a whip in her hand. Still he balked. Why was he resisting so much? Was it really so repulsive to him? For the first time in the last three weeks he got frustrated with himself. "What is wrong with me…". He decided he should just go to sleep and get the next day over with.
The next morning felt like a repeating nightmare. Pants, no shoes, socks, or shirt. Cuffed hands, following behind Uranus to the public square. His crime and sentence repeated for all to hear yet again. It was exhausting. Then he looked at Serenity. This time she had left her hair down. The dress she wore was still black as night but the style was different. It was more form-fitting. It also lacked any shoulder straps.
"You will count out loud for these witnesses to hear. 20 lashes." She spoke clearly and the statement drew him back to the present. He knelt down in front of the pillar and his hands were affixed to it. She went to stand behind him and spoke softly to him under her breath, just above a whisper. "Remember your meditation… don't waver…imagine playing the piano for me…" What was that supposed to mean? Why would she bring up the piano? He took a deep breath and imagined himself in the shower, the cold water stinging his skin. The crack of the whip sounded out across the square.
He took in a deep breath before the first strike and exhaled as he counted out: "One." Deep breath in, exhale "Two." He forced himself to clear his mind. "Three." It seemed that with each flogging it became more painful than the last. The bruising from the previous month hadn't healed completely. The pain was definitely more intense but at the same time it wasn't overwhelmingly shocking. "Ten." What did she mean? Play the piano? "Thirteen." Was that it? Let if flow, don't fight it. "Fifteen." He grit his teeth and tears stung his eyes. "Eighteen." He hurt and he was lightheaded but he stopped struggling against it. "Nineteen." The tears streaked down his cheeks and he felt his grip on consciousness slipping. One more, just one more. "Twenty." When he passed out this time it almost felt like falling asleep.
