Katsuki's head is pounding against his skull, throbbing in pain as a feeling of wrong settled over him like a thick fog, he swears he can see Deku dying every time he closes his eyes- Deku jumping off a roof, Deku walking into traffic, Deku stumbling into his front garden with his wrists slit and when Katsuki asks him what the fuck he's doing he just says 'Isn't the sunset pretty Katsuki, I want the last thing I see to be a pretty thing when I die' then he turns to Katsuki and smiles with blood in his mouth before he slumps to the ground and Katsukis screaming for his mum because he's dead and there's so much blood-
Katsuki snaps out of it, the memory suddenly foggy and forced out of his head, he looks to the curly haired greenette who seems so different from yesterday, so much colder than he usually is- he's not even responding just staring into space and he doesn't even flinch when an explosion goes off right next to his ear, his face stays hauntingly blank until Katsuki slaps him hard and makes those dull green eyes meet his.
A shiver goes up his spine at how dead they look and how much they remind him of Izuku sitting on that grass and bleeding out and- he scowls harder at Izuku who doesn't even respond and is just staring at him with a blank face and those dull green eyes.
"Come on Katsuki, Dekus being no fun today" an extra says by the doorframe
"Whatever Deku" he sets off another explosion right by his neck that leaves the skin sizzling but his face still doesn't change from blank, he just turns to meet Katsukis eye with an empty look, he turns around and stomped out of the classroom not before throwing his hero notebook out of the open classroom window, Izukus eyes just watch it fall then flick back to Katsuki who's angrily walking out muttering something about 'stupid Deku' which his lackeys laugh about, Izuku doubts they even heard him or found it remotely funny they just don't want to be another Deku.
After Katsuki leaves his sight he sighs a bit and walks to the window to see the pond his notebook is floating on, the fish are nibbling on it and he turns and heads for the stairs, then he starts going up again.
It's like retracing a memory going the stairs to the roof and remembering how long of a day it's been his shoulders slump in exhaustion and he trudged to the edge, he has no intention of jumping but climbs onto the ledge, sits down and dangles his shoeless feet over the edge.
Katsuki spots him and screams at him with wide eyes, he's already sprinting full speed towards the school to the surprise of his lackeys who feebly call 'Katsuki what are you doing' but make no move to follow him
"GET THE FUCK DOWN FROM THERE SHITTY DEKU" he's sprinting towards the school using explosions to blast him along the way, Izuku inches further towards the edge and swings his legs a little more as Katsuki bursts through the roof doors
"IZUKU I SWEAR TO GOD" he yells, the use of his real name causes him to turn around and face the blonde.
"Katsuki" he greets as if he isn't on the edge of a death drop, Katsukis lackeys are calling for him, he catches bits of 'leave him, who cares what happens', Izuku agrees with them silently
"Izu-Deku what the fuck are you doing" he demands, from the look in his eye Izuku knows something is up- could he remember the resets? Is that why he reacted so violently, because he'd seen it before? Or does he just care?
'Who would care about you' that nasty voice in his head hisses, he agrees
"Sitting on the edge of a building, what does it look like?" He expects anger to flash across Katsukis face but he thrusts his hand out violently in his direction, Izuku flinches expecting an explosion but only finding his hand outstretched to him
"Huh" He mummers to himself
"Don't do it Deku! Think of your mum, just get down!" He half yells, the wind blows gently
"I'll get down if you come up" he said, at this point he's just seeing how far he can go, he has to reset anyway, can't have Katsuki thinking he's suicidal
To his surprise Katsuki climbs to the edge after a moments hesitation and sits down next to him
"Huh, Thanks Katsuki" the lack of nickname feels so wrong but he doesn't comment on it
"Come on Deku, now you can get down! Don't be an idiot!" He said brash as ever, Izuku smiled hollowly and kept his eyes to the ground far below him as he swung his legs gently
"I'll never let you die Katsuki, not forever, not again" he murmurs to himself but Katsuki catches it
"The fuck you saying Deku? I'm going to be the number one hero, I don't need some shitty nerd protecting me- wait again what does that even-", Izuku smiles then laughs cutting Katsuki off and leaving him to furrow his brows
"Yeah, you don't do you?" He responded, Katsuki was put off by his behaviour but he wanted both of them off that roof. The wind blew Izukus hair gently and revealed some large pink scars tracing over most of the back of his neck
"Deku what the fuck is that on your neck", Izuku stands up and brushes his uniform off
"Well death leaves some scars right?" He says cryptically
"What?"
"Nevermind, see you in a minute... Kacchan" He says, turns to Katsuki and smiles before taking a step back and plummeting, his eyes widen and Katsuki is after him, using explosions to boost him and try and just catch the hem of his uniform, if he can just-
Crunch
The sound is sickening and his body is quickly leaving a pool of blood, the extras he was with shriek and run into the woods but he stays, he lands on the ground and kneels by Dekus dead body with tears shining in his crimson eyes
'This is your fault' forces its way to the front of his mind, he calls an ambulance and leaves his side when they put him on a stretcher and cover him with a sheet, he doesn't feel real as he wobbles to the pond, seeing Dekus hero book floating in the water he grabs it, tries to dry it with his quirk without destroying the whole thing and holds it close,
'It's all that's left of him...' his grip tightens on the book 'I have to hold onto it forever, it's the least I can do from all this mess' he doesn't try to deny that it's his fault, every time he closes his eyes he sees Izuku hitting the ground, he can practically hear the bones cracking and the skin tearing and-
Katsuki blinks hard, he feels like he's missing something and whenever he closes his eyes he sees a broken body, his hand feels wet for some reason so he looks and in his hand is Izukus hero journal, he looks to Izukus desk and sees the number on the front is the same, this one is water damaged and looked to have been at the bad end of an explosion but they're the same
'What the fuck!' is what runs through his head, Izuku glances at him and they lock eyes, his eyes soften a little and he hides a smile by looking down, Katsuki glares at him the best he can when the only image running through his head is Izukus body broken on the ground, he doesn't know what it is but it feels so real, he can practically smell the blood in the air, on his hand. He looks to the notebook again and glances at the one on Izukus desk
'What the fuck' once again runs through his mind and the bell goes off, Izuku stays behind like he's waiting for something, waiting for Katsuki to do something.
He stands up harshly, making the chair scrape backwards and make an awful sound, he watches the two extras leave out of the corner of his eye like they're scared of Deku, Katsuki slams his hands on his desk to get little reaction other than a look in his direction which their teacher ignores as he leaves the classroom
"Deku" he growls, Izuku takes note of the almost dry notebook in his hand that he's clutching like a lifeline and his brows furrow
"Where did you get that" it's more of a demand and it's harsh tone almost make him take a step back but instead her deepens his scowl
"None of your business shitty Deku!" Katsuki then reached over and grabbed Izukus hand and harshly yanked him out of his seat
"We're walking home together" His tone wasn't one to be argued with so Deku raised an eyebrow but slung his bag onto his back nontheless
"Sure", Katsuki almost didn't want to let go of his hand, to know he was still alive and that he wasn't deathly cold was a welcome change to his dead body, he doesn't let it go as soon as his bags on though and marches through the door with Deku being practically dragged by his hand a few paces behind.
—
The pair arrive at Izukus house after a silent walk the only event being when Izuku nearly walked straight into traffic and Katsuki harshly pulled him back by the neck of his uniform, neither comment on how similar it is to a decade ago but both think it, Izuku unlocks his door and goes in to find Katsuki right behind him, he takes his shoes off and the explosive blonde does the same. A note on the table explains why Inko isn't in the house but Izuku frowns a little about this and mutters about change under his breath as he folds the note and throws it in the bin
"Why did you follow me in Katsuki", his real name feels wrong to say but his nickname seems too endearing
"So you don't do anything stupid shitty Deku" he says, his anger weaker than usual, Izuku's eyes widened a little
'Interesting, Katsuki might remember my resets- but to what extent?'
"What like?" He knows he's pushing it, Katsuki glares at the ground
"It doesn't matter Deku! I don't have to answer to you"
"Ok ok... did you want to watch movies like when we were younger?" Izuku asks with his hands raised in an act of surrender, Katsuki sighs angrily at the question but doesn't object so the greenette begins gathering snacks from the fridge and dumps them on the coffee table, Katsuki sits down on the couch and clicks the tv on looking for channels whilst Izuku gathered blankets and dumped them on the couch, the blonde seemed stiff at first like he was ready to move but after half a movie he loosened up and leaned into the couch more.
The two didn't really talk throughout the movies, only in between when choosing what to watch next did they exchange words, just short 'fuck no that ones awful' and 'it's not that bad Katsuki' then a snatched remote, nothing meaningful to anyone else but to Izuku their 'friendship' had been gone for ten years, replaced with torment that drove him to that-
'No, it was your own fault you were on that roof not his- stop trying to pass your weakness off as other peoples fault!'
Katsuki had likely seen him fall, probably felt him die considering how drastically different this reset had been, Izuku leaned into the couch cushion with a blanket wrapped around him as Katsuki made a small rant about the outdated CGI and he watched the old All Might movie play, he smiled his first real smile for a long time and for the first time in a reset he felt content.
When Katsuki glanced over to Izuku he wasn't staring at the screen with a hollow smile and empty eyes, he was smiling softly with warmth he hadn't seen in his dull green eyes for years, content he turned back to the screen and tried to stop thinking of all the odd angles his bones had been bent at, it was vivid and hazy at the same time- some bits were clear as crystal like how bright the blood was, as if it was taken through a filtered lense, and some bits were covered in a fog which seemed to be some of the conversation they'd had. He remembered the panic and adrenaline that had coursed through him as he rushed to the roof, he couldn't let it happen again and yet it did, he could feel the guilt in his bones when he came to in the classroom
'Does Deku have a quirk? Why would that shitty nerd hide it if it's why he isn't liked? Maybe it's a mind related quirk, making me see his death to make me feel guilty... but then why would we let me in, if he was trying to mess with me he'd leave me in the dark about it! Gah Deku you fucker why am I seeing you die?-'
Katsuki was taken out of his thoughts by a tap to the shoulder, he turned to Izuku and grunted in question, he pointed to the black cased vibrating phone
"It's been ringing for a minute or two, I thought it might be your mum", Katsuki scowled and answered it
"What?"
"Katsuki! That's no way to answer the phone!" Mitsuki practically screamed into the phone, Katsuki moved it away from his ear suppressing a wince from the volume
"Yeah yeah, why are you calling me hag?"
"Dinners ready in five, where the hell are you!?"
"I'm at Midoryias calm down! I'll be there! I'll be there!", Izuku busied himself with turning the tv off and throwing away any wrappers
"Inkos? Alright, just get home soon love you!" Izuku smiled a little as Katsuki grumbled loudly and hung up then shoved the phone into his back pocket roughly and grabbed his bag and headed for the door, he opened it and paused before he left, turning around to face the greenette
"Deku... you have a quirk don't you?"
'Shit, I can't deny it he has physical proof, how did he even bring my notebook back?'
Izuku smiled
"Goodnight Kacchan" He said, Katsuki turned and scowled at the ground
"Whatever nerd" he said before walking to next door, Izuku closed the door when he was out of sight and quickly tidied up the leftover mess before heading to his bedroom, it seems his quirk had an effect on him as he was beyond exhausted and slept soon after he lay down without changing his clothes.
Katsukis evening was uneventful after meeting with Deku, he kept going back to the dismissal of his question- that was pretty much a 'yes', but was it memory altering? Was Deku really just fucking with him- would he mess with him that much, showing him constant deaths and forcing him to change? But why did he have the notebook if it was just memory altering? Was Izuku willing to go as far to replicate and damage a diary, then give it to him and alter his memories so it was like he'd seen him die, be carted off in an ambulance- did Izuku hate him enough?
Katsuki tried to shake the thought from his head, it'd take a lot of effort to place that many false memories in his head and they'd just watched four hours of films, if Izuku really wanted to cause some trauma he'd have done it alone... unless he was trying to freak him out in the presence of others and put him on edge?
Katsuki tugged at his hair a bit and let his head fall down onto the desk with a thud, dull pain resonating before he sat up and grabbed a pen and Dekus hero notebook- he could very vaguely remember Izuku walking straight onto a highway but it was getting fuzzier- he furiously wrote down everything he could remember, from the most recent that was still fresh in his memory to the last relevant thing he could remember.
He looked to the paper after, water damaged pages filled with handwriting a little messier than usual, he came up with fifteen- fifteen times he'd watched Izuku die, fifteen times that he could remember.
Would Izuku screw with his memories? If he could do that what other memories were false? Katsuki sighed angrily
'Deku... what's your quirk, why am I seeing you die?'
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If this fic isn't for you and you want to review I only ask it's constructive, if it's mindless hate I will ignore
