Today was a failure, Izuku decided after his final reset of the day, annoyingly the six days before that had also been failures and he'd made no progress in passing items across resets or getting the notebook back- as long as Katsuki had it there was a consistent memory that would serve only to get in his way.

All his notebook held was failures.

He snaps the book shut and glares a little at the cover- how did Katsuki manage to bring a notebook over resets? He still hadn't managed to recreate what happened and it'd been a week, he'd only managed to get through three tests before Katsuki followed him compared to the five of every previous day, none of the 34 items he'd tried had followed through resets no matter the cause of death or place he died.

So far he had nothing to begin to understand his quirk and with no progress to show on any front it meant he was no closer to dying, and it was already a week later than he had planned.

Dinner came quicker than he'd have liked as always, it was the one time of day he had to keep a smile firmly pinned on his face for fifteen minutes and it was exhausting. His mother was oblivious to the fact his smile was a little too tight, that when she looked down to her meal he let the light fall from his eyes, that he ate as quickly as he could get away with and any chatter was met with an almost robotic response that seemed to be just enough to keep questions away.

Izuku was sure nobody could get a glimpse through his act, no- nobody except for Katsuki for whatever reason, maybe it was because he'd seen him die so much or somehow managed to bring something back over, no matter the reason he knew anything it was nothing short of irritating.

Katsuki just continued to glance at him whenever he thought he wasn't looking, continued to follow him and interrupt his plans every few resets and continued to remember.

After that week of testing he insists on walking him home and when he seems non compliant resorts to dragging him out of the classroom by his wrist. If this had happened five years ago he'd have been ecstatic that Kacchan was finally paying attention to him in a way that wasn't in the forms of burns and bruises created as he laughed along with his friends, if it'd happened five years ago when he got so deep in his fantasies that it was just Kacchan rough playing and they were still best friends he'd probably have latched onto any form of care and held on like his life depended on it.

-But it wasn't the past and it never would be, he knew Katsuki was only making sure his own conscious was clear, it was just some ploy to get him to tell him the truth of what was happening so he could have it all figured out.

Every time Katsuki visited his house, usually following a particularly long string of resets or witnessing his death in person, it was tedious to be apart from research that could be done or theories that could be tested- a waste of time that Izuku often reset under the guise of needing the bathroom. Sometimes Katsuki caught him and he had to reset more than he wanted just to get the other boy off his back so he could work. It wasn't like he had a limited amount of time but he'd much rather shorten the period he has to be alive if he could, and with how little progress he'd been making on understanding his quirk it seemed like more of a far off dream than it had two years ago.

It's been four weeks since Izuku first tried to kill himself and so far every subsequent attempt, of which there is 107, has failed just and only left him with more scars- though he quickly learned to go for less noticeable places like his heart of the side of his head, not quick enough to stop a large pinkish line from being permanently etched into his neck that he's glad his school uniform mostly covers.

It's been four weeks and he hasn't made a scrap of progress, not once had he brought back any of the 63 objects he's tried. He still has no idea how to get rid of his quirk, Eraserhead's quirk would be the most effective but there was no way a pro hero was going to agree to erase his quirk so he could die properly.

It's been four weeks and the black x he marked on his calendar four months ago mocks him from across the room, reminding him of the rush of relief he felt when he'd decided on a date and everything felt calm and smooth.

People are annoying, Izuku decided after his mother caught him up in conversation for a gruelling ten minutes that pass just as fast as ten hours would. He thinks it a couple times when Katsuki practically drags him home and takes up of much of his time as possible, it's nothing but vapid content when he could be working and fixing things- he knows from all the tests there's nothing much more he can do, but he'd rather work fruitlessly towards his goal than be caught up in having to exchange his pleasantries as he pinned the most perfect smile he could muster to his face.

It's something he thinks a month later when he finally gets the notebook back, giving up on Katsuki ever willingly letting him into his house in the near future he just resorts to breaking in- it's not hard considering Katsuki left his window unlocked and all there is to it is being quiet. After his victory of obtaining his notebook Katsuki wakes up and ruins everything, he resets and just like the rest of his tests no longer has the notebook and has to start again.

He tries the next day after Katsukis forgotten or written it in the notebook which will shortly be stolen back, but again no matter how light he treads and how silent he is Katsuki is an impossibly light sleeper and catches him the next fourteen days he tries to steal it back.

Maybe he's just desperate that his notebook will hold something, a tiny scrap of information that'll put him a tiny bit closer instead of the flat line of progress he's had since day one.

Katsuki is in his way, and he's not going to be able to make any progress until he's out of the way and all he remembers is fogged over until he forgets it entirely.

It's two months and sixteen days since his initial death, 1:35am five minutes earlier than he usually arrives and this time he waits by the window and watches as Katsukis alarm goes off and he sits up in bed, glancing to his bookshelf then to his palm before checking the time and lying back down with his eyes open- he's waiting for him, and that's how he wakes up just in time as Izuku is trying to leave with what's his and has gotten caught the last fifteen days. Izuku waits outside of the window in the cold wind for ten minutes and watches every movement Katsuki makes, and then he does what he's done the last fifteen nights and enters through the unlocked window.

He keeps his eyes trained on Katsuki as he pads silently to his bookshelf and pulls out his notebook from it's familiar place, the other boy hasn't moved in the moment he's waited so he begins to leave until-

"Deku", Katsuki is sitting up in bed and Izuku turns to face him as he has the last five days, it's almost routine by now and it annoys him to no end that Katsuki is prepared.

"Why do you always have to get in the way", he's feeling the most he has since his first death and it's just anger- couldn't Katsuki see how desperate he was for this? Could he not let him have one thing? Could he not just go away for two minute-

With resolve he very suddenly knew what he was going to have to do, he didn't need the notebook he just needed to read it, he only needed two minutes and then he'd reset and it'd be all fine. Katsuki wouldn't remember, he probably wouldn't even feel it- it's not like he did anymore-

"What are you mumbling about", he dropped the notebook onto the floor, he had to do this- there was no other way he could read what were in those pages and he needed to do that.

"Just let me take it", if he says yes he won't have t-

"No"

"Read it?" if he could just say y-

"No"

He moves closer to Katsuki, one hand in the pocket of the uniform he's still wearing with his fingers tightly wrapped around the object that lies there

"I wish we could be friends again" forcing emotion into his voice, Katsuki's annoyed expression drops

"I-What?"

"Like when we were younger" he moves closer and he's gripping the familiar shape so hard it almost hurts

"When we were best friends" He wraps his arms around the other boy who's still sitting on the bed, his heart is pounding more than it has for months

"Why are you being so weird Deku-", he removes his hand from his pocket slowly and gently flicks it open "-if you want to be friends why didn't you-HH!-"

-The sound Katsuki makes when the knife enters his skull is breathy and shocked, Izuku almost feels sad as he removes the knife and he slumps into his bed, red eyes wide with shock fading to nothing. He's never seen someone else die but he moves on quickly- all he needs is to read the notebook and then he can reset and everything will be fixed and Katsuki won't even know.

Izuku flips the notebook open and quickly reads every entry by Katsuki, there's only twenty two and only one holds any information of value, the rest are just recounts of things he already knows- it almost feels pointless that he do all this for such little information.

He spares one glance to Katsuki who lays slumped on his bed which is quickly becoming soaked in blood before resetting.

When he comes to just as class is about to end he quickly writes down the one tiny bit of information that could be helpful as the slightest pressure on his lungs makes itself known, he ignores it and looks to what he found

'emotion=passing'

He doesn't look at Katsuki in the eye for a couple days.

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