The storm that usually rages in Izukus mind is unusually calm, it usually swirls with a sadness with life that makes him feel even more empty, every breath a constant reminder of his deepest want to simply not.
But the day that comes after he slits a mans throat and leaves him to bleed out without resetting leaves him with the calmest mind he has had in years, it's an odd sense of tranquillity he didn't achieve with Katsuki and he welcomes it- allows himself to lavish in the rush of meaning and soak it in, he feels almost worth something in a weird way and for a day he lets himself relax a little, he has no meeting with Nezu scheduled and even Katsuki is being more distant than usual giving him the space to relish in the temporary calm in the storm his actions had brought.
He hasn't touched the body but from nothing in the news he assumes it hasn't been found, it isn't like there are any fingerprints linking him to it, there is nothing threatening to stop the brief calm in the storm that's settled upon him, so he relaxes into it.
"I know"
Calm shattered
"Know what?"
"About-" he lowers his voice and looks around a little despite them being the only two people in his bedroom "- about last night"
"When did you find out" it comes out as more of a demand than a question but he can't reel his tone all the way in after the one calm sheet of glass over his mind had just been completely destroyed.
"Last night"
Well that put resetting out of question for one of the first times in a year, how was he going to stop him from talking? How had he not seen him? Katsuki had been asleep why would he wake up? How much had he heard? How much had he seen?
"I'm not going to tell anyone" he almost senses Izukus storm of thoughts, but mere words isn't going to calm the storm as it never has before
"I mean- you had your reasons right? Or it wasn't even you- so it's not really your fault and we can fix it right? They were a villain right?"
It's a jolt to go from relaxing to combing through the others frantic words to put the right response together
"They were, he wanted me to get some information and when I refused he came at me"
Hand shovelling a feel of regret into the moment that brought him so much peace is difficult, but with the way Katsuki face contorts a little it seems to work
"Have you gotten rid of the... body"
There's a weight to word that doesn't resonate with Izuku, he'd planned to just leave it there and let it be written off as some violence between villains but Katsuki probably wants to get rid of it for the peace of mind, for there to be no risk- and Izuku thinks he might have just found a way to get a grip on how the situation goes down
He shakes his head and slumps his shoulders a little as he forces nervousness into his eyes and looks down, it takes effect immediately as Katsuki taps his fingers lightly against the bed they're sitting on
"Are you going to?"
His eyes search for answers as his fingers tap, Izuku isn't sure that he's even aware he's doing it
"I don't think I could move it by myself, I'm worried about getting caught if I leave it there"
Izuku can feel his eyes over his form checking for his emotion and the emotion he's cramming into every crevice he can to convey something he doesn't feel at all, he chews on the inside of his mouth
"What if- what if I helped you move it?"
It's 2:12am and standing in front of a day old body with an empty bottle of butane and one of the lighters from the night before is not the situation Izuku thought he'd be in a day after murdering somebody but it's much better than being arrested after Katsuki let his mouth slip.
The body is covered in the liquid and outside, Katsuki is glancing between that and the lighter Izuku is just about to put to it and turn the evidence to ash
Flame licks at the body and quickly eats through clothes, sending the smell of burning hair and flesh across the air and lights the surrounding area up with a bright flame.
Izuku watches as it crackles in the night, the smell is unpleasant and has Katsuki burying his nose in the fabric of his hoodie and stepping back a bit in an attempt to not smell like it afterwards. He ignores the smell and takes in the flickering of the flame burning flesh, much less calm then last night as Katsuki adverted his eyes from the scene- Izuku couldn't understand it, the light of a flame was comforting and unwound a deep knot of nerves in his chest.
Involving Katsuki might have been the only way to keep him quiet but he can't shake the want to be alone in a moment like this and enjoy the warmth the fire brings, instead of having somebody who's so human it stings a little in comparison- someone who recoils at the scent and flinches away at what the fire means, who see's the body and couldn't understand the calm it could bring.
It's hard to shove remorse into his body when all he wants to do is relax in the flickering light and breath, and although he's pretty sure even if Katsuki noticed he'd cover it all up in his own head just as he had with the body it's better to pretend instead of letting it drop all at once- it's one thing to kill someone, it's another thing to kill somebody and have it be a rare calm in the storm.
He stares into the fire and wonders if Katsuki would ever open his eyes a little or if he'd stay in his perpetual state of knowing denial, it's easier for him but it is a little sad to see him bend his morals and mind over backwards to excuse things to stick with Izuku for whatever reason he has.
It's 2:24am before he notices that Katsuki has taken so many steps back to avoid the smell and leaves, he knows the body will take a couple of hours to burn but it's surrounded by abandoned and knocked down buildings, even if somebody does come across it he knows it'll be written off as violence between villains. No the real danger to him is Katsuki and what he saw that night, he still doesn't know exactly how much he heard- but considering he believed it was an accident he can't have seen him deliberately stand behind him to drag a knife across the others neck.
They go their separate ways at 2:57am, Katsuki assures him one more time that he won't snitch with a waver of something that Izuku can almost place as fear.
Sleep doesn't come so easy as it had the night before, this time he doesn't dream of a soft flickering light and a comforting red that sends him into a glass covered lullaby, this night he dreams of the smell of burning hair, the sound of police sirens and the look of betrayal in crimson red eyes.
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If this fic isn't for you and you want to review I only ask it's constructive, if it's mindless hate I will ignore
