"Mom?" Hiccup said this in almost a whisper. He was overcome quickly with anger, surprise, some happiness, and then back around to anger very quickly. He felt his stomach lurch a little bit. "Mom?" he said again, more audible this time. Mr. Vast's eyes met his now, and Hiccup could see how edgy his father was now. He hadn't known how Hiccup would react to the news, that was obvious.
Mr. Vast's head hung slightly lower than usual. "Yes, Hiccup." His voice too was distant.
A period of silence hung around them for a moment or so. Hiccup's involuntarily let a moan escape his mouth. He felt like crying - more out of anger than any type of happiness.
He wanted Astrid. And this scared him.
He blinked multiple times realizing something more needed to be said.
"Why would my mother be interested in my medical records?" He noted the twinge of fear. Worry overcame him. He didn't want his father knowing this.
"Well -" His father let out a slow breath. "She's asking for a visitation."
Hiccup's stomach dropped.
"No - "
"Easy, kiddo," his father said, coming to the table. He pulled the chair towards the end of the table so he could sit closer to Hiccup. "She wants to see you -"
"Then why hasn't she just called you or stopped by the house?" Hiccup asked. "Is anything stopping her from just dropping by?"
"No, but - "
"She's been gone since I was five, Dad. I don't want to see her - "
"Deep breath - " Hiccup was now hyperventilating. He felt absolutely sick to his stomach.
"Dad - I don't want to see her -"
"I'm not making you, Hiccup," Mr. Vast said to him. "Unfortunately, it may come down to it that the court forces you to see her - "
"Dad - "
"Hiccup - "
"Why is she going through the courts? What's stopping her from just showing up here?"
Mr. Vast looked defeated. Hiccup could now see the full wear this was causing on his father. The sacks under Mr. Vasts eyes looked much worse than they had that afternoon. The line in his forehead looked more defined.
"Your mother has learned from me, Hiccup. I told her a long time ago if she ever wanted to see you she better come back fighting. Well - she's fighting - and she's pulled in the attorneys."
Hiccup knew that his father had told her this out of both anger and hurt. His father had a habit of creating a wall around himself. If Hiccup had to guess he had done this towards his mother due to - wait, why?
Hiccup really did not know the reason why his mother was out of his life. Why she had actually left to begin with. He only remembered asking his father once over the years why she was not there. His father had given him a simple answer.
She was not there because of Mr. Vast himself.
Hiccup looked back at his father.
"Dad - where has she been?" Hiccup asked.
Mr. Vast sighed, and hesitated. "Hiccup - I don't know where to begin. Obviously, you need to know to understand - honestly Hiccup, I never expected to hear from her. Not while you were still young enough to be forced to deal with the courts."
Hiccup wouldn't turn eighteen until September.
Oh, September.
"Dad - my birthday isn't too far away - "
"Right you are."
"Is it - child support? Was she avoiding all this time because of that? And, now she wants to see me? Or -"
Mr. Vast shook his head. "Hiccup - I never asked her to pay child support. She couldn't afford to. And, she was having her own - ah, issues. I didn't want to stress her over child support. Besides - the money was never the question. She loved you - I knew this."
Anger struck Hiccup over panic.
"If she loved me, then why did I never hear from her or see her since I was five years old? Twelve years later she wants to step back in?"
"Oy," Mr. Vast said, placing his hand up to his forehead, which in turn went to his hair. This was a reminder on how stressed his father had become. "I knew this wouldn't be easy."
Hiccup watched his father collect his thoughts before he continued. The silence ate away at his stomach a little more with each passing second. Swallowing the urge to vomit, he forced himself to be patient.
Then -
"This is the case you've been working on," Hiccup said suddenly, his thoughts coming together. It explained the reason the fire proof box had shown up in his office. Why Katherine had been so secretive, and why his father had basically shut Hiccup out.
Mr. Vast nodded. "Yes. It's consumed me, as a matter of fact."
"Dad - "
"Hiccup - there's no easy way to explain this. And, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about your mother any more than you already have." Mr. Vast sighed. "When you were young your mother made the choice to stay at home and take care of you. You were in and out of the doctor's office due to your premature birth. She struggled keeping her desk job at Mr. Andrew's Chiropractors office due to the absences. I was able to leave work to be with you when you ended up in the hospital with RSV, pneumonia...you get the idea.
"But, there came a time when I was not able to leave work and come stay with you. This was when new cases were rolling in every day, I was at the courthouse for scheduled meetings and trials. It was when the firm started to grow. So, your mom started using her sick time and vacation time. Some days she stayed home when she couldn't - "
Hiccup went to speak but his father placed a hand up to stop him from even starting.
"Hiccup - it's what you do as a parent. You do the best you can. With us not having living relatives close by, any real close friends - it was what she needed to do. Before her boss could let her go she turned in her resignation. I was able to pay the bills. We weren't living as comfortable as I would have liked - but we were managing. So, we discussed it and she decided to stay at home with you with the intentions of going back to work - at some point."
"I'm sorry," Hiccup breathed.
"It isn't your fault," Mr. Vast said to him. "Okay? Do not, please, do not feel guilty."
Hiccup swallowed, now feeling a lump growing inside his throat.
"In the end, your mother left because of me," Mr. Vast said. "It wasn't you, it wasn't - you understand this, correct? - Hiccup -" Receiving a nod in reply, he continued on. "When she chose to stay home with you, I wasn't there. I was gone for work. I was at the office, drowning in my cases. I hired Rhonda to help me part-time with those cases. Eventually - " His father shrugged. "I became too busy to be home for you and your mom. I became a provider more than a husband or a father."
Hiccup saw the tears welling up in his father's eyes.
"Hiccup - I failed you - in multiple ways - "
"No you didn't, Dad," Hiccup said. "You were juggling - I get that. Kinda like how I'm juggling school and track and cross country - well, was." He paused. "Now, I am juggling this." He tapped his left knee. "It's okay."
More silence passed between the two of them.
"Dad - what was the reason she left us?"
Mr. Vast sighed. "Your mother became depressed. The house wasn't clean, I came home a few times and you were still in your play-pin crying. Diaper soggy and sagging. You were hungry. Your - " His father sniffled. "This isn't easy."
The lump grew in Hiccup's throat, and continued to grow inside his gut. He found himself holding his slender stomach and leaning forward wishing for the knot to go away.
"Your mom was a good person, Hiccup. I think she still is a good person. She just - slipped away. Being home alone, having no family and just you and I. And, I was gone. Your mom really needed some adult contact - some girl time. Or, a date out. She and I were too proud to ask for help - until it was too late."
"Dad - where did she go? You told me you weren't sure when I last asked."
Mr. Vast nodded. "Right. Well - her depression became so bad she checked herself into a facility."
Hiccup's stomach dropped again. Chills ran up his spin. His father had been so worried about the pain medication he had been taking when he was recovering, as well as the depression medication he was on. He had been so worried with the combination of the two - they both had been. They'd asked his doctor and his surgeon, and even the nurse practitioner about the combinations.
"There's a history of depression in the family?" Hiccup asked.
Mr. Vast nodded. "Hiccup - when she checked herself out she wasn't herself. I wouldn't let her take you with her. She was leaving. Packed one suitcase and was out the door. She only had a few of your outfits and a teddy bear. I wouldn't let her take you -"
Hiccup suddenly remembered the screaming in the front yard when he was a small boy. He remembered screaming at his parents to stop fighting, remembered his father pulling him behind himself. Then, the police officers arriving...more screaming.
The memory hit him like a train. His head swam, his stomach lurched, and before he could proceed to more he leaned over and vomited where he sat.
"Hiccup!"
The crust of the pizza made him cough and sputter. His nose burned from the pepperoni taste coming up his throat. For a moment he felt as though his forehead might explode.
His father's strong hand was on his backside. All his father could do was sit and wait for his contents to be done coming. It was only four heaves before he felt done, and he sat back up again, not wanting to look at his father's face.
"I'm sorry - "
Feeling hot, Hiccup made the motion to stand up, but his father forced him back into the chair, then went after a towel to clean up. Hiccup wanted to leave. He wanted to go lay down and just fall asleep then and there. The memory came flashing back to him. He mainly remembered the voices and their tones. He remembered a woman taking his hand and leading him into his room to play with his Legos. Her soft voice comforted him. She let him play with her police hat. Another officer, a man, had stood in the hallway while the muffled noises outside continued for what seemed eons. That man had made him feel uneasy, but the woman reassured him that he wasn't someone to be fearful of.
"Dad -" Hiccup breathed. His father had cleaned up the up-chuck for the most part and had thrown the towel into the sink. "Mom didn't come back once she left - did she?"
Mr. Vast sighed. "No, she called. But, she never came back to the house. She took off in the car. She went to Georgia. Florida. Even New York. It took me four years to track her down. She came back to town once. Just to finalize the dissolution. She asked how you were. And, she left."
Hiccup signed. "Why is she back now? Why does she suddenly want to see me?"
Mr. Vast shrugged. "That is something I am not sure about." There was a long pause. "Hiccup, when we signed the dissolution, I never forced her to sign her rights away. She had visitation rights, and was even allowed access to your medical records. That was how she obtained them."
"What days was she allowed visitations?"
Mr. Vast paused. "Why does that matter?"
"It just does," Hiccup said.
After a pause, Mr. Vast replied, "Honestly, anytime she wanted to. Although, I put in every other weekend and Wednesdays. I couldn't do anymore than that since I had full custody."
"She - she didn't fight to keep me?" Hiccup asked.
This caused his father some grief. His bags suddenly looked darker to Hiccup than they had moments before. Hiccup's emotions twinged again, and he regretted asking the question.
"She wanted you, Hiccup. She did. That was why she fought for you in the moment she tried to leave me. But -" Mr. Vast sighed. "She took the savings I had and wiped it. I let her take it without a fight once I realized what she had done. I fought for you - we both did that day."
"But you won - " With each comment or question he could visibly see his father becoming emotional - Hulk raging emotional like he did when he was preparing for a trial but, and not offended either. Just hurt or surprised.
"No one won that day, Hiccup. It was a rough situation. Eventually, she realized that you were better off at home. She didn't know where she was going or who she was going to run into. She has ten thousand dollars and her suit case."
Hiccup sat at his chair for a moment, his elbow supporting his torso to stay upright. Suddenly, he felt his father's hand on his forehead.
"You're sweating - "
"I'll make it," Hiccup breathed.
"I'm sorry," Mr. Vast said. "I'd hoped she would have come sooner to see you - or perhaps when you were able to decide."
Hiccup nodded. "So - where do we go from here?"
His father eyed him questionably.
"You said she has gotten the courts involved. What is the next step?"
Mr. Vast swallowed. "I'm honestly just waiting to be subpoenaed in. You won't need to be there - not yet - if at all. Unless - unless you really want to see her?"
Hiccup sighed loudly, and he suddenly felt as though he were swimming. He was mentally and physically exhausted.
"I don't know what I want right now, Dad. I'm sorry - "
"Stop saying you are sorry!" Mr. Vast said with a slightly raised voice. "Why do you keep apologizing for something you can't control?"
"Dad, I - "
"You can't help how you feel, Hiccup. Frankly, I don't know how I'd feel if I was sitting in your seat. I had both parents at home growing up. You - you've only had me a majority of your life."
"How are you feeling, Dad?" Hiccup asked him suddenly. This surprised Mr. Vast, he could tell.
He felt his father eye him questionably for a moment, then his father let out a held breath, then reach for Hiccup's crutches, pushing Hiccup to stand up and use them.
"I want you to go lay down," he said. "How's your stomach?"
"Still queasy."
"Again, I want you to go lay down. It's getting late. How about you get your things together for school tomorrow once you settled down a bit? Let me get a few things done in the office, and - and we can talk a little bit more?"
Hiccup sighed, but agreed. He could feel his father's eyes studying him as he made his way towards his bedroom. Typically, he didn't close the door behind him when he was in his room. He never felt the need to except at night. He always left it cracked to keep the light from the bathroom. Tonight, he felt the need for a little more privacy.
He collapsed on his bed and laid down. His stump still twinged but his mind was now distracted from the tenderness. Instead, he reached for his cell phone on his nightstand, and went to text Astrid.
But, he couldn't. He wanted to tell her what was going on so badly, but it would be the most horrible text message to send. He was having a hard time keeping is thoughts straight as it was. How could he have placed something like that into a text message?
He reached for a half empty bottle of water on his nightstand and took a few sips to drown out the vomit taste. He wanted to go to sleep, but his mind was going into too many directions to.
Instead of getting his clothes and books ready, he remained curled up in his bed. He was trying to process the information his father had given him. He still knew very little, but it was more than he knew yesterday.
Growing up he had accepted he was a motherless, only child. It didn't bother him as much as it may have bothered other kids. He didn't remember calling out for his mom when she first left. He remembered some confusion as to why she wasn't there. Eventually, he just accepted that she wasn't there.
Mother's Day was somewhat awkward at school, especially when he was in his early elementary school years. As a class they would make gifts for their mothers, usually hand prints or foot prints of paint on paper, cards, pictures of themselves as stick figures that they could draw and color on. He had participated, but not in the same manner the rest of the class had. He simply would write his name.
Luckily by about the fourth grade he hadn't been forced into coloring or crafting for his lack-there-of-Mom. Very few people asked about his mom. The track and cross country runners rarely saw his father to generate questions about where his mom was. Out of sight, out of mind was how Hiccup thought of it. While they would sit with the team, he sometimes envied Jake Vickerson who had four younger siblings. One particular younger sister absolutely adored him. When he wasn't competing she was attached at his hip. With Aurora around, the team made sure to be on their best behavior.
Jake had a large family. Hiccup didn't.
But, he had learned to be content.
When Katherine had started coming around - he despised her. Mainly because she was employed by his father. He assumed it would cause issues for the rest of the employees. Unless there were issues and Hiccup didn't know about, the office seemed to be running smoothly. Katherine had been a good change in both he and his father's life.
Katherine wasn't his mom - but she was there if she needed him.
Suddenly, he felt the urge to call Katherine and talk to her. But, he didn't want his father to know he was wanting to talk to her. Having another perspective on his would be good - especially if he really wanted to check and see how his father actually was holding up. His father looked rabid. And, Hiccup still felt bad even though it was not his fault - and he knew this.
Sighing, he tossed his phone with force to the foot of the bed and leaned back against his pillow.
Sleep. He just wanted to sleep.
...
So, before I start the next chapter I want to share something.
I walked away and re-read this before I posted this chapter. I have been delivered a large family-bombshell myself at this age. Long story short - how Hiccup reacted was how I reacted - minus the actual vomiting. I felt like vomiting for days simply from the mental stress and the shock I had. I experienced the knots in my stomach and throat, the mental exhaustion, fatigue and the enormous aray of questions that buzzed through my head for hours, days and even months after I found out a "family secret." I wanted to portray this into Hiccup.
I think Hiccup is taking it much better than I would have - and did. But, obviously he is still struggling with what he should think, how he should feel, etc.
I hope you liked this chapter. I was a fun and emotional write.
