This is going to be my (most likely) only chapter from the point of view of Clare, so enjoy. And I know I said I was going to take a few day's off from updating, but obvi not. Luv u guy's too much ^.^
Eli walked out of my hotel room leaving me feeling cold and empty inside. I had tried so hard to control my emotions, to not let him see me weak. I knew if I gave him any inkling that I still loved him he wouldn't give up, and I would give in. When he was saying goodbye to our son I almost changed my mind, I had to bite my lip to keep my mouth shut. Everything I was doing was for my son, Eli wasn't ready to be a father. He still had so many dreams, so much to do and see. I knew if he stayed with me and raised this baby, we'd only end up resenting each other in the end. I closed the door and went to the bathroom to clean my face, I was running late to meet the adoptive parents. I was 15 minutes late by the time I arrived to their house. The house was two story and brick, with a white picket fence surrounding it. It was the home I had dreamed of for my son, it was perfect. While walking up to the door I couldn't help envisioning Eli and I playing with our son in a yard like this. I had to shake those dreams from my mind, there wasn't any point in wishing for something that could never be. I knocked on the door, and a beautiful blonde women opened it. She must have been Laura, my son's future mother. Her pink dress was neatly pressed, and not a hair was out of place. Her teeth were as white as her pearl earing's, and as sparkly as her eyes.
"Well hello Clare! Why don't you come on in, we are just so excited to meet you! Don is in the kitchen cookin us up something real nice to eat. And the women from the adoption agency is in the living room waitin for us. It's going to be a lovely visit!" I came in as she asked, I was surprised to hear a Texan accent from her, we were in New York after all. I think she saw my confusion because she started to go on about how Texans are the best mom's. I sat down on their white couch covered in plastic, and Laura sat across from me with her leg's crossed. The women I had been speaking to on the phone from the adoption agency, Lin, was sitting beside her. Lin took a sip of tea, and pulled out a stack of papers from her purse.
"It's great to meet you in person Clare, now we always want these meetings to feel relaxed, but we do need to get the important things out of the way first. This isn't meant to be offensive, we do this with most everyone, but you are young and we will need you to sign your rights over when you make your decision in the next few days. We just like to make that clear before we start talking about the finer details of the adoption."
I nodded my head, "Yes, that's fine. I understand."
"So, I next always like to have the potential new mother ask you questions, just so you're both on the same page." I nodded my head again, and Laura began to speak.
'Clare hunny I just would like you to know Don and I are so gratefully for this. We been trying to have our own baby for so long, and It just wunt' in God's plan. So again, thank you so much. Now in regards to the adoption I do think that you should be able to see him, but Don and I are not ok with having him know he was adopted. We don't want him to feel like he isn't ours." My heart sank and Eli's letter in my pocket became heavy. "We are ok with you being Aunt Clare, and comin around every five years or so."
I was keeping my hands clasped together so they would stop shaking. I realized by doing this, I was giving up full control of my son's life. I just kept looking at Laura and her perfect house, this is what my son deserved, I couldn't be selfish. So I ignored the doubts in my mind, and nodded. "Mrs. Whitley the most important thing to me is that Adam has two parents who love him, and can provide him with the things I can't. I'm grateful for any time that you will allow me to see him."
"Oh well aren't you just the sweetest! To tell you the truth I wasn't sure what was gonna come walkin in here, you bein a teen mom and all. I admire you being sensible enough to know that this isn't somethin someone of your age can handle. You're a smart girl Clare, God bless your soul. And just a side note, Don always wanted a son named after his father, so we were thinking we'd name him Berg. Adam is nice and all, but it isn't meaningful to us."
Her words struck a cord with me, and the doubt in my heart over came me. I couldn't just trust this country Barbie, or anyone else for that matter, with my son. My son was an Adam, not a berg. Eli's words rang in my head again, "You would have been a great mother." He was right, I could do it If I set my mind to it, even alone and blind folded he said. I could give Adam a great life even if there wasn't a two story brick house, or a white picket fence involved.
Lin slid the stack of papers in front of me, "Well it seems that everything is going smoother than expected! If you've made up your mind there's no reason to wait, we can go ahead and sign the papers now."
Lin and Laura looked at me with wide smiles and it just didn't feel right, signing away my son to these people I didn't even know. I slid the papers back towards them, and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Don came in with a trey of food, and big grin. I looked at him and then back at Laura's shocked face, and then I ran out of the door. I jumped into my car turning it on with shaky hands. I was scared and nervous about what the future would hold, but I knew I had done the right thing. I loved my baby, and there was no way I would ever be able to give him up. Driving back to my hotel I pulled my phone out of my purse, I was going to call Eli and tell him I decided to keep our son. Then just as I was about to push call, I stopped. Just because I was willing to give everything up, didn't mean that Eli should have to. Eli still having so much to do and accomplish was still the case, even if I didn't want it to be. When I first told him I was pregnant, and he had thought it was his, he was upset about missing out on the opportunities at film school and New York, his exact words were "I'm not ready to give all that up." I wouldn't let him either. Eli had said goodbye to Adam and I, there was no reason to concern him any further. That day I made a choice to put his needs before mine, that day I let go of Eli Goldsworthy for good.
