Happy New Year!

Chapter 3- Not Involved

"So, uh. How are things going?" Elliot asks Olivia as he navigates the streets of Manhattan. She's beginning to show, making it even more difficult for him to ignore the fact that she was carrying his child. It's imperceptible to everyone but him because he knows her. He knows exactly how her slacks are supposed to fit and how her shirts are supposed to hug her body. He can see the subtle changes in her frame and it bothers him for many reasons. She agreed to remain partners with him for appearance's sake, but their relationship has become strained.

"Fine," she answers quietly.

"Olivia, c'mon."

"You don't want to be involved, remember?"

"I still care. Do you think this is easy for me?"

"Do you think this is easy for me?! I'm pregnant and alone and I can't tell anyone who the father is because he's married and everyone will think I'm a whore."

"That's not what I wanted."

"And what exactly did you want?" He opens his mouth to explain, but she puts up a hand to stop him. "You know what? Don't. There's nothing you can say to make this better."

"I'm sorry, Olivia."

"Yea, me too."

xXx

"Need another hand?" Elliot asks from the open doorway. "Nice place."

Olivia looks up from the box she is beginning to unpack. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to help you move."

"Well, you missed the boat on that one. I've already moved."

"I know. I'm sorry. I promised the twins I'd help them with their projects for school. Should have asked them what the subject was first, because math is not my forte."

"Well, you can go. All the heavy lifting has already been done, it's just the unpacking left."

"Well I can help with that."

"It's o-"

"Where do you want these to go?" Elliot asks gesturing to several boxes that were stacked in the hallway.

"Side of the box says kitchen."

"Alright, I'll be in there."

"I think you should set it up over there," Munch's voice carries through the apartment.

"What you know about TV? Don't you just read books?" Fin asks.

"It's about the feng shui," Munch explains. "I learned that from my books."

"Feng shui my ass," Fin mutters.

"Guys, what's the problem?" Olivia asks.

"I think the couch should go over here," Munch points.

"Yea, but if the couch goes there, then the TV has to go on this wall and you're gonna have a glare from the light coming in through the window."

"He has a point," Cragen says as he sidles up beside her. Casey comes and stands on her other side.

"Yea a glare is super annoying," Casey agrees.

"See. I'm right," Fin gloats.

"How do you put up with them?" Olivia asks Cragen.

"I don't know, but it would be easier if I could drink."

"Munch, let's leave Fin alone so he can set up my entertainment system. He seems to know what he's doing. You can organize my bookshelf."

"If that's where you think my talents are best suited. Although I must say you should have me in here before the kid gets here. The energy is way off."

"Thanks Munch. I'm going to order some pizza, any special requests?"

"Beef," Fin answers.

"Onions and peppers," Munch replies.

"I'm fine with whatever," Cragen answers.

"Mushrooms and broccoli," Casey responds.

"Ok. Two large pies with everything on it it is."

The group works in various areas of the apartment, moving room to room as needed. Fin works as the electrical technician and manages to get her TV, cable, wifi, and sound system set up. He leaves with his slices after hanging her second TV on the wall in her room, taking Munch with him. Cragen sets up her bed set along with Casey's help while Elliot puts away her kitchen. Casey and Cragen leave after they've finished, and eaten their slices, leaving her and Elliot alone in her new apartment.

"Let me help you with that," Elliot offers when he sees Olivia pick up a box.

"It's ok. It's light."

Elliot takes the box from her. "You're not supposed to carry things in front of you. Now, where's this going?"

Olivia walks down the hall and stops in front of a door midway down the hall. She opens the door and allows him to enter behind her.

"This the baby's room?" he asks.

"Yea," she answers. "There's a lot of work that needs to be done, but I have time."

The room is bare save for the single box Elliot places inside it. "Let me know if you need any help."

"Elliot, what are you doing here?"

"I came to help."

"Why?"

"Everyone else was coming so I figured I should come too. You know, for appearance's sake."

"So if the other guys weren't coming you wouldn't come either?"

"No, I…That came out wrong."

"Then how did you mean for it to come out?"

"I just want to help, Liv. That's all."

"Elliot, I've had a lot of time to think and I'm not holding you to any obligations you may feel you may have. You have a wife and a family. You shouldn't have to risk losing them because of one drunken mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake," he says without thinking. How can it be a mistake when it happened more than once? How could it be a mistake when he keeps dreaming about doing it again? How could it be a mistake when he keeps reliving it in his head? He can still feel the sweat roll down his spine. Taste the alcohol on her tongue. Feel her nails dig into his back. He remembers he hadn't been gentle and she allowed him to release something primal within him. It was something he'd never experienced with Kathy. It was hot, sweaty, rough, sex. It was everything he ever thought it would be. It was something he wanted more of.

It was something he could never have.

"What?" she asks.

"It wasn't a mistake."

"Then what?"

"I should go. Yea. I need to go."

"Elliot?"

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight," she says to his retreating form.

xXx

The elevator doors open and Elliot looks up from his phone just in time to see Olivia step on to the elevator as he's stepping off.

"Where you headed?" he asks.

"Doctor's appointment," she answers nonchalantly while texting on her phone.

"I got some time. Let me give you a ride."

"It's fine. I'll just drive myself," she looks up and pushes the button for the first floor(,) causing the elevator doors to begin to close.

Elliot uses a hand to stop them and steps onto the elevator beside her. "This way you won't have to look for parking," he says as he pushes the 'Door Close' button.

Olivia rolls her eyes.

xXx

"Stop touching things!" Olivia chastises from her position on the examination table. She does her best to protect her modesty in the thin gown with the paper sheet. "Haven't you done this before? Sit over there," she orders and points to the stool beside her.

"I was just looking. It's been awhile since I've done this. I wanna see if anything's changed."

"Well, look with your eyes, not with your hands."

They sit in awkward silence as they wait for her doctor to come in. She doesn't know what to say to him, because he's not supposed to be here. He'd dropped her off at the door and sped off as soon as she crossed the threshold. So imagine her surprise when the door opened to the clinic and she looked up to see him stepping through.

"What's your doctor's name?"

"Dr. Sharobeem. Why?"

"I'm going to google him."

"It's her. Why are you googling my doctor?"

"Dr. Ezra Sharobeem. Stanford undergrad. Harvard med. Not bad. She's got six kids."

"It says all that?" Olivia asks and leans over to see.

"Yup. Wife's not bad either. She's a nephrologist."

"Knock! Knock!" her doctor calls from behind the door opening it slightly. "Everybody decent?"

"Yes, you can come in," Olivia calls back as quickly readjusts herself.

The doctor walks in and closes the door behind her. "Hi, Olivia. Nice to see you again. And we have a guest. I'm Dr. Sharobeem," she introduces herself to Elliot and offers her hand for him to shake.

Elliot takes in the woman's Egyptian features from her long dark hair to her golden skin, green eyes, and smiling white teeth. "Elliot. I'm Olivia's partner. From work," he replies as he discreetly slides his phone into his pocket and shakes her hand.

"It's nice to meet you. So, Olivia, how are we feeling today?"

"Pretty good."

"Great, and the morning sickness?"

"Pretty much gone."

"Yes, that tends to clear up around the second trimester, which you are officially in now that you're fourteen weeks. Congratulations."

Olivia can't help the smile on her face. "Thanks."

"Any cramping?"

"No."

"How about the bleeding, is that still happening?"

Elliot turns concerned eyes to Olivia. "No, not anymore. I haven't had any in the past couple weeks and the last time it was really light."

"Good. If you experience any more bleeding, you're to call me right away." Olivia nods in understanding. "Alright, I'm going to check you now then we can move on to the ultrasound, which I'm guessing is why your partner is here." Elliot smiles. "Would you mind stepping out for a moment. Give Ms. Benson some privacy."

"Oh sure," Elliot stands.

"I'll call you back in when it's time."

Elliot heads for the door and closes it behind him. Guilt immediately floods his senses as he waits to be called back in. Bleeding? He'd left her to deal with that on her own and there is no doubt in his mind that she would have been terrified going through it. He was terrified just hearing about it, and this was after the fact.

The door opens and Dr. Sharobeem pops her head out. "Hey, Elliot. You can come back in."

Elliot follows the doctor back into the room and takes a seat on the stool next to the exam table. Olivia's abdomen is already exposed and for the first time it's obvious that she's pregnant now that she's no longer hiding behind loose fitting shirts. He watches as the doctor squeezes jelly onto her abdomen and maneuvers the wand over it. In no time the profile of a baby pops up on the screen in black and white.

"Baby looks great," the doctor muses. "Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

"Yes," Elliot answers before Olivia can respond.

The doctor adjusts the speakers and a loud rapid thumping can be heard. "Good strong heartbeat. Would you like some pictures?"

"Yes," Olivia answers.

"Alright. I'll take a few and have them waiting for you at the front desk. Any questions for me?" the doctor asks as she wipes off Olivia's stomach and adjusts her gown.

"Nope."

"Ok. I will see you in a few weeks. Nice to meet you, Elliot."

"Nice meeting you too," Elliot replies.

The doctor exits the room, leaving Elliot and Olivia alone for a moment. "Umm. Can you pass me my clothes?" Olivia asks as she sits up and swings her legs to the side of the table.

"Sure."

Elliot grabs her pants and her blouse from a nearby chair and hands them to her. "Elliot, what are you doing here?" she asks as she takes her clothes from them.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why are you here? Now. In this room with me. I thought you were just going to drop me off."

"I was, but then…"

"Then what?"

Elliot shrugs. "I wanted to see the baby," he admits. "I always liked seeing the sonograms. I wanted to see this one too."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said. But…" he stands and moves closer to her and slides his hand over the bulge in her stomach. "I wanted to see the baby."

Olivia hesitates before placing her hand over his. She looks up at him and smiles. "Did you like what you saw?"

His eyes lock with hers as he leans forward. "Yes," he whispers against her lips before touching his own to hers. It's a heated kiss that burns with unbridled passion. His hands move to her hips as he tongue delves into her mouth and her arms wrap around his neck. His hands hook under legs and draw her closer against him. He quickly frees himself from his slacks and pushes the gown over her hips before he pushes inside her. Olivia whimpers into his kiss as he begins to thrust into her over and over again.

"Fuck," he mutters because she feels just the way he remembers. Just the way he's fantasized about since their first time. She's tight and wet around him and she kisses his neck as he fucks into her. His hands grip her ass firmly as he drives into her, pushing harder and faster. She braces herself with her arms behind her and her head falls back, exposing the long column of her neck. He takes advantage of her position and kisses her there, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume and…her. He tangles his fingers in the long tresses of her hair, drawing her mouth to his. Her hands wrap around him, gripping his shirt as the intensity builds inside her. She clings to him, wrapping her legs around him and holding him close. She pushes her tongue into his mouth and cries out seconds before she comes, gripping him and pulling him deeper. He swallows the sound of her cries of ecstasy and explodes moments later, pulling her flush against his hard physique and holding her close.

Realization dawns on both of them as he slips from body. The guilt is palpable as they avoid eye contact while he resituates himself in his pants and she pulls her gown down.

"I'm uh-I'm gonna go get the car," he says, motioning to the door, his eyes staring anywhere but at hers. "I'll meet you downstairs," he mumbles and leaves the room quickly, closing the door behind him.

Olivia buries her face into her hands and sighs.

What have I done?

xXx

The weeks fly by and Olivia's stomach expands more and more with each passing day. Neither spoke on the car ride back to the station, and it was decided in the silence that they would never speak of their tryst in the exam room ever again. He keeps his distance from her, and his separation is made easier when Cragen assigns her desk duty when her pregnancy becomes something she can no longer hide. Members of the squad congratulate her and ask her about the father to which she responds, "He doesn't want to be involved." He doesn't miss the tinge of venom and the sarcasm in her voice when she says the word 'involved.'

She's different now. Subdued. Quiet. He can't tell if it's the hormones or if it's her, but he can feel the rage radiating off of her in waves. He hasn't gone back to the doctor's with her and he avoids all conversation having to do with the baby. He guesses it's his sudden interest and then disinterest that has changed her, but he cannot be this baby's father. The thought alone kills him, but he imagines it is easier to separate himself now rather than later. He and Kathy are on the mend and his family has never been happier. He thinks of her often and he doesn't know what that means, but more importantly, he doesn't want to know what that means, so he works with Munch or Fin and pretends he is not the father of Olivia's baby. They plague him with questions about the "Situation" and he tells them he doesn't know much. Refers to the father as an asshole and it seems to calm their curiosity, but not their anger. Especially Fin. Who doesn't hide the fact that he would like a chance to kick the guy's ass.

Elliot walks up to the crib and spots her on one of the bottom bunks. "Everything ok?" he asks.

She sits with her hand on her growing abdomen taking deep breaths in and out. "Yea, kid's kicking me black and blue."

He smiles and sits beside her. "Can I feel?" He knows this is a big no no, but he can't help it. He already loves this baby as much as his other children and no matter how much he tries he can't stop his heart from wanting a connection with this baby.

She stares at him with menace in his eyes. "Seriously?"

He can't help himself. "Please?" she sighs and nods hesitantly. He places his hand on her stomach. "Wow," he laughs. "She's strong." He always pictures the baby as a little girl with her smile and his eyes.

"He's strong," she corrects.

"It's a boy?"

"Yea, found out a long time ago when the amnio results came back."

"Amnio? You never told me you had an amnio."

"You never asked."

"Why would you need an amnio?"

"I'm high risk because of my age so my doctor suggested it."

"Is he healthy?"

"Yea," Olivia clears her throat and stands awkwardly. "I actually have to get going."

"Why? Got a hot date?" he jokes.

"Something like that."

His head whips around. "Something like-wait! You're dating?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it dating. Justin and I have been seeing each other off and on now for years."

Elliot squints as he looks at her. "Is this a booty call?"

"This is none of your business."

He stands. "It is my business when-" he stops himself.

"When what?" she eyes him and dares him to say it. "You didn't want to be involved, Elliot."

"Yea, so you keep reminding me. How long are you planning to use that against me?"

"As long as I feel. You don't get to have it both ways. Either you're in this or you're not." She holds his gaze and waits for him to challenge her. To change his mind. To man up and be the man she's known for almost a decade. Once again he lets her down. "I didn't think so." She brushes past him and heads for the door, but stops just short of crossing the threshold. "And it's not a booty call. Justin and I have an arrangement. A girl's got needs, you know."

"Does he even know you're pregnant?"

"He did when he came over a couple days ago. I suppose he remembers."

"Well. Have a good time then I guess."

"I will. Thanks."

xXx

Cragen walks into the squad room and does a double take seeing Elliot sitting at his desk. "What are you doing here?"

"Apparently, I'm the only one working today. Where is everybody?"

"Olivia didn't call you?"

"Call me for what?"

"She's at New York Pres. Something's wrong with her and the baby. Fin and Munch are with her now."

"What?!" Elliot stands immediately and grabs his keys.

"Elliot, what's going on wi-"

"Not now, Captain," he says as he runs through the doors.

Thanks for reading!