If you haven't watched tonight's episode, skip this bolded part. So...I am completely and totally on cloud 9 right now. I know for the sake of drama things wont be perfect the entire rest of the season, but tonight's long awaited episode was much needed! Eli and Clare were so happy, and Eli was being such a good future dad. :''''')))))) Anyways, back to this story. Oh one more thing, I changed the rating to M. Wasn't planning on that for this story, but as I was writing, it just happened. The episode tonight inspired me a bit. ;p
I was breathless and exhilarated, all at the same time. I had been running everywhere, back to the church to ask Alli where Clare was, and then too Clare's house. I finally made it there, just before the sun was going set. I would of drove but Lenore was holding the key's hostage in her purse, and there wasn't time to fight for them. I ran up to Clare's door and something made me pause, what if Adam was in there? Was he ready to meet me, would Clare allow it? I closed my eyes and decided I had to do it, too much time had been spent not doing what made me happy. I knocked on the door, and I waited for a response, there wasn't one. I looked through the window and I could see toys scattered across the floor, but no sign of Clare or Adam. I turned the door knob, and the door was unlocked. I stepped inside and the room was filled with the smell of candles, and paint. I walked into the hallway and there was an open door to my right, it was a child's room. I hesitated before walking in, what would Adam say if he saw a stranger wearing a tux in his room? My compulsiveness came over me though, and I entered. There was no one in sight. There was a car's bed, and action figures scattered on the floor. In there corner there was a painting canvas with stick figures painted on it, at the bottom corner it said:bi adum golswurthy. My throat caught, and I shivered. Had Clare given him my last name? I walked closer to the painting, and I could see names over the stick figures. There were three people drawn, the names above them were mommy, me, and daddy. I sat down on the bed examining the painting, my heart was heavy and my previous excitement dissolved. There was an actual little person out there that was mine, and I haven't been there for him. What was he going to think about me, would he think I abandoned him, or never loved him? In my moment of anger I kicked the canvas, and Adam's paints and drawing's fell. I got down on my knee's to pick them up when I ran across a piece of paper. There were painted finger prints all over it. I opened the paper, and recognized the hand writing immediately, it was mine. It was the letter I had left for Adam when I thought he was going to be given up for adoption, Clare had given it to him. While reading over it I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Clare, and I stood up. She didn't look angry, and she didn't look worried, but I didn't care what she was. All I cared about was that she was there, that she was in front of me, nothing else mattered. Our eyes were locked and my heart was pounding faster than it ever had before. Clare's face was frozen with her hair hanging over her left eye, I tucked it behind her ear and lifted the corner of my mouth into a half smile. I couldn't wait another second, I longed for her touch. I gently put my lips to hers, she was unresponsive at first, her body stiff, and her hands pushing on my chest. I became hungry, hungry for her taste. I pressed my lips harder against hers, and she began to hesitantly kiss me back. I put my arms around her waist, pulling her body to mine. She threw her arms around my neck, and the smell of her was intoxicating. I was drunk off Clare, swimming in pure bliss. She began to kiss me back with the same kind of hunger, her tongue slivered over my lips, and in response I bit hers. I pulled away gasping for air, neither of us saying a word. I picked her up bridal style off her feet, and exited Adam's room. She clung to me still breathing heavy from our kiss, I looked down at her for some reassurance that she was wanting the same thing as me. She barley whispered a "room to the left", and that was enough for me. I kicked the door open and threw her on the bed, without hesitating I hovered over her, kissing her neck and unbuttoning her shirt with shaky hands. She pulled my tux jacket off and unbuttoned my shirt, and began kissing my chest sending shivers through out my body. Clare slid her pants off, and began to unbutton mine. I grabbed her hand momentarily stopping her, and with a shaky voice I spoke. "Clare, are you sure?" She still said nothing, but instead brought her lips to mine. That was all the reassurance I needed, I pulled my pants off kissing her, before finally sliding myself inside her. I thrusted myself against her, and we began to make love for the first time since we created Adam. My hands ran through her hair, and our body's rubbed against each other becoming sweaty. I finally collapsed on top of her in exhaustion, kissing her on the forehead gently. I rolled over laying beside her for a few moments in silence. I couldn't help but stare at her matted hair, and sweaty face thinking to myself how beautiful she looked. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, "I love you." She looked away from me and sat up walking to her bathroom, and then shutting the door behind her. I stared at it in confusion, and then began to get dressed. The high I was on began to disappear, was she angry? Did she regret it? Was I ever going to be able to fix things, or was this going to be a never ending cycle of hurt? As soon as I finished putting my clothes on Clare opened the door, walking out in a black robe. We had to talk, I couldn't handle not knowing what she was thinking.
"Clare, God dammit. What is going on? We just made love for the first time in so long, and It was amazing. I was so unimaginably happy. Then I told you I loved you, and you just walked away. Tell me, what is going on inside your head? Are you worried because I know about Adam, If that's it don't be. I'm not mad, I'm confused and a little sad, but I understand why you did what you did, just talk to me. Please." My eyes were desperate for an answer.
"It's not that, I mean yes I was worried about that, but it's so much more Eli. I've spent five years making myself learn how to live without you, how to raise our son without you. I sacrificed my whole life to take care of him, I sacrificed my heart. You moved on, you were going to get married today! I have been alone all this time, but you just moved on like Adam and I never meant anything! Now, now you're here, but you could just as easily walk out that door like you walked out of that hotel room, I don't think I could handle that. I can't handle getting you back, and then losing you again. You really want to know what's going on in my head? I'm afraid, I'm afraid of letting you back into my life, and into Adam's." Clare was breathless with tears streaming down her face.
"Clare, look at me. I am not going anywhere, not ever again. I did not want to marry her, I didn't even want to be with her. I have spent the last five years waking up most nights in a cold sweat panicking, and calling out your name. I was with Lenore because I felt obligated, because I wanted to do the right thing. Sacrificing my heart, wasn't the right thing, and neither was you sacrificing yours Clare. We both made mistakes, but hasn't this always been the right answer? Anytime anything has ever gone wrong, the only way it could ever be fixed was if we did it together. Clare I didn't get married today, I'm here. As long as you want me, I will always be here. Don't ever doubt that it's you, always has been. There have been very few times in my life that I've truly been scared Clare, when you had cancer and I thought I was going to lose you, when I said goodbye to you and Adam five years ago, and now. I'm terrified too, I'm scared of the future, but there's nothing I want more. Nothing more that I want than you, and our son." Tears were streaming down my face now too.
"I love you too Eli, always and forever. The feeling that I have without you in unbearable, it's like I cant breath. So if you're willing to take the leap, than so am I. Because I am hopelessly, and undeniably in love with you Eli Goldsworthy."
I wiped the tears from Clare's cheek's and I remembered the ring in my pocket, and I knew what I had to do, what I should of done long ago. "Clare, remember you said that ok?" I pulled out the ring and got down on one knee, Clare's eyes widened, and she threw her hand's over her mouth in shock. "Clare Diana Edwards, I have loved you since the day we met, and I want to spend the rest of my life doing just that. I'm here in a tux, down on my knee's begging for the opportunity to try and make you half as happy as you have made me. And before you answer me, I want you to know this isn't the ring Lenore wore, I could have cared less about what she slipped on her finger. This ring has been passed down for generations in my family. This ring is for Goldsworthy's only. Will you please do me the great privilege of being your husband, and raising our son with together? I'm ready to take the leap Clare, are you?"
Clare began to shake her head up and down, smiling with tears in her eyes. "Yes, yes Eli! As long as It's with you, yes."
"I love you so much." I stood up wrapping my arms around Clare.
Her body became stiff and she once again pulled away from me, "Eli, wait."
I jokingly rolled my eyes, "What, don't tell me you've changed your mind already?" Clare gave me a sympathetic look, and I began to worry. "Clare seriously? I was just joking, what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, it's just Adam. It's time to meet him. We cant decide anything without him."
I gulped, I knew this moment was going to come, but now that It was here I was nervous. I still had so many questions about what he knew, or didn't know. No matter what the case was, I had to be ready, I was ready. I grabbed Clare's hand and smiled, "Where is he?"
