I'm sad, and I don't have the inspiration to write today as I did before I watched the horrible episode Friday. Clare didn't deserve that...either way though, It is what it is. As long as Eli and Clare are together in the end I'll be ok. I guess. Anyways, on with the story. .-.
When the three of us reached Clare's house the weather had taken a turn for the worse, and Adam had become scared. He held onto my leg everywhere I walked, asking me to make the bad weather stop. It was the best feeling in the world, and I didn't mind if he never let go. Eventually though, Clare pulled him off, and forced him to get ready for bed. She asked me if I would like to help him, and I jumped at the opportunity, I didn't want to miss another moment of his life ever again. I took him back to his room, put on his star wars pajamas, and layed him down on his Car's bed. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I didn't know it was possible to love something so much. I sat down on the edge of the bed to tuck him in, and his button nose began to wrinkle while he gave me a frightened stare.
"What is it Adam?"
Adam whispered a simple, "Rain."
I sighed and rubbed his head, Buddy don't worry, there is nothing to be scared of. I promise you nothing is going to happen to you, not while I'm here, not ever." Adam nodded his head, and I bent mine down to kiss him goodnight. When I went to pull away from him he cupped my cheek with his right hand staring at me almost like he was searching for something. I didn't know what to say or what he was thinking, we just sat there in silence, in amazement of each other. Adam's faced turned thoughtful and he grinned, "I lub you too." He took his hand off my cheek, and closed his eyes. I sat there in awe, I would never be able to duplicate the way he had just made me feel. My son knew I loved him, and that mattered to me more than anything else in the world ever would. I turned off his light and walked to the door, before closing it I whispered, "I love you too." I cracked the door shut and while turning around I noticed Clare turning the corner. I smiled walking into the living room, and giving her a knowing look.
She sat on the couch hiding part of her face with her hand, "Ok Eli, you caught me. I was spying, but I couldn't help it. You two are so amazing together."
I sat down beside her and smiled, "I love him, so much Clare."
She took her hand away from her face and smiled back at me, "I know you do."
"I just cant believe I missed out on so much. Birthday's, Christmases, his birth, I'll never get any of that back." Clare looked away from me putting her head down. "Clare I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not angry with you, I'm just sorry I wasn't there. I'm ready to make new memories though Clare, with all three of us."
"You may not be mad at me, but I'm mad at myself. How could I do that to you?" Clare's voice cracked.
'Clare just stop please, you don't need to beat yourself up."
Clare started to raise her voice becoming erratic,"No I cant, I might as well have kidnapped him from you. I mean that is what I did, let's be honest here Eli!"
"Clare. Adam is sleeping, why are you yelling? I love you, just stop." I put my arm around her rubbing circles on her back, I just wanted her to have a happy first night as a family with me and Adam under the same roof.
"Stop being so nice to me! You missed the first years of his life because of me, and now I'm costing you Broadway Eli, Broadway!"
I pulled my eye brows together In frustration, "Clare I don't care about Broadway!" I didn't want to raise my voice at her, but she just wasn't listening.
"Yes you do! With Lenore you were going to ride off into the sunset, and make all your dreams come true. Now? Now you are stuck here in this house with a woman and her child, instead of doing the thing's you've always dreamt of!"
"Clare don't make this about Lenore." I pulled my arm off of her becoming angry, I didn't want to talk about Lenore ever again.
"How can I not? You were going to marry her, you slept beside her every night, In ever sense of the meaning." I turned my head away not wanting to hurt Clare any further than I already had. I just didn't understand why she was doing this, things were so amazing only moments earlier.
"Eli, don't look away from me, I already know the answer. Not saying it aloud doesn't make it any less true." Clare began to cry and got up from the couch. She began to pace back and forth so I stood up and grabbed her wrists, pulling her closer to me.
"Clare Edwards I love you! Stop, stop all of this please. Be happy with me, right here and now. Forget the past, because we have a beautiful future to look forward to. Lenore doesn't matter, not one bit Clare. You want me to say we slept together? Fine. Yes, we did. Does that make you feel better Clare, honestly?" Clare averted her eyes away from me in pain. "All that ever was, was sex. I never, not even once, told her that I loved her. That's what matters. I have only ever loved one girl in my life, and I'm looking right at her. She's amazing in every single way, no one can hold a candle to her, especially not Lenore." Clare looked back at me, with a little bit more understanding in her eyes. Before she could respond the lights went out, and Clare yelped. I turned on the flash light on my phone, and Clare ran to the kitchen to light a few candles. After she lit them she walked back into the living room, and we stood there in the dark with only candles to light the room. "Damn this weather. Clare, I cant see your face very well, tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking that I'm sorry, I shouldn't have got upset like that. But Eli, this is the same girl you cheated on me with before. Now she lives here, how am I supposed to feel about seeing her, and Knowing that she has been with you?" I could hear the pain in Clare's voice, and it broke my heart.
"I cant tell you it's going to be easy, but I can tell you that you don't have anything to worry about. I'm yours, always and forever Edwards."
I put my hands out to find Clare, and pulled her into my chest. "I know exactly how I would feel if I knew you had been with someone else in our time apart, don't feel bad for being upset. I love you no matter what." Clare's body stiffened, and she pulled away from me. "What is it Clare?"
"It's nothing, we should go to bed it's getting late. We have to get up early in the morning to take Adam school clothes shopping."
"Clare, you're lying. I know you. What's going on?"
"Nothing is going on Eli, it's just, it's hard to explain."
I could hear Clare's breathing becoming heavier, the way it always did when she got nervous. "Well then explain Clare, because we can't go any further in this relationship if there are still secrets. I love you and I want to get married, but you have to be honest."
Clare's voice was a tiny whisper, "I did not bed anyone or get engaged like you, but I was seeing another person."
"Who?" My voice was strained and I could feel my blood heating up, now I knew how Clare felt. It was a terrible pain knowing she was with someone else.
"I just really needed help Eli, It was hard to handle Adam alone. And I needed companionship."
"Clare I said who, tell me now. I swear to God, is it Drew? Clare I'll kill him."
"Eli see, I haven't even told you who, and you're acting crazy!"
"I am, because you wont tell me!"
"It wasn't Drew, it was Zig Eli."
"Zig? You dated Zig? Is that a joke? For how long, and why? Adam knows him?" I couldn't believe of all the people in the world she said Zig. He was two years younger than Clare, and he never wore sleeves.
"Eli, like you said, it's the past."
"No, I want to know. He touched you, had his hands on you, I can't stand the thought Clare." My voice cracked, and I could feel myself starting to unfold at the seams.
"We dated for three years, starting when Adam turned two. He helped me raise him, he's a good man Eli. I wouldn't let anyone bad around our son."
Her words only cut the wound deeper. Helped raise him? He was mine, not Zig's. "Exactly our son, you had someone else helping you raise him? Yet, I was kept in the dark? Three years, that means you only just broke up. So what, your relationship didn't work out so you came back to Canada for a second option?"
"Eli no! How could you say that? You know I love you! That's the reason we broke up, because I was so miserable without you. Zig and I were never even a real couple, we just stayed together because we loved Adam. I want to be with you, with our son, as a family. No one else."
"This is just a lot to take in Clare, he raised him? Does Adam think that's his dad too? He only has one Clare, me."
"No of course not, you know I told him about you. Adam loves you so much Eli. Can we please drop this I don't want to fight about other people anymore, please."
I could hear the panic in Clare's voice, and I decided she was right. We should have been fighting, not on our first day back together. We needed to make every second count. I pulled Clare back into my arms, "Ok, you're right. It's just it makes me crazy to think of you being with anyone other than me, I just want to know that It's me, and just me."
"You do, you know that. Don't ever doubt that. I'm sorry I got angry about Lenore, it's just your relationship with her seemed so much more serious than mine with Zig ever was. I guess I just needed to know that it was just me too. I wont bring her up again, I promise."
"Clare I wont ever love anyone else, but you. Everything I've ever done in life was so that I could be with you. Broadway could come begging at my feet to direct a play, and I'd turn it down evertime for you, because you are my greatest dream babe." Clare tightened her arms around me.
"Are you ready for bed, fiancé?"
"Yes." I pulled away from Clare, holding onto her hand still. Let's go Mrs. future Goldsworthy. As we began to walk away Clare's phone started to ring, I picked it up to hand it to her when I saw the name. Zig was calling.
This chapter was more of a filler chapter. Just a lead up to the future events that are going to take place. :)
And to
Spinnerroxz16- A month is quite a long time, I sure wouldn't make you wait that long!
AnneCpc- You are fanfuxintastic yourself! Lenore is not very nice, but she did love Eli. I'm so glad you are enjoying ^.^
