3 weeks later.
Clare sat on a chair in her hospital bathroom, staring into the mirror with tired eyes. She had been in that same position for hours, and nothing I said would pull her away from the mirror. Clare had refused to see Darcy until today, and she'd be showing up any minute now which concerned me. They were finally going to see each other after all these years, and I just wanted it to be as happy a moment as possible for Clare.
"For one second, one tiny second can you look at me Clare? I'm just asking for one."
Hearing the desperation in my voice, she finally pulled her eyes away from the mirror to look at me, causing me to breathe a sigh of relief. "It will grow back, do you hear me?" Clare stared blankly at me, giving no indication of a response. I knelt down taking her hands into mine, "If your hair never grew back, if you were bald forever, you'd still be the most beautiful girl in the whole world in my eyes. Your smile, your brain, the light I see when I look in your eyes, those are the things that make you beautiful...the things that make me love you. Don't forget that you are so much more than hair Clare."
Her facial expression stayed blank, but she lightly kissed me on the cheek. "I won't ask you to bear through this forever Eli. You deserve a wife, not a vegetable." She dryly stated.
I warmly smiled, "You don't have to ask me to do anything, I'm staying right here with you. My wife. And If you are a vegetable one day, or even a fruit, I'll still be here. Nothing will ever change that." I rested my head on her lap, and she began to play with my hair while humming the tune to our song. In that one moment I could close my eyes, and I could pretend that everything was ok again. It was breath of fresh air, but after a few minutes I forced myself to lift my head from her lap. "Clare, you know Darcy is coming."
Clare shakily stood up, and I wrapped my arm around her waist to support her. When we reached her bed I picked her up into my arms, which was an easy task since she had lost so much weight due to her treatment, and I put her back in her bed. "Thank you." She quietly whispered.
I kissed the top of her head, Causing my body to shiver due to the cold temperature of hers. It was yet another reminder of how sick she was. "I know I've been pushing you." I somberly admitted. "I'm sorry, and if you're not ready to see Darcy, you shouldn't have to."
Clare wearily smiled, "What brought that about? I'm glad that you push me Eli, I need that right now. Darcy is my sister, and she came all this way, I need to see her."
"I'm just in time then, aren't I baby Edwards?" The sound of her black heels clacking against the floor filled the quiet room, and Darcy slowly entered the room, tears already running down her face. "My god Clare, what are they doing to you." Darcy cried.
Clare shrugged, "Who needs weight watchers when there's cancer?" She dryly joked. I didn't like when Clare made jokes like that, but for the moment I let it go. This moment was about Clare and Darcy reuniting, I wouldn't ruin it.
I moved aside letting Darcy sit down beside Clare on the bed. She took Clare's face between her hands, staring intensely into her eyes. "My baby, you are so grown up. You're beautiful Clare, and I am so sorry I haven't been here. Do you hear me? I love you, and I'm sorry." Darcy's face was twisted in pain, and her lip began to quiver. Her emotions were so raw, and she made no effort to hide it.
Clare gently pulled Darcy's hands down from her face, "Darcy, it's ok. I know that you needed to get away from this place, I didn't understand before because I was too young, but I do now." Clare flashed that amazing smile of hers, and it melted and broke my heart all at the same time. I momentarily drowned the two girls chatter out, and I let my mind flash back to that sunny day, the day. I could picture it like it was yesterday, I was so angry inside, about everything. My parents sent me off to my first day of Degrassi in hopes that I'd be able to start fresh after Julia's death. The whole drive from my house to the school was spent imagining ways to get kicked out of it, and when I finally pulled up I had actually decided that running away altogether would be the best solution. I was so lost inside, and I was fighting with myself trying to make sense of my life, and trying to understand why I had been dealt such terrible cards. I was about to turn my hearse around when those famous glasses of Clare's, changed everything. When i got out of my car and handed her the newly broken glasses, everything that didn't make sense before became so simple. Everything in my life up to that point had happened so that I could find her.
As I was picturing her baby face, and that denim jacket she always wore, a smile spread across my face, but soon disappeared when Darcy's dramatic cried interrupted my thoughts.
Darcy shook her head. "It's no excuse, I should have come back the first time you were diagnosed with cancer! I'm sorry!" Darcy wiped her tears, "That's the past though, everything is going to change Clare. I'm here to help you get better, and to fix our family I promise you!"
Clare and I both glanced at each other in confusion, and then back to Darcy. "What exactly do you mean?" Clare hesitantly asked her.
Darcy frowned. "Mom, dad, you, and me...we were a God worshiping tight nit family. Somewhere along the way while I was gone, we lost that. Our parents are supposed to be together, we are all supposed to be together, that's the only way can truly get through this. We need to keep a united front if you're going to get better." Clare's face slightly fell, and Darcy noticed. "Oh no, I don't want you to worry about any of it Clare. I'll take care of it all, I promise."
I interjected, fearing that Darcy was beginning to upset Clare. "Darcy, we don't blame you, but you weren't here. You don't know how bad things were with your parents, that was a painful time and I don't think that opening those old wounds will help anyone." I spoke softly, trying to keep Darcy from becoming angry.
She gave me a menacing look anyways, and stood up from Clare's bed pointing her finger in my direction. "You. You're the cause of everything. Did you know that Clare Edwards wanted to wait until she was married to have sex? Does that ring a bell? "
I crossed my arms calmly, trying not let on how offended I was by her questions. "Of course I did, but what does that have to do with anything?" My mouth was slightly hung open, and I could see Clare beginning to tense up.
Darcy rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips. "You persuaded her to do things she never would have done otherwise, you slowly began infecting her with your sin, and YOU got her pregnant. If you hadn't come along, Clare would be focusing on herself and her recovery. Now though? Now She has to worry about a 6 year old boy while battling cancer, and at such a young age. Bravo Eli. Are you proud of yourself?"
"Darcy stop it!" Clare's voice came out raspy, but it was loud enough to cause myself and Darcy to jump.
Darcy looked down at the floor, unable to make eye contact with her sister. "Clare I'm sorry, but everything I'm saying is true. I won't apologize for speaking the truth." Darcy mumbled.
Clare shook her head. "No it is not. You are my sister and I love you, but Eli is my husband. I'm a big girl now, it's too little too late to rewind time. I'm Clare Goldsworthy now, not Edwards. You have to realize that the little girl you left behind is a mom, wife, and cancer survivor. I'm not the same, nor will I ever be."
Darcy's face began to fall, and her mouth started to form a line. "I just wanted to help."
Clare's face softened. "Then be my sister, but don't bash my husband, and don't insinuate your nephew is a burden. I love my boys, and if I didn't have them I don't think I'd be able to do this." Clare glanced at me, warming my heart.
Darcy started walking towards the door to leave, but gave Clare one last glance before exiting. "I love my nephew, and I love you. I hope you know I just want what's best for you, I'll be back tomorrow when Eli is at work."
When the door shut Clare began to cry. I walked over to sit on her bed, and held her small body in my arms. "It's ok, she'll come around blue eyes. She just can't accept that you're all grown up and she missed out, but the more she hangs around the better it will get."
"I just want my son." She sobbed.
"Anything you want." I croaked. I could only endure witnessing her suffer so much agony, and I started to feel like I was going to fall apart. I went to grab my phone from my pocket to call Mrs. Edwards to bring Adam over, but Clare quickly pulled on my arm to stop me. "Eli, Eli, hold on." She choked out.
I frantically got off the bed. "What's wrong Clare, what's wrong! Can you breathe? Clare talk!"
Her face had gone white, and there were sweat pellets forming on her forehead. Her mouth slightly opened, and liquid started to come out of it. I thought it was drool for a moment, but I quickly began to realize it was throw up. I picked her up into my arms, and ran her to the bathroom. As soon as her head was over the toilet she began to violently throw up, I was rubbing her back frantically as if it would make it all stop. This was so much harder than I had expected, and I just wanted it to stop. I closed my eyes, and I imagined her healthy baby face staring at me for the first time. That memory was all that was keeping me sane.
"So uh, I guess I'll see you around?"
"Guess you will."
And the boy who drove the hearse, was forever changed.
Because I haven't mentioned it in a while, I don't own Degrassi. Lol. Also to anon and prisca...I love you guys. Forever & then some :)
And to the guest that informed me that I (again) put the wrong chapter in the wrong story THANK YOU. Also, thanks for the kind words, you are a doll. 3
And to every other Riebee out there that continues to consistently read THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could talk and interact with all of you beauties! Remember I'm only ever a review/tweet away if you have any comments or questions. Well, ImagineRie out ;-)
