Show Yourself Into The Unknown
Summary: The one where Thanos is dead, Tony has weird dreams instead of nightmares, the Avengers watch dubious Disney movies and mystical creatures are more than real. Oh, and the Cloak totally ships it.
Things changed since that day and again, it was tied to his sleeping schedule and his dreams. This time, though, it was different, it was nightmarish.
For a week after the meeting, when Tony first heard the song, not two peaceful hours of the night could go by before Tony was spring up in his bed, shivering from a cold he could not fathom but that clung to him anyway. It was colder than Siberia, colder than space back in 2012, the Mark VII not made for space travel. Every night, he would hear something, he didn't know what but it called to him and he answered it. Then there was fighting, shooting, clinging of metal and clanging of bodies. The space around him was barely lit but there was a ... A hole of some kind behind him and the voice was coming from there, calling, calling. Calling for him. Sometimes, the Avengers as a whole were vivid as they fought around him, with him. Other times, he didn't see anyone besides a man in elaborate green robes that tugged at his memory in style but he never could make the connection when reviewing the dream with himself upon waking. By the time the panic subsides, the dream is as hazy as though he'd never even seen it.
The hole in the ground is always his destination, no matter who he sees. He can't tell if he jumps in willingly or if he falls or if someone pushes him in. All he knows is that he doesn't have the armor on - he has the Arc Reactor housing unit for his nanites, though, and it's glowing; is it broken? Is he too cold to reach out and touch it to activate it? Is the wind pressure to strong for that? Is he unconscious before he can? - and the fall is long. Longer than falling from the wormhole in New York's sky, longer than it took him to sink to the bottom beneath his mansion, longer than his weird rescue mission when he made a chain out of the people that had fallen out of the airplane. It's long and the further down he goes, the darker it gets. And it's colder, too. It's freezing. The only light is that of the Arc Reactor and the only warmth is his own. He can't see or feel anything except the cold and his own body if he twists just right so the blue light shows it.
It's suffocating. It's lonely. He's terrified!
And yet, just seconds before jerking awake to spare himself more trauma, he sees it.
Deep, deep down, where the darkness would drown him, there is a light, small but strong and that was usually when he'd hear it.
The voice, singing.
And then he'd awake and then he'd decide there was no way in hell he was going back to sleep just to go through that shit again. He'd been through too much for a dream to add to his anxiety triggers.
And so Tony would get out of bed and try to get some work done in the lab, but he still felt that lingering cold and his hands would shake almost as bad as Stephen's and he'd give up. Instead, he'd head up to his personal living room and turn on the TV, debating what to watch. Bless FRIDAY for suggesting Disney movies. Some lightness in these dark hours would be greatly appreciated, so Tony watched them all, from the first to the newest ones. He found the classics to be lacking in comparison to the newer ones. They didn't have the same depth in character as the new films and the animation was definitely better. The songs, too. Many more of them were now more generic than just applicable to one situation and he definitely liked how strong-headed the new ever princesses were. Especially Elsa and Merida. Those two needed no man to be fucking badass and that was fact.
He found himself liking Frozen 1 and 2 the most. The second part had only recently been put out in the theaters but he was Tony Stark. He gets what he wants, when he wants it. And these days, that's apparently Disney princess movies.
What he was really struck by was the fact that the voice haunting his own nights seems to like the songs from Frozen, given it kept singing those melodies at him days after he watched the movie. Hell, he ended up learning the songs himself. They were dynamic and actually really catchy, not to mention generic enough that anyone who didn't watch the movies would think he was singing a random song from some random artist.
That didn't stop the dreams and he was starting to get stressed. It was becoming obvious to those who knew him but he did his best not to tell them why. Stark feared he was losing his mind. Hearing voices no one else can usually means just that and he'd rather not be put in a straight jacket. How was he supposed to tinker with his hands tied up!? Besides, he generally didn't like being tied up. Before Afghanistan, sure, it had been one of his kinks. Today, it'd just bring out a panic attack and ruin his night, if he even had any action these days. He kind of had trust issues the size of the sun. Though if a certain Doctor Wizard were to do it-
Tony actually slapped himself out of his thoughts, trying not to let himself get too far away with it as he was once again in an Avengers meeting. Thankfully, this one was a short one, called upon by Stephen himself regarding some magical disturbances that were happening all over the multiverse and he was giving them ample warning and instructions how to deal with it in his and Wong's absence while they and a couple of other Masters of the Mystic Arts investigate. Loki and Thor were actually going with them, Valkyrie having been left in charge of New Asgard. Tony had once again completely tuned out the meeting but he hoped Strange won't bitch about it. After months of regular, healthy, restful sleep, for the first time ever sleepless nights left Tony beyond exhausted. And cold. The cold was still bothering him. He almost wanted to drop himself into some desert and stay there until the feeling of ice in his veins finally melts away.
"Meeting dismissed," he heard Fury say and he all but sprinted out of the room. He needed coffee. Or a strong enough drug to keep him asleep for longer than two damn hours a night before he's woken up by falling into frigid darkness.
"Tony," he heard Stephen call calmly behind him and turned around to wait for him, only to stumble back when he nearly face-planted into his chest. "Whoa, easy there! Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting really sketchy lately? Are you sick?" The doctor mode must have switched on as the man was both steadying him and checking him fir injuries or a fever. Tony tried not to fidget, only sighing in exhaustion. He leaned into the scarred, shaking hand when it pressed against his forehead to check his temperature. It was pleasantly warm.
"I'm fine, Doc, it's just that my normal sleeping schedule finally caught up to me and I wasn't ready. I guess I got lulled by the quiet before the storm."
The taller man arched an eyebrow at that, looking like he wasn't sure whether he should believe that, before nodding in acceptance and pulling his hand away. Tony had to bite back a whine at the sudden lack of that warmth. "I'll take your word for it. Though if you need help going to sleep, you know you can always ask me for help, be it as a sorcerer or a doctor. I will do whatever I can."
And Tony was tempted. The engineer had actually made a good friend in Strange, especially after the nasty fight with Pepper and the swift/slow deterioration of their relationship. He was the only thing keeping Tony from breaking his eight years of sobriety when it was finally over, staying with him the whole night watching Disney movies. And yes, that's where FRIDAY got the idea they would help with the nightmares. In all logic, he should tell Stephen. If nothing else than to just get it off of his chest. But just the thought of putting it all to words cared him. Terrified him.
There was ... something in him that insisted he keep this a secret. That he shouldn't tell anyone. Not now. Not yet. So Tony didn't. He bit his tongue, smiled at his friend and wished him a safe and successful mission instead. Stephen watched him for a moment, gauging the sincerity of his smile - which for his friends was 99.9% of the time real and genuine - before returning it and wishing him a betterment in his sleep.
If only it were that easy.
He spent the rest of that day and the next avoiding the rogues, who must have noticed his exhausted continuance as FRIDAY told him they continued to haunt his steps at every corner, only to have Vision corner him on the third day since the meeting about 'something weighing heavily on his mind'. He tried to reassure the android that he was fine, that it was just usual nightmares, but the bearer of the Mind Stone wasn't as easy to fool. In the end, Tony just asked him not to talk about it as he wasn't ready to discuss it and that had Vision reluctantly giving his assent. But his worry was still evident and it invited worry from his other friends. Nebula took to sticking to him like glue for a couple of days, which successfully discouraged the rouges from approaching as not even Rogers was insane enough to risk a knife to the gut. Or throat, if he's being truly annoying. Or if Nebula could generally get her way.
The dreams continued to be mostly unremarkable except for the singing becoming more and more pointedly Disney-sounding. He wasn't sure if that was in result to all the Disney movies he's been watching so far or if it had decided to change its tune on its own. Of course, he was considering more and more seriously each day that he was going crazy, if he wasn't already there, but he tried not to think about it as he spent a couple of hours with Peter in the lab, the two of them just hanging out, Tony showing him how to fix his suits in the possible situation that Tony himself would be unavailable to do so. The kid had a blast and Tony felt himself relax a little, but that didn't change the fact that Peter's energy left him feeling more drained than usual by the time the kid left late that afternoon.
'Just five seconds to rest my eyes,' Tony swore as he settled on the old, worn but illegally comfortable couch in his lab, resting his head on the backrest. 'Just a minute.' He wasn't aware of sliding sideways or of Dum-E pulling the soft blanket also put on the couch over him. He was already out like a light.
The dream was same as always, in that he found himself in some unknown location with the Avengers that felt strangely familiar despite it all. This time, though, the whole layout of the dream was quite a bit different. First off, the dream didn't start off in the middle of a battle scene or just him standing at the edge of that hole of darkness and cold. Instead, he and the Avengers were walking through some snow covered woods, trees all around. They were dressed in winter hiking gear or what could pass as such when it was designed by Tony Stark while meant for battle. For some reason, he knew that miles behind them there was a village and miles ahead, a temple-like structure of ruins awaited them. Looking to his side, he could only make out a couple of faces. Stephen and Vision were there, so at least he was sure he wasn't alone with his 'team' of old, but he could also make out Rogers and Barnes, which didn't bode well for how this dream could turn out.
They didn't just 'appear' in the temple. The dream led him straight to and through it, showing off twisting, maze-like halls and big or small rooms. There was some sort of engraved text on the walls in a language not even Strange knew how to read but insisted was a sign that they were 'in the right place'. They kept walking for what felt like a couple of hours until they found themselves in the room with the big hole in the ground. Surprisingly enough, there was no cold coming out of it to freeze the room. It, in fact, looked kind of beautiful. It was more of a wide well than a hole, at the very least the top of it was. It was still full of darkness and the walls seem to gradually widen the further down it goes. Tony hadn't known that. That was new information.
What wasn't new was that the singing seemed to be coming from its depths and yet Tony was still the only one who seemed to hear it.
Then, all of a sudden, a group of enemies burst through a doorway leading to a tunnel seemingly parallel to the one they had walked and their two groups immediately clashed. Stephen wasn't using magic, for whatever reason, instead fighting hand to hand with occasional assistance from the Cloak of Levitation. Rogers and Barnes seemed considerably weaker.
Tony wasn't fighting. Well, at first he was, but then the singing turned to calling, pleading and he found himself at the edge of the well. Everyone else was too busy fighting so no one noticed. Not until he was already taking a dive into the unknown. He heard people calling out his name but it was then all swallowed by the darkness as he fell, fell, fell. The cold settled in, creeping into his bones, his very being. The only light came from the Arc Reactor and he could see nothing but himself. The air was becoming thicker, denser. He didn't have his armor on, having retracted it for whatever reason just before the jump. He was scared. He was hyperventilating. The panic was starting to set in. He couldn't take it, he wanted it to stop Please let it stop!
And then he saw that little light deep, deep bellow. He swore it looked like a star. No, he realized with a near hysterical giggle, convinced he had finally cracked and it had been his own doing. It's a snowflake, for fuck's sake! He had set himself up for insanity. But he wasn't having any of it. He was sick and tired of this shit! Hasn't he done enough already!? He saved the Earth three times by now, once being more of a save the universe kind of situation. Was this karma for failing the first time around? Which je knew to be ridiculous. Stephen had said one and that was the one they were living right now. And while Tony was perfectly aware that he was blaming himself still for that failure, this was too much. I don't want to be here! Let me go! I want to wake up!
But he couldn't. This time, the dream held fast, persistent, keeping him rooted in place and he wanted to cry, to scream himself raw and claw at his being until nothing was left. He kept falling and he was suffocating, pressure crushing him, the darkness overwhelming. He felt so alone-
'Let it go
Let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go
Let it go
Turn away and slam the door
Here I stand'
The voice he was by now rather intimately familiar with sang and he whimpered when it stopped. The silence was overwhelming when there had been noise just seconds ago. But apparently the silence wasn't absolute so Tony took a chance to not let it return.
"And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on!"
'The cold will never bother you anyway.' Tony frowned at the changed wording but didn't pay it much attention when suddenly the world around him changed. It was still all black but he was safely on solid ground that he couldn't see and, much to his relief, he was no longer cold. Perhaps the most surprising thing about this particular dream was the being made seemingly entirely out of light that came to ... levitate right in front of him. He couldn't really make out the exact shape of his ... companion, but it might have been a star? It was certainly bright enough for it. "Thank you."
Tony kind of just blinked at the creature. He wasn't all that surprised that it could talk, per se, but something did bother him. "You better not be reading my mind."
The creature flew to his right and if Tony didn't know better, he would think that the creature was cocking its head at him. If it had a head, that is. It was impossible to tell. It shined too bright. "You are inside your own dream."
"You're in it, too," he pointed out. He should be uncomfortable, freaking out, scared, probably angry, too, that something was invading the privacy of his mind like this. He wasn't. Honest to god, he wasn't. For some reason, he knew the creature of light won't hurt him. "Well, inside my dream but you get what I was aiming at." It darted to his other side, going around his back as though studying him from all sides. "Who are you? What's your name?"
The creature came up to his face suddenly and he was practically blinded. He felt something nuzzle against his cheek but he couldn't discern the texture or anything. The thing than settled against his chest and he automatically reached up to support it, earning himself a content noise that resembled a purr. "I don't have a name and you know who I am." Tony noted that the voice sounded very feminine but also kind of ... young? Can potentially-star-dream-creatures be young? Do they age? He nearly flinched when it - she - nudged his left hand, sniffing the scars. "You're hurt!"
"It's an old wound," he tried to reassure the glowing creature. "And yeah, I guess I sort of do? I mean, you're the one that's been keeping me awake the past week."
Even though he couldn't see her - he settled with just calling the creature a her, since it sounded like a her - the genius got a distinct impression that she was pouting. "I was calling out to you."
"Yeah, well, you weren't being clear enough about that." Tony tried not to squirm as she continued sniffing at his scarred hand. He may have remained alive and kept his whole arm despite how impossible it should be given the amount of energy and radiation the Stones had released when he snapped his fingers to bring everyone Thanos dusted back, but he didn't come out of it unscathed. A good part of the left side of his body was now completely covered in rather horrific scars, a testimony of his will to live, his determination to save everyone and the skill of the people who had healed him until he was stable and healthy enough to be brought to a hospital for a natural recovery. Some people couldn't even look at the scars so Tony usually wore sleeves these days. Mostly for Peter's and Stephen's benefit. The two were too much like himself and blamed themselves for him nearly dying in his endeavor to save everyone. And even when no one was around, Tony still covered them up. He himself was rather uncomfortable with just the sight of them. "Could you please stop?"
The being immediately did. "Does it hurt?"
"No, no, the scars just ... make me extremely uncomfortable," he was quick to reassure her, somehow feeling like he was dealing with a child. "They're not pretty."
"Scars are proof of survival." That sounded so wrong from a voice he was recognizing was so young.
"Yeah, well, I've survived many things and have many scars. These ones just don't agree with me." Silence fell over them for a while, the two of them just existing like that, only the sound of their breathing filling up the void, which Tony was thankful for. If there was anymore of that absolute silence of the fall, he would have snapped.
He flinched, however, when he felt a new sensation on his scarred arm, starting from his fingertips and up his hands - which looked worse than Stephen's and often shook just as much - over his wrist, to his elbow and further up to his shoulder, even spreading a bit over his side and chest. At first, he couldn't determine what the sensation was but then his skin receptors caught on and he flinched even harder, trying to get away from the spreading ice.
"Hey, watch it there, Elsa! I won't be your Olaf!" She did stop almost immediately and Tony had the distinct feeling that this was a very important moment and he had no idea why. He wished the light was just slightly dimmer so he could see her. Though he doubted she was displeased with the nickname, given she sang one of Elsa's epic songs as a way to ground him. But before either of them could react further, the ice around his arm shattered into millions of glittering particles and Tony looked down in shock and wonder at his scar-less hand.
"There!" Elsa - he was so calling this little ice star Elsa. It was his dream. Fight him on it - chirped happily, not minding the way he was shifting her around in his hold so he could better inspect the rest of his arm only to find it just as devoid of scars. It was as though Thanos had never happened. "Now there are no more unpleasant reminders!"
"I- How did you do that?" He asked, turning his eyes on the shinning creature in his arms. Was it just him or was her light dimming? He frowned, about to ask her if that was normal, when he heard a distant voice calling his name. Before he could blink, Elsa was gone and he was surrounded by darkness and cold again before he was shaken out of his dream by Rhodey, who was looking down at him in worry.
"Tones, you okay? Sorry for waking you, I know you've been having trouble sleeping, but there's kind of an emergency Avengers meeting we have to attend."
"Wha- Yeah, I'm fine." And he was surprised to find that it was the truth. For once, he had not woken up feeling as cold as he had after Siberia. And he was decently well rested. "Wait, Avengers meeting? Didn't we, like, have one a few days ago?"
"Yeah, well, Strange's back and he called one right now. There's an emergency that demands our attention." Rhodey got up and offered him his hand, only for the both of them to snatch their hands away when just before they touched. "Holy shit! What the fuck, man?"
As he stared down at his hand, Tony had a disturbing realization that his dreams were much more than they seemed.
