18+

XXXI

I'm at a party.

Emmett stands guard in front of me, Alice by my side, for once keeping her hands off Jasper.

I'm only here because it's Rose's birthday.

I'm handed another cup of amber liquid by Jasper and he puts a little white pill under my tongue.

I manage a smile after it hits me, but even as the buzzing in my body starts chasing the high, my mind stays numb.

He's here too.

It's why I'm being encircled like this, like I can't be trusted.

I haven't told them he came over last week.

I can't.

I push Emmett to go and spend time with Rose and finally he acquiesces, leaving me with Jasper as Alice goes to dance.

He pulls me against his body and lights a cigarette, leaning into the wall so I'm weightless against him.

I close my eyes, listening to the hum around me, trying not to think about the fact he's here.

When he'd arrived, my body had snapped to attention, a heavy feeling threatening to drag me down to the floor.

We'd locked gazes and the emptiness in his expression, the dullness of his eyes, pulled at my chest. For a second, there was a tiny flicker of life in his green eyes, but it was gone when I blinked, his friends nudging him forwards, like he couldn't walk by himself.

The music reverberates through the walls and I feel the vibrations against my back from Jasper's body.

He's warm and comforting, his arm across my stomach holding firm, like he's afraid I'll fall down without it.

I might.

I don't feel anything for a while, until my bladder signals to me.

I pull out of Jasper's arms and murmur in his ear I'm going to the toilet.

He crosses one leg over the other, leaning his head back against the wall.

I'll be here when you get back, it tells me.

I tap my chest once and the corner of his mouth curves up as he does it back to me.

I love the fuck outta you.

I make my way to the bathroom, but there's a queue, so I lean against the wall, closing my eyes.

After a few minutes, I feel movement next to me, and my skin tingles, my heart racing in my chest. I don't dare open my eyes as I feel him lean next to me, the heat of his body scorching me, even from a few inches away.

Warm fingertips brush mine and I feel a shock go through me, everything in my body narrowing to the point where our skin is touching.

I peek through my eyes, turning my head slightly.

He's leaning back against the wall, his head tilted back, eyes closed.

My fingers reach closer before I even realise what I'm doing, and I hear his sharp intake of breath as my hand presses against his.

For a second we're both frozen. Utterly still.

Then his hand moves, and our fingers tangle together and I breathe in the first deep breath I've had since the last time we slept together.

Edward's breathing evens out too and I glance up at him to find his head tilted down to me, those green eyes staring into mine.

My heart thuds, once. Then pauses. Takes off again in my chest so hard I feel like there's a battering ram against my ribs.

His hand is so warm against mine, burning through my skin in a direct line to my chest, where something is thawing.

I feel the static between us, thrumming with a life of its own, but for once, it's not sexual. There's a different, better kind of ecstasy spreading across my skin as I feel his pulse in the palm of my hand. An ecstasy that fills me with a deep-seated relief and floods my body with warmth, easing up the tension there that's been plaguing me for months.

A hand wraps around my other wrist tightly and tugs. Edward's fingers tighten on mine for a second and his face hollows with desperation, a stricken look in his eyes. Then he lets go. The removal of his touch startles me, fills me with such an intense feeling of loss that I feel something crack in my chest, a splinter making its way down my body and leaving me in two pieces.

I'm pulled away from him, Rose's grip like iron as she drags me down the hall.

I don't realise I'm crying until I'm back in front of Jasper and he's stroking my cheeks with his thumbs, Alice leaning into me and hugging my back.