18+
XXXIV
I wake up to an empty bed and my heart sinks deep, a pang resounding in the hollow space it leaves behind.
He didn't stay.
I don't bother getting up. I just stare up at my spot on the ceiling, my hand resting on my chest like it can somehow help with the empty feeling inside of it.
The sound of footsteps against floorboards makes me jump and I lean up on my forearms.
My heart rises up so fast it winds me.
Mussed up bronze hair, sleepy green eyes.
A beautiful boy at my bedroom door, carrying mismatched mugs in either hand.
Edward freezes when he sees me awake.
'I just thought…' His voice is low and husky. 'Coffee?'
I'm staring at him in shock and the ghost of a smile plays at his mouth. 'Did I fuck up?'
I shake my head slowly and he comes to the bed, handing me the drink as he places the other cup on the table next to him.
The china is hot against my palm as I wrap my hand around it.
'You said stay…and the house was quiet. There's a note on the counter saying your dad's gonna be gone for a few days. I just wanted to…' Edward's voice trails off. 'I can go.'
'Don't.' I say, my voice still thick from sleep.
He nods, biting the inside of his cheek.
I stare at him in confusion, wondering why he's standing there so awkwardly.
'Are you going to lie back down?' I ask him curiously.
He swallows. 'Is that…allowed.'
I feel my lips curve up a little, despite myself, and Edward chokes.
I frown at him. 'What?'
'Nothing.' He mutters, lying down on the bed carefully, like he's afraid to make any sudden movements.
I sit up with my legs crossed, holding the coffee with both hands.
'Thank you.' I tell him quietly.
He runs a hand down his face, and we lapse into silence.
After a while he turns to face me and I look down at him, lifting my eyebrow.
'You're so quiet.' He says softly.
I frown. 'I…'
'I fucking love it.' Edward interrupts me, closing his eyes. 'I spend all my time around people who talk for the fucking sake of it. They pretend to be something they're not, even though nobody's fucking listening and nobody fucking cares.'
I'm not sure what to say to that so I just sip my coffee, glancing away from him to stare out the window.
Silence with Edward is different to silence with Jasper.
Jasper is like white noise; his presence makes me calm. He soothes.
Edward is fire and flame. Warmth and comfort and desire. He scorches.
I look over at him and find myself smiling.
He's on his side now, totally relaxed. Eyes closed, red lips slightly parted, eyelashes long and impossibly dark against his pale face.
Sunlight streams through my windows, bathing my room in golden light. It catches on his cheekbones where a few freckles lie. I want to map them with my fingers, with my tongue.
I've never watched him like this before. I've never had a chance.
He looks thinner, like he's lost weight.
I recall his words last night.
I can't sleep. I can't eat.
My heart thuds painfully in my chest.
I miss you.
I didn't say it back.
I won't.
Emerald eyes meet mine suddenly and I almost drop my coffee.
The corner of Edward's mouth lifts slightly. 'I can feel you staring at me.'
I shrug, placing my coffee on the table next to me before I lie back down, staring at my spot again.
It doesn't feel like my spot with him here.
My spot is for missing him, for hollow ache and emptiness.
Now he's in my bed, sleepy and silent. I can feel the warmth of his skin against my sheets and my room smells like him.
I'm anything but hollow and empty.
I give in and turn my head to face him.
He's already watching me.
We stare at each other for a while, neither of us speaking.
My fingers twitch with the urge to touch him.
'What about what I need?' I break the silence.
Edward's eyebrows knit for a second before understanding flickers in his green eyes.
He swallows, looking at me from under his thick eyelashes. 'What do you need Bella?'
I move closer to him and his breath catches, his eyes darkening.
'I need…you.' I admit, staring at his mouth. It parts for me, his tongue licking across his bottom lip. 'I need…'
Edward's voice is low, 'Tell me.'
I feel a throb between my legs at the look of raw hunger on his face.
'I want you.' I say quietly.
Edward's jaw tightens, verdant eyes smouldering into mine. 'I always fucking want you.'
I'm a few inches away from his face now, but I don't move closer.
Edward lifts his hand, his warm fingertips brushing across my cheek, leaving a blazing trail of fire that goes straight…to my heart.
I feel warmth bloom there, scorching me, filling me.
'I don't…feel anything, when I'm not with you.' I find myself saying, the words shocking both of us so much we freeze.
I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, rushing like waves as they lap at the shore. We're both so silent, so still.
Finally, Edward swallows, his fingers trailing up my cheek to gently push my hair behind my ear. 'I don't think I know how to feel, except for when I'm with you.' He murmurs quietly, his eyes open and honest and full of something that scares the fuck out of me.
I shift myself closer to him, our mouths only centimetres apart. I can feel his warm breath against my lips, can almost taste him.
We're both breathing heavily but I don't move to kiss him, and he doesn't move to kiss me either.
My whole body is tingling, a rising sensation making its way up my torso as our ragged breaths fill the air.
I'm flying sky high, my heart cantering around in my chest. Every nerve ending feels electrified and exposed.
This is my drug. His breath against my mouth. Smouldering green eyes and parted lips.
I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to kiss the fuck out of him and feel the weight of his body on top of mine. I'm not even touching him, and I feel so good I might actually die.
'My parents think I'm a drug addict.' Edward's voice is ragged and rich, ecstasy and energy. 'They were so freaked they sent me to therapy.'
I meet his eyes in shock, and then we both burst into laughter, our foreheads touching as we chuckle uncontrollably.
Tears are running down my cheeks and my stomach hurts.
I haven't laughed like this in a long time.
I move my head and he moves his at the same time and suddenly, neither of our laughing anymore, our mouths crashing together hungrily.
Edward rolls on top of me and I whimper at the feel of him, warm and hard and heavy, pressing me into the bed. My hands go straight to his thick hair as my lips part, my tongue desperately seeking his. The second I taste him my eyes are fluttering shut and I'm drowning in the feel of his tongue licking at mine, both of us groaning and clutching at each other.
The high from before was nothing compared to this.
This is free falling off the tallest building, the first drop of rain in a drought, sheer pleasure and adrenaline tangled together until the sky is upside down and you can't feel your face.
I open my legs wider, pulling at his soft locks and Edward pushes impossibly closer, aligning our bodies the way they were made to fit together.
He's so big against me, his cock thick and hard where it presses against my pulsing core, and I'm in a frenzy, my legs wrapping around him, back arching wildly just to get closer.
Edward hitches my leg over his hip and rocks slowly, groaning low into my mouth. Our lips separate as I throw my head back and whimper, my hands leaving his hair to run up and down his muscled back.
He's so fucking warm and he feels so right on top of me, like my world is back on its axis and I'm me again, because here in the daylight he's Edward and I'm Bella and we're us, flesh, sinew and desire but so much more too.
Edward bites and licks at my jaw, his large hands spreading waves of pleasure through my body as they run up my sides, across my thigh, heated fingertips dancing in that sensitive place under my knee.
God, I want.
I lift my other leg to wrap around him too, pressing him flush against where I'm aching for him and we pull and push against each other, desperate and needy, deep groans and heavy breaths.
I rip his t-shirt off his body. I want to feel his bare skin against mine, I need it.
My T-shirt is quick to follow and I whimper as his large hands slide up my bare stomach to my breasts, my nipples pressing into his palms as I arch into his touch, wet and wanting.
We don't speak but there's so much being said. His mouth against my neck is I need you, my nails down his back, I missed you. His thumbs across my nipples, I want you, my hand gripping his ass, more.
Edward sits back and pulls my joggers down my legs, his mouth parted, eyes scorching me as he stares down at me hungrily. He groans, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip for a second as he spreads my legs wide, his warm fingers running down my soaking slit. The sensation of his fingers against me sends lightning bolts of pleasure into the pit of my stomach and I whimper, arching up, pushing down against his hot touch.
Those long fingers press inside, parting slick flesh, filling me. My vision shatters, goes white, blinds me momentarily because he's inside me and I haven't felt this alive since the last time he touched me.
I stare at him, panting and his mouth opens, green eyes fluttering, 'Baby…'
That word…his hands on me. I clench down on him and he groans low.
'I need you.' I beg.
He licks his pretty red lips and I reach up and pull down his joggers roughly.
He's not wearing any underwear and the sight of his cock, thick and hard, jutting away from his hips, makes my eyes roll back in my head.
I hiss at him as his fingers leave my body and he brushes them over my nipples, his eyes almost black as he bends down to lick my hard peaks, groaning at the taste of me. I grab his hand and pull his fingers to my mouth, sucking them inside.
I feel a hot gush between my legs at the deep growl that leaves his lips. 'That's it baby,' he practically purrs, 'taste what I fucking do to you.'
His cock throbs against me and I'm done teasing and done playing, I just need him inside of me.
Edward's already crawling on top of me and his mouth captures mine in a fierce kiss, his tongue sweeping into my mouth. He sucks the taste of me from my tongue and I open my thighs, gripping his ass and pulling him down to me.
We both shudder as his bare cock presses against my soaking core.
I press up into his body and the blunt head of him parts me, both of us groaning.
A loud banging noise from downstairs makes us freeze.
It's my front door.
Fuck it.
Edward lifts his mouth from mine, a frustrated look on his face. 'Wha-'
I pull his head back down roughly and he groans into my mouth, kissing me fiercely.
The knocking continues and continues, and Edward pulls back from me again, planting his hands either side of my head with a furious expression.
'I'm going to fucking kill whoever's at that door.'
I hear my name being called and groan, my head dropping back to the pillow. 'It's my friends.' I sigh in frustration, biting my bottom lip.
'Can we ignore it?' Edward asks throatily, his cock throbbing against me as he looks down at me with scorching green eyes. 'I need to fuck you baby, I need to feel you around my cock.'
My mind goes utterly blank for a second before I manage to speak. 'They…fuck…' I cry out as Edward dips his head and runs the flat of his tongue over my nipple, burning hot and slightly rough against my sensitive flesh.
There's a sound of a lock in the door and Edward lifts his head, alarm crossing his face.
'They have a key.' I pant, 'Fuck! Just stay here. I'll get rid of them.'
Edward rolls off me and grabs a pillow, pressing it to his face and groaning loudly.
I step off the bed and stare at him, my body trembling at the sight of his cock, swollen and glistening with me, lying against his muscled stomach.
'I can feel you looking at me.' Edward growls, his voice muffled behind the pillow. His cock twitches and he wraps his large hand around it, his hips bucking off the bed as another low groan comes from his direction.
I swallow, hard.
All rational thought leaves me and I'm stepping towards him again when I hear Emmett's voice boom from downstairs. 'Bella! Wake the fuck up!'
I hear Alice's laughter and I throw myself into gear, knowing that they'll come up here if I don't go down there.
I wrap myself in a dressing gown and shut my bedroom door, breathing in and out slowly, trying to compose myself.
I fix a sleepy look on my face and stumble down the stairs.
'There she is.' Rose says in a bored tone, arching a brow at me. 'You look…'
'What are you doing here?' I interrupt, faking a yawn.
'This is an intervention.' Alice steps in front of me, her voice solemn.
I shoot a glance at Jasper and he smirks at me, wandering to my couch and sprawling back on it.
Fucking traitor.
I sigh, 'About what?'
'About the fact you're depressed.' Emmett says carefully, searching my eyes. 'We're worried B.'
I inhale through my nose and out through my mouth. 'That's real fucking nice and all, but I'm fine.' I say stiffly, glaring at Rose. 'This is your idea I presume.'
She smirks at me, 'Bitchy this morning, isn't she? That makes a change.'
Jasper lifts his head from the couch and narrows his eyes at me.
Uh oh.
I'm too awake. Too sentient.
'And her cheeks look kind of flushed, don't they?' Rose continues, pursing her lips, crystal blue eyes scathing as they bore into mine. 'I'd say you're feeling better Bella. What brought on the sudden change?'
'You've seen him haven't you.' Alice says tiredly.
I consider denying it but then give up, sighing.
I nod and Rose glares at me. 'Bella I can't believe you! You are so weak! How could you do this to yourself? I know you miss him and it's hard but you need to stay away from that asshole! He's using you, he doesn't care about you like he care about him. You know he's bad for you, look at what you've been like the past few months, like a fucking zombie! And now you're going to have to start all over again! You're playing with fucking fire. How could you be so pathetic?'
Her outburst surprises me so much that I momentarily forget how to speak.
I'm opening my mouth to reply, when all of my friends suddenly look behind me with shocked expressions.
I hear the footsteps on the stairs and squeeze my eyes shut.
Edward clears his throat. 'Uh, hi.'
