The Maternal Capacitance

"I'm going to kill them one day," Penny swore as she strode across the hall to the guys' apartment, Claire following quickly behind her to try and keep that 'one day' from being today.

They had been settling down to watch a movie when a ruckus started up from Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. There was music, what sounded like instruments, and loud singing. From what they could make out, it sounded like the Red Hot Chili Peppers 'Under the Bridge' song, but a very loud, distracting version. Penny threw the door open to see that the guys were playing Rock Band, with Howard on drums, Sheldon on guitar, and Raj singing. Though the second he caught sight of the two women entering the apartment, his very into-it version of the song became nothing more than a squawk.

"Fellas," Penny began, on the edge of exasperation, "Please."

"Penny, come on, we were just finding our sound!" Howard pouted.

"I'm not sure that's what I'd call finding it," Claire tried to tell them gently.

"It sounded like a cat being run over by a lawn mower," Penny deadpanned, less gently.

Before Claire could try to rephrase, Leonard strode into the room on his cell phone, "I'm really very busy," he was telling the person at the end of the line, "Is there any way that we can put this off until I have more time to prepare? Of course. But, uh, you understand my trepidation."

"What's that about?" Penny frowned.

"Not a clue," Howard admitted.

"Sounds like he's talking about a presentation or submitting his research," Claire added thoughtfully.

"Can't we just postpone it till the spring?" Leonard continued to speak, "Maybe next summer?"

"This should be fairly easy to deduce," Sheldon remarked, "He's holding the phone to his left ear. Ears do not cross hemispheres, so he's using the analytical rather than the emotional side of the brain, suggesting that he has no personal relationship with the caller."

"No, I didn't realize it had been so long. Sure, I guess there's no other choice but to just go ahead and do it."

"He's referring to an activity he has done before. It's unpleasant and needs to be repeated. This suggests some sort of invasive medical test, like perhaps a colonoscopy."

"Aren't there any other options? There's not a lot of room, it's gonna be uncomfortable."

"Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm definitely going with colonoscopy."

"Ok," Leonard sighed, "Bye," he ended the call and turned to the others, "My mother's coming to visit."

"How about that, you were right," Howard joked.

Claire shook her head at the man and looked over at Leonard, "You don't sound very excited to see her."

Leonard rubbed his head, "Why would I? I was having such a good year too. Now it's ruined."

"I don't see why you're getting your pants all in a twist about this, Leonard. It's just your mama coming to visit. She can't be as embarrassing as mine."

"It's not the embarrassment I'm worried about," Leonard huffed, moving to sit on the sofa, "It's the unbearable and eternal disappointment," he told them, "I'm the Aquaman of my family."

"I'm sure that's not true," Penny spoke, though she sounded a little confused if she was saying the right thing, she had no idea where Aquaman rated among other superheroes.

"Wait for it," Leonard griped, "You'll see."

"I'm sure she's not that bad," Claire tried to smile.

"Chernobyl wasn't 'that bad,'" Leonard muttered, "Not compared to my mother."

Claire could only pat his arm in comfort.

~8~

Claire looked up from where she was helping Leonard and Sheldon straighten up a bit in the apartment, preparing for Leonard's mother to arrive, when she was sure she'd heard Penny sobbing just outside the door.

"Right on time," Leonard muttered, already heading for the door. He opened it to see Penny and his mother coming up the stairs, Penny the one crying.

Claire and Sheldon joined him in the doorway a moment, listening as Penny spoke to the woman, "I know my dad wanted a boy. I just, I tried being good at sports, but I hated getting dirty!"

"And then, I'm assuming, you entered adolescence," Leonard's mother, Beverly, continued, her voice very monotone and flat, sounding very disinterested.

"Uh huh, he called me Slugger until I got my first training bra, and then he just stopped playing catch with me. I wasn't Slugger anymore."

"Oh, Pen," Claire stepped out of the room and over to Penny, giving her a tight hug, "You alright sugar?"

"I have to go call my dad," Penny sniffled as she pulled away, calling out to Leonard a, "Your mother's here!" as she turned to go back to the apartment.

Claire took a step after her, but decided that this might be a conversation that Penny would want to have in private.

"That's for the best," the woman spoke, and Claire realized she was speaking to her, "The girl's deeply rooted sense of self issues won't be resolved if you coddle her."

Claire's eyes widened and she looked at Leonard who could only gesture behind his mother's back as though to say 'see?' before he sighed, "Mother, Dr. Claire Benson, Penny's roommate," he introduced.

"A nodder, interesting," Beverly remarked, eyeing Claire when she merely gave the woman a nod in greeting.

"In some cases," Claire shrugged.

"Claire has adapted a method of greeting based on observed preferences and a gauged level of acquaintancey," Sheldon defended with a small smile.

It was true, growing up with him, seeing how he reacted negatively to unexpected or unfamiliar touches, even in greeting, had led Claire to try and keep greetings professional and polite, sometimes distant, depending on the person. Once she considered you a friend and learned your preferences and boundaries, her greetings became more personal and less formal.

"Fascinating," Beverly glanced from Sheldon to Claire.

"And this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper," Leonard continued, seeing his mother about to open her mouth to comment once more. She'd already made Penny cry, if she made Claire cry too then Sheldon would get in a mood and if he had to deal with a sulking/annoyed Sheldon and his mother he was going to smother one of them in their sleep!

"Yes, the roommate," Beverly eyed Sheldon, turning to Leonard before Sheldon could greet her, "If you want to have intercourse with that girl," she glanced over at the apartment Penny had entered, "Find out what kind of cologne her father wore."

Leonard sighed, "Good to see you, Mother. Come on in," he stepped aside to allow his mother into his apartment. She sat on the sofa, on the opposite end of where Sheldon moved to sit in his spot, Claire on the armrest next to him. Leonard moved over to the kitchen where he had been preparing his mother's tea exactly as she liked it, hoping to create a good impression. It was just right if he did say so himself but his mother could be, at times, just like Sheldon when it came to making sure her drink was exactly how she wanted it.

He grabbed the cup and turned to bring it over to his mother, glancing at Claire as he passed, when an idea occurred to him. He smiled to himself and handed the cup to his mother, "Here's your tea, Mother," he said, waiting till she had just opened her mouth to confirm her specifications, when he cut her off, "Loose Oolong tea, steeped for three minutes with separately warmed 2 percent milk and one teaspoon of raw sugar."

Beverly blinked at him, but nodded and took the cup, sipping it.

Leonard waited a moment, a hopeful smile on his face, wanting to see if he'd done well.

His mother seemed to notice for she rolled her eyes and sighed, "It's adequate."

Leonard's smile fell somewhat, but it was better an answer than any other time he'd gone through making her tea.

"Which is a change from the cold it usually is," she added.

"I have the same problem with him," Sheldon mused, "My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an over-developed sex drive."

Claire opened her mouth to tell Sheldon that wasn't really an appropriate topic for normal conversation, let alone one with someone's mother, but Leonard reached out to touch her shoulder, nodding his head over to the kitchen in a gesture to join him. Claire nodded, getting up and moving over to it, allowing Beverly and Sheldon to keep talking.

"You alright, sugar?" Claire asked him, "You weren't lying when you said your mama was something else."

He had told them briefly what his mother was like, he'd likened the woman to a colder, more distant version of Sheldon. She'd had a hard time picturing it, once you got to know Sheldon, he wasn't cold or distant at all so trying to picture him like that, to her at least, was almost impossible. Seeing the woman interacting with Sheldon though, she could see how Leonard would make that remark.

"I'm fine."

"Mhmm," she nodded, "Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional, I can see it."

Leonard rolled her eyes at the 'Italian Job' reference, Penny had talked them into watching the movie shortly before he'd gotten the call from his mother about her visit, "Really, I'm fine. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before."

"It's not something you should have had to deal with ever," Claire pointed out, but knew it wasn't her place to comment on someone else's life like that, so she sighed and tried to offer him a smile, "If you need any help or someone to back you up," she gave him a wink too.

"Thanks, I could actually use some help now," he glanced over at his mother and Sheldon, both deeply engaged in talking about something, "I need a crash course, Sheldon 101."

"What?" Claire shook her head, a little confused.

"You've put up with Sheldon since he was a kid and, I'm assuming, ten times more annoying than he is now. And you haven't killed him or lost your mind. My mom is…" he could only shrug, "But I need to know how you handle Sheldon to even have a chance of getting through this without losing it with my mom. I've only lived with him a fraction of the time you've known him, you've probably got way more tricks up your sleeve than I've learned so far."

Claire let out a breath, "Um, well, really basics-wise…be really specific, don't attempt humor or sarcasm, always best to appeal to logic when you want to win an argument, but if you get stuck suggest a topic you know they love to talk about, don't take anything they say personally cos all bets say they probably don't realize how it comes across or can hurt someone else, and…don't seek approval. You'll either get it or you won't, but it's not something they give all that much. Just be content with being yourself."

Leonard sighed, "That last one's easier said than done," he murmured.

"I know," she reached out to pat his arm, "But remember, you got back up. And, you know, when my mama eventually comes to visit, you can be my backup in return."

"Definitely," Leonard nodded, understanding from the brief things he knew of her mother that she hadn't been the greatest, similar to his mother, but in a different way, and headed back over to the others with a cup of tea in his own hand, an excuse for why he'd walked away in the first place. He waited till Claire took her place beside Sheldon before he sat down on the armchair, "So, what are you guys talking about?"

"The frequency with which your parents had intercourse," Sheldon stated.

Claire nearly choked on her own tea at that, "Shelly, not exactly an appropriate conversation topic."

"Why?" Beverly asked, "I have no qualms discussing it."

"She wrote a paper on it," Sheldon agreed.

Claire nodded slowly, glancing at Leonard meaningfully before she returned her attention to Sheldon, "Then wouldn't it be best to read the paper first? You would want to be able to view all the statistics and facts and evidence yourself than potentially be swayed by the author first."

Sheldon considered her words, before he straightened and nodded, "You make a good point. Thank you, Claire Bear."

Leonard hid his smile behind his cup, seeing what she'd done there, given him an example of what she'd meant by using logic to win an argument, "If you're lucky, maybe she'll show you the PowerPoint presentation too," he offered.

Claire shook her head as Sheldon looked to Beverly with interest.

"I'm sorry," the woman apologized, "It's on my other laptop."

"Aww," he pouted.

Claire patted his shoulder, "We can always go to the comic book store later. It won't be as stimulating as a presentation like that, but at least it'll be something else to read and look at and learn from."

"Can we?" Sheldon looked at her, excited.

"Course we can," she smiled.

"Oh this is shaping up to be an excellent day," Sheldon exclaimed.

Beverly hummed as she observed them, looking between Sheldon and Claire with a critical eye.

"Yes?" Sheldon turned to her, eager for more of her insight, but Leonard was quick to cut in.

"So, Mother, what's new?" Leonard asked, adding, "With you," when he recalled Claire's suggestion to be more specific.

"Well," she considered it a moment, "I've been having some fascinating menopausal symptoms recently."

"Maybe something less personal?" Leonard suggested.

"Oh," she took time to think of something, "Your Uncle Floyd died."

This time Leonard almost choked on his tea, "Oh, my God. What happened?"

"His heart stopped beating. I have to urinate."

The three of them watched as Beverly got up and walked out of the room to the back hallway where Sheldon had gestured.

"What a remarkable woman," Sheldon remarked.

"Yeah," Leonard scoffed, understanding why Sheldon would say something like that, "I thought you guys might hit it off."

"I envy your childhood."

"I hate to tell you, but the only warm memories I have of my childhood are of my Uncle Floyd."

"You're clearly misremembering. Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful, and I'm betting she never hit you with a Bible because you wouldn't eat your Brussels sprouts."

"Mary did not hit you," Claire countered, "She lightly tapped you with it. I hit Howard with things all the time when he's being a creep, they're much worse than those taps from your mama."

"Be that as it may, I would rather have had a mother like Leonard's."

"Sheldon, you don't give your mother enough credit," Leonard himself countered, "She's warm, she's loving, she doesn't glue electrodes to your head to measure your brain waves while potty training."

"You were lucky. When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my own electrodes."

"And then…who was it again who rushed you to the ER when you got burned by those electrodes you made?" Claire pointed out.

Sheldon sighed, "Fair enough."

Leonard glanced between the two of them, something Penny had once said to him coming back to him in that moment. Maybe it was the way his mother had looked at them, something she had observed and seen in them that he had disregarded. Whatever it was, he couldn't help but ask, "What about you Claire? Would you trade my mother for Sheldon's?"

"You can't ask her that," Sheldon huffed, rolling his eyes as though the question was ridiculous to ask.

"Why not?" Leonard asked, genuinely curious.

"If I swap my mother for yours and Claire does the same, we'd be siblings," Sheldon told him, "And if I keep my mother and Claire does too, we'd still be siblings. Claire and I can't be siblings."

"Why not?" Leonard repeated, Sheldon sounded far more insistent than he'd ever heard him in that last part.

"Beyond the fact that I already have a sister who is the bane of my existence and don't want Claire to fall into that category, she is my best friend, Leonard. Not my sister. She can't be my sister."

"Fair enough," Leonard mumbled, taking a sip of his tea again, this time glancing at the two with more thought. Sheldon's reasons, to him, weren't quite enough to warrant that level of insistence. It seemed to him that there was more behind it than Sheldon had revealed.

As Spock would say, Fascinating.

~8~

Claire was pretty sure she didn't need to know Howard or Raj well at all to guess that the lunch she had sat down to, where Leonard and his mother were sitting with Raj, Howard, and Sheldon, was going to be awkward. She was across from Beverly, with Leonard and Sheldon on one side and Raj and Howard on the other. The smirk on Howard's face alone told her that he was going to take full advantage of this opportunity, despite the fact that Leonard was his good friend.

"So, Dr. Hofstadter," Howard began, "Leonard rarely talks about his incredibly successful brother and sister."

"Please, don't go there, Howard," Leonard nearly begged.

"I didn't know you had siblings, Leonard," Claire remarked, trying to steer the conversation away, "I have a brother and let me tell you he is dumber than a stump."

"An interesting comparison," Beverly remarked, momentarily distracted, "Considering stumps do not have the consciousness to be unintelligent. Quite a mistake to make considering, I take it, you are the most educated member of your family?"

Before Claire could even start to defend her words, Howard had chimed in to lead the conversation back to Leonard, "Well we all know Leonard isn't the most educated member of his, am I right? I mean, unlike Leonard, his siblings are at the top of their respective fields."

"Boy, you suck," Leonard groaned at Howard, giving Claire a look that said 'thanks for trying.'

"Well, Leonard's younger brother, Michael, is a tenured law professor at Harvard," Beverly began to praise her other children, "And his sister just successfully grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon."

"So, she's close to curing diabetes?" Howard gaped, he had meant it as a joke to tease Leonard, but it seemed like his siblings really WERE far more successful.

"Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?"

"Wow, you must be very proud."

"Why?" she deadpanned, "They're not my accomplishments. I have to urinate."

Leonard rubbed his head as his mother got up and left, before frowning at Howard, "Why are you doing this?"

"You know the rules," Howard shrugged, "You brought your mom to work, you must suffer."

"It's not very fair," Claire remarked, "From what I've heard, your mother wouldn't be able to fit through the doors to visit you."

"Exactly," Howard didn't even react to the prod at his mother's weight, "She won't be visiting me at work."

"Leonard, I had no idea your siblings were so much more successful than you," Sheldon remarked, wanting to get his statement out, it was much more relevant than hearing about Howard's mother's girth.

Leonard glared at Raj when he slid a piece of paper he'd been scribbling on over to him, "I am NOT the Jar Jar Binks of the Hofstadter family!"

Howard snorted, "Oh, meesa think yousa lookin' so so sad."

"Guys stop," Claire tried to cut in, "You're not being very good friends right now."

She could understand now why Leonard had such a hard time with his mother being there, why he was getting his pants in a twist about it. His mother, while she was sure the woman loved him in her own way, didn't show it or treat him like a mother should her child. Lord knew her own mother sometimes forgot she and her brother were even there, she didn't have an interest in her children's lives. Leonard's mother was similar in a way. Neglect came in many different forms and she knew how hard it was to deal with her own mother. The least she could do was be there for Leonard through this. If Howard and Raj weren't going to help, she would.

"Yeah," Leonard nodded "Rather than mock me, my friends might realize that this is difficult and try to help me through it like Claire is."

The snort Raj gave was a clear indication that he found mocking Leonard more fun.

"Next time, don't yousa bring mama to work, okee-day?" Howard continued to taunt.

Leonard glared at him, about to let him have it, when his mother returned and he forced himself to let it go, "That was fast."

"Oh, the middle stall was occupied," Beverly sighed, "I'll have to try again later."

"It's totally understandable," Sheldon agreed "In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location."

"So, where were we?" she looked around the table.

Leonard glanced over at Claire who subtly nodded her head towards Howard and Raj, making him smirk, another part of her lesson that if he got stuck he should suggest a topic he knew would interest his mother more, "Howard lives with his mother and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go."

Claire snorted at that

Beverly, turned to the two men with interest, "That's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché."

"It's just temporary, I pay rent," Howard insisted.

"He lives in the same room where his bassinet was," Leonard scoffed.

His mother hummed, "You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy."

Sheldon reached out to pat Claire on the back as she nearly choked on her water at that, "Are you alright?" he asked her, frowning deeply, "That's the second time in less than 24 hours you've had difficulty drinking a beverage."

"I'm fine, Shelly," she insisted, patting his arm, "Just not expecting the topic of conversation."

Leonard just smirked at the gobsmacked expressions on Raj and Howard's faces, "You brought your husband to work, you know the rules. Meesa thinking yousa looking pretty sad now too, betcha, betcha."

"Doesn't feel too good when the shoe's on the other foot, does it?" Claire sing-songed to them.

"Leonard, it's one o'clock," Beverly turned to Leonard, "Weren't you going to show me your laboratory at one o'clock?"

"There's no hurry, Mother," Leonard insisted, "Tell them more about their secret love for each other."

"But it's one o'clock, you were going to show me your laboratory at one o'clock."

"Her reasoning is unassailable," Sheldon defended, "It is one o'clock."

"It's alright Leonard," Claire smiled at him, "Showing her your lab now means more time later to analyze the Koothrappali-Wolowitz marriage."

"Oh ha, ha," Howard grumbled at her teasing, but knew he deserved it.

"Fine," Leonard agreed, getting up, "Let's go. I think you'll find my work pretty interesting. I'm attempting to replicate the dark matter signal found in sodium iodide crystals by the Italians."

"So, no original research?" Beverly asked.

"…no?"

"Well, what's the point of my seeing it? I could just read the paper the Italians wrote."

"Because the Italians could have forged their results," Claire pointed out, "That's the entire point of Leonard's specialization. He creates experiments to prove or disprove research. If he can't replicate the dark matter signal, then the results of the research could have been faked. His research is what the rest hinges on for authenticity."

Beverly observed her for a moment, Leonard grinning widely behind his mother but really wanted to end this on a high note and not let his mother tear apart Claire's argument, so he called out, "This way, Mother," and led her off

"Come on Shelly," Claire stood soon after, "I think Mr. and Mr. Koothrawitz have some things to discuss."

Sheldon took a moment before he let out a small breathy laugh, "Because it's their surnames mixed together," he remarked, following her up and away.

"We're not in an ersatz homosexual relationship!" Howard called after them, but it didn't seem to matter.

~8~

"You sure you're ok, Pen?" Claire asked as she sat beside Penny on the couch of their apartment, a bottle of alcohol open on the coffee table. Penny had been off since Beverly spoke to her. She hadn't wanted to pry and every time she asked Penny said she would be fine, still…she worried.

"I'm alright," Penny sighed, rubbing her head, "Leonard's mother just threw me off. I'm sorry I haven't been around much," she looked at Claire, "Has she been awful to you?"

"Not so much me as Leonard," Claire remarked, "He seems to keep changing the topic whenever she sets her sights on me. I guess he doesn't want the Sheldon Whisperer down while his mother's here too."

Penny gave a small snort at that, "Leonard left with just Sheldon and Beverly? He'd lose his goddamn mind."

Almost at that exact moment, there was a knock at the door and Claire hurried to open it, to see Leonard there. She didn't even manage to greet him before he was asking, "You got alcohol?"

Penny did a full snort this time, guessing exactly why he was asking, "Your mom still here?"

"Yep."

"Come on in," Claire stepped to the side to let Leonard into the room.

"Wait, wait," Penny thought of something, "She's not gonna come here looking for you, is she?"

"No, relax," he reassured her, "She took Sheldon to the hospital to get a brain scan."

"Oh, my God. What happened?!"

"I didn't get a call from any hospital," Claire pulled out her phone with a frown, checking. She was Sheldon's emergency contact after all, but there wasn't anything there.

"Nothing," Leonard reassured them, "Mother likes looking at brains and Sheldon…"

"Likes getting his brain scanned," Claire nodded, now it made more sense.

"Geez, what a fun couple," Penny muttered, taking a swig of the alcohol.

Claire nodded to herself, "You two enjoy your drinks," she moved to stand, "I'll go wait in your apartment for them, Leonard."

"You don't have to go," he spoke.

But Claire waved it off, "I'm not much a drinker and I'm sure you both got plenty to gripe about. And we all know Shelly's going to want to talk about his brain scan. If I can get there first, he'll run out of steam with me and leave you both alone."

"You'd do that?" Leonard asked.

"I've got a lifetime experience handling Shelly, I can handle two of them for a few hours, I'm sure of it," she winked, "You could both clearly use a break from your mother, Leonard. And, let's be honest, I'm probably the only one here who would actually be interested to see what Shelly's brain scan says so…"

"True."

Claire chuckled lightly at that, "You two enjoy your drinks. I'll do my best to stall them coming to find you."

"I owe you one," Penny called to her as she left.

"We both do," Leonard murmured, the last thing Claire hearing as the door shut being something about Leonard considering alcoholism as a new career path.

She shook her head at that and moved into his apartment, settling down on the arm of the couch and turning on the TV to wait. Oddly enough, she hadn't had to wait very long for Sheldon and Beverly to arrive, she could hear them through the door as they approached.

"Your scan data will be very helpful to my research," Beverly was saying, "You have a remarkable brain."

"I know. Claire has always complimented my intelligence and, therefore, my brain, although I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures."

"Yes…" Beverly trailed off a moment, before sighing, "Common complaint among men. Nothing's ever big enough, except when they get a tumor. Then you never hear the end of it."

"I'd love to see a scan of your brain sometime," Sheldon continued, "I'm curious how it compares to the one I have of Claire's. She gave it to me as a birthday present when I was going through a neurology phase."

"Oh don't do that, Shelly," Claire spoke as Sheldon and Beverly entered the room, "I'm sure my brain is nothing compared to Beverly's."

"Claire," Sheldon smiled when he saw her, "What are you doing here? Where's Leonard?"

"Leonard came to hang out with Penny and I, but when he told me you were getting your brain scanned, I just had to come see it."

"Well, here," he offered her the scan to see, "Take a look. Ooh, I should do a comparison between the three of our brains."

"I'll send you a link," Beverly remarked when he looked to her, "But its physiology is fairly unimpressive."

"Oh, I can't believe that."

"Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery."

"My apologies," Sheldon agreed, "I've been living with your son too long. Gotten into some bad habits."

"Flattery isn't always a bad habit," Claire argued, "Blunt honesty isn't always a good habit."

"How so?" Sheldon asked her.

She smiled, "Remember the mittens I made you?"

Sheldon considered it and nodded, "Understood."

It had been a gift from her, mittens she'd made him one winter. They were horrible, just awful. They didn't fit right, they were itchy, there were holes in some key parts where the chill got in. He'd been brutally honest with her about what he thought of them, and she'd cried. She'd been so hurt she hadn't spoken to him for a week because she thought he was just being mean to her. His mother had sat him down and helped him see that how he'd handled it wasn't kind and sometimes being kind was better than being honest. There were ways to phrase things to be more polite, to sound more like a suggestion for improvement than a criticism. He'd taken it to heart when it came to Claire, it was just…sometimes he didn't know, he really didn't know, how he came across to others.

To him, his words sounded rational and didn't sound harsh at all, but he knew sometimes others took it worse than he intended. His mother had told him to consider how HE would have reacted if he had made a gift for Claire and she said to him what he had her. He'd nearly started crying then too and realized his mistake. He'd tried, for a time, to consider what he would say to people in terms of how HE would feel if they said something similar back to him…but it was exhausting. And he didn't talk much, because by the time he'd considered it, the topic would change.

He'd compromised, the people important to him, the ones he never wanted to see cry because of him, he tried to be a bit more careful in what he said and how he said it. His mother, his meemaw, and Claire were at the top of that considerably short list, his sister might have rated higher if she hadn't been such a brat to him through his formative years. But he'd learned from that experience that brutal honesty could hurt people, and being kind, or flattering, was sometimes all he needed to earn a smile from them. He much more preferred it when Claire smiled because of him than cried because of him.

"Interesting," Beverly remarked, though she didn't seem interested enough to ask more about what they were talking on, just sitting down on the couch.

"Can I make you a cup of tea?" Sheldon offered.

"I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Sheldon remarked, "Claire has always had remarkable accuracy making drinks and obtaining food to specifications as well. She understands particulars and preference in a way few do."

"Why thank you Shelly," Claire smiled at him.

"And speaking of Claire..." Beverly began, though she trailed off, her attention fixated on Sheldon which made Claire frown, it sounded more like she was trying to see what Sheldon would say."

"Speaking of Claire," Sheldon continued without a hitch, "It's startling the level of comfort I feel around you, I don't feel comfortable around anyone except Claire. Though, and you'll forgive me, I do feel more comfort around her. I do feel very comfortable around you though."

"I feel very comfortable around you, too," Beverly agreed.

Sheldon looked at Claire, who shrugged, not uncomfortable, but not fully comfortable. Though it made Sheldon smile and sigh, "What are the odds that two individuals as unique as ourselves," he gestured between himself and Beverly, "Would be connected by someone as comparatively workaday as your son? And yes," he rolled his eyes even as he spoke to Claire, "I know, 'Leonard is not workaday,'" he guessed what she was about to say when she opened her mouth, "I did say 'comparatively' though."

"Alright, alright," Claire sighed but had to concede he had at least been that considerate.

"Was that a rhetorical point or would you like to do the math?" Beverly asked Sheldon, though she was looking almost critically at Claire.

"Knowing Shelly," Claire smiled at him, "It's the math."

He nodded, "I would like that."

"I'd like that, too," Beverly agreed.

~8~

Sheldon had just finished explaining a thought he had of an activity they could do to Beverly as they sat on the couch. Claire had just stepped away to go gather the takeout they'd ordered down stairs and he knew she would be game for his suggestion, it was Beverly he felt might take more consideration.

"So, what do you think?" he asked.

Beverly considered it, "I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate."

"Normally, I'd feel the same way. But based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together."

"True. I've had a similar observation. It's certainly something I could never do with my husband."

"I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but it was a loophole in the best friend contract I have with Claire that she exploited. It was for the best though, I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins."

"Interesting," Beverly remarked as she glanced at her watch, "3 minutes."

"I'm sorry?" Sheldon tilted his head, "3 minutes for what?"

Beverly looked back at him, "It takes you an average of 3 minutes to bring up Claire when she's not in the vicinity. I find it fascinating how she acts as a focal point and object of your attention."

"Oh, poppycock," Sheldon shook his head, "Claire is hardly the object of my affection."

"Attention," Beverly corrected.

"That's what I said," he stated, so surely that Beverly momentarily considered he might have actually said attention.

"Hmmm," she hummed, as though making a mental note of something, "You display a physical comfort around her you don't with others, you defer to her judgement more often than not, and you seem unable to not speak of her or mention her in conversation for more than 3 minutes."

"I can see how you might have misunderstood," Sheldon waved off her notation with a smile, "Claire has a spot, much like I do, and it just happens to be next to mine, she has had years of experience learning how to appeal to my logic, and Claire has been a large part of my life and features into most of my fondest memories which I recall frequently for the purposes of conversation. Speaking of my fondest memories, I really do think you'll enjoy my suggestion, it's quite satisfying."

Beverly hummed again, knowing from the brief time she'd spent around Sheldon that he would be adept at deflecting her questions, he seemed very deeply entrenched in denial over his glaringly obvious romantic feelings for Claire. She was sure her son and perhaps the others had missed the signs, but to a woman like her, seeing so much of herself in Sheldon, she could see them all clear as day. Perhaps she should send him her paper on denial as well as her brain scan?

"I see what you're doing," she decided to allow the topic to fade for the moment, for a man like Sheldon she would need more empirical evidence to support her theories in order for him to consider them, "You're appealing to the neuroscientific researcher in me."

"You see right through me, don't you?" Sheldon laughed.

"Only when you're in a CAT scanner."

~8~

Claire smiled as she made her way up the stairs to the fourth floor, the food in hand. She paused at the top, looking over at her apartment for a moment. She had ordered Leonard and Penny's favorite foods from the takeout place incase they needed food after their binge drinking. She should check in and make sure neither of them had passed out on the other or if they were hungry. She nodded to herself and entered the apartment, only to hurry back out, her face red.

She didn't need to see anything to know what the sounds coming from Penny's bedroom meant or who she was with given she'd heard both her and Leonard from within.

She shook her head, she'd shoot Penny a text later about the food...and then talk to her about what was going on. She knew the 'date' with Kurt hadn't gone great, once she'd explained to Penny what Leonard had done for her, Penny had spent the entire date trying to catch Kurt in his lie and succeeded, spilling her beer all over his head before storming out on him. So she knew Penny hadn't had much going on in the dating department, but this was a really big jump from trying to see if Leonard was still interested to getting in bed with him. If anything, maybe this would finally prove to Penny Leonard was very much still interested.

She moved over to Sheldon's apartment, opening the door there to see Sheldon and Beverly just starting to belt out a duet of 'Any Way You Want It,' playing Rock Star. She blinked at the sight of it and just set the food down on a small table, neither of them noticing over how loud they were. She grabbed her part of the order and backed out of the room.

Maybe it would be safer to eat her food on the first floor staircase.

~8~

Standing in the hallway outside of Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, it was only too clear that Leonard was thrilled that the time had come for his mother to leave, "Alright, Mother. Um, have a nice flight."

Beverly just looked at him, "That's not really in my control, is it? Oh, uh, yes…" she added after a moment, moving in to give him what looked like a very uncomfortable hug.

"It was…an eye-opening experience, meeting you, Beverly," Claire offered.

"Hmmm," she hummed, "Perhaps."

"Oh," a voice gasped as Penny, dressed in her waitress uniform, stepped out of her apartment, startled to see them all gathered in the hall, "Good morning."

"Morning," Leonard called.

Penny glanced at them, before pulling Leonard to the side to speak to him quietly, Sheldon distracting Beverly as he went to give the woman his contact information, muttering something about a brain scan, "Look, I was just coming over to talk to you…"

"You don't have to," Leonard told her, "Ever."

"Gotcha."

Leonard nodded, and looked to his mother as Sheldon finished talking, "Goodbye, Mother."

"Goodbye, Leonard," she nodded to him, before starting to head down the stairs with Penny, "So, Slugger, shall we pick up where we left off last time?"

Claire sighed as she watched them go, "I think I'll make a grocery run," she looked to the guys, "Any of y'all need anything?"

Sheldon frowned, "But you just went to the grocery store two days ago. Did you not buy a sufficient amount of items?"

"Not for a visit from her," Claire nodded at the stairs, "I'm not about to buy Penny more alcohol, but some ice cream might help," she glanced at Leonard, "Dairy free frozen yogurt, Leonard?"

Leonard smiled, "That'd be great, thanks."

"And don't worry, Shelly, I'm not about to forget you," Claire reassured him as he began to pout, "I've already got an extra pint of your favorite."

"Oh goodie!" Sheldon beamed, "I can bring my brain scan and we can really have a party!"

"…great," Leonard sighed as Claire just laughed and headed down the stairs.

A/N: So the chapters this week were a little later than I liked, the reason is...we got a new puppy! :D I'll probably be posting a picture or two of him on my tumblr some time next week ;) My parents went on a business trip a few days ago and that was when my brother and I went to pick him up, I've been the one watching/training him non-stop so it's been hard to get anything edited or ready :/ But my parents are back, so I finally get a break from puppy sitting lol :) I wanted this up yesterday, but that's when my mom came home and we had to set up the surprise, and then today I was at the NY Renaissance Faire for most of the day and got home a few hours ago and FINALLY got to get the chapter ready and up :)

For this chapter, I feel like if Leonard had to choose one person to try and 'protect' from his Mother being herself, it would be Claire, because if she got hurt, Sheldon would be huffy and Leonard cannot deal with that version of Sheldon AND his mother. And with how Claire was trying to back him up, he'd do all he could to keep her going instead of out of the game :) I think it was a sweet moment for their growing friendship :) Claire is going to have some things to talk to Penny about in terms of where her night with Leonard was heading ;)

Some notes on reviews...

Lol, the date with Kurt did not go well at all :) Penny caught him in his lie and gave him his comeuppance :)

I think Jelly Shelly is adorable too :)

Penny and Sheldon are both going to be interesting when they maybe suspect something else between Claire and Leonard than just friendship ;) Penny, I think, will be conflicted because Claire has been trying to push her and help her with Leonard this entire time so why would she go for Leonard after all that? But she'd also be hurt because of how easy they get on. What she does as a result, we'll have to wait and see };)

Romance might be coming in an odd way, but Sheldon is going to make it glacial for a while lol :)

I've considered a spin-off of Young Sheldon with Claire coming in, but I've just had a really hard time getting into that show :( So we might get it one day, if I rewatch it and like it more, but so far it's mostly going to be thoughts and memories Claire and Sheldon have in the main story ;)

I always feel bad for Leonard too :( Especially in this episode, like it's so clear his mother being distant is hard on him, and everyone else just sort of pokes more fun at it :( Claire at least hasn't had the greatest relationship with her parents either so she's more 'we gotta stick together, I help you and you help me' sorta thing :) We may see a bit of gushing coming up in a future chapter of this story ;)