Chapter 3: Weight of the World
Feels like the weight of the world
Like all my screaming has gone unheard
And oh, I know you don't believe in me
Safe in the dark, how can you see?
Screaming. Marie's eyes open in a flash, her heart pounding as she almost jumps up in her bed. She searches for the lamp on her nightstand and turns it on, her gaze falling on the opposite wall.
Eva's screaming has changed into sobbing, a soft voice comforting her. Marie groans but steps out of bed, grabbing her robe and putting it on. Since the tiles underneath her feet are still cold, she more hopps than walks to the room next to hers.
Marie's head peaks in through the door, her gaze falling on Reinke who gives her a small smile. Eva's sobbing has ceased, Hannah giving the young girl a glass of water. 'Are you feeling better?' Hannah asks, as Eva bites her lip but nods.
'If you need anything, I will be in my room.' Reinke gives their aunt a thankful smile, Hannah nodding at Marie when they cross each other in the doorway.
Reinke sighs as her best friend walks in and closes the door behind her. 'A nightmare again?' Eva nods, Reinke whispering something to her younger sister.
'Let's try and get some more sleep. You have school tomorrow and we need to work.' Reinke sighs, but Eva stops her in her tracks. A pleading look is all it takes, but Reinke understands.
'Fine, you can sleep with me.' Marie grins, jumping on Eva's bed. 'I'll sleep here. We'll keep the monsters away, yes?'
Eva is quick to fall asleep in Reinke's arms, the friends' gazes crossing each other across the room. And Reinke does not need to say it. That she is thankful for Marie.
They need to stick together, since they only have left each other.
The next morning it is Peter that comes to wake them up. It has been long since they have had it this hard to wake up. 'You do not look very good, Reinke.' The lighthaired girl shrugs, taking a quiet Eva by the hand to take her to school.
The walk to the schoolbuilding is quiet, both Eva and Reinke too tired and homesick to say anything. Because that is what it all comes down to.
Now it is crystalclear that they will not be going home, they miss their family. Their parents. And Reinke, already homesick enough, can only imagine how difficult it has to be for her little sister to cope, not having her mother close.
'Eva!' Reinke looks up and sees Isaiah waving at them. 'Go on, have fun.' A real smile finally appears on the twelve year old girl's face, waving at her sister and following Isaiah into the school.
Reinke and Marie are quiet in the following days, the truth left unsaid between them, but even Peter and Hannah are starting to catch on.
They are all homesick. They want to go home.
The nightmares Eva has are a result of that. Marie really wonders how Peter managed to create a life for himself, knowing he can never go back where he came from. That is what she wonders when she wakes up once more in the middle of the night, but this time it is not Eva waking her up, but her own nightterrors.
'You look like shit.' Reinke grins that afternoon as Marie yawns again. It has been the third time in five minutes. 'Maybe you should go outside? Maybe you'll feel less tired.' Marie just wants to answer that is a good idea when they hear Hannah's voice calling them.
The woman's face is worried when Reinke and Marie approach. 'The school called. Eva got into a fight. They want you two to go and pick her up.' Reinke curses under her breath, but nods and goes outside, slamming the door on her way out.
Feels like the weight of the world
Like God in heaven gave me a turn
Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you
Still in the dark, can you fix me?
'Reinke, calm down! I am sure there is a logical explanation for it!' Marie tries to shush her friend who is marching to the school, the anger rolling off of her in waves.
Reinke is fuming by the time she walks into the classroom, Polly Gray already sitting next to Finn and Isaiah with a disapproving look. 'You must be Reinke and Marie.' The girls nod as they both sit down, Reinke's gaze searching Eva's.
The younger girl refuses to look up, deciding to look at her scraped knees instead. 'I have called you here because I am worried about Eva and the influence she has on Finn and Isaiah.' Marie squeezes Reinke's shoulder hard and holds her friend back whose furious gaze has fallen on her younger sister.
'Eva has been falling asleep in class and has been, well, agressive. Today she got into a fight with a girl and some boys. And she...dragged Finn and Isaiah into it as well.' Reinke closes her eyes and sighs.
'Eva? What do you have to say for yourself?' Reinke asks, the anger clear in her voice. 'Tomorrow, you apologize to those kids.' 'But, Reinke, ...' Eva's protest is lost in Reinke's shout.
Normally, Reinke would not shout at her sister, but they are all tired and very quickly irritated. 'You will listen to me, Eva.' Reinke snaps, Eva effectively falling silent. 'Falling asleep in school, fighting with other kids?! That is not how mum and dad have raised you.' Reinke snaps again.
'I don't fucking care what they think! They are not here, are they?!' Eva screams back. 'Watch your mouth, Eva. I am serious. You are twelve years old! Who do you think you are to speak like that?'
'Reinke...' Marie tries to intervene, but the warning in her friend's eyes makes her shut up. 'I don't care what you think or whatever you have in mind that makes this behavior okay to you. Dragging your friends into a fight? No. You apologize to those kids tomorrow. I mean it, Eva. And that is final.'
Eva bites her lip, tears starting to gather in her eyes. 'What would you care? You are never home!' Eva snaps, jumping up and running out of the door. 'EVA!' Reinke bristles, shaking her head and posture stiff.
Reinke gives an apologetic smile to the teacher. 'To be honest, Eva has been having nightmares and barely sleeps. She misses our parents. I am her older sister, I cannot be her mother as well.'
The older girl turns to Polly Gray, bowing her head in apology. 'I am sorry she has dragged Finn and Isaiah into this.' Polly snorts. 'They would have gotten into trouble anyway sooner or later.' Reinke gives a small laugh at that.
'I'll go and look for Eva.' Marie offers, winking at Finn and Isaiah. 'And try to stay out of trouble, yeah?' Both boys nod as Marie steps out of the building, when she sees none else than Eva talking to Arthur and John Shelby.
Free fall, free fall, all through life
If you love me then let go of me
I won't be held down by who I used to be
'Eva.' Marie admonishes, but the girl looks at her with such a brokenhearted expression she cannot be mad at her. 'I want to go home.'
Marie gives her a sad smile, not really knowing what to say. 'I know. But we can't.' Eva looks down at her feet, biting her lip as a lone tear falls out of her eye. 'Go back inside and apologize to Reinke. I am sure she has calmed down by now.' Marie whispers, the younger girl sighing but going inside the school once more.
'Do not be too hard on the little one, eh?' Arthur says, Marie shaking her head and giving him a small smile. 'I will make sure Reinke is not too angry with her sister.' Arthur seems satisfied with that, John Shelby's gaze boring into her head, toothpick lazily hanging from his lips.
'Well, I need to go. Goodbye.' Marie mutters, turning on her heel and starting to walk back to the school.
'What did ya mean?' Marie stops in her tracks, her eyebrow raised as the Shelby that seems to hate her pipes up. 'With what?' The fairhaired woman asks, tapping her foot impatiently.
'That you cannot go home?' Marie raises her eyes to the sky, ignoring the sadness that is churning in her stomach. 'What it means.' John can feel his annoyance rising when the woman shrugs, her eyes veiled and face masked. No emotion present on her rather beautiful face.
'Where are her parents?' Arthur asks, nodding at Eva that is stepping outside with Finn and Isaiah, Reinke talking with Polly behind them. 'It is...complicated.' Marie admits, not really sure what else to say.
'And your parents? Surely you must have some family? Your mother?' Arthur asks, as Marie nods. 'Yes, she is alive.' The girl in front of them admits, just as Reinke and her younger sister join them. Finn and Isaiah stop next to Marie, the girl giving them a small smile.
'And your father?' Arthur asks, as a silence falls over the group. Marie's jaw tenses, her frame going rigid as she seems to close off.
'As I told you, it is complicated.' Reinke sees her friend's mood coming, and decides to intervene. 'We should get going. Come on, Marie.' As Reinke bids goodbye to everyone, Marie follows them but eventually turns around.
The question Arthur has asked is weighing heavily in the air.
'As for my father, he is not dead. But he might as well be.' Marie gives them a bitter laugh. 'To me he is anyway.'
The silence that they leave behind tells enough, but Reinke does not comment on it. The evening passes by quickly and Marie decides she has wallowed in selfpity long enough.
Yes, she wishes she could go home, but it is the way it is. They are stuck here. So she determines to make the best of it.
Tomorrow she is starting a new chapter of her life. A new Marie, who can be anyone or anything she wants. And she hopes with time, the homesickness and sadness will dull. And that only sweet memories will remain.
Even those of her father. Her bitterness is still too great towards him, but she hopes with time, she will be able to be thankful for the time they had together. Not tainted by how their relationship soured in the end.
She hopes her memories will grow sweeter and eventually, into something beautiful.
If you love me then let go of me
I won't be held down by who I was
