(after arriving at the apartment)

I know my space is big but I never thought of it to be this big. It is so huge I can feel myself getting smaller and smaller. That's right. I am small and insignificant. I literally have no one. Plutarch? That man is looking out for me out of charity. He feels guilty about what happened to me during the rebellion so he's doing his best to make it up to me. My entire family died during the war. Coin's bomb hit my family's house directly and torched everyone in it. Plutarch knows it but I specifically requested that he tells no one about that. I had enough of pitiful eyes on me. That's not how I want to be treated.

After the war, the people here in the Capitol can't quite figure out what to make of me. Some see me as the traitor who betrayed her fellow Capitol citizen to side with the rebels and some see me as the same privileged escort of District 12 who knows nothing of suffering. There is no in-between. The truth is I am both. I am a Capitol citizen who reaped innocent children every year and I am also the same escort who sided with Katniss and betrayed my friends and family. No one cares. That's what Haymitch said.

Haymitch…I honestly thought I will find the people who can finally understand me. I thought they will be the people who can look at me without judgment in their eyes because of all the things we went through together but apparently I was wrong. I am a reminder to them of the horror they went through. I am the living proof that all those terrible things truly happened to them. What do I do now? Where do I go? The Capitol despises me and to be honest I feel the same way after my government locked me up and tortured me. District 12 knows me for being a monster who smiles at them while I draw their children's names to be killed for entertainment. I got no place in the world.

That is right. I got no place in this world. I got nothing left here. I got no friends. I got no family. I lost my team. I lost Haymitch. What am I still doing here? I am just wasting time and space and resources for others to use. For the first time in three months, I came up with the best idea on how to deal with my future.

"Effie? Are you still at District 12? I want to tell you that if you want to extend your vacation, it's fine with me", Plutarch said on the phone.

"No, dear. I am back here at my apartment", I informed him.

"Oh? That was a quick visit. What happened?" he asked.

I know he will ask. He always pries. That's one of our qualities.

"You were wrong, darling, but it's okay. I took the first train this morning. I'll just take the day off and rest. It's been an exhausting journey but I will talk to you soon", I answered.

"If you want to talk about it, I can clear my schedule", he offered. I know he means well but I don't feel like talking about anything at all.

"That's very kind of you, Plutarch but I'm fine, just fine. You go on ahead with your schedule and I will now rest. Goodbye, Plutarch and thank you", I declined politely and hung up.

There's still one bottle of vodka left in my fridge so I poured it into my glass. I took the bottle Dr. Aurelius prescribed to me. I never touched it mostly because I am too proud to admit to myself that I needed medication. I popped the bottle open and poured the pills onto my palm. I closed my eyes and all I can see are the children's faces. They must've think that it took me long enough to do this. I sent them all to their deaths. They do not deserve to be there and it's me who drew their names out of the bowl with a smile on my face. It was my fault their dead.

"I cannot fix everything but I hope my life will suffice for now", I muttered and swallowed the pills and followed it with a glass of vodka.

I have no idea if this will happen right away or if it will take time. I have never done this before so I have no experience whatsoever. There were few times I saw it on TV. They made it look so glamorous but I know that death is never glamorous. I worked in the business built by death so I should know. My head is getting lighter. I should probably lay down.

My eyes are set towards my bedroom but I don't think I can make it there so the sofa will do. I set myself down gently and relaxed. I feel so sleepy. Maybe this kind of death is a bit glamorous. I should've paid attention on what I would've looked like. Then I remember I am wearing a white dress with thick red lipstick. I think I unconsciously prepared myself to be in this situation. I'll do just fine. My eyes are getting heavier and just before I drifted off, the last face that came to my sight is Haymitch's.

"I'll never bother you again. I promise", I muttered and let myself fall asleep hoping to never wake up again.

Voices…I am hearing voices. Why is everyone yelling? Don't they know it is rude to yell? Civilized people should keep their voices level. This is so ill mannered.

"Miss Trinket? Can you hear me? Miss Trinket?" someone is calling my attention.

I tried to open my eyes and I only saw bright light that hurt my eyes.

"She's conscious but unresponsive. How many did she take?" the man asked someone, I think.

"…the entire bottle", someone said.

What are they talking about?

"Make sure we got it all out before her heart gives in", the man ordered.

My heart? My heart already gave in back in that cell and still they don't know that. Oh, I almost forgot…no one cares. A smile played upon my lips. Why do I bother? No one cares. I just closed my eyes and let go of everything else.