"Mama, I missed you!" Liam exclaimed excitedly as he dashed away from Maura and tackled Jane's legs from behind, wrapping them up in a hug.

Jane turned to look at her son and smiled, she knelt down and pulled him firmly into her arms and hugged him tight. She planted several soft kisses on the crown of his head before murmuring, "Hey Kiddo, I missed you too." Her eyes then trailed from her son up towards her wife, who offered a soft, but worn smile, before disappearing upstairs with the luggage.

Liam leaned in towards Jane's ear and whispered, "Mom's sad."

Jane frowned, "Why is she sad buddy? You didn't give her a hard time did you?"

Liam shrugged and looked anywhere but at his Ma, until his eyes fell on Angela and he cried out "Nona," excitedly.

Jane watched her son run over to her mother and sighed. "Can you keep an eye on him for a minute Ma? I wanna check on Maura."

Angela simply waved her daughter away; of course she would be happy to keep an eye on her adorable grandson, with his gorgeous sandy blonde hair and deep brown eyes. "Go, I've got this." She said, recognising that her daughter was waiting for a verbal confirmation.

In some ways Jane was glad that family dinner was happening, and in other ways she knew it was only delaying the inevitable conversation that she had to have with her wife. Despite the inevitability of where she imagined that conversation was going, she was concerned enough to bound up the stairs to make sure Maura was alright.

She clearly wasn't.

Jane found her wife sitting on their bed sobbing and it broke her heart. Maura crying was always the worst thing; it made her feel uncomfortable, because it was like a game of Clue sometimes, trying to work out what would make her feel better. She did want to make her feel better, even now when everything felt completely out of control and messy. "Maura, honey? What's wrong?" She sat down next to her wife and pulled her into a side hug.

Maura remained rigid in the embrace for a few moments before relaxing. Still she sat stoically, silent tears rolling down her face, she didn't want to complain, or explain or feel really. Eventually she sighed, recognising Jane's interrogation technique of sitting silently and waiting for the suspect to sing. "Am I a bad mother?"

Jane was shocked to say the least. Of all the things she could question Maura on her mothering was not and never would be one of those things. In fact Jane had been impressed by her wife's patience and unconditional love towards their son. It was the one thing where Jane knew her love and trust of Maura would never waver. "No. Never." Jane answered firmly.

"I think he hates me, Jane."

Jane closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in and out heavily; bracing herself for the reassurance she knew she had to give. She let go of her hold on her wife and moved so that she could kneel down in front of her, taking both of Maura's hands in her own. "Look at me," she waited until she had the unwavering attention of teary hazel eyes and said, "He's a kid Maur, it's his job to push boundaries and test our limits. He's going to throw a tantrum from time to time and you know this. It's not personal. He loves you Maura, you're his mom."

Maura shook her head slightly, "He loves you Jane. The moment he sees you he's in your arms and on his best behaviour."

Jane pressed her lips against delicate knuckles and continued with the reassurance. "That's because I'm not around as much, and then when I am I do stupid things to make it up to him, like letting him have ice cream for dinner." She winced sheepishly at the withering glare, "One time, it was one time Maur…but kids remember that I guess. I'm sorry, okay? He loves you. You wanna know how I know that?"

Maura tilted her head in the cute quizzical way that always made Jane's heart flutter. "Please," she encouraged.

"Downstairs just now, he told me you were sad. He's a smart kid, smart enough to look guilty when I asked if he had been giving you a hard time." She gave a reassuring squeeze of the hands she held, "But he knows that it's Mama's job to look after Mom so he made sure I knew." A giant stab of guilt struck her gut when she realised the disappointment her son would one day feel when he learned that his Ma was the cause of his Mom's sadness.

God, she had really made a mess of everything. She felt guilty for her actions on Friday night, but it was eating at her in such a way that she felt guilty for providing the reassurance and affection her wife needed. She felt unworthy of being the one to make Maura feel better. She shuddered involuntarily at the realisation that very soon Maura wouldn't be looking at her with love and affection. She let go of the hands she held with a weak smile and stood up. "Come on, let's go and enjoy a nice family dinner, k?"


Family dinner was typically Rizzoli in its boisterous nature, but Jane found herself unable to join in with the ridiculous stories that Frankie and Tommy were spinning. She nodded and smiled from time to time, but her head was elsewhere. She sat next to Maura, like always, and at one point reached under the table and gave her knee a reassuring squeeze. The complete look of shock on her wife's face made her think back on recent dinners and it dawned on her how little they touched; but the fact it had reached the point that Maura was surprised by her reassuring squeeze left Jane feeling incredibly sad.

She found that she was a lot more alert to all their nuances and how they had changed over the years, to the point that her reassurance of Maura upstairs before dinner was entirely out of character. She wondered when she had stopped being so attentive? She had to contain a frustrated growl that wanted to push its way out of her throat the more she thought about it. She pushed her gnocchi around on her plate, she really wasn't that hungry anymore.

A sideways glance at Maura told another tale of how things had changed; sure she was still stunningly beautiful, Jane was pretty sure that would never change even when she was old and grey, but there were telling frown lines that hadn't been there once before. Again Jane wondered how she hadn't noticed these things, and her eyes, God her eyes just seemed dull and broken. Broken was not a word she ever thought she would use to describe her wife, but the more she took time to really study her, the more she recognised it and the more she loathed herself.

Recognising that she needed a moment alone she excused herself from the table and wandered into the kitchen, where she pulled out a bottle of beer from the fridge and popped the top. She stood at the kitchen window, looked out at the backyard and sighed. She took a long draw from the bottle and felt a presence tuck in beside her; something else that hadn't happened for as long as she could remember, Maura actually following her to make sure she was okay.

She frowned, unable to decide who was at fault for the state of their marriage. It was no doubt a combination of both of them, but damnit she was a Rizzoli and she knew the meaning of family, she should have done more. "I did this," she muttered, mostly to herself.

Maura smiled weakly and rubbed her hand in soothing motions on her wife's back. "No, we did this. There is no I in this scenario Jane, only an us."

Jane almost leaned into the soothing hand and closed her eyes. "You don't even know what I'm talking about Maura." There was no malice behind her words, just an almost resigned defeat.

Maura sighed sadly, because she did know exactly what Jane meant. She wrapped her arms around her wife and pressed flush against her back, an intimacy she knew she rarely offered anymore. With a tenderness that belied the reality of the situation she brought her head to rest on Jane's shoulder. "You're talking about the distance between us."

Jane sighed. "I forgot that you were a genius." It might have been funny once upon a time, but it was just a statement of fact in that moment.

She sat the bottle down on the bench and turned around so that she was looking directly at her wife, who had much to her surprise, maintained her hold. It felt so good to be close to Maura, but that nagging voice of her conscience reminded her that it was only temporary, that once the truth came out it would all be gone. She swallowed thickly and brought her forehead to rest against Maura's. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes." Maura knew that their marriage was crumbling around her and that they were both equally unhappy, but she would never doubt Jane's love for her; it was the one constant of Maura Rizzoli's universe. She shifted her hands from Jane's waist and wrapped her arms around her neck. She pressed a gentle kiss against her wife's lips and was surprised by the vigour with which Jane returned the kiss. A contented sigh escaped her lips when she murmured, "I love you too, Jane. Always."

Her heart absolutely shattered upon hearing those words. She wasn't the woman Maura thought she was and she hated herself for it. She pulled her wife into a crushing hug and held her tightly pressing light kisses into her hairline. She knew she couldn't put it off any longer; they had to talk that night. "I think Ma should watch Liam tonight," she husked out emotionally.

Maura pulled away, nodded and pecked Jane's lips lightly. "I think that might be best."


"Sooooo," Jane drew out after closing the door behind her mother and son. She briefly wondered if maybe she could forget her betrayal and instead focus on finding ways to fix her marriage, but soon realised that keeping a secret betrayal from her wife was never going to end well. If she truly honestly wanted to salvage her marriage then she would need to be honest and do the hard work that would be required to rebuild Maura's trust in her – if indeed she could.

"We should talk," Maura offered softly, patting the spot on the couch next to her. She waited for Jane to get comfortable next to her before asking the most pertinent question that came to mind. "Do you want a divorce?"

That was so typically blunt Maura, straight to the point, there was no sense in beating around the bush after all. The words hit like a punch to the gut and she visibly winced at the entire situation. She could lie and say that she wanted a divorce and save Maura from the heartache of knowing her wife cheated, or she could tell the truth and admit that she didn't want a divorce, but that she had well and truly fucked up. That rather than asking if Jane wanted a divorce, she might just be telling Jane that she wanted a divorce.

Finally, after the silence extended out long enough to make her wife nervous, Jane responded. "No, I don't want a divorce. I don't want to give up on you, on us."

Maura sighed in relief, she had genuinely been worried that Jane would want to escape the relationship, rather than work at making it stronger again. "I don't want to give up, either Jane. I'm so sorry that I've let things get so bad…"

Jane put her hand up in a stop motion. "Don't, please don't." She couldn't sit there and listen to Maura make apologies, because no matter her part in getting them where they were, she had remained faithful and it sickened Jane to listen to Maura try and take responsibility. "I'm a terrible communicator and just because you knew that going in, doesn't make any of this your fault. Like you said, it's about us, not I."

"You haven't been happy for a long time," Maura observed.

Jane shrugged, "Neither have you."

"I'm sorry," Maura averted her eyes to her hands tucked neatly in her lap; the guilt she felt prevented her from meeting the emotional gaze of her wife.

Jane ran a hand through her hair, nervousness getting the better of her as she tried to find the right words for breaking her wife's heart. "Maura," the seriousness in her tone caused her wife to look up and meet her head on. "I need to tell you something."

She could see Maura trying to read her features for an indication of what was to come, and when she visibly flinched and pulled back into the arm of the couch Jane figured her face had given enough away. "The thing is, you're right, I haven't been happy and instead of coming to you… I just sort of let things drift. You were so focused on not turning into Constance that I didn't have the heart to ask you to pay attention to me."

Maura's eyes went wide at the implication, but then her brain started sifting through the mental drawer that represented her marriage and her face crumpled at the realisation that she had been so focused on Liam to Jane's detriment. "Jane, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't," Jane said a little harder than she intended, she quickly softened her features in silent apology. "I don't deserve your apologies Maura… God, I'm so, so sorry." She felt the tears stinging her cheeks and huffed out in frustration, she was already crying and she hadn't even had the guts to say what needed to be said. "I slept with another woman on Friday night."

The words lingered in the air, sucking the oxygen between them into a vacuum. Jane held her breath in anticipation of her wife's wrath, while Maura stared slack jawed at Jane, turning the words over in her mind repeatedly.

"Say something?" Jane begged, deathly afraid of the silence. Silence with Maura was never a good thing. She wanted to reach out and take her wife's hand in her own, but she knew better than that.

"W-w-was that the only time?" Maura finally stammered out, her heart cracking like it was made of fine glass.

"Yes." Jane eyed her wife carefully, unsure whether to keep her answers succinct or to try and explain, but then every thought that ran around her head sounded weak and pitiful and like nothing but an excuse. She hung her head and worked anxiously at the scar on her left hand.

"Who was it?"

Jane shook her head vehemently, "God, no Maur, don't do this to yourself. I did this, I broke us. Please forgive me honey, please?" She looked up through her teary eyes and begged, knowing that it probably wouldn't make a difference.

Maura tilted her head in thought; the calmness on her face was rather disconcerting for the detective. Finally hazel eyes narrowed and the calm disappeared, replaced with a vicious understanding. "Erica," she almost snarled.

"I'm so sorry sweetie." Jane forgot her own inner warning and reached out for the now shaking hands that belonged to her wife. "Please, I didn't intend for it to happen… I… Maur?"

Maura shrugged her hands away from the detective and shook her head, "Don't touch me."

"Okay," she pulled her hands back and held them up in front of herself as an indicator she had heard. "Okay."

"Why did you tell me? What am I supposed to do with this Jane?" Maura asked, a trace of desperation mixing with the sadness that spilled forth.

She combed both hands through her hair, trying to think. Why had she done this? She knew that this could only end one way, but she had done this anyway. Would it really have hurt Maura not to know? "Because I couldn't look you in the eye and say I want to work on our marriage and not tell you how much I had screwed up. I've always been honest with you Maura; I'm not going to start hiding stuff from you because it's going to hurt."

"Bullshit," Maura spat angrily, "This is nothing more than you trying to assuage your guilt. Don't expect me to make you feel better about this Jane." She stood up and started pacing back and forth, worrying her wedding band as she did so. She stopped pacing and stared at the ring on her finger for a moment before closing her eyes, it was a symbol to represent their love and here she was forced to deal with Jane having betrayed their vows.

"I made a mistake," Jane attempted to explain, but shut up quickly when Maura's eyes shot towards her angrily.

"So tell me Jane, was it good sex? Was it worth risking your marriage? Was it worth hurting me?" Maura spat bitterly, her piercing gaze ensured Jane recognised the questions as the rhetorical ones they were.

"Do you have feelings for her?" The anger had disappeared almost as quickly as it had arrived, replaced with an intense sadness.

Jane swallowed thickly and looked down at her hands. "I don't know," she mumbled weakly, knowing that it was an obvious lie that Maura would no doubt catch. All things considered this was actually going worse than she had imagined. Maura looked like a broken down defeated woman and she had caused that. "I'm sorry."

"Quit apologising Jane, if you were truly sorry you wouldn't have done this in the first place. Are you in love with her?"

"I don't know." She truly didn't, she knew she had strong feelings for Erica, but she was in love with her wife. She couldn't possibly be in love with two people at once, could she? "She just…. She made me feel good Maura and it just…. It happened. It was wrong and I know I've hurt you, but it's not going to happen again."

"I wish I could trust that Jane, I really do." Maura sighed and started pacing again. She didn't know what she was supposed to do in this situation; she knew her mother and father had worked out a bout of his infidelity, but this was different. This was Jane. Whether she realised it or not Maura knew that Jane had real feelings for this woman, otherwise no matter how unhappy she was in their marriage she wouldn't have gone there. She felt the trickle of a warm tear down her cheek when she looked up at Jane and asked, "What am I going to do without my best friend?"

Jane couldn't stand it any further; she jumped up and pulled Maura into a crushing embrace. "I'm not leaving you Maura. I refuse. If you want to kick me out I can't blame you. But you are not losing me, you hear me?"

Maura shrugged out of the embrace and pushed Jane away. In that moment she wanted her wife to hurt as much as she did, so she spat out the most telling hurtful words she could think of. "Get away from me. You're no better than your father Jane. You're just like him."


A/N: Well, firstly let me say to those of you who are interested in a story that is not the usual fare, welcome. To the people that don't like the story, that's fine, I warned you, so I expect you won't be back for more. Thirdly, I did not and have not ever written reviews for my own work, that's redundant. I know I like my story idea, because I am writing it. I don't need to pretend to like my work because a few people don't like it. It just so happens a couple of intelligent readers interested in some more rounded fallible rizzoli and isles fiction supported my idea... I appreciate their thoughts. I appreciate all thoughts that are not personally derogatory, I welcome anybody commenting on the individual characters and their progression... I'm not writing this to make you like or dislike a particular character... I'm writing this because sometimes, it's real life.

Onwards and upwards. Thanks to you all who have commented and followed, and a few of you that have already favourited... I guess some people DO want to read this story after all.

EDIT: How can I be any clearer... I have NO INTENTIONS for a happy rizzles as a couple ending, but I REFUSE to rule it out, because I do not plan stories... I let them write themselves. SO DO NOT READ THIS IN HOPE OF RIZZLES... if it turns out to end in Rizzles I will update when its COMPLETE. There... happy now? Sheesh. I am not trying to mislead anyone, I just REFUSE TO HEM MY MUSE IN!