Chapter 11
Amends
(Daniella's POV)
I was too emotionally unstable for my magic to work properly. Instead of transporting myself to my bedchambers, I ended up in the library. Actually, this is better. She won't look for me here...
The library was dark and cold as usual so I went over to the fireplace and threw a fireball into it, creating some light and warmth. Then, I sat in front of the fire, leaning my head against one of the plush armchairs. As I watched the flames flare and crackle, I let tears run freely down my face.
What did I even expect when coming here? Surely I didn't think that my life would get better...It never has and never will. This is all just a cruel trick. I'm just stuck in a palace thinking that I can finally belong. Am I really that hard to love? I haven't done anything mean to Grace... so I could have found a friend within her. Except that's now been ruined. Grace's glare as she shoved her rabbit to me; it's as if she hates me. I didn't do anything wrong! Why do I have to be the daughter of...the Evil Queen. Oh great; I've said all those rude things to her. Now she's going to hunt me down and punish me.
This last thought made my whole body shudder. To relieve myself from the chill that ran up my back, I hugged myself around my legs despite how uncomfortable it made me. Why must there be a stiff netting beneath this dress?
I was about to fall back into my thoughts when soft footsteps walked into the library. I recognised that particular sound...grandpa!
Sure enough, my grandfather walked into the library and glanced around. Spotting me, he quickly made his way towards me and crouched down by my side. "Daniella! Are you alright?"
I didn't answer so he spoke again, "You've been crying my dear...why?"
I looked up at Grandpa's concerned face and reached my arms around him. Before I could pull him down, he said quickly, "Ah, Daniella! I'm an old man, I can't sit on the floor with you. Come, let's sit on the couch instead, alright?"
I nodded and let him pull me up. After sitting ourselves on the couch that faced the fireplace, he asked, "so what's wrong? What's happened?"
I mumbled an indirect reply, "The Queen's gonna kill me."
Grandpa looked a little shocked when I said this. Immediately, he questioned me, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know...I just...I just said some things that were really rude I guess."
"What did you say to your mother?"
"Well I mean...I commented on what she's done to Grace."
"The Hatter's daughter?"
"Yeah...Grandpa, Grace and I got along so well but Mother had to ruin it in the end!"
My Grandfather nodded slowly and said, "Is it because Jefferson was abandoned in Wonderland?"
"Yes. Because of that, Grace hates me! Whilst Jefferson and Mother were in Wonderland searching for you, I went to the spring market with Grace and I gave her a plush rabbit. After finding out that her father wasn't to return, she shoved the rabbit back to me! Can you see? It's a sign that she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore!"
Grandpa embraced me in a hug as I continued, "I'm glad that you're back, I really am...but Mother made a promise to Jefferson and Grace that they would be together. She went into Wonderland knowing that they would be separated. After Grace left, I asked Mother why she did this, considering that she was knowingly tearing a parent away from their child. She didn't answer which means that she doesn't care right? She doesn't care... even though I was taken away from her when I was young. Grandpa, she doesn't love me! How can she, when she's capable of ripping families apart?"
As we parted from our hug, Grandpa sighed. Then, he said softly, "Daniella, Regina does love you. It's just...she's been neglected of love for a very long time so she doesn't know how to show it in the best of ways. When she was only 18 years old her true love, your father, was killed. Because of this, she thought that she should never open her heart out to love again. Ever since then, she has closed her heart from feelings such as compassion and empathy. You may wonder why someone would ever do this but after having their heart broken too many times, it seems like the only logical solution right? At least that's what your mother believes. Now, you've just come back into her life and she needs time to open her heart out to love again. Do you understand, Daniella? All those years of feeling alone have taken a deep toll on how Regina views the world. I know that right now, you may see your mother as a heartless woman but you only see this side of her because she's once cared too much in the past. After Daniel died, she started believing that others shouldn't deserve their happiness when she is neglected of hers."
"Is that why she hurts people? "
"Well, it's the only way that she deals with her pain...so don't be hard on your mother. Living with Snow, who is quite frankly a spoilt princess who has had the perfect life, has made your mother become resentful for all the things that she never got to experience...including that important family relationship. Whilst Snow has had a charmed life with her mother and with her father, Regina is constantly reminded of the fact that she never got to experience the same feelings...especially towards her own mother. When she did experience love however, it was cruelly torn away from her. After Daniel's death, you gave her hope but once again, it was taken away from Regina when you two were separated. Regina's had love taken away from her too many times and now, she fights strongly to hold her family together, no matter the costs. Her family only consists of you me and her so if one of us breaks apart, it would have a large impact on any of us, especially your mother, right?"
There was a short pause before grandfather continued, "I guess I'm just trying to say that throughout her life, Regina has been neglected of love and freedom to a point where this has made her who she is. When I look at her actions, I don't see the Evil Queen. I see my daughter...who despite knowing that her actions hurt others, continue to do so because she's finally able to let out her emotions and be in control of her actions."
I sighed and muttered, "So I'm just supposed to forgive her for hurting Grace?"
"Well you have to try to. Look, we're the only people who truly cares for her and if we break away from her, it would hurt her even more...and I don't want to see her suffer anymore. Daniella, I know that you might think what happened to Grace was unfair but all those things that I mentioned that happened to your mother; they were unfair too. The world has taken too much away from her and when Cora took me to Wonderland, your mother had to stop this family from being broken again. Do you understand now? Do you understand why your mother did what she did?"
Although Grace's expression when she handed the plush rabbit to me still haunted my mind, I nodded slowly. "But all those things I said to her...it would have hurt her."
"I'm sure it would have...but that also means that she loves you, since she values what you say to her."
Quietly, I uttered, "Thanks Grandpa."
My grandfather's face lit up in a crinkled smile as he answered, "You're welcome, little firefly. Anyway, I'm going to speak with your mother now and see how she's going alright? Maybe at supper you two can have a little talk."
"I'm not sure how that'll go but ok..."
Grandpa nudged me softly. Then, he stood up and walked out of the library.
(Regina's POV)
I sat alone at the dinner table, waiting for Daniella to join me. Daddy was resting in his bedchambers as he didn't feel well enough to dine with us, due to his time spent in the enchanted box. I tapped my finger on the tabletop impatiently; I have told the maids to alert Daniella of our meal minutes ago but she still hasn't turned up yet. I hope her tardiness isn't because of our disagreement earlier.
After what seemed like a long time, I finally heard the familiar soft pattering footsteps draw near.
Not looking up from my tapping finger, I spoke,"Daniella, dear, you took your time hmm?"
"Sorry mother."
"That's alright, sit."
Daniella slid into her seat meekly and after I started eating, she also tucked into her meal. The duration of the main dish was silent but after our dessert was placed in front of us, I decided to speak up.
"Daniella, I'm...sorry that you have to experience all of this. I wish that things were simpler, that your father is with us now. I just want to best for us, and I understand that its difficult for you to comprehend things right now. Especially regarding my actions. "
To my surprise, Daniella looked up at me shyly and said, "No, it's me. I was being ignorant. Grandpa talked to me and I guess, life just isn't fair for the both of us."
"The card's aren't in our favour are they?"
"I guess not. If they were, father would be here with me right? I suppose, you can't play fairly if the game is rigged."
I stopped chewing and frowned. Although Daniella was sitting there as a child, her words sounded like a young adult. It immediately saddened me to be reminded of the fact that I never got to raise her. All of the words that she has said has come from learning from her own experiences. My eyes prickled as I smiled at Daniella.
It was although as if she knew what I was thinking for she got up from her seat and fell on top of me in a hug. I held Daniella close to me as she mumbled softly, "Sorry Mama. I didn't mean to say what I said earlier. You're not evil. You're my mother and I want to be with you...because you love me right?"
I pushed back Daniella's hair and whispered back, "Of course, I love you with all the goodness left in my heart...and I know. Without you, my little firefly, I would be lost too. You're the only one who assures me that I'm not wandering endlessly in the dark. They've painted me as the villain but you're my light."
There was a pause before Daniella looked up at me with red cheeks and said, "Do you really have to be so poetic?"
I chuckled and answered, "No, but I'm glad that I have someone who will help me face the hatred of this world...and remind me that I'm not alone."
After this, Daniella nuzzled her head back into me and our embrace lasted for much longer than I thought. It only ended when she lifted her head and poked at the jewels that adorned the bodice of my dress, "I feel like my face is being cut into pieces by these..."
I laughed and Daniella unwrapped her arms from me.
As Daniella sat back onto her seat, she tilted her head and asked me, "Yesterday, you said that you came up with an idea...to kill Snow. What is it?"
Smiling I answered, "Do you want to help me to retrieve an item that will achieve just that?"
"There's a specific item?"
"Yes of course...and just in case you're wondering, it's not going to kill that girl. It's just going to put her into an endless slumber where she can think of her past actions in dreams of regret."
"So technically she wouldn't be dead."
"No, but she will seem pretty dead to her followers."
There was a long pause before Daniella took a deep breath said, "Alright. What do I have to do?"
I grinned genuinely and answered, "I'll tell you the details later, but just out of curiousity; what made you agree to help me to do this?"
"Well you're my mother. Don't I have to help you?"
"Not necessarily. Daniella, I know that look. There's something that you want to say."
Daniella sighed and whilst twisting her hands together, she said, "I thought about what you said before; about how the world isn't in our favour? Well...why should we play by the rules if the game is biased?"
"What do you mean?"
"Mama...it's just, I've realised that no matter what I do, people will always judge me."
"What sort of people?"
"The villagers, the kids at the orphanage, the supports of Snow. You know, I've been a little hesitant to say anything against Snow in the past but now...I think that if it wasn't for her, I would have met my father. I would have grew up with you. And I guess, I wouldn't be in this position where I'm hated for who I am, just because I'm the daughter of the Queen. Mama, it's really unfair. I want to be kind, I want to be nice to others. But they were never nice to me."
"Daniella, you should never be ashamed of who you are. People can think however they want to, but it should never affect who you want to be."
"I know...and I never thought that I would say this but, I guess this is who I am. A girl who has been taken from her family, forced to endure a life that doesn't belong to her, and as a result of all this; judged because she doesn't fit in. The kids at the orphanage called me a freak because of my magic."
"They called you what?!"
"No! Mama, don't get angry. I'm actually sort of glad that they have called me that...because now, I've realised that it's a part of who I am. Not a freak; but someone gifted with magical abilities. I'm proud of my magic but it's not only because I've inherited powers from you. It's because I've inherited the magic of true love from my parents."
I smiled as I said softly, "and that magic will never leave you. You know that right?"
"Of course...Mama, I want to be brave like you. I don't want to hide myself anymore, in the fear of being judged or hated; because I know that not matter how the world views me, you will always love me."
Daniella paused and as she looked straight into my eyes, she said confidently, "I hope that Snow will fall into a slumber to never wake up again...and I'm going to make sure that everyone knows that this is what I want."
My heart leapt and I felt an unstoppable grin spread across my face. Before taking a bite out of the slice of apple pie that lay in front of me, my teary eyes winked at Daniella.
"That's my little firefly."
