Where is she? The last time I saw her, she's just standing over there and now she's gone. She would tell me if she wants to go home.

"Have you seen, Effie?" I asked Peeta and he shook his head.

I walked around to look for her until I saw her by the bar with Johanna drinking shots. Since when did she take shots? I offered her drinks multiple times and she declined each time. Johanna is talking so loud and Effie is constantly laughing. I never heard her laugh like this since the games. They surely became close after the war. I kept my distance and kept my eyes on them. I don't want to cut their moment. It's been awhile since they last saw each other. They're just catching up. After an hour, they are both wasted. Johanna is cursing everyone and Effie is just laughing at her. She smoked one cigarette after another until she ran out.

"I'll take Johanna. You take Effie", Katniss said next to me.

"That's a good idea", I replied.

We went to them and Katniss grabbed Johanna while I stayed with Effie.

"Come on, princess. Let's go home", I said.

"I get now why you cling to bottles every day for years. This is nice", she slurred.

I don't like this. Smoking is bad but at least she's still herself. I don't want her to turn into a drunk just so she can numb herself from all the pain. I won't let her do that to herself. This is self-destructive and it's not her.

"Yeah…it doesn't work. It only makes things worse. Let's go", I said and carried her with her arm.

She can barely stand let alone walk so I decided to carry her with my arms instead. The walk is pretty long from the town center but I don't mind. Effie kept talking about fashion and then her nails until she moved to Johanna and how spontaneous she is.

"There were times I cannot keep it together and she would yell across the hallway insane profanities to snap me out. It always worked. She knows how much I hated dirty words she used. She's a dear", she mentioned.

I suddenly remembered Johanna at the clinic when we rescued her with Annie and Peeta. Her hair was shaved. She went hysterical when she saw me.

You bastard! How could you leave her there? They will kill her! Snow will kill her! How could you leave her? You're a monster! You're just like them! You used her and now you tossed her away, you fucking asshole! I'm gonna kill you!

I didn't know they didn't include Effie's name on the list. Who knows what else happened to her when she got left behind in that cell. Johanna barely talked to me when we got Effie back.

"Are we going home now?" Effie asked.

"Yes, princess. We are", I answered.

She laughed.

"It's funny. I thought I know where it is but it turns out I don't. At first, I thought about the Capitol but it's not my home anymore, not after what they did to me twice. Then, I thought District 12 but I heard some people talked earlier how I don't belong here because I am a monster and I killed their children with a smile so 12 is not my home either. So, where are you taking me?" she asked again.

My heart hurt. I thought she feels my home to be hers. She moved in with me and I let her do the changes she desired to the house but I know it takes more than that to feel at home. Perhaps, it's the reason why she chose to drink with Johanna tonight, to shut out other people.

"…someplace where no one will hurt you", I answered.

Effie smiled and closed her eyes.

"That would be nice for once", she muttered.

I gently put her on the bed and removed her shoes. I put the covers on her to keep her warm. Tequila is not the smell I'm used to her but everything is different now. People are different. Everything changed. She's entitled to drink once in a while. I got up but she suddenly grabbed my arm.

"Please, stay", she muttered with her eyes half-closed. "Don't leave me again", she added and that crushed me.

She never confronted me not once about being left behind at the Capitol when Katniss blew the arena or that time everyone was rescued except her. She didn't even mention it so hearing that coming from her felt worse than getting stabbed to my chest.

"I will never leave you again", I whispered.

"Good…because that will suck…again", she muttered before drifting off to sleep.

I climbed the bed next to her and put my arm around her as I finally let the tears fell from my eyes. I know I let her down but I didn't realize how painful it was for her until now, until I heard it came from her. That was the time everything changed for her. She changed after that. If I only told her the plan and took her with us, she won't be imprisoned and tortured. She wouldn't have nightmares. She would be Effie.

The morning came and I let her sleep some more. She needs it. I went downstairs and found Johanna sipping at her cup of black coffee in the living room. How she got in, I don't know.

"She's still sleeping?" she asked without looking at me.

"Yeah, she's pretty messed up last night and so were you", I answered.

She scoffed.

"No shit. Trinket needed it. Have you heard how those people talked about her? I know she could hear them but she's pretending to be deaf. You shouldn't drag her to that party", she said.

"I told her it's okay not to go. She wanted to for Peeta", I explained.

"Yeah, she's doing a lot of things for other people and it always got her in trouble especially when they forced her to give up those names", she muttered. I shot her a look.

"What names?" I asked.