Midnight was approaching. Claire was already asleep, but Chris was still up, relaxing with a late late snack. The meal of his indulgence was steak, cooked as raw and bloody as a man could take it. It was one of his favorite things to eat, and sometimes he ate steaks like this three meals a day.
Next to his steak plate on the right was a wine glass filled with apple juice. On the left was his cellphone.
"The Japanese rippin' off Power Rangers too? Lookatdat, they just copy-pastin' the action scenes from Mighty Morphin!" Chris hissed at the TV across from him, which was playing reruns of Zyuranger. "Is there nothing good on TV in this earthquake-riddled hell of a nation that didn't come from America first?"
Suddenly his phone's screen lit up and buzzed with an incoming call. Chris was one of the two people left in this world who still used custom ringtones. His ringtone was a cover of Bill Medley's "Friday Night's a Great Night for Football" from the film The Last Boy Scout only with the lyrics changed to reference punching boulders instead of football and every night instead of just Friday Night. It was performed by none other than the man, the Redfield, himself with backing vocals from sweet Rebecca Chambers.
Football was manly and Chris had nothing against it for it was a true blue American original like baseball and basketball, but no ball sport could never match the sheer manly thrills and power rushes that punching boulders gave him.
"Yeah I got a great night of punchin' boulders tonight~~~!" Chris sang along to his own voice, before air guitaring to the song's guitar solo. "Man I could sing this all day! But let's see who the heck's calling me at this hour!"
"Jill! Please tell me you got good news!" Chris's spirits soared when he saw the caller id.
"Hello Jill, my very good friend! What have you got for me?" Chris said as he picked the call up.
"Oh Chris, I have some very good news for you…" Chris' heart began pounding faster and faster. "…Leon is in my custody. All ripe and readied for some Claire-fucking."
"Yippee-ki-yaaaay!" Chris leapt up in the air and danced a little, but quickly shushed himself up and awkwardly stopped mid-motion when he remembered Claire was sleeping. More quietly, he asked "So, where you want me to pick him up? Or will you be coming to-"
"Oh, shush." Jill giggled, and suddenly Chris detected an ominous shift in her voice, like Jill had been repressing something for a long time and suddenly was letting it out. "I've been doing some thinking, Chris. You got all us ladies working for you off the clock, just so you can get Claire laid. We've been doing a lot for you…"
"Yeah, what about it, Jill?" Chris twired his free finger around his ear in impatience. He yawned and hoped Jill would get to the point soon.
"…so when you gonna do something for us? Well, just me really."
"Jill, what the blazes are you saying?" Chris did not like where this was going.
"Chris, I want… no I need you to fuck me."
Chris almost threw up. He dropped the phone.
"Ewww what the fuck Jill." Chris gasped when he picked the phone back up.
"Did you hear me clearly, Chris? Well, for posterity's-"
"Gahhh don't say it! Jill what's wrong with you? Wesker's alive, isn't he? And he's got you under some mind control gem again!" Chris tried to come out with some logical explanation for all this.
Jill giggled cruelly on the other end.
"Oh Chris, I'm feelin' as clear as a blue sky. Not a cloud in this head. What I do feel is horny. Like a whole herd of unicorns."
"You can't expect me to satiate… this kind of indulgence. Not even for you, my very good friend."
"Don't be fussy, Chris. You need Leon to fuck Claire, I need you to fuck me." Chris almost retched at the mention yet again, feeling the acid building up in his throat. "I hold all the aces, you got what – the informational card that comes with the deck."
"Tell me where Leon is. Now."
"I don't think so. You don't get to see the Pretty Boy before I get what I want. I'll text you the meet-up details tomorrow. Get a good night's sleep till then, Chris. I want you in tip-top condition for this."
"Dammit Jill end this buffoonery right no"
Jill hung up.
Chris couldn't believe it. His very good friend Jill had just betrayed him. She'd stuck a knife directly into his heart. How could she do him dirty like this?
Chris felt a rage building within him. The rage that rips open the soul and makes known the depths of a man's potential for cruelty. The rage that made him want to scream like a barbarian, to smash and smash everything he could see and get his hands on.
But then he remembered Claire was sleeping.
Chris sighed. He would have to vent his rage quietly. So he then spent a few minutes passive-aggressively rearranging the furniture, while breathing very heavily.
One Night Later
"I'm surprised you were able to learn Japanese in the span of one night… though it does beat having to require a translator with us at all times." Kiryu commented as he walked down a crowded Kamurocho street with Leon.
"I'm a quick learner. What can I say? It's kept me alive through more life-or-death situations than you can count." Leon's Japanese wasn't perfect, but for someone who been put through a crash course in a couple of hours, it was miraculous.
Leon sighed. Though Jill was no longer lording over him, she still had her local lapdog guiding every step he took. His mission, which he had no choice in accepting, was to just kill the time until Jill had finished her half of the business with Chris. But Leon was a stranger to this land, and he was about as clueless as a Monopoly piece on the Clue board.
"So… anything to do around here?" Leon asked.
"First things first. Before we do anything, I must know." Kiryu started before thrusting an accusing finger at Leon. "Why the hell did you speak to me in Chinese? Do you know that this is Japan? We speak Japanese, cause we're not Chinese! We're Japanese, you white baka (idiot)!"
"I know! I don't care! I learned Chinese because that was the language of my girl's people! If she'd been, I dunno, Ada Kamiya or Ada Something Else Japanese, I'd be speaking Japanese but she's Ada Wong so I'm not! Besides, next to the ancient majesty of Chinese, Japanese is a like a toddler's babblings!"
Kiryu decided to ignore that last part. For now.
"All that trouble to learn a language just for a girl?" Kiryu shook his head.
"You don't know Ada like I do. She's… special. Love at first sight is a cliché, but dammit, some cliches are true. I thought maybe if I showed her I learned it just for her… I could impress her… she just laughed at me and told me my Chinese was shit." Leon sniffed, sighed again before scoffing. "Oh, what the hell am I doing? Ripping open old wounds for a goddamn stranger? Let's just go do something."
"If that's what you want."
And so, the two strangers hit Kamurocho for a night on the town.
(I can't believe half the things I planned to do with Haruka will be instead done with… this person.) Kiryu thought.
"So, what are we doing? What do you Japanese do for fun? Besides anime?"
(I don't watch anime. Is watching anime just something westerners assume we all do?)
"I got just the idea, but…" Kiryu thought about introducing Leon to the wonderful world of Pocket Circuit Racing, but why ruin the rest of the night? Next to Pocket Circuit, everything else just paled in comparison. So Kiryu decided he would save the best for last.
"But what?"
"You hungry?"
As such, Kiryu and Leon first got piping hot bowls of ramen, and even the Sinophile that Leon seemed to be could still appreciate some good noodles in miso soup with tender slices of pork.
In-between all these activities, Kiryu and Leon couldn't step anywhere without some random gangs of low-level Yakuza, thugs, delinquents, government spooks, and drunks trying to pick fights with them, but the two beat them all up.
They first went bowling, and Leon proved to be a surprisingly adept match for the bowling legend that was Kiryu. For the minutes that they played, it was non-stop turkeys.
After they got drunk and played darts in a bar, Kiryu tried to take Leon to a hostess club next, but Leon was all:
"No way fag! I'm not gonna let some Japanese temptress stray me from the path that leads to my fair maiden Ada!"
So instead, they went to the time-tested and true place where strangers were forged into friends and beyond – the arcade, and not just any arcade: Club SEGA.
"You guys still have these around, huh? And all SEGA too? Is there a Capcom arcade anywhere?" Leon commented as they went inside.
(Capcom? Come to think of it, I've never played a Capcom game or any other kind of game besides SEGA. SEGA just felt right, always.) Kiryu contemplated.
For an hour they played classics like MesuKing, Space Harrier, and Virtua Fight _ - (dear readers, insert your favorite Virtua Fighter number here). And Leon went partially insane trying to win some damn prizes for Ada in that UFO catcher machine.
While watching Leon struggle, Kiryu received a phone call.
"Hello? This is Kiryu." It was hard to make out the speaker through the beeps and boops of the surrounding arcade.
"Kiryu…" It was the familiar voice of Inspector Date. "I've been getting reports of a big white man in Kamurocho on a rampage, screaming for a man called Leon."
"Uh… why are you calling me about this? You don't think I have anything to do with it, do you?"
"Just looking out for an old friend. This man's already put a few officers in the infirmary. So be careful and watch your back, yeah?"
"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Date." Kiryu and Date exchanged a few parting pleasantries before he hung up. Kiryu looked at Leon, still locked in furious mortal combat with the prizes in the UFO catcher machine. He decided it was best not to tell Leon for now. And maybe if they laid low well enough, Chris would just give up.
After blowing through about half of his pocket money in pursuit of that accursed Bun-Chan, Leon gave up.
Stumbling out of the arcade and onwards to their next destination, Leon did not notice a shaking traffic cone next to some parked cars. It was no ordinary traffic cone, for its size dwarfed that of an average man's. Kiryu did, however, and he knew very well what that cone meant.
"Kiryu-chan~!" A voice whispered from the cone, and Kiryu heard it very clearly. But he'd done this song and dance too many times. He pretended nothing was out of the ordinary and carried on. He was soon out of sight.
Soon the cone lifted itself up, revealing a man underneath the cone. The familiar one-eyed sight of Goro Majima.
(What the hell is Kiryu-chan doing palling around with a foreign man? Shouldn't be he be back at that orphanage with those little brats of his, too?) Majima thought as he tossed the cone to the side.
(I'd better call up some of the boys and get some sleuthing done!) Majima pulled out his phone and dialed a few numbers.
After they were done with this, Kiryu would finally take Leon to the Pocket Circuit. Afterwards, he'd call Jill to see if she was done with what she had to do with Chris Redfield. Surely they'd killed enough time.
This happened to be karaoke, another one of Kiryu's favorite activities. Whether it was by himself or with a companion, karaoke time was always a blast.
Kiryu performed two of his favorites: Machine Gun Kiss and Judgement.
"They got China Girl?" Leon asked when it was his turn.
"No." (I don't even know what that song is.)
"What kinda singing joint is this if they don't have the greatest song ever penned? Ach, leave it to the whims of fate, I guess." Leon shuffled through the list of available karaoke songs like spinning during a game of roulette. The ball landed on Baka Mitai.
Leon barely had any idea what the heck he was singing nor did he sing too well, but as the words left his mouth, Leon felt as if the karaoke was having a transformative effect on him. He started hallucinating as he sang, imagining that he was in a bar with a shot glass filled with apple juice in front of him, a photograph next to the glass. Leon sang like a melancholic rock as he looked at the photograph.
It was a photograph of Ada in a red dress, with her legs seductively crossed.
Suddenly Leon snapped back from the dreamspace of his bar and into the confines of the karaoke room.
"KAROKE KLUTZ!" The score screen read. Leon sighed. His throat felt dry. All this singing had given him a hankering for a shot of apple juice.
"Hmm… I think we still have enough money for one song." Kiryu noted. "I wonder what we should sing."
Before Kiryu could do anything, however, he felt a sudden chill run through his spine. He could feel the hairs on his neck, his arm, his everywhere all standing up like he was in a room filled with static electricity.
(Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling?) Was all Kiryu had time to think when it happened.
"HOW ABOUT CHRIS REDFIELD'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS?" A muffled shout came from the other side of the wall.
"Get down!" Kiryu tackled Leon for safety purposes as a high velocity, high impact fist from the other side blasted the wall down.
"Oh yeah!" Chris Redfield stepped through the hole and over the wreckage of the destroyed wall and towered over the stunned Kiryu and Leon.
"What the fuck? Chris what the fuck are you doing here?" Leon stammered. "Shouldn't you and Jill be banging each other in some Japanese love hotel like a pair of souped-up rabbits?"
"Ewww no! You pathetic specimens thought your blackmail attempt would actually work? That I couldn't track you down on my own?" Chris made a face, as he cracked his knuckles. "You think just cause I punch boulders for fun that I'm just brawns and no brains? Leon you blond bitch, I was STARS!"
"Chris you retard all you had to do was fuck Jill! Then we'd all be happy campers!" Leon shouted.
"No way Jose! You'd think I'd just put my dick in Jill after surviving so many zombie outbreaks together? Fallow and fleeting sexual gratification is not what friendship means!" Chris seethed, before resuming his rant.
"You must have done something to Jill! She'd never say those things she was saying unless someone was making her say 'em! I'd make you pay for mindfucking my best friend, but your genes are too valuable to damage!" Chris gritted his teeth as he faced Leon and Kiryu. "Now you get over here right now so I can take you to fuck Claire!"
(Zombie? I don't know much English but that is one I think I understand. I hear it all the time on the foreign movie channel when they play the scary American ones subtitled. They're kidding around… no way the undead actually exist! Surely, right?) Kiryu thought as he tried to think of a way to defuse this situation.
"No thanks, Chris! Besides I already jerked off into this petri dish right here!" Leon pulled out a plastic bag he'd been holding onto, with a petri dish containing his sperm. "After you go and fuck Jill, you can artificially inseminate Claire with my sperm!"
"That won't do! My sister, a daughter of the Redfield lineage, deserves a proper fucking for her impregnation! Claire has been in a deep sleep for an entire day, she must have fallen under a curse like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White! Only your dick will wake her, Leon!"
"Yeah right, Chris! Just throw some water on her, you retard!" Leon shook the petri dish bag at Chris. "Now take my sperm and just fuck off! I don't even care if you fuck Jill or not! Just leave me alone!"
"I shall not! Maybe if you'd been thinking of Claire when you jacked off, but I bet you weren't! You musta been thinking of your Chinese prick-tease slut!" Chris snarled, a vicious accusation.
"Don't call my Ada that!" Leon suddenly rushed Chris, as if to defend his woman's honor. He threw a punch, but Chris caught the fist, and started crushing it with a grip like an industrial vice.
"I'll call her whatever I want as long as she stands in the way of the Redfield lineage!" Chris bent Leon's arm and then kneed him in the gut. He then flung Leon against the wall, and Leon collapsed onto the sofa. "Will I have to beat you to make you realize that Ada Wong doesn't love you? That she will never love you?"
"You're… guh… wrong! I love Ada and one day I'll make her mine!" Leon huffed as he sunk onto the sofa's cushions for a breather.
(I wonder if it's always like this when dating Chinese women...) Kiryu thought as he stood around dumbfounded at the crisis unfolding in front of him, still trying to decide if he should do something.
Chris shoved past Kiryu like he wasn't even there, to where Leon had collapsed. The burly man of muscles yanked Leon up by the shoulders, and dragged him in close face to face.
"You ain't in love, you're just goddamn obsessed."
"Am not!"
"Am too!"
"Prove it! I double dare you!"
"You only eat at Chinese restaurants if you get served by a lady with short black hair in a red dress! You pay hookers in red light districts to dress up like Ada and throw you rocket launchers! And your top 100 songs on Spotify was 'China Girl' by Iggy Pop, followed by 97 covers of 'China Girl' by various artists, followed by Chris de Burgh's 'Lady in Red' and one cover of said song!"
"That shit proves nothing!" Leon protested as he tried to judo throw Chris. But Chris was prepared and they tumbled around in an awkward grapple.
"FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS STRAIGHT! You're All Caps Obsessed!" Chris punted Leon off of him, and Leon managed to land with a graceful handstand, before kicking Chris in the head while he hung upside down.
"I know you are but what am I?" Leon swung himself upright quickly, sweeping Chris off his feet as he did.
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, smart-ass!" Chris grabbed for Leon, but Leon was scurrying out of his reach like a panicked squirrel.
It was a great opportunity to run out while the two white men were distracted with each other. Kiryu could wipe his hands of this whole stinking affair.
(But when have I ever been one to know when to walk away?)
Kiryu sighed as Chris caught Leon by the neck.
"Hey." Kiryu tapped Chris on the shoulder.
"What do you want, ya stinkin"
"Shut up, you gaijin baka!" Kiryu shouted as he punched Chris square in the jaw.
It was a hard, powerful punch that had floored many a punk. It might as well have been swatting empty air with the Redfield. In fact, it felt as if his punch had hurt himself more than his target.
(This is going to-)
Kiryu frowned as Chris spun a backfist, taking off him balance. He raised a leg and punted Kiryu.
(-hurt!)
Kiryu went flying.
"There's my exit ticket!" Leon grabbed onto Kiryu's pant leg and he joined with Kiryu as the two shot towards pain.
"Noooo! Get back here, Leoooooon!" Chris howled.
Chris had hit him with such force that Kiryu broke through several walls. They went flying out of the building that housed the karaoke establishment and sailed over the rooftops of Kamurocho until landing with a sickening crack of a thud in a crowded market.
As people screamed and scurried away from the crater, Kiryu managed to move his battered joints towards his pocket and pulled out a Toughness ZZ. Leon, meanwhile, was pulling some green herbs out of his pants while groaning. With a quick unscrewing of a cap and a deep swig for one and some quick chewing and swallowing for the other, they were back on their feet like nothing had happened.
"We need to get out of this place." Kiryu panted.
"Uh, you think we can catch a breather?" Leon moaned in sardonic optimism.
No, respite was not a luxury they could enjoy.
"LEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOON!" Chris' anger drowned out everything else. It came from above and Kiryu looked up just in time to see Chris barreling down towards him from the rooftops.
Like the mustachioed man in the red hat in those Nintendo games he sometimes saw kids at the orphanage play.
Kiryu wasn't a walking mushroom, but he didn't have to be one to guess what would happen if Chris landed on him.
"Uhhhf!" Kiryu managed to dive out of the way, landing in front of an overturned takoyaki stall. He spied several fallen takoyaki, and a bucket that was still standing upright amidst the chaos of its surroundings. The ground around the bucket was wet. An orange tentacle lingered outside the bucket, before slithering back in with a swoosh.
"Stay down, you puny man!" Chris barked at Kiryu. He returned his attention to Leon, who was futilely punching him in the chest to no effect.
(Fat chance of that.) Kiryu crept towards the bucket. What was inside, the orange octopus, first squirmed away as he tried to get at it, before wrapping its vengeful tentacles around Kiryu. Kiryu frowned as the tentacles squeezed. This was going to be a bit harder than he'd planned it to go.
Meanwhile Chris staring blankly at Leon who was still punching, and now occasionally kicking him, to no effect.
"Leon… just give up. It's just pathetic at this point. All you have to do is put your dick in my sister, hump a few times, and presto – this'll all be over with! You can get on with getting friendzoned by Ada forever!"
"No way fag!" Leon replied curtly.
"God dammit Leon!" Chris swore, raising his arms for a block as Leon went for a double chop to his neck. He then head-butted the Kennedy, sending him reeling. Before Leon could recover, Chris had taken out his pistol and Leon found himself staring down the barrel. "You brought this on yourself!"
"What, you're gonna shoot me?"
"No. The Redfield Lineage still needs you. But I bet you can't outsmart a bullet. So be a good boy Leon and do what I goddamn say."
Leon's eyes blazed not with fear, but with defiance.
"No…"
Chris chambered a round.
"…way…"
His finger tightened around the trigger.
"…fag!"
"THAT DOES IT! I'll make you regret ever defying the Redfield Lineage!" Chris whipped Leon with the pistol, causing a big gash on his forehead. "You won't need your kneecaps to fuck Claire, Leon! No way will Ada ever bang you once she sees you're a crip!"
"Go ahead, make my day." Leon spat in his eye.
Seething, Chris got ready to shoot Leon when suddenly he felt someone else pressing another gun right against his neck.
"Drop it, Chris." The familiar, cool voice of Jill Valentine. "I was beginning to wonder why you were holding me up."
"Jill." Chris' voice almost cracked for a moment before reasserting its authority. "Back away and just sit still. It's not you talking, it's Leon's mind-fucking. Don't worry. I'll get the best of the BSAA to cure you!"
"To the contrary, Chrissy-boy. I'd never let Leon fuck me. Y'see, the only man-meat I crave is red meat."
As this unfolded, Kiryu was still struggling with the damn octopus. He just wanted to use the sea creature as a weapon, why was it resisting so madly?
Chris smacked Leon with the pistol again, sending him to the ground, before whirling around to train his firearm on Jill, who took a step back but kept her pistol focused on him. He saw what the color of her hair was, gazed upon the natural brunette locks.
"You aren't blonde!" Disbelief echoed throughout Chris' voice. "That means… that means… you've been acting under your complete self-volition!"
"My hair color's honestly what tipped you off?" Jill laughed, bemused. "Now take your pants off now, and fuck me right here. In front of Leon and all these Japanese people. I can barely hold it in any longer… the way you make me feel."
"Jill, I can't believe it! It's like I don't even know who you are anymore! I can't just fuck you! You may be my very good friend but the Redfield Lineage is not so casually shared about! There must be careful consideration of all genes invo-"
"I don't give a fuck about the Redfield Lineage!" Jill cut him off with a sudden snarll "I JUST WANT A GOOD FUCK! And you, Chris Redfield, are the only man that has the power to satisfy me!"
(Well, the only man worthy of Valentine snatch who ain't already married.) Jill thought briefly of memories of a bearded man and the phrase Jill sandwich.
"I can't believe it! Did you survive all those zombie outbreaks just to be devoured by your own deceptive lust? And what about Carlos?"
(Carlos? That sad boy shot his load and started crying and begging for forgiveness like a little weenie almost instantly when we tried it. Before he even put it inside me. I'd have laughed if it weren't so pathetic.) Jill had a fleeting flashback.
"Don't make me laugh." Was all Jill had to say about that matter.
"Um, how 'bout Brad?"
(Really grasping at the straws now, eh Chris?) "Oh, Brad loved his right hand too much to ever let any woman into his life. Besides, Brad's dead."
"Wait, Brad's dead?"
"Yeah, Brad's dead."
"Oh. Brad's dead. Huh." The belated revelation of the passing of a former STARS comrade didn't have much effect on Chris. But while lost in this small moment of remembrance, Jill pounced on Chris.
"Now shut up and fuck me, Chris! I've been waiting too many years for that juicy fat hot link of yours!" She began planting kisses on him before Chris tried prying her off. She started rubbing his groin with her soft palms and this began sending the most unpleasant alien feelings through Chris. To his horror, he could feel it begin to harden. No, it couldn't be! There was no way he could ever get turned on by Jill! This had to be black magic of some kind!
"No! What if I make you pregnant? I cannot risk siring an illegitimate Redfield! This lineage sanctions no bastards!" In desperation, Chris grabbed her breasts and squeezed. It sickened him to do so and he would make sure to wash his hands a lot with hot water when he got home after this. Its intended effect worked however, for Jill had not anticipated such intimate contact from Chris and it threw her off balance. Taking advantage Chris pushed Jill off of him and fired his gun, shooting the ground in between her legs as a warning. He was so focused on fending the horny Jill off that he did not notice the bleeding Leon S. Kennedy crawling right towards him from one side, and the irritated Kiryu Kazuma sneaking behind Jill from the other with an octopus in tow.
"Condoms exist, retard!" Leon rose up, and as he did he grabbed a brick from a pile of rubble dislodged from the recent chaos. "Not like you'll be able to fit one on after this!"
Leon smashed the brick right into Chris' dick, shattering the brick into dust upon impact.
"OOOOWAAAAAGH!" Chris howled into the night. He clutched at his royal jewels as Leon vaulted over him, kicking him in the face as he did.
Leon helped Jill up.
"I think we should run- wait, Kiryu what the hell are you doing with that"
"YOU EAT THIS YOU FUCKER MOTHER WHITEY!" Kiryu shouted in heavily accented English and threw the octopus right into Chris' red face.
(I hope what I said made sense to him. The only English I know is what I hear from movies and music. I don't know what most of those words even meant but given how many times the American TV people say them, surely it must mean something!) Kiryu hit Chris a few times in the legs and then the breadbasket as the octopus began to tighten around Chris' face.
"RRAAAAAGH WHAT IS THIS ORIENTAL SEA DEVIL DOING TO ME?" Chris spun around in disorientation as the octopus wrapped around him and started spraying ink.
"You two, get out of here! I'll cover your escape!" Kiryu demanded of Jill and Leon, who nodded and got moving.
Chris ripped the octopus off and threw it away. Right in time to see Kiryu coming towards him with a jumping punch.
Kiryu was already 0-2 with the Redfield. Getting hit by him was a lot worse than getting hit by Mr. Shakedown or even Ryuji Goda ever felt. But he didn't have to beat him. Just distract him long enough for Jill and Leon to lose him. And all Kiryu had to do was delay and survive this horror of a man until then.
"Raaaagh! You little pest, I don't even remember your name but I'm starting to hate you!" Chris swung at Kiryu, with Kiryu darting out of his reach before closing in with quick but sharp hit and run blows.
Kiryu ducked as Chris tried to high kick him and while Chris' leg was still in the air, swept the leg on the ground. As Chris fell, Kiryu grabbed a tea kettle that just happened to be on the ground and poured some piping hot tea into Chris' face.
"YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY! AND YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!" Chris sprang up and grabbed the kettle out of Kiryu's hand, before smashing it over his head.
Kiryu raised his hands in time to block the follow-up attack, but the impact of Chris' blows sent him stumbling back, almost tripping over some fallen iron rods. Chris was on him instantly, taking the rods into his hands. Pounding Kiryu with the rods everywhere. Kiryu was completely defenseless and Chris scooped him before flinging him over his back into a market stand, toppling it.
(A Chinese firework stand. Hey, this gives me another idea!) Kiryu saw where he had landed. He reached into his pocket as Chris advanced him, stumbling around with his fingers frantically until he found it.
"Don't fuck with the Redfield Lineage!" Chris was about to grab Kiryu when Kiryu grabbed a big bundle of firecrackers with one hand and held them right in Chris' face. Chris blinked, before he noticed Kiryu's other hand out of focus in the background doing something else. Moving his eyes, he saw as the focus shifted, Kiryu had raised and held in the other hand – a cigarette lighter.
Kiryu quickly moved the lighter to the fuses of the fireworks and flicked it on.
"AAAAAAAAAA!" The explosion sent Chris Redfield spiraling back.
Chris raised his gun and was about to fire before Kiryu weaved towards him and jumped up, kicking the gun out of his hands. Kiryu grabbed the gun out of the air and smacked Chris around with it before putting a bullet in Redfield. The body armor stopped any serious harm. He tried firing again but the gun jammed on him.
No problem. Kiryu backed off and as Chris lunged towards him, he threw the gun into Chris' face forcing him to a stop.
"No trip to Kamurocho is complete without trying some takoyaki." Kiryu said as he threw some old, hardened takoyaki he'd picked up from the stand along with the octopus at Chris's feet. Chris tripped on the takoyaki and landed flat on his back.
Kiryu decided that enough time had passed and that he could finally run for it as well.
"Hey, taxi!" Kiryu waved to the familiar sight of a Kamurocho taxicab.
Kiryu piled in, and with a fat wad of bills and some urging to the driver, the taxi sped off leaving behind the raging cries of Chris Redfield.
Moments later, Chris stumbled back into his private suite at the Tokyo BSAA headquarters. What parts of his face wasn't charred by the firecrackers or smelling of tea was blotted out by octopus ink and bite marks.
That Japanese man he had so easily beaten when they first met was a trickier opponent than he had expected. If Leon had him playing guardian angel… well, the plan to continue the Redfield lineage had just hit an unexpected snag. But any snags were temporary, and the kiddie gloves had just come off for good.
In fact, why not hit this Japanese interloper with a whole goddamn tsunami of pain?
Chris cleaned himself up by ingesting a spare herb from a pocket and thought about what to do.
First off, some personal calls to make. Chris opened up his work laptop and went through the BSAA database. By golly, this database was filled with so many beta males. Inferior male specimens whose genes would never be a worthy match for Claire's. But some of these men still might serve the Redfield Lineage well as its foot soldiers.
All of the men who Chris called agreed, except for Barry Burton, who turned down the request on the basis of spending time with his family. Family… some days Chris Redfield wished he could make one of his own like Barry did. Meet the right woman and have some kids, but goddamn was it hard – no, nigh impossible to find a woman with genes good enough for him.
(Don't think about it, Chris. Don't you even dare.) Chris thought to himself as he remembered how good Jill's genes actually were. It just couldn't be done.
Speaking of women, there were some women in this database too. Of course, their genes were pathetic as all hell, but what piqued Chris' interest in them was a flagged name that kept popping up in all their histories.
Leon Fucking S. Kennedy.
Looks like Claire wasn't the only girl that the Ada fetishist had given the cold shoulder too. Though obviously, Claire was the only one who didn't deserve it.
(More goddamn ammo for me, I think. None of em better make a move on me though… I get hives just looking at the photos of their weak genes.)
Finally, a call to the boys in the lab. Chris went to the phone that was installed in the kitchen.
"Yo."
"Yes, Mr. Redfield?" The voice on the other line asked.
"I'm sending you my R-Virus samples. Prep 'em to be dispersed en masse. I'm gonna need myself an army for this."
"Uh... you sure 'bout that. Cause the R-Virus turns people into..." The lab rat on the other end's voice faltered and hesitated, knowing the consequences of what they were about to do but soon he was detecting the emanated wrath of the Redfield Lineage over the phone line. "Sure thing. Anything else?"
"Yeah…" He was going to regret this, but it had to be done, just in case. Jill couldn't be trusted anymore, and what if she tried fighting? He refused to believe that Jill's mind was acting right. Leon had to have done something to her… or maybe Wesker was back and had done it! Oh god, what if Leon and Wesker were working together to prevent the Redfield Lineage from continuing? And what if they had similarly corrupted his many other good friends? Like Rebecca Chambers and even Sheva Alomar?
Chris didn't wanna fuck any of them, but he didn't want to hurt them too. Chris still wanted to keep them as his very good friends when all this was over and done with. So someone else would have to do the dirty work for him. And he had just the BSAA science project in mind for that.
Chris paused, before swallowing and pulling the trigger.
"…I'm gonna need you to boot up Project A.L.I.C.E. too."
To be continued…
