a/n: i know it seems like Jaina is always the star of these fics but...Noura gets a behemoth of a story, so. also it's hard to write Max. i write my fake kiddos how they are "born" to me and i don't relate to Max lmao. WILD.


"Insomnia and Sex"


Han lay on his back with the sheets tangled around his ankles, his head cocked at an uncomfortable angle. Propped up on two pillows, he stared up at Leia's profile, focused on her hair.

It was conditioning night.

Conditioning night was the one night a month that Winter came over – well, Winter was in and out of their home often, but this was a specific event – and washed Leia's hair with a very expensive oil, then slicked a honey-based conditioner through it, and then painstakingly braided it into what seemed like hundreds of tiny braids to bind the treatment in. Then she twisted all the braids into one knot on top of Leia's head, so they would stay out of her way, and there her hair sat for a few hours. Conditioning.

Leia returned the favor for Winter, also once a month. These nights doubled as play dates for their children.

Han had been witnessing this ritual for years and he still thought all the tiny braids were fascinating. The product used also happened to smell excellent, and it lingered in Leia's hair for days. Sometimes, she got so distracted doing idle administrative things while she let the conditioner set that she was still up long after the kids had been asleep, and she'd ask him to come help her undo the braids and wash the conditioner out.

Which mean it was going to b a very good night.

He crept one hand up her arm and gently prodded her hair.

"It's still setting, Han," Leia murmured, though her tone was good-natured.

She glanced up at their wide-open bedroom door just as Jaina walked past it. Jaina very pointedly did not look at them, and went skipping downstairs. Leia shook her head, biting her tongue.

Han let his hand fall and lifted his head.

"S'at Jainy?" he asked.

"Mmmhmm," Leia hummed. "Yet again," she grumbled.

Han narrowed his eyes, and settled his head back slowly. He rolled his eyes.

Jaina, all of ten years old, had recently learned the word insomnia and immediately decided she had something like that. She refused to understand that insomnia was actually a medical disorder, and not a word little girls used when they just thought their bedtime was too early.

Instead of arguing about it – because damn, Jaina could argue, and it was exhausting – Han and Leia had decided to try letting her decide when she wanted to go to bed. For once, Han was the skeptical one about this. Where he was usually more lenient, he thought they should just lock her in her room.

Probably because the later the kids stayed up, the less chance he had of convincing Leia that sex was a good idea.

Leia was just convinced that if Jaina spent a few nights staying up and lurking and realizing absolutely nothing interesting was going on without her, she'd get over herself and start going to bed when told.

They heard a thunk downstairs.

Han lifted his head again.

"What's she doing?"

"Trying to get a reaction," Leia answered blithely. "Ignore her."

Han grumbled.

"Han," Leia muttered, flicking a finger over the datapad in her lap and scrutinizing it. "We have a lot of stuff coming up," she mentioned. She frowned. "We have a couple of conflicting trips."

"What else is new?" Han said, yawning. "It's hot in here," he complained.

"Maintenance is checking the cool air function later this week," Leia said.

"Later this week? Aren't you burnin' up?"

"No, I'm comfortable…we need to rearrange some things," she said slowly. "Noura has a dance recital…here," she pointed, talking more to herself than anything, "and then…hmm," she trailed off.

"What's 'hmmm?'"

Leia sighed. She sat back heavily.

"Ryoo invited us to Maiah's and Iver's graduation," she said. "We really ought to go. It's around Max's birthday and he loves going to Naboo. And we haven't seen the twins in a while."

"Okay," Han shrugged. "Then let's go."

"There's so much…other…stuff," Leia muttered. "Well, I could move this, and then we could leave," she suggested a date. "Yes, that would work."

Han grinned, staring up at the canopy over their bed. He liked listening to Leia work things out at him, the silent sounding board.

"So I'll move my talk to here," she said, "but then I need you to take Jaina to junior debate practice."

Han groaned.

"She's mean to me when I take here there."

"She's not mean, she's practicing. It's not her fault she beats you."

"I never even know what we're arguing about!"

Leia laughed. She made a note and then gave him the date.

"Which means to make it all work you and I will have to attend the third Tssais House event instead of the first," she rambled on about some charity brunch that Han always ended up having to go to – because he was her escort – but when she gave the date Han shook his head.

"We can't go then, I have a thing," Han said.

Leia paused, alert. She scratched her chin with her stylus, and checked over their calendar.

"What thing? It's not on here."

"It's a thing. It's mine."

"What thing?" she insisted. She jutted her foot out and kicked him, glaring.

"Mind your own business."

"You are my business. What thing doesn't get on the shared calendar?" she asked. She narrowed her eyes. "Are you meeting your mistress?"

"No, I always put that on the calendar," Han retorted, deadpan.

"Hmm," Leia hummed, suspicious. "Oh, wait," she added, flippant, "I forgot—we have to stop joking about adultery," she said, frowning. "I heard Max tell Winter I have a second husband."

"S'long as he knows he's second."

"Han, tell me what the thing is!"

"I can't tell you what the thing is, it'll spoil it!" Han retorted.

Leia put a hand to her chest, smirking.

"Oh, it's a present," she murmured. "I see." She paused, and then gave him a knowing look. "Shall I just put it down that you'll be down at Prias Jeweler's?"

Han glared at her. He was going to have to get more creative. He didn't always go to that jeweler, it's just that there was a Corellian artist there he trusted – an artist it was very hard to get appointments with, as the guy had suspicious hours, and was often off planet.

Leia paused as Jaina flounced by their door again. She glared at her, shaking her head, and then sighed.

"I suppose I can attend the brunch alone," she said.

"I c'n try to move my consult later," Han said gruffly.

"No," Leia said, indignant, "I want my present."

She paused, tilting her head. She pursed her lips.

"Why am I getting a present?" she asked, curious. "It's not my life day. It's not our," she paused, glancing swiftly down at the calendar, "anniversary," she confirmed. She looked at the calendar again. "I went down on you last week, so I don't need a bribe," she joked.

"Sometimes it takes a while to make what I commission for you," Han retorted, giving her a look.

Leia smiled. She let her datapad fall against her chest and leaned back gingerly, resting her head very delicately against the headboard. She reached up to touch her necklace, preening a little. Teasing aside – Han always did remarkably well when he gave her jewelry.

She pursed her lips, and Han kicked at his sheets, grumbling about the heat.

Jaina strolled past the door again and went downstairs. More thunking.

"What the hell is she doing now?" Leia hissed between her teeth – so much for not reacting to it.

A few minutes later, Jaina blew back past the open door with a cup in her hands. Leia ground her teeth. Han reached over and rubbed her thigh casually, shrugging.

"We can't go to sleep 'til she does, huh?" he asked.

"No," Leia confirmed. "I don't trust her."

Jaina poked her head around the corner to look at them.

"Hi, Jaina," Han said dramatically.

Jaina inched into full view. She swayed back and forth for a moment, eyeing them.

"Are you having sex?" she asked them.

Han propped himself up on his elbows. He looked at her incredulously, and then shared a bewildered look with Leia – both of them stared at each other; Leia, with her hair all tied up and deeply conditioned, sitting there with her datapad in her lap, and Han, sprawled out next to her barely touching her, with half a dozen pillows strewn around.

They both turned back to Jaina, Leia giving her a funny look.

"Are we…?" she started. "No, Jaina," she answered, exasperated. "Does it look like we're having sex?" she added, unable to help herself.

Jaina took a contemplative sip from her water.

"I don't know what it looks like," she answered pointedly.

"Was I unclear about the mechanics?" Leia asked dryly - sure, Jaina didn't know what it looked like technically, but she and Han were so clearly not having sex.

"Why would we leave the door open?" Han asked loudly.

Jaina shrugged. She continued to stare at them critically.

"Jaina," Leia sighed, shaking her head.

It had been an educational month for Jaina Yvaine Solo. There was the insomnia thing, but there was also the fact that she'd been given the sex talk. She'd asked about it, Leia had been straightforward about it, as she always said she would be, except now Jaina was obsessed with the concept.

"You have to stop asking people if they're having sex," Leia told her firmly.

She'd asked Winter earlier, which of course Winter had found hysterical, though it had mortified Tycho. She'd mentioned it she last week when they were having dinner with Bail; specifically, she'd asked him if he ever had sex anymore, causing Rouge to drop a full glass of wine, and forcing Han to get up and leave the room because he was laughing too hard to discipline her.

"Why?" Jaina asked. She held her cup very seriously. "You said it wasn't bad."

"It isn't bad. It's private," Leia said.

Jaina considered this.

"If I shut your door, will you have sex?" she asked.

Han sat up.

"No, kid, you're doin' a pretty good job of makin' sure we never have sex again," he said dryly.

Leia kicked him gently, shaking her head. Han shrugged. If Jaina had actually walked in on them, Han world likely have dropped dead of embarrassment, but her question, in this situation, was so ludicrous that it was just…funny.

"Do you need something?" Leia asked her patiently. "Daddy and I are going to sleep."

To punctuate this lie, Leia put her datapad and stylus aside, and stretched. She hunched down some.

Jaina lifted her chin.

"Yes," she said quickly. "I was here to tell you I am going to sleep now," she announced dramatically. Her brow furrowed. She shifted her feet. "But I want a hug."

Han made a quiet little noise next to her, the noise he always made when he thought one of the kids was doing something too cute for words. He sat up, beckoning to her. Jaina came over with her water cup and gave him a hug, and then she strolled over to Leia's side of the bed and hugged her.

She tapped her fingers on the cup, and beamed at them. Then, she turned, and scampered, presumably in the direction of her room. She slammed her door, which made Leia roll her eyes, but Max and Noura weren't babies anymore, and that wasn't something that woke them up.

Leia reached up thoughtfully and prodded her hair.

"Know how you said you told her not to talk about how babies are made with anyone at school or anythin'?" Han mumbled.

Leia nodded.

"What're the chances she ran her big mouth to all her friends? Marisol, at least," Han snorted.

"Oh," Leia sighed. "One hundred percent."

Han grinned. Leia turned to him with a soft smile.

"Want to help me unbraid and rinse?" she suggested softly.

He sat up, smirking, and pretended to drag himself out of bed. Leia sat forward and laughed as he made a dramatic show of shutting the door. She got up, and he followed her into the 'fresher – with any luck, Jaina would be asleep by the time he got all the conditioner washed out, and they got around to getting started on all the sex she thought they were having.


-alexandra