Is it wrong to feel a little bit bothered by the fact that she does have contacts that she can ask to clean up dead bodies? I know it might sound harsh or condescending but I think I'm entitled to ask. For the past few weeks, months even, I discovered a lot of things about Effie and most of those things are new. I don't want her to feel offended or judged but I just need to know how she got to the point where she's hanging out with guys like that. The Effie I knew wouldn't even touch a muddy shoe.

She didn't run away like I thought she would but she didn't talk to me either. She finished wrapping her gifts and then went with Peeta to help with his garden.

"I guess you upset her yet again", Johanna muttered behind me.

She's holding a cup of black coffee then sat next to me. We both looked at Effie and Peeta getting their hands dirty.

"She loves that boy very much", Johanna suddenly said. "When they injected him with that tracker jacker venom thing, she nearly lost it. She even volunteered to be tortured in his place. At first, I thought she's being a fool but I finally got it when they were torturing her. It's way harder to watch the person you care about being tortured in front of you and you can't do shit. I was there and there's nothing I could do to help her. I heard her cried when they shaved my head. It's all too much for her brain and that's when she yelled, 'stop hurting them. I'll do anything you want me to do, please'. That's when Kyle got the idea and he dragged an old guy in her cell. He made her shoot him and she did. Effie didn't talk for days after that. Kyle loved it. He made her do that several times until she stopped crying over it", she said.

"Is that why you killed him? For Effie?" I asked.

"That's the main reason. Of course, it's also for me. The bastard electrocuted me and I still have trouble with water, you know, but when Trinket told me he's here and he's still trying to torment her, I just couldn't keep it together. I cannot let him hurt her again. I couldn't do shit back then but I am not locked up in prison anymore", she answered.

I tried to imagine the things she witnessed but I can't bring myself to form the images. The idea of anyone hurting Effie drives me crazy. I almost did it myself. I almost kill Kyle. Johanna beat me to it. We both will kill people to protect her.

"So why were you in that hotel earlier?" she asked.

Only Effie asked me that earlier and I didn't answer her.

"…to gut that asshole from inside out", I answered briefly. I met her eyes and she gave an approving look. "Don't tell Effie that", I added.

"She will go ballistic, for sure", Johanna muttered.

"So, who's Lucas?" it's my turn to ask.

"Wow, he's coming to 12 then. Effie pulled a huge string. Shit…my fault", she whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"He's running an underground group in the Capitol. He's considered the master of the black market. Trinket met him when he saved her from two rebels trying to rape her while she was walking down the alley. Of course, they didn't hit it off at first but when he realized she's not the Capitol person everyone thought her to be, he grew to like her and eventually taught her how to protect herself. In return, Trinket will give him information about what's going on with the government since she's close with Plutarch. It's a mutual relationship. Now, he's coming here and Trinket probably said to him that it was her who killed Kyle", she answered.

People like Lucas saved me and took care of me when I felt like I was about to explode. They're good people. Yes, they have odd jobs but it doesn't make them bad people.

Her voice rang in my head. I screwed it up again with her.

"She was hurt that you thought it was her who killed Kyle. You're not blind. I'm sure you know that. She doesn't like venting out anymore but it's all over her face. There's a reason she doesn't like telling what happened to her in prison and things that happened after that. It's this moment. This is the reason", she said.

That was my fault. I immediately jumped into conclusion that it was her. The look on her eyes already screamed no but I didn't see it because I was determined to hear her say it was her. I need to think of a way to make it up to her.

Effie didn't sleep at the house though I know she didn't do much sleeping. Peeta said she requested to spend the night at his house. I'm pretty sure it's because of me. She's avoiding me and I wouldn't hold that against her. I hurt her feelings. I stayed awake all night too. I got used to Effie sleeping next to me that I can't sleep anymore without her by my side. Alcohol might do the job but I don't want to go down that road again. Effie and the kids will not like that.

I must've dozed off because when I opened my eyes, it's already four in the afternoon.

"Shit", I muttered and bolted out of bed.

Katniss and Peeta are hanging out with Johanna at their porch when I came over.

"She's not here", Katniss said before I could said anything.

"Effie's really upset. I don't think she slept last night. Are you going to do something about that?" Peeta asked.

We've been together longer but if he's going to choose, I know the boy will choose Effie. He cares for her deeply especially after she protected him in prison, or at least she tried.

"That's why I'm here and I didn't sleep either last night", I answered and that eased him. "Where is she?" I asked.

Johanna looked at me.

"I think you know", she answered.

I almost forgot. Tonight she'll meet that contact of hers. I overheard it on the phone.

"Thanks…I'm gonna go get her", I said and then left.