Chapter 3

Grief

Sirius wrapped Harry in a towel. "Dumbledore needs to see this," he muttered, "he'll help you, Harry."

Harry was silent. He felt cold as he stepped out of the water, the coldness burrowing deep inside him. Sirius helped him out before taking a step back, "I'll get you warm clothes," he said, "just stay here Harry." Harry nodded and waited as Sirius stepped out of the bathroom. He returned a moment later with Harry's clothes and waited outside the door as Harry dressed. Harry was thankful that Sirius gave him a long-sleeved shirt. There was a soft knock, and the door opened slightly. "You ready Harry?" Sirius asked, concerned.

"Yeah…" Harry sighed. He looked up at Sirius, doubt filling him. "Sirius… do you hate me?" he asked.

"No… no, no, no Harry," Sirius said quickly, opening the door fully and grabbed Harry's shoulders gently, their eyes meeting. "I can never hate you, Harry, you were weak, human. You made a mistake, and I know that… Dumbledore knows that. No matter what you do Harry, I will never hate you, understand?"

Harry nodded but frowned. "I feel weak," he confessed. "I hate feeling weak."

"Harry, you are the strongest wizard I have ever known," Sirius said, smiling. "Believe me, after all, you have gone through, your mother and father would be so proud of you Harry."

"Even this?" Harry asked, glancing down at his arm. Sirius hesitated, but Harry didn't want to hear him stumble. Instead, he just pushed through, feeling disheartened.

"They will be proud of what you are about to do," Sirius said after Harry went through the door. Harry stopped and wished that he would believe Sirius' words. "You're strong for doing this Harry, very strong."

"I don't feel it," Harry said, and he continued his way back to the kitchen.

Mrs. Weasley had food ready for him. The Weasleys all crowded around the table, along with Professor Dumbledore, Lupin, Tonks and Mad-Eyed Moody, the last two must have just arrived or not noticed by Harry in his guilt-fueled delirium. "How are you feeling sweetie?" Mrs. Weasley asked cautiously.

"Better…" Harry lied, sitting down in front of the food. He looked around and felt his voice died as the eyes stared at him. For the first time, he wanted none of them to be near him.

"Then, in this case, I think it would be best if you settle down and eat," Professor Dumbledore suggested. "And if we do not crowd you," he looked around the crowded room.

"Right," Mrs. Weasley said, "Kids, out."

"But mum!" Ron and Ginny said.

"No buts, you lot," Mrs. Weasley said, "Out!"

"He'll tell us either way," Ginny argued. "You're just delaying it! You will tell us, right Harry?" she added, looking at him.

"Yeah," Harry said softly.

"See? So we're staying," Ginny said.

"Yeah!" Ron agreed.

"Children, children," Fred sighed, "this is an adult conversation, now you three get out," he smiled at the two and Hermione.

"You too Fred, and you as well George," Mrs. Weasley said strictly. "All of you, out."

"Mother! We're responsible adults now," George gasped, feigning a look of hurt. "We can handle whatever is going to happen."

"Your mother is right boys," Lupin interjected. "All of you should get out. This is official Order business."

"Fine," George said, looking at his twin and giving a sly smile. "We will leave, as the responsible adults we are. Come along, children." The two heralded Ron, Ginny, and Hermione out of the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley followed them, closing the door and muttering a privacy charm. The adults sat around Harry and waited patiently. The teen looked at the spread of food around him, and took a bite of mashed potatoes, the heat filling the cold void inside him before he drowned it with a cup of pumpkin juice that magically refilled itself.

"Any time you are ready Harry," Dumbledore said gently, "Tell us what happened… where you were."

Harry nodded shortly and frowned, trying to find the right words. "I was… I was at a wedding yesterday," he began, staring at his food, playing with the pile of mashed potatoes. He didn't want to look up. "My wedding… yesterday I was married to Draco Malfoy… we're dating each other, love each other, but we were forced into marriage yesterday… by Voldemort."

There was a jump at Voldemort's name. Mrs. Weasley gave a sharp gasp and almost bumped the table while Tonks almost fell from her chair. Dumbledore, however, stayed calm. "You saw Voldemort, yesterday?" he asked.

"Yes," Harry nodded. "In fact, he walked me down the aisle…"

"Why is that, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry took a deep breath. His fingers started to shake. "Because… because…" he stopped. He could feel himself become weak, tears threatening to fall. "I was weak," he said hatefully. "I was weak and in love. …I wanted Draco, needed him. And Voldemort… Voldemort took advantage of that."

His hand moved suddenly to his sleeve and gripped it. He tried to pull it up, but it felt as though he was pulling pure iron. "In the graveyard," He continued, "to save Cedric, I had to… had to…"

He tried pulling up his sleeve again but couldn't. He refused to look up, he didn't want to see their faces. Faces full of disgust and pity, he assumed. Hatred and empathy, he didn't want any of it. His eyes wet with tears. He continued talking, "I had to go under Voldemort's wing… because I wanted Draco… I wanted to save Cedric. He killed Wormtail… and marked me." Finally, slowly, with an agonizing pain that burned his hand and heart, he pulled his iron heavy sleeve. Inch by inch, his Dark Mark revealed itself, burning black against his skin. There were gasps, he could hear Moody growling to himself while Mrs. Weasley muttered.

"Harry…" Dumbledore said. Sounding disappointed, but mostly concerned. Harry frowned and for the first time he looked up to stare at Dumbledore. His eyes twinkled sadly behind his half-crescent moon.

"This was the only way to be with Draco," Harry continued. "That is what I believed… I had to be with him, had to side with Voldemort and be included into Pureblood society. Draco and I were going to marry under the Submissive Clause."

"But that is ancient!" Mrs. Weasley said, "Nobody even thinks of using that anymore! Where did you even learn about that?"

"Books about Pureblood Society… I've read them during the summer of third year," Harry said, looking to Mrs. Weasley for the first time. Her face was full of empathy, tears brimming as she did her best to dab them away with a napkin. "I… liked the idea, being tied submissively to Draco, I actually loved it. I thought it would be the best way to get him… and Voldemort would give me a chance to talk to him. And he did. During the summer after the Triwizard Tournament, I was at Malfoy Manor… learning the Dark Arts from Voldemort. Between lessons, I would find Draco and talk with him. We began our relationship during the summer, and it was strong… we really do care for each other. It seemed that everything was right, everything was going well… but then…" Harry gave a sharp intake and looked back to his mark. He shuddered, frowning as he tried to collect himself.

"Take your time," Dumbledore said.

Harry nodded. His face was wet with tears; however, he didn't want to clean it. He shut his eyes tightly and took deep breaths. "He needed me, Voldemort," he continued after a minute. "He needed my blood, more of my blood, and he needed me to have his blood…"

"I don't understand," Lupin said when Harry stopped, looking distressed. He glanced between Harry and Dumbledore, "Why would there need to be a swapping of blood?"

"He needed a son," Harry answered. "I fought back. Almost killed him with the Killing Curse. I could feel the power… it would have killed him if it hit, but I missed. That was what sealed my fate… he turned me into his son. There was a potion… he mixed his and my blood in it. I drank it and there was a great pain followed by nothing. I didn't feel any different… but I knew deep down that he was in me… he will always be inside me both by blood and his Horcrux."

Dumbledore's hands made a small bang on the table, getting their attention. His face drained as he stared at Harry. "Harry, repeat that, please," Dumbledore said. Harry stared at him, he could have sworn that he heard fear in the old wizard's voice.

"Horcrux… Voldemort has Horcruxes," Harry said.

"Several? Plural?" Dumbledore breathed. "To think… but it was only the natural conclusion considering him," he muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry I'm lost but what exactly is a Horcrux? What did the Dark Lord put inside my godson?" Sirius demanded.

"His soul," Harry answered. "I have a piece of Voldemort's soul inside of me… ever since he… since the night he killed my parents. A piece of his soul broke apart and connected with me."

"The same happened, more intentionally I assume, with the diary you have destroyed three years ago," Dumbledore said, looking at Harry. "Once I have realized its nature, I had hoped that it would be the only one that he had created… It seems, however, that I have underestimated Lord Voldemort's thirst for immortality. I am sorry to distract you, but Harry do you have any idea of how many he has created? Or which objects?"

"No sir," Harry said softly. "Voldemort hasn't shared anything about that with me…"

"I see… continue then, if you would, take your time and help us progress through these painful times," Dumbledore said. Harry nodded and took another sip of his drink.

Harry was silent again, frowning at his drink as the adults stared at him. "The next day, he used my mixed blood to make himself stronger," he continued. "He needed blood… a lot of blood. It hurt so much, but I gave it to him. I don't know what came over me, but I gave it to him… and he drank it, and became handsome again."

"All that to become pretty?" Moody grunted. "Sounds wasteful."

Harry shook his head, "He became powerful too, I could feel it," he said. "He introduced me as his son to his Death Eaters but hid my face. It wasn't until the wedding that I was revealed. We argued, constantly, Voldemort and I over his ideology. I told him… I told him over and over that I'll kill his followers, each and every one before I find a way to kill him."

"Harry, surely you didn't mean—"

"I did," Harry interrupted, looking at Tonks, who spoke. "I did, and I will. I thought it would feel good until last night."

"What happened last night, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"I gave a speech, a very hurtful, hateful speech towards his followers," Harry said. "Draco and I fled to France for some time, and we came up with a plan. We were returning when Voldemort caught us. He forced our plan out of us, as well as the list of Death Eaters. He decided to show mercy." A disgusting sneer appeared on Harry's face, any weakness left him as a fit of venomous anger filled him. "He summoned Theo's dad, Theo's a friend of Draco and me. He came, obviously, they always come to that monster's summon. He had… he ordered me to kill Theo's dad. I refused. So he… he used the Imperius Curse on me. I tried to fight it, but he was too powerful. I can still feel him inside me, crawling on my skin … I can hear his whispers in my head. Telling me to relax, to obey and to kill. I… I watched my hand bring my wand out and point it at Mr. Nott. I killed him…I killed my friend's dad. And I felt happy during it like I didn't have a care in the world. And then he released me and sickness flooded back in…"

"Oh, Harry!" Mrs. Weasley said. She rushed around the table and smothered Harry in a hug. "It's not your fault sweetie," she said, "you had no control." She pulled a chair by them and sat down so she could still hug Harry.

"She is right," Dumbledore said, "The death of Theodore Nott Senior was not your fault, Harry. However, I am disappointed that during these events you haven't considered coming to me, asking for my help."

"I thought I could handle it," Harry said. "I thought I could learn from Voldemort and use it against him… I was wrong, and now people are dead."

Dumbledore frowned. "Are you still under his trust?" he asked. "Does Voldemort still give you commands?"

Harry gave a short nod. "I'm supposed to start meeting members in his inner circle and apologize for my behavior during the wedding," he said. "My first meeting is in three weeks with Yaxley, I'm supposed to show that Voldemort is not a Dark Lord to cross."

"I see," Dumbledore muttered. "This complicates things…"

I want this gone," Harry said, looking down at his mark. "No longer how much I scrub it won't move."

"The Dark Mark is a curse, a powerful curse," Dumbledore said. "It is tied directly to its maker. With the defeat of Voldemort, it will fade, however, a scar will always remain." Harry gave him a hopeless look. "However… until then, there is a simple glamour I can teach you, Harry, and allow your arms to once again freely wear short shirts." He gave a small smile and took out his wand. He tapped Harry's arm and it glimmered for a second, shimmering like a reflection in a pond as the Dark Mark faded, leaving smooth, flawless skin in its place.

"Thank you, sir," Harry said.

"And thank you, Harry, for confiding in us," Dumbledore said, giving him a smile.

"Boy could be useful," Moody grumbled, getting their attention from the corner. "You said you made a plan, eh? What is it?"

"A poison," Harry answered. "Draco and I want to brew a poison that will strangle the drinker in three days."

Moody grunted, both his eyes, magical and regular, staring at Harry. "Could be useful," he said, "getting rid of his followers, eh?"

"Alastor! You are not suggesting Harry do something so... so dangerous!" Mrs. Weasley said. "He is just a boy!"

"A boy who's done a whole lot more against the Dark Lord than any of us," Moody growled back.

"It is an unnecessary risk," Dumbledore said, looking at Moody. "We should not have Harry take any more risks than he had already."

"There's one thing I don't get," Tonks said, "Harry, how did you move around so much?" You were with us during the summer, how did you get to Malfoy Manor?"

"The shadows," Harry answered. "There are creatures in the shadows, they allowed me to travel to wherever I want, as well as Draco. They are how we fled to France and back again."

"Wicked," Tonks said, giving a low whistle.

"And very impressive," Dumbledore added. "You can control them, Harry?"

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "And I got them to listen to Draco too… however, they also listen to Voldemort. While Draco and I were going back here, Voldemort reached through the shadows and dragged us back to him."

Dumbledore nodded. He leaned back in his chair, a deeply thoughtful expression on his face as he examined Harry. Silence filled the room, and, feeling awkward, Harry went back to playing with his food, taking small bites now and again. Around him, the adults shared looks, Sirius and Lupin huddled together in one corner speaking in hushed whispers while Mrs. Weasley and Tonks watched Harry closely. Moody, however, had one eye on Harry while his electric blue eye whirled around his head, looking upwards. The silence grew, and its tension slowly started to wear down on Harry. He glanced at Dumbledore, who still looked deep in thought.

Minutes dragged, becoming hours or half hours, and before Harry knew it, he was playing with air as his plate was empty. It was only then did Dumbledore looked up again. "Thank you again, Harry," he said. "You are not in trouble, and none of us, I am certain, hold anything you have told us against you. You've had a stressful couple of days, and have more than earned a peaceful sleep. I will walk around the house, making sure to fortify it against these shadow creatures. I am sorry but you will not be able to use them for the remainder of your holiday."

"Okay, sir… thank you," Harry said. He stood up, exhausting falling onto him, and left the room, wanting nothing more than to fall into his bed and sleep.

.

Draco was in Theo's room. He felt a mixture of guilt and sadness as he held his friend, who was sobbing into him, holding Draco's clothes tightly. "We did nothing wrong," Theo cried. "We did nothing… nothing to make him angry. I don't understand Draco."

After Harry left, Voldemort had Nott Snr's body deposited right in the front room of Theo's home, where the teenager found him. Draco didn't have the stomach to tell him what happened, how Voldemort forced Harry to kill him. He thought it was best to keep that to himself. Instead, he held onto his friend, rocking gently as he rubbed circles on his back. "We'll get through this," he whispered. "Everything will get better Theo."

"I just told him about Ron and me," Theo cried, his voice growing hoarse. He coughed. "He was… he was happy! Glad! He told me… he told me to go after him."

"That's wonderful," Draco whispered, "See, focus on the positive. We already know now, you have your dad's approval. You can start dating Ron without worrying."

"I want to date Ron so he can meet him!" Theo screamed. "I want my father to meet my boyfriend! But now that'll never happen!" He looked up at Draco and Draco felt his heart break. The normally composed and calm teen now looked in complete disarray. His face was bright pink from crying, Large streaks of tears coated his cheeks, his hair was a complete mess and his eyes were sore and puffy. "I want my dad back Draco. I want him to shake Ron's hand. To pat my back and tell me how proud he is. To sit and listen to stories I tell him about Ron and me. I want him in my life Draco! But now I can't. Now he's gone. …He's gone… gone…" The tears started once more, Theo's voice breaking. Draco held him tighter and they fell onto Theo's bed.

Draco held Theo as he cried, rubbing circles on his friend's back. He was patient, waiting for Theo to get it all out. At one point, the crying stopped, and Draco looked down to see Theo's eyes closed, breathing rhythmically. "Cried yourself to sleep," Draco chuckled. With a sigh, he moved gently, getting his hands out from under Theo. Free, he rolled off the bed and looked down at his friend. He looked so peaceful, despite his still puffy tear-streaked face. Draco looked around and felt that it would be best for Theo if he was actually sleeping properly.

First, Draco went around the room, making sure the windows were closed and shuttered, the curtains pulled over to retain the heat. Next, Draco went to Theo and started to undress him. He took off his shoes and socks, as well as he undid his belt and pulled down his pants, leaving his friend in only his shirt and underwear. He had to move slowly, as not to wake him, and he had to touch Theo more gently and familiarly than he wanted to. The hardest part, however, was moving Theo under the covers. They were sitting at the edge of Theo's bed, and so when Theo fell asleep, he was on the complete opposite side of where he was supposed to be. Draco moved towards the pillows and pulled the blankets open widely. Almost half the bed has the covers opened. He then turned to his friend and pulled out his wand. With a simple swish and flick, he said, "Wingardium Leviosa" and Theo's body started to slowly rise, his arms and legs hanging down. "Damn it," Draco whispered. He moved his wand, and with it, Theo's sleeping body, upwards towards the pillows. When he was in place, Draco slowly moved his wand down, stepping towards Theo so he can hold his arms out of the way, so he did not land on them.

When Theo was safely on the bed, and somehow still sleeping, Draco pulled the covers over him and sat down on the edge of the chair. "I'll kill him, Theo," he promised, fixing his friend's hair. "I'll make sure that each and every one of them pay. You just focus on taking care of Weasley, okay?" Draco smiled at his sleeping friend and watched him for a moment before standing. With a heavy sigh, Draco left his friend, disappearing in the darkest shadow and walking with a purpose in the darkness.

A/N: Poor Theo, I hope you guys give me reviews and feedback, even if it's hugging Theo. I think the boy needs it.

DZ2: And the further Harry and Draco go along with their plan, the more likely they will suffer the Dark Lord's wrath. After all, a Dark Lord can only be so merciful…