Here it is, the longest chapter I've written to date, and it would have been longer if I didn't decide to split it into two parts for the sake of suspense. In this chapter and next, your questions are finally answered. As I've said many times before, I don't own The Loud House, or any other licensed properties mentioned in this chapter, I just think they're really cool.

It didn't take long for Lincoln to reach his home. It was strangely… quiet, though. The porch was empty, and the sounds he came to know and expect were nowhere to be heard. On top of that, there was a black sports car parked behind Vanzilla.

"What the hell is that doing there," he thought. He continued his trek up to the front door, pressing his ear against the wood. There were sounds emanating from the other side, but they felt…. confused?

Taking a deep breath, Lincoln prepared to reenter the lives of the family he'd been more than happy to avoid. He reached for the doorknob, but paused at the thought of his 'perfect' sisters. It made him sick to his stomach, but then the thought of Sam flashed through his mind. She seemed sure that Luna loved him and was on his side. That was enough for him to timidly turn the knob…

And thrust the door open before he changed his mind. He was met with an unusual sight, his whole family plus a tan suited bald man with a black, fine-trimmed beard sitting in a circle in the living room. He didn't have time to protect his ears before the first squeals came.

"LINCOLN, You're home," cried Leni as she got up from her seated position and ran to embrace her brother. Thinking quickly, Lincoln got into a crouching position before laying onto his side against the door. It would be hard to hug a stubborn rock like him. Leni slowed her pace at her brother's odd behavior. "Is this a new internet challenge?" she asked.

Rita and Lynn Sr wasted no time getting up next to speak to their only son. "Welcome home honey," the mother said with a smile. "We missed you sport," Lynn Sr added, crouching to help Lincoln out of his awkward formation. Lincoln immediately clung to the legs of his father, not wanting to be bombarded with questions from his 'sisters.' Avery stood next, walking up to the returned Loud and extending his arm.

"You must be Lincoln," the charming man began. "I'm your-" He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before Lincoln interrupted him. "Are you a therapist or something?" he said somewhat bitterly. "Because you look like a doctor." One sister who didn't hear Lincoln's voicemail was quick to correct him.

"Lincoln bro, this guy is our uncle," Lynn Jr. announced.

Lincoln stared at the visitor with intent, trying to find any familiarity that would make it obvious the man was indeed family. He was however, jolted out of his trance when Avery spoke up again. "It's true Lincoln, I am your uncle," he said as he pulled out a business card from his wallet. He handed the small rectangle to the hoodie wearing boy, who examined it with lidded eyes.

Dr. Avery Loud-Coleman

Carlyle and Associates

OB-GYN MD

"I doubt you'll have a need for that," the doctor stated matter of factly. "But you and Lucy were close, I am a doctor." Lincoln then read the card out loud to everybody in the room, which brought varying reactions. The oldest five sisters, who knew what an OB-GYN does, blushed and turned away from their returned uncle. The oldest child broke the silence.

"Sooo, you're married I suppose," noting the hyphenated surname. She already knew where this conversation was going, having learned everything at Lynn's Table two hours earlier. Still, she was a firm believer in not speaking for other people, at least, if they were older than her.

The rest of the room excluding the adults stood waiting for a reply from the doctor. It was Lola who hurried the tense silence away. "So what's her name?" Avery just smiled, not the least bit offended at the assumption she'd made. "Maurice," he replied.

"Maurice!" the room erupted in a confused cacophony before settling down in understanding. "You're..?" Avery nodded. "Gay, yes. I would have brought him with me, but he's in Germany right now."

"What does he do?"

"He's a farmer, and we live on a beautiful several hundred acre property out in Hazeltucky." Lincoln would have kept on listening if his mind didn't wander back to why his parents needed him home. He tugged on his father's pant leg to quietly get his attention. "Dad?" he whispered. The patriarch looked down at his son. "What's up?"

"Mom said you and her wanted to talk to me about something," he said in an almost nervous deadpan. "Can we talk about it right now while this guy has the girls distracted?" Lynn Sr looked to his wife, mouthing the question her. Rita slowly nodded and motioned with her hand to the room.

"Alright girls, feel free to ask your Uncle Avery whatever you want," she announced. "Me and your father need to talk with Lincoln, so don't you dare eavesdrop." She looked to her brother-in-law before nodding at seemingly nothing. Avery knew what that meant. Lynn Sr then led his son into the master bedroom, Rita following closely behind before quietly shutting the door.

"So do you come to Royal Woods often?" asked Luan. Avery shook his head; "Only about once a year," his voice starting to falter. "To put flowers on mom's grave."

In the master bedroom

"Why don't you take your hoodie off sweetie?" Rita requested. Lincoln responded by tightening the strings, leaving only his nose and mouth exposed. He shook his head in defiance. "Alright then, but you'd better keep that thing on the entire time mister," Lynn Sr scolded.

Lincoln let the overnight bag on his shoulder fall to the ground before climbing onto the bed between his parents. "Sooo, what is this about?" Lynn Sr and Rita looked at each other for a moment before dropping what Lincoln was certain was going to be a bombshell.

"Lincoln, why didn't you tell us you'd made the honor roll?" his mother asked with concern. Lincoln was shocked by this revelation, but said nothing. Lynn Sr dug into the side table drawer, pulling out a manilla envelope. He undid the metal butterfly clasp and turned the envelope until an orange piece of paper as wide as the envelope slipped out. "This came in the mail while you were gone."

Lincoln Loud

Royal Woods Elementary School

Spring Semester Honor Roll

Looking at his parents, Lincoln just shrugged. "It's not a big deal, just a slip of paper," he said, turning to look at the floor. "It's not like it's worth displaying in a cabinet or anything." The two adults couldn't be sure, but they thought Lincoln was referring to the trophy case in the dining room. It had been a bit of a contentious issue for Lincoln to watch the case fill up with awards that weren't his. He'd even gone so far as to invade the privacy of his sisters just to win a video contest many months ago. Seriously, a stupid hamster, this world is going to crap.

"Honey," the mother assured her son. "We've been over this; Just because you don't have as many trophies as any of your sisters doesn't mean we love you any less or are any less proud of you."

"Look sport," Lynn Sr contributed. "If there's one thing I know now, it's that resenting your family isn't worth the effort." Lynn Sr fought back emotion as he remembered the talk he'd had with his brother only hours earlier. "It's one thing to be jealous, it's another thing to let it cloud your judgement. I know that you know that your sisters mean the absolute world to you, and that you'd never intentionally hurt them."

Lincoln looked up at his father, his face (or what could be seen) was completely blank while the older man flashed a warm smile. "Maybe so, but it's not like they need me to do something they couldn't do themselves, or ask another sister to do" he spoke in a deadpan voice. He then looked to the door of his parents bedroom, hearing the muffled voice of his uncle speaking. Turning back towards his parents, he took a deep breath before dropping a secret he swore to keep.

"The truth is, I didn't clog the toilet last year like I told you I did," he admitted. "I was only looking out for Lucy, who was the real owner of that book. She didn't ask me to, I just thought it was the right thing to do." Rita and Lynn moved to hug their son, who didn't react to the sudden intrusion of space.

"It was a sweet thing to do honey," Rita said. "You must be upset that you missed that convention you were looking so forward to." Upon hearing that, Lincoln crawled away from his parents to the other side of the bed, keeping the remainder of his face hidden. When neither Lynn Sr or Rita made a move to reach him, he continued pouring his heart.

"And now, with what happened this year, I don't think I want to hear the words 'Ace Savvy' ever again." The boy grabbed both sides of his head and squeezed in anger. "Why is it every time there's a schism in this family, it's always me against the rest of them? Why can't some of them ever take my side on things?"

"Lincoln, I think you really need to talk with your sisters. We'll be right behind you the whole time, so don't hold back from your grievances, we won't let them hurt you." Lincoln placed his hands to his face, blocking his view of the world around him. He breathed deeply before sighing and jumping off the bed. He then turned to his parents and nodded. "Let's just get this over with," the muffled voice replied.

Loud House Living Room

"Wow, that's gotta be the saddest story I've ever heard." The entire room was on the verge of tears, even Avery, who'd already told his story twice that day. "I can't believe you kissed mommy," Lola said. "Even if it was just an accident." At that moment, the door to the master bedroom creaked open, and out stepped a fully hooded Lincoln and his parents.

"Girls, your brother has some things he'd like to share with you," Rita announced to the room. "After, he takes his hood off." Lincoln slowly walked to the front of the room and stood with the television at his back. He breathed and exhaled deeply with his head down, then looked directly at his family before taking the entire hoodie off of his body. When the red 'Royal Woods Elementary School' lettering had disappeared beneath the crumpled grey mass, the family was left staring at the bandage ridden scalp of the (formerly) white haired boy.

Mouths dropped open, and nobody said a word for several seconds. The silence was then broken by the shrill scream of Rita Loud. "MY BABY, WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Lincoln couldn't help but laugh. "That's how it always is, right? It's always my fault when things don't go as planned." The family just looked at him all confused, Avery was scratching the sleeves of his dress shirt. "If you must know, I did shave my head, because I figured all the great villains in media are bald. Lex Luthor, Elmer Fudd, heck, even Darth Vader when they took his helmet off."

Who… was… this… boy? Luna spoke first. "Dude, who told you you're a villain?"

"Nobody did," he yelled. "Isn't it obvious though, I screw up everything I try at, and my only real 'talent,' if you want to call it that, is coming up with plans, which, more often than not, are usually to get the better of you. Does that sound like something a hero would do? And you know something else, they don't always work, because you guys come around to foil them."

The room couldn't have been more silent if everybody suddenly went deaf. After catching his breath, Lincoln continued his rant. "You know, I never wanted to give girl advice to guys," he said as he pointed at each of his now scared sisters. "But I was kinda pigeonholed into doing so because NOBODY LIKES SALT AND PEPPER PIES."

A snicker erupted from somewhere in the room. "Yeah, what was that about anyway? You probably should have let the real chef handle the cooking." Leni had no idea how dumb of a move she'd just made. Lincoln's face contorted into an almost sadistic grin before dropping the major bombshell.

"I...Only...Did...that...BECAUSE A CERTAIN 10 HEADED BEAST ATE MY CHOCOLATE SUPPLY. AND THEN PROCEEDED TO LAUGH AT ME LIKE I WAS SOME KIND OF JOKE. SO WHAT IF NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME? YOU ACT LIKE ALL BOYS ARE THE SAME...ALL...THE...TIME."

"Lincoln Loud, what happened to our indoor voice," his mother scolded. The boy didn't move a muscle, instead he just continued to stare daggers at who he saw as strangers. All the while, Avery sat in his chair and let things escalate.

"You really think I like being made to feel like a loser in my own home? I get enough of that crap at school, but NOOOOO, now for the next week or so after that dumb convention I had to listen to,

'Oh Lincoln, your sisters are soooo awesome to be in that Ace Savvy movie, you must be so proud of them.'"

"I knew it," Leni said sadly and quietly.

"I mean, yeah, I didn't HAVE to invite you with me, I could have just enjoyed it with Clyde and let the odds just rule against us when it came to winning that contest," he said as his eyes started to tear up. "But I really wanted to do something as a family that made me feel like I was more than just 'your only brother.' But what happened? Only two of you did anything worth being impressed for," he said while angerly pointing to both Lynn and Lisa. "But suddenly now ALL of you are getting pictures together without me because 'The Full House Gang sticks together' or some crap."

Lincoln paused to stifle his tears, not wanting to be bombarded with sympathy at that moment. "I know I didn't exactly impress the judges with my typical antics, but would it have KILLED you to not take my wallet too?" By this point the entire family was at a loss for words, and many were starting to look guilty at their trespasses.

"Ace Savvy was all I had," he said with a voice that would shatter the heart of the cruelest cynic. "I actually thought he was going to save me from a life of mediocrity. You guys already have your talents, and barring any kind of tragedy, you're all going to be fine. But me, I can't live my life through you guys, it's not fair to you."

"Linky," Leni said sweetly as she got up and walked towards her only brother, who was now crying hot tears. "You're not a villain, or even a bad guy. Why didn't you tell us you were feeling this way?" Her embrace with him was met with a struggle to get out, to which she only tightened her grip.

"Because you'd tell me I was being foolish, as always," he replied. "I get that stealing an animal just to get attention was a dumb move, but I was just... desperate." The twins were the next to jump off the couch and attempt to calm their brother. "Please don't cry, Lincoln," they said in tandem. "We love you very, very much."

"Lincoln?" the eldest Loud child spoke. "You don't… hate us, do you?" The blubbering mess that was her brother simply shook his head. "If I hated you, I never would have bothered turning you guys into heroes for my comic book. But, I guess that's just another example of me living through you guys, it's not like you needed the extra confidence boost."

What the room didn't notice at the time was that Avery had arisen from his chair and entered the kitchen for something to drink, and to get away from the drama. On his way there, he passed the infamous trophy case. "Wow," he said to himself. "I've got quite the talented family here." He then took notice of Lincoln's spot, which held only two objects. There was a small, plastic trophy with the words 'Most Improved Brother' etched on it. As well as a small trophy with a 'power glove' emblem on it, the words reading Ace Savvy Comic Book Contest, Lincoln Loud.

"This is interesting," he said with a smile as he opened the cabinet and removed the second trophy. He set it down on the table before stepping into the kitchen to get his drink. Once he had his glass of orange juice, he grabbed the trophy with his free hand and settled back into the living room before anybody knew he was gone.

When he returned, both the twins and Leni had returned to their seats, faint tear stains on their clothes. Lincoln stood in silence, trying to process what to say next. Before he could though, Avery spoke.

"Hey Lincoln! How'd you win this?" he held up the trophy in his left hand. Lincoln took one look at the object and fell to his knees. "It doesn't matter, it's not like anybody really cares who created 'The Full House Gang.' It's all Bill Buck's property now."

"Do you draw often, Lincoln?" the uncle asked. "Nope, not anymore. I've found other creative avenues since then, but they're stupid too."

"What other creative avenues?"

Lincoln walked over to the TV, he rifled through a nearby box before pulling out a disk case labelled 'Lynn's Table Commercial.' He pushed it into the player and immediately was treated to the commercial he had shot a few months ago with Clyde. He seemed so happy, full of energy… actually HAD hair, which Avery was pleasantly surprised to see was white. When it was over, Avery had a smile on his face, impressed.

"That's very good Lincoln, you did all of that by yourself?"

"No, I had my friend Clyde McBride help me. He's the other half of "Clincoln McCloud Productions," he solemnly explained.

"Well, if this commercial had aired out in Hazeltucky, I would have certainly come sooner. You're a very convincing young man, you know that?"

Lincoln went deadpan again. "I used to think I was the "Master of Convincing," he said sadly before an evil thought occurred to him. "But now, if anybody is the master of convincing," he started to say while pointing in the direction of his sister Lynn. "It's her, for getting me kicked out of the house for being 'Bad Luck!' Even after I came clean for lying about it."

The memory of that ordeal sent shivers up the remainder of the residents spines. Had Lincoln just spilled one of the biggest kept secrets in the family? Avery looked at his brother for an explanation.

"What is he talking about Lynn?" Before the patriarch could reply, Lola lept from her seat towards her brother. "You clod, why would you tell him that? Now mommy and daddy are going to jail," she screamed as she was about to maul him, but was quickly apprehended by Lori, who grabbed her arms, and Luna, who took hold of the princess's legs.

"No, let me go, he deserves to be hurt for ruining this family."

"LOLA LOUD THAT IS ENOUGH," yelled Leni in a rare moment of anger. "Lincoln isn't wrong Uncle Avery, we did lock him out. But only because he went along with it, we didn't want-." Lori had heard enough, as she slapped both hands onto her roommates mouth. With a nervous smile, Lori looked at her uncle with a pleading glance.

Avery was still looking at Lynn Sr with a snarl, demanding an explanation, and a damn good one at that. "Look, Avery, I don't know what me and Rita were thinking, I guess… hearing it come from all of my daughters just sent my brain to a bad place." Lincoln cleared his throat, getting the room's attention.

"The only reason I haven't ratted on you guys is because… well, this seemed so out of character for you guys to do this, that it had to be something out of your control. So unless anybody says anything to the contrary, I'm just going to keep telling myself that Lisa created some kind of 'paranoia gas' that got leaked somehow and that's why everybody acted like ass clowns, even you Luna."

The rocker teen sunk into her seat, seemingly getting smaller with each passing second.

"And while we're on the subject of dumbass behavior," the boy continued. "It shouldn't have to be my job to make sure you all behave in a SUPERMARKET of all places." Lincoln had no tears left to cry, now he was all about the anger. "If I knew it was going to be that much of a chore to get a box of cereal, having to watch even my older sisters act like fools, I never would have bothered."

Avery took a closer look at his nephew. He could just make out the bags under the eyes of the preteen boy. "Those shouldn't be there," he thought.

"Hold on there Stinkoln," the sporty sister proclaimed. "If we really didn't love you, why would we write and perform that song for you?"

"You mean the one where you pretty much thanked me for putting your selfish desires before my own, like not doing so made me less of a brother, or a man?"

"You know what?" Lynn Sr said quickly before the atmosphere in the room go too thick. "We shouldn't let the food get cold, everybody wash up for dinner. Lincoln, could you help me and your mother set the table?" Lincoln said nothing, rather he just jogged into the kitchen to wash up.

Dinnertime

At last, the meal had begun. Lincoln was sitting between his parents, while his Uncle Avery sat across from him. "Wow," the doctor said with all seriousness. "These chicken thighs are amazing, who do I have to thank, there's no way you made these in such a short time, Lynn." The twins, Lucy, and Luna all raised their hands. "It was mostly me supervising, making sure nobody got burned or cut."

The rest of the table was either avoiding Lincoln's glances, or stealing a look only to jerk their heads when he looked back. After a long tense silence, Avery spoke up again. "Did you know this was an old family recipe your grandmother made?" he asked his nieces. They all shook their heads with indifference.

Avery sighed, upset at the lack of conversation at what was supposed to be a family reunion. "Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I think it's best that we clear up the animosity in the room," he said with an authoritarian tone. "So Lincoln, tell me about some of these 'villainous plans' you've come up with in the past." Lynn Sr shook his head at the man across from him, but Lincoln was in no mood to be stifled.

"Well, let's see" he began. "There was the time we sabotaged my dad's cooking just so we could order pizza. But I only wanted a change of pace when it came to the menu, and so did everybody else." The sisters all nodded with shame at one of their lowest moments.

"And then there's the time I said we should overthrow Lori because she was such a tyrant every time mom and dad went out. But I immediately regretted that when everything got out of control." Lynn Sr simmered at the incident which led to one of his golf clubs getting dented.

"And then there's the time I thought we were all getting kicked out on the street because of a misunderstanding," Lincoln said as the rest of the family chuckled in humiliation at their stupidity. "So instead of sticking together, I was perfectly content to curry favor with mom and dad just so I could stay. But that didn't last for long, because Lola caught on."

"I was talking about my tie collection Avery," Lynn Sr said with a nervous smile.

"You mean 'Dad's tie collection,' right? Most of those ties went to you," Avery corrected. A brief moment of tension filled the room at the mention of their father, who was not discussed often in the Loud House. Breaking the silence, Avery motioned for Lincoln to continue.

"But by far the most selfish thing I've ever done was filming my sisters without their knowledge or permission, just so I could win a video contest." At that revelation, Avery was honestly shocked that somebody would intrude on the privacy of their own family that way.

Lincoln then stood up from his seat and walked over to the cabinet. He opened the door and retrieved the two objects that were rightfully his, one of which had been returned there previously. "I mean, I eventually took the video down, (Stupid hamster,)and they forgave me after I humiliated myself to make things right, but all I have to show for it is this plastic thing they got for me." He held up the small 'Most Improved Brother' award in all its waxy glory.

"Of course now, I'm not so sure I even deserve it anymore."

With one quick flick of his wrist, Lincoln chucked the plastic thing against the wall, where it broke into several pieces upon impact. The entire room was speechless, and tears had begun to flow down the cheeks of half of Lincoln's sisters. Lincoln then squeezed his remaining trophy tightly, and walked out of the dining room and towards the stairs. "I think I'm going to keep this in my room from now on… under my bed." He then vanished up the stairs and into his bedroom, the door slamming shut.

So sorry it's taken me three weeks to update. To make up for it, the second part will be uploaded within 24 hours to make up for the delay in getting one big monster of a chapter to you. But feel free to leave comments and concerns, and especially don't forget to share this story if you think it deserves more attention.