AN: This came about based on an ask I got over on tumblr from wildravenfeathers and the more I sat thinking on it I decided to expand because Ruth deserves more attention.

Not super depressing but not super happy either.


She'd been feeling pretty good lately and had asked Jesse if she could go in to town with him, if only to get out of that house for half an hour. She never brought it up, but she was sure he knew. He did, he just always knew, it was how the two of them worked.

He knew Ruth would get extremely lonely, and there wasn't much any of them could do about it.

Their kitchen and living room was a far cry from the stage she'd auditioned on in her junior year, where she'd been sure she'd land that role and be in the spring production. She'd planned the costumes and memorized all three parts she'd tried out for, forcing her twin every evening to sit on the couch and feed her lines. Usually, within twenty minutes, he'd be lying haphazardly across the sofa and reading in the most monotone voice he could manage, if only to irritate her. She'd noticed over time, though, that he didn't need the script either.

She'd told him he should try for a role, if he didn't get a part immediately she was sure he'd at least get alternate.

His only response had been; "I don't think so."

It didn't matter anyway, over winter their mother had fallen ill, she couldn't remain at the school while she was needed at home.

Then she'd fallen ill.

She didn't remember much of it, only that she'd been able to make it through while their mother hadn't.

Ruth had struggled her way through the funeral, holding Smokey's arm in a vice grip and making sure her breathing seemed normal, self consciously expecting everyone to be able to hear her. Afterward the house had been filled with relatives she barely knew, wandering her personal space in a sea of black, smothering and suffocating. She'd retreated to her room and coughed for hours, she and Jesse sitting on the edge of her bed while their older brother held off any well wishers who wanted to see the twins.

After the holiday break, she'd been medically withdrawn from the school and the state had provided a tutor to finish her courses. She'd still received a diploma, along with notes from different teachers commenting that she was a brilliant girl and they hoped she would recover quickly. She didn't think she ever really would recover, she just had better days than others.

It was one of those better days. Late spring, it had rained that morning but was sunny when they'd pulled in to town in that pick-up held together on a wish and a prayer and their brother's expertise in making things work. She'd decided she was going to be in a good mood, even when she'd watched Jesse frown at the parking meter when it ate his pocket change. She bit back a grin when he hit it with the heel of his hand and turned away to continue in to the building. She noticed him pause and they both watched one of those drivers from the Speedway exit the building and pass Jesse on the walk toward the curb.

She'd sighed lowly, murmuring to herself. "Someday, Jesse...give it time."

As the clouds moved, the sun filtered right in to her window and before long she had rolled the window down. Leaning against the door, she had closed her eyes and just enjoyed the sounds of town. She felt more part of something, even though she was only sitting there in a truck.

Her eyes shot open at a voice she hadn't heard in at least two years.

"Ruth Hudson?"

She sat up quickly and looked toward the walk as three girls her age gathered around the truck window. For the life of her she couldn't remember the names of two of them, but she remembered Carol at least. She didn't get a chance to reply when the girl was speaking again.

"It's been so long, Ruth! How are you?"

She grinned faintly. "I'm well." That might have been a lie. "Yourself?"

"Oh we're getting ready for my older sister's wedding- but anyway-!" Carol rested her hand briefly on the frame of the truck, far more bubbly than Ruth ever remembered. "What have you been up to? We didn't know you still lived in the area. We thought you'd moved in high school?"

Ruth's brows drew together in bemusement. "No? You had to have seen Jesse in school..."

"Oh, I guess we did."

"Why didn't you finish?" One of the other girls asked, moving her shopping bag from one hand to the other.

"I did finish." She replied. "I just did the work at-"

"But you didn't really finish right?" Carol commented in a joking tone. "I didn't see you at graduation."

Ruth stared, dumbfounded and attempting to form a reply but was cut off by the sound of a car horn a few spaces down.

"Oh! That's our ride! Sorry, Ruth but we should be going. But it was good seeing you!"

"Yeah..." One corner of her mouth turned up. "You too."

"We should get together sometime, bye!"

As soon as the girls were off in the car that had been chauffeuring them around she rolled her window back up and stared out the front windshield miserably.

They didn't look like they were in their late teens or early twenties. Or maybe she didn't look like she was in her late teens...

She pulled at the hair that rested over her shoulder and glanced down at the dark waves as she wrapped her fingers through it.

They'd all looked like fashion models.

She couldn't afford blush.

It was a few minutes before she'd realized she was holding her breath and it rushed out of her when her lungs forcefully reminded her that that was a very bad idea. They weren't worth her going through an episode anyway...

Ruth sunk in her seat and crossed her arms, swiping a single tear away when the driver's side door opened.

"Half an hour and they didn't even have-" Jesse stopped whatever he was about to say and hesitated. "Wh-"

"Nothing." She shook her head and stared out her window. "I just want to go home."

"Yeah...okay." His tone had been laced with concern instead of irritation.

She only realized he wasn't finished with his errands when they were in the drive, which of course made it worse.

"I'm sorry." Ruth shook her head as her eyes welled up. That was selfish. Now he had to turn around and go back.

"Don't be sorry." He muttered, having no idea what was going on. He just put an arm around her as they sat in the truck."Don't ever be sorry, Ruth.