So, because you all seem to have enjoyed the first two chapters, I decided to follow up on them and at least write everything leading up to the wedding. Though this will still be relatively short compared to my other fics.

Hey, I'm in quarantine. I go wherever the creative flow goes.


As Tina changed for rehearsal the next day, she kept glancing anxiously at the ring on her finger. A gem that enormous was bound to be heavy, but that was nothing compared to the real weight it carried.

She'd really done it. She'd gotten herself engaged to the Radio Demon. Not for love, not even for money, but for protection. If her mother could see her now, Tina could imagine the disappointed look on her face.

She recalled how elated Alastor had been the moment their hands shook. Once the gust of wind and green light had gone away, he had begun pacing the room and jabbering away.

"Oh, ho, there is much to be done! We will need to find a proper venue, make up a guest list, of course there's the question of bridesmaids and groomsmen—Husker owes me a few favors—there are hardly any children in Hell, so we'll need an alternative for the ring bearer and flower girl—do we need a flower girl?"

It had taken her pointing out how late it was to get him to shut up. Next thing she knew she was being carried, appropriately, bridal style to her bed. She must have been exhausted, as she had no idea how she'd been able to fall asleep with him watching her with those, big, creepy, red eyes.

Tina had awoken that morning to the smell of bacon. At first, she'd thought some pig demon somewhere was on fire. To her shock, it had turned out to be Alastor cooking at her stove, which he had cleaned to a shine, humming the song she had sung last night. If the sight of him cooking hadn't been inconceivable enough, he had done this while wearing a pink apron with the phrase, "Don't Kiss the Cook" sewn into it.

"And the sleeping beauty finally wakes!" Alastor had exclaimed without glancing at her. "I was beginning to wonder if you were nocturnal as your demon form suggests!"

Instead of answering his implied question, Tina asked, "You cook?"

"Of course, I cook! You think I eat my meat raw?" He had no doubt read her thoughts regarding the demons he'd slaughtered last night. "Well, yes, sometimes if it can't be helped, but I have a rather sophisticated palette that must be properly nourished!"

Since her leg had healed overnight, Tina had risen from her mattress—he had improved the quality of that too—and approached the stove, eyeing the sizzling bacon with a mixture of hunger and suspicion. A second skillet had four eggs frying.

"H-How'd you know I liked—?"

"Bacon and eggs?" Alastor had finished for her. "You mentioned it the first time I saw your act."

"Oh." It had relieved her slightly knowing he hadn't gotten that information by any other means. "Surprised ya remember a thing like that."

"I remember every little detail I consider important!" He had pointed his spatula to the eggs. "How do you like your eggs?"

"Sunnyside up. Little runny."

"Coming right up!" he had said cheerfully, twirling the spatula dramatically before flipping the eggs.

She would've been more impressed by the feat if she hadn't been so focused on the bacon. "Not anyone I know, is it?"

"Oh, heavens no!" Alastor had said, waving his spatula dismissively. "I wouldn't force my dietary habits on you! I'm no vegan!"

Tina couldn't have helped but snort at that. Alastor's ears—were those ears or just his hair?—had seemed to tilt in her direction.

"Do my ears deceive me or was that a snort of laughter I just heard?"

"That was," she had loathed to admit, "kinda funny."

"Praise from a professional comedian!" Alastor had brought his free hand dramatically to his chest. "Now I can die happily! Oh! Too late for that I suppose!"

Her hand had not been enough to stifle her giggle.

"Well, I'll be damned again! You are capable of smiling!"

"You've seen me," she had said, turning her beaming face away, "smile before."

"Onstage, yes, but never in private. And certainly not so genuinely. What was it you sang last night, my dear? 'You're never fully dressed without a smile?'"

Rolling her eyes, Tina had watched as he flipped the bacon. "I was gonna say don't expect me to cook for ya mornin', noon and night. But I guess ya've got that covered."

"I think every man should learn how to prepare his own meals! Especially if he's a bachelor for close to a century!"

"Radio host, serial killer, gourmet chef. Real Renaissance man, ain't ya?"

"Actually, I died in the Great Depression!" That had gotten another giggle out of her. "My, I seem to be on a roll today! Do me a favor and set the table for us, would you, sweetheart? We have much to discuss."

Before she could mention that she didn't have a dining table, one had materialized out of thin air.

Tina looked back on the memory with a nervous smile. Despite the nature of their engagement, she had been…touched that Alastor had stayed with her last night and then made her breakfast. She wondered if he would be that thoughtful when they were married.

Although, he had insisted he had only waited up for her so that they could discuss the details of their wedding and that he never discussed business on an empty stomach. And that's what this engagement was. Business.

"Sugar, ya ready?" Mimzy called as she knocked on the door to Tina's dressing room.

"Y-Yeah," Tina replied, her hand covering the ring. "H-Hey, boss? Can I, err, talk to ya 'bout something? Something, uh…personal?"

Hearing the distress in her voice, Mimzy opened the door and shut it behind her. "Something wrong, hon? None of the patrons have been giving ya trouble, have they?"

"No, no, nothing like that!" Tina held up her hands. "Well, uh, something like that, but not in the way ya think!"

"Wait." Mimzy's sharp eyes spotted the jewel on her finger. "Is that…?" Gasping, she grabbed Tina's left hand. "Are you…are you engaged?!"

The bat demoness laughed anxiously. "Y-Yeah, that's what I wanted to—"

"Oh my gracious!" She began bouncing up and down excitedly. "Sugar, this is wonderful news! I didn't even know you had a fella!"

"It was, uh, kinda sudden but—"

"Ya never talk about men except for how much ya want 'em to keel over and die!" She stopped jumping and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You're not…expecting, are ya?"

"What? No!"

Tina shivered at the thought of having the Radio Demon's child.

"Oh, good!" Mimzy brightened back up. "So, who's the lucky man? Anyone I know?"

Rubbing the back of her neck, Tina replied, "Oh, uh…y-yeah. He, uh, comes in here a lot."

"Oh, who, who?! No, wait! Let me guess!" She brought the ring up to her eyelevel so that she could examine it. "From this hunk of a rock, it has to be one of our wealthier patrons! Not many demons could afford…"

Her grin faltered as she got a better look at the symbol engraved into the blood-red diamond. She squinted to see if the image would change. It didn't. Suddenly fearful, Mimzy glanced up at Tina, then at the ring, then back at her.

"No," Mimzy finally said.

The bat demoness winced. "Yup."

"Alastor?"

Tina nodded as she opened one eye. Mimzy continued to hold her hand, staring at the ring in disbelief.

"B-B-But…how? When? I thought you…I thought you hated him!"

"W-What can I say?" Tina shrugged. "H-He's quite the…charmer."

Her boss still wasn't convinced. "Al. Proposed. To you?"

Uncomfortable with being questioned like this, Tina pulled her hand back and used her other to cover her ring. "Y-Yeah. He, uh, walked me home last night and he asked."

Mimzy blinked. "How…how long have you two been courting?"

Tina bit her lip. "Uh…not too long, but…not too short either?"

She and Alastor had gone over a lot of details this morning, but nothing relating to their pre-engagement.

Mimzy stood there bewildered, trying to understand how this could be possible. In all the years she had known Alastor, he had been a self-proclaimed bachelor and had never so much as looked at a woman. Or a man, for that matter. Mimzy herself had flirted with him back in the day, only to be politely turned down.

Her first thought was that Alastor was planning on making the bat demoness his next victim. But Mimzy quickly dismissed the idea, as she and Alastor had an agreement that he would leave her staff alone. Not to mention seduction wasn't his style. And even if it was, what was the point of letting it go so far as to propose to his victim? If he had wanted to harm Tina, he could have easily done so already. And there was no way Alastor was doing this for money or power, as Tina had neither of those things.

What was even more confusing was Tina accepting his proposal. She was a smart girl and knew how dangerous Alastor was. She had expressed her annoyance with him numerous times.

When one conclusion remained, Mimzy gave Tina a serious look. "You made a deal with him, didn't ya?"

Tina stiffened. "W-What?"

"Come on, Sugar. I know you and I know Al. He's never been sweet on a gal, not before or after he died, and you're not naïve enough to fall for his charms so easily. So, out with it." She placed her hands on her hips. "What kind of deal did ya make with him?"

"Uh, I…" Tina twiddled her fingers. "I don't think I'm supposed to tell—"

Mimzy held up a hand. "You just let me deal with Al. He knows I can keep a secret."

No longer able to keep it in, Tina spilled about the events that had unfolded last night, how Alastor had saved her from rapists, taken her home, tended to the cuts on her leg and then proposed in more ways than one. After hearing the terms of the deal, Mimzy nodded.

"Okay. Now that sounds like something Al would do."

"Go on," Tina said, sitting at her vanity in exasperation. "Tell me I'm an idiot."

"Yup," her boss said bluntly. "Though honestly, this is small change compared to the other possible messes ya could've gotten yourself into down here."

The bat demoness placed her head in her hands. "But from the day we met, ya warned me not to go and make a deal with a demon like him and what did I go and do?"

"I warned ya not to make a whore of yourself." Mimzy sighed. "I at least trust Al to keep his hands to himself in that respect."

Tina looked up at her hopefully. "So, he's really not that kind of guy?"

"There's not a sexual bone in that deer's body. I should know." She grumbled almost disappointedly. "If he had made that kind of deal with me, it would've been a conflict of interest." She shook the thought out of her head. "But no matter how charming Al can be, remember why he's down here."

"I know, I know, it's just…" Tina gazed down at the ring, running her finger over the gem. "I don't have a lot goin' for me down here. You've helped me a lot, boss, but I ain't rich or strong or anything like that. It's gettin' harder to avoid the pimps. Shit, I'd've ended up at that porn studio if it weren't for you.

"I don't trust Al completely, but…he's the first fella I've met down here who isn't after my pussy." She smiled softly as she recalled how respectful he'd been while tending to her wounds. "I doubt I'm gonna meet the man of my dreams down in this dump, and at least he hasn't done me any wrong. Yet." She frowned again. "Or…have I made a mistake?"

Mimzy's arms fell to her sides. "I ain't your mother, hon. I can't tell ya what to do except when to perform." At this thought, her expression became stern. "You're still performing here, right?"

"Already asked Al," Tina said, holding up her hands defensively. "He don't mind."

"Good." She lowered her voice. "Al's not against working women, I'll give him that." She addressed her employee again. "Just heed my warning, Sugar. Do not try to weasel your way out of this deal. The minute you go back on your word, Al will have the freedom to do what he likes with ya. So…don't test him."

"Got it." Tina did her best not to show her uneasiness. "So, if I'm really goin' through with this," she said, taking Mimzy's hands, "whaddya say to bein' my maid of honor?"

Mimzy blinked in surprise. "Your…maid of honor?"

"I don't really know many demons in Hell," the bat demoness said, looking away shyly, "and since I'm pretty sure my daddy's up in Heaven, you're the closest thing to family I've got down here. Al and I already agreed you were the ideal choice."

"H-Hon, I'm," Mimzy said, placing a hand over her heart, "touched. Of…of course I'll do it." She grinned in determination. "If only to see that Al doesn't get cold feet." She leaned forward to whisper, "If he does give ya trouble, let me know and I'll give him such a pinch!"

The two ladies laughed and spent the next few minutes talking about wedding gowns. Tina felt slightly less nervous knowing Mimzy had her back. If anything had come out of this ordeal, it had brought her and her boss closer together.

Though Mimzy still worried for her employee. It had been almost a year since she'd found the bat demoness singing in the square for her supper. Not wanting such a divine talent to go to waste at one of those strip clubs, Mimzy had taken Tina under her wing, given her a job and helped her find her own feet. Now that she knew the nature of the deal, Mimzy didn't fear for Tina's life as much as she feared for her emotional state. As well as the club owner got along with Alastor, she was fully aware he was not a kind man, but only acted so when he wanted something in return. Tina was a tough cookie, but who could survive living with the Radio Demon?


Husk was at the bar in his apartment, nursing a hangover with a bottle of bourbon. His back fur stood on end upon hearing radio static.

"Fuck no," he groaned, slamming his head onto the counter. "Ya never heard of knocking, asshole?"

"Good to see you too, Husker!" Alastor exclaimed, making himself comfortable on the barstool beside him.

Slapping his face, the cat demon strained to look up at the smiling bastard. "What the hell do you want from me this time?"

Alastor chuckled as he helped himself to a glass of liquor. "Can't a man simply drop in and say hello to an old friend?"

Husk rolled his eyes. "With you, it's always, 'Hello, stupid, do me a favor?'"

"Well, not so much a favor," the Radio Demon said, circling his claw, "as it is an invitation."

"For what?" Husk huffed as he lifted the bottle of bourbon to his lips. "Murder? Genocide? Hiding a body?"

"Ha-ha! Close! It's an invitation to be my best man at my wedding!"

Husk spat out his drink. Alastor didn't even blink as the bourbon splashed into his face.

"Say what now?"

"I need a best man," Alastor said, casually summoning a handkerchief to dry himself, "and I pegged you to be perfect for the position! After all, we've known each other for decades! So long as you don't lose the ring, of course!"

"Back up a second here!" Husk held up his claws and then pointed at him. "You, the guy who's never went with a dame or otherwise in his life, is getting hitched?!"

"Yes, yes, I realize it's on short notice, but it was a spur of the moment decision. Back to my previous inquiry, I need a best man."

Husk stared unbelieving at the Radio Demon for a long while. "You? Married?"

"My, that must be some hangover you're having this morning!" Alastor said, tapping the cat between the ears. "Your hearing appears to be on the fritz!"

"I heard you just fine!" Husk shouted, shoving his hand away. "What batshit crazy person would agree to marry a creepy-ass fucker like you?!"

"I'm impressed, Husker! How'd you know she was a bat?" With a thoughtful hum, Alastor circled the rim of his glass. "She's a lovely young thing, goes by the name of Tina Twinkle. You'd get along, actually. Her language is just as foul as yours."

"Wait." Husk scratched his head. "Tina Twinkle, you say? That new singing comic at Mimzy's place?"

"Ah! So you know of her!"

"Seen her show a few times." Now he was even more confused. "You mean you're marrying a dame who's stupid enough to be a political activist in Hell? Pissing off Overlords like you with her words? Ranting about social equality and female independence?"

"That's my Tina!" Alastor said almost fondly as he sipped his drink.

It didn't make sense. From what Husk remembered of the girl's act, she was pretty aggressive towards anyone that tried peeking under her skirt. Half the songs she sang were about not being tied down by men, and the majority of her jokes were jabs at the male population of Hell. And she certainly wasn't afraid to badmouth Overlords.

In other words, she didn't seem like the kind of woman who'd fall for Alastor's nice-guy act. Dames like that were smart.

"What'd you offer her?" Husk asked bluntly.

Alastor lowered his glass. "Who says I offered her anything? Haven't you considered the idea that she might simply be crazy over me?"

Husk gave him a pointed look.

"Nothing gets past you, does it, old boy?" Sighing, Alastor set down his unfinished glass. "I offered her protection."

"You can offer her that for a finger," Husk said, crossing his arms. "Why marry her of all things?"

"For appearance, of course. I want the demons off my back about marriage, she wants the demons off her back about sexual intercourse. She agreed we could both benefit from this arrangement."

"What is this? The nineteenth century?!" Husk threw up his arms. "You mean you're only marrying this girl for show?!"

"She's aware I have no affection for her," Alastor said, waving his hand dismissively. "I mean I admire her as a performer, but no affection, I assure you. Now, about being my best man—"

"Forget it." The cat demon picked his bottle back up. "You've done some shady things before, but this…this is just sad." He shook his head. "Don't like it. Don't like it one bit."

But Alastor knew how to pull his strings. "Did I mention there will be free champagne at the reception?"

Husk slammed down his bottle. "Well, here comes the fucking groom!"


"And here I thought you didn't want me setting foot here again," Lucifer told Alastor as he sat across from him in their usual booth. "So, why send for me?"

"Thought you'd want to hear the big news before I made it public," Alastor said, glancing at the stage where Mimzy was singing before Tina's act. "Turns out you were onto something by introducing me to that sweet little bat! I ran into her again just the other day and we really hit it off!"

"That's good to hear!" Grinning, Lucifer sipped his appletini. "Let me know when the big day is. I'd be happy to officiate for you."

"Absolutely! What are you doing two weeks from now?"

The Devil was rarely surprised. It was even rarer for him to be so surprised that he spit out his drink.

"Have you done something to spoil all the drinks in Hell?" Alastor asked. "Everyone seems to be having trouble swallowing them, as of late."

"My apologies," Lucifer said, regaining his composure as he set down his glass, "but could you repeat that, please? I don't believe I heard you correctly over the music."

"Of course, Luci! I was simply asking if you were available to officiate my wedding two weeks from now!"

Lucifer blinked, but kept up his smile. "Oh, I see. This is a jest, am I correct? You can't be engaged already."

"Like I said," Alastor said with a shrug, "we hit it off! Of course, we have your matchmaking skills to thank for that!"

"Oh, come now. I know I'm the master at changing people's minds, but not even Eve changed her mind that quickly."

"Don't believe me then? That's fine, Luci! I'll let my darling Tina tell you!"

At that moment, Mimzy had wrapped up her song and introduced Tina. There were several wolf whistles as the bat demoness sashayed onstage in a sparkling red dress.

"Ooh, somebody get me a mop," Tina said, snatching up the microphone. "We got a couple of drool-faces in the front row!" She kicked a boar demon whose snout was getting a little too close for comfort. "Sorry to disappoint ya fellas, but this little filly's no longer on the market!"

She glanced at the booth in the corner and locked eyes with Alastor. He had told her before the show that if they could convince the Devil they were in love, they could convince any fool in Hell. This was her chance to prove her acting skills. She had a feeling if she failed this test, Alastor would be very disappointed, and she dreaded to think what would happen then. If she was stuck in this deal, she would have to give it her all.

"That's right!" Tina said to the audience. "I'm gettin' married, bitches!"

What came in response was a mixture of cheers, gasps and disappointed groans.

"To think after all that talk of livin' the dream of bein' single, I've taken up the old ball and chain! Nothing wrong with flyin' free, of course, it's just," she said, unfolding her wings, "it was gettin' fuckin' borin'!"

She strutted across the stage. "You're wonderin' who the poor stud is, right? I'll give ya three hints." She listed the items off her fingers. "His favorite color's red, he likes talk shows and, oh yeah, he's a part-time cannibal." She turned to the booth in the corner. "Wanna stand up and introduce yourself, sweetie?"

The room fell silent as everyone stared at the Radio Demon, who was lounging proudly in his seat.

"I would," he called up to his fiancée, "but I would oh, so hate to steal the spotlight from you, darling!" He glanced at the stunned crowd. "Well, don't just sit there gaping! Give the lucky lady a hand!"

The audience quickly applauded, not wanting to upset the Radio Demon. The noise from his microphone made it louder. As Alastor sent Tina a wink, Lucifer noted the blush that graced her cheeks.

"I know what y'all are thinkin'," Tina said, placing a hand on her hip. "What does a strong, independent, incredibly sexy gal like me see in a creepy-ass fucker like him? Well, the answer's easy."

Pausing, she leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, "He's loaded!"

There was a collective "Ohhhh."

"Got a big house, lots of territory, plus he's one of the most powerful demons in Hell and, you know, Lucifer was already taken, sadly." That got the audience to start laughing again. "May sound shallow of me, I know, but come on. What girl can say no to a rock like this?"

As she showed off her ring, the crowd hooted and hollered. Lucifer glanced at Alastor, fully believing his story now. The Radio Demon was focused on Tina, the pride and admiration in his gaze not going unnoticed by the Devil.

"And you know how the old saying goes!" Tina said as the band started playing.

Bouncing to the tune, she began to sing:

"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental

But diamonds are a girl's best friend…"

As she continued her song, she sent Alastor many glances and winks, while also sending a few teasing ones towards some fans. They weren't as bold as before, however. Like Alastor had predicted, they didn't want to move in on the Radio Demon's territory, especially while he was watching.

"Alright, so you weren't kidding," Lucifer said. "You actually got the girl to accept."

"What can I say?" Alastor said, running his fingers through his hair. "There's still some charm left in this old boy yet!"

"Not to mention immense wealth is an attractive quality."

The Radio Demon glanced sideways at him. "I will admit being wealthy certainly didn't hurt my chances, but I assure you, Tina has her other reasons for marrying me. She was just hamming it up for her act."

The Devil nodded. "If you say so."

It truly didn't matter to him what the girl's intentions were. She would still provide a good enough distraction for Alastor. Lucifer was simply surprised that Alastor had jumped so quickly into this after rejecting the idea not too long ago. It was a little suspicious.

When the song ended, the audience erupted into applause, most of it coming from Alastor's microphone.

"That one was for you, Sugar Daddy!" Tina said, blowing a kiss towards Alastor. "Oh, and by the way!" She addressed the entire room. "If any of you fuckers even think about following me home tonight," she tilted her head as she widened her grin, "keep in mind that my hubby-to-be will be right behind ya."

If anyone had been looking closely enough, they would've seen her fangs growing slightly. Alastor definitely had been.

"Alright, enjoy the rest of your night!" Tina waved. "It's gonna be a hellish one, I'll tell ya that!"

After handing the mic off to Mimzy, Tina stepped down from the stage and over to the booth where the two powerful beings sat.

"Marvelous performance as always, my darling!" Alastor said as he took her hand and pressed it firmly to his lips. "I especially loved the way you intimidated the audience at the end!"

Tina tried not to recoil at the feeling of his cold lips. At least her glove was covering her hand. Before she could respond, Alastor pulled her in and whispered lowly into her ear.

"Here's the real audition, sweetheart."

Knowing he was talking about convincing Lucifer that they were deathly in love, Tina giggled as if he had said something flirtatious.

"Oh, not here, Sugar." She pushed lightly against his chest. "People are watchin'!"

He chuckled as he ruffled her hair. "Can't help it if you look positively delectable tonight."

She resisted the urge to kick him in the shin. "Now, now, what did I say about cannibalism jokes?"

"That they're positively distasteful? Ha-ha-ha!"

This time, she didn't resist. Alastor didn't even flinch as her foot made contact with his shin.

"Leave the comedy to the professionals, will ya, Al?"

"Ha-ha!" He threw his arm around her. "Isn't she just a witty piece of flesh?"

As he hissed this last word, he dug his claws into her shoulder, just an inch away from piercing her skin. Tina didn't show any signs of pain, but locked eyes with Alastor to show that she got the message. They may have come to an understanding, but she still had to tread carefully when it came to teasing him.

"Darling, you've met Lucifer," Alastor said, gesturing his free claw towards the Devil. "King of Hell, Master of Temptations, Professional Busybody."

"Oh, of course!" Tina held out her right hand. "Enjoy the show, your majesty?"

"Don't I always?" Lucifer said, taking her hand in a gentlemanly fashion.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Alastor pulled Tina's hand back before Lucifer could kiss it. "Only lips that will be gracing this lady's skin are mine!"

"Forgive my fiancé," Tina said, forcing a laugh as she wrenched her hand out of his grasp. "He can be real possessive sometimes."

"Highly understandable," Lucifer said. "I'd murder anyone who would dare touch my Lilith. At least let me get a better look at that ring."

Tina held out her left hand, but after receiving a warning look from Alastor, Lucifer didn't dare touch it.

"Well, no wonder you accepted," the Devil said with a whistle. "Of course, the whole tradition with rings didn't start until centuries after Lilith and I said our vows. But I believe every man should spoil their lady rotten."

"Of course, the size doesn't matter," Tina said, laying her ringed hand over the claw grasping her shoulder. "Isn't that right, darlin'?"

Alastor didn't quite catch her meaning. "Of course not, dearest! But I do love making a show of things!"

"He tells me you set a date two weeks from now," Lucifer said, leaning his elbow onto the table. "Might I ask, why so soon?"

"Oh, you know," Tina said, waving her hand, "I just can't wait to get my hands on this, uh," it took all her acting skills to pull the most seductive voice she could as she traced her fingers over the edge of his jacket, "tall, fine-lookin' deer boy."

There was a record scratch as Alastor stared wide-eyed at the hand moving up his shirt. He knew she was putting on a show for the Devil, but was not used to this kind of intimate contact. It caught him so off-guard that he sat there frozen, unable to come up with a retort.

"But, ya know," Tina said, taking her hand back, "he just insists we wait till marriage. I know, right? He commits genocidal cannibalism, but he just can't indulge in extramarital activities!"

"Please stop talking," Alastor muttered, his face going red.

Lucifer laughed. "My, my, seems you two really have hit it up! I don't think I've ever seen you this flustered, Alastor!"

Tina turned in time to see Alastor fly his hand to his cheek in an attempt to hide his blush. Her eyebrow raised at this behavior. He did know she was only pretending, didn't he?

"So, how many demons do you intend on inviting?" Lucifer asked.

Remembering what they'd already discussed, Tina snapped back into fake fiancée mode. "Oh, we don't wanna make a big splash, ya know? We're just gonna have a simple little ceremony in Al's swamp. Just close friends, ya know?"

The truth was that Alastor, as much as he loved a swinging soiree, had too many enemies and would rather not give them the opportunity to crash. There was also the fact that the only person Tina really knew down here was Mimzy.

"An outdoor wedding, how lovely!" Lucifer clapped excitedly. "I should let you know, my dear, that marriage ceremonies down here are a little…different from up top. For one thing, the vows won't be until death do you part as…well, you're already dead, so it will be until one of you perishes from an angel's blade, really. Also, you will have to sign the marriage contract in blood."

"Already knew that part." Tina glanced at her arm wearily. "So long as I ain't slittin' my wrist and this guy ain't lickin' it afterwards," she pointed up at the still flustered Alastor, "I'm good."

The Radio Demon blinked as he returned to his senses. "Yes, sir, my Tina is no fainter at the sight of blood! That's one of the things I love about her!"

Tina held back a squeak as he pulled her tighter into his side. It was almost suffocating.

"Oh, ho, you!" she said as she touched his leg under the table, causing him to stiffen. "Isn't he such a flatterer?"

He didn't cry out as he felt her claws. These did pierce his skin. She was getting bolder by the second. For some reason, it didn't make him angry, but a little…excited. His cheeks blushed further.

Indeed, Lucifer had never seen Alastor act so flustered around another demon. Nor had he seen him allow anyone below his status to act so cheekily around him. There was no doubt that Alastor was infatuated, though the Devil was still a little unsure about the bat demoness. Maybe she was secretly a gold-digger. He made a mental note to check her sins in his library of records later.

If this was the case, and she was still turning Alastor into putty, then he had indeed met his match.

"Well, I would be most honored to bind the two of you together in unholy matrimony!" Lucifer said enthusiastically. "I've been telling Alastor to find a lady equal to him, and it seems he has!"

"Equal?" Alastor said in confusion.

"Thank ya so much, your majesty!" Tina exclaimed, placing a hand over her heart as if she was touched by his words.

"Please, please," Lucifer said, holding up a hand. "Call me Luci. If you're going to be married to one of my Overlords, we can drop the formalities."

"Alright, Luci." Tina frowned for a moment. "Whoa. If my mama knew I was on friendly terms with the Devil, she'd be givin' me hell. Err, so to speak."

Lucifer pounded the table as he laughed. "Oh, you've caught yourself a lively one, Al! Better keep her on a tight leash, or someone might try to steal her away from you!"

"Ha-ha-ha!" Alastor had zoned back in. "We wouldn't want that happening now, would we?"

He tightened his grip on Tina. She tightened her grip in retaliation.

"Well, gotta go now, sweetie!" She brought her hand to his face, causing it to grow redder. "Meet me in my dressin' room later?"

It took Alastor a second to answer with her extremely convincing sultry tone. "O-Of course, my dear!"

She leaned in to whisper, "Don't keep me waitin', Sugar Daddy."

She surprised him with a peck on the cheek before skipping off. When no one was looking, Tina attempted to spit out the lingering taste of him.

"She's a keeper, that one," Lucifer said, nodding in approval.

"Y-Yes." Alastor shook himself out of his stunned daze. "What exactly did you mean when you called her my 'equal?' The only ones who even come close to matching me in power are you and Lilith."

Although they both knew Lucifer and Lilith could overpower Alastor any day.

"I wasn't referring to her power, of course," Lucifer said. "An equal can mean many things. In this case, I was referring to how she can act so casually around you despite being your inferior in power. The way you let her behave that way makes her your equal."

He noticed how tense Alastor was becoming. "Oh, it's not a criticism, old chap. I believe everyone should treat their spouse as their equal. True, people who don't, usually end up down here. But since we're already damned, why not treat the woman with respect? After all, if you're going to be spending an eternity down here, why not have a partner in all of it?" He chuckled. "Partner in crime, that is."

Alastor stared at the Devil in bewilderment.

"That is why you proposed to her, isn't it?"

Alastor blinked his way back into his usual demeanor. "Of course, that's the reason! I simply didn't think to put it into those words!"

As Lucifer pressed for more details about the wedding, the Radio Demon tried to process the last few minutes. He had expected Tina to put on an act, but he hadn't expected for it to work so well that almost he himself was convinced! So much so that he'd actually frozen up. In public. In front of the Devil.

Alastor had always been careful not to show weakness around others. That was why he kept up this perpetual grin and cheerful demeanor. So why, in this instance, had he nearly failed in doing just that?


A light, rhythmic knock came to Tina's dressing room door. It sounded like the famous "Shave and a Haircut" riff. That definitely wasn't her boss' style of knocking, and it sounded like the person was taller.

"Who is it?" Tina called.

"I'll give you three guesses!" came Alastor's voice.

She glanced down at her body, which was only covered by her tights, slip and bra. "H-Hang on! I ain't decent!"

Alastor was glad she couldn't see him squirming uncomfortably at that statement. When she finally opened the door, she was in the same cream-colored dress she'd worn the other night at her apartment.

"Is that the only dress you have?" he said, tilting his head.

She shrugged. "It's easy to slip in and out of. Ya gonna stand there like a creeper, or ya gonna come in?"

"Yes, yes." His grin widened as he stepped into the dressing room. "I just came to congratulate you…"

The door shut suddenly. She didn't have time to react as she was immediately swept into his arms.

"On a marvelous performance, my dear!"

Taking her hand, he spun her around and pulled her into a playful dip. Tina yelped as her leg went instinctively into the air.

"You," she said, panting, "said that…already."

"I meant your performance in front of Luci!" Her feet left the floor as he lifted her into a swift waltz. "You should have been in pictures, my dear! You are quite the little actress!" He stopped their spinning to pinch her cheeks. "Why, you nearly had me fooled!"

Despite how much her cheeks hurt, Tina giggled at that statement. "I could tell from the way you were blushin' like a tomato."

He retracted his hands. "Pardon?"

"Your face was really red."

Straightening himself up, he began smoothing out the wrinkles in his suit. "My eyes habitually glow red. That might be what you were seeing."

Wanting to get revenge on his constant invasion of her personal space, Tina decided to have some fun with him. Smiling coyly, she placed her hand on his chest. Alastor froze, staring down at her hand with wide eyes.

"You sure it wasn't cuz," she said, trailing her ungloved finger down his front, "I was makin' ya a little…nervous?"

The redness that was definitely not coming from his eyes returned to his cheeks. "I-I…uh…"

She used her other hand to push him towards the wall. "Sorry if I got a little…carried away. I do have that effect on men."

Alastor pressed his hands against the wall. He didn't realize his ears were falling flat onto his head. Seeing him all flustered like this was hilarious to Tina. And sort of…cute.

His thoughts were running a mile a second. What is happening? Why is she talking like that? Why is she getting so close? No one's watching! Why is she putting her hands there?! Why can't I move? Why do my ears feel so heavy? Why is my face so warm? Why am I not saying anything?

Nothing like this had ever happened before. Flirting was one thing, but a woman advancing on him in her private dressing room? He didn't know how to react.

"Aw, what's the matter, Al?" Tina said, moving her hands teasingly towards the buttons of his jacket. "Never been with a woman before?"

That was enough for his instincts to snap back into order.

"I-I must ask that you, uh…" Not wanting to return her touch, Alastor summoned his staff and used its end to push against her chest. "R-Refrain from, uh…a-any physical contact when we are alone!" As an afterthought, he pushed her the full distance of his staff away. "P-Preferably at a distance of five feet, if you would be so kind!"

"Jesus, hon, I was just pullin' your leg!" Tina shoved his staff away. "No need to get all pushy about it! All ya had to do was say no thanks!"

Alastor's ears perked up. "You were…only joking?"

"Of course I was jokin'!" She crossed her arms. "Were you not listenin' when I said I wasn't interested?"

"Oh!" He sighed in relief. "Well, I must ask that you not try a thing like that again, dear!"

"I only did it cuz you were pinchin' my cheeks like—"

"And another thing!"

As if his emotions could be activated by a single switch, his expression darkened as he grabbed her shoulders and pressed her back against the vanity.

"What the fuck, boy?!" Tina shouted.

"If you ever," he said in a low, threatening tone, "kick me, nudge me, grab me in any way like you did in that booth again," his eyes began to transform as his claws dug into her shoulders, "I will show you exactly why all the demons down here fear me."

For a brief moment, Tina stood there stiffly. Their position caused a flash of memory of another man who had held her in a similar way. Except in that situation, his mouth had been closed over hers. Tina had submitted that time. She had vowed to herself never to be that way again.

So, mustering up all the courage she could, Tina scowled hard into those twitching radio dials, ignoring the growing static and Vodou symbols surrounding her.

"So I'm guessin' the five-foot rule doesn't apply to you then, does it?"

In an instant, the atmosphere returned to normal, as did Alastor's eyes as he looked at her strangely.

"I don't know what your deal is," Tina spat into his face, "but I don't like it very much when people touch me either! So, sorry, if I got a little carried away. Just know that if you so much as kick me, grab me, bite me…"

Her hands shot up, grabbing his wrists. Alastor's eyes widened as her claws came out, almost forcing him to release her.

"Well, I'm just gonna have to do the same thing right back to ya!" She gritted her teeth so he could see her fangs growing longer, sharper. "So, how's about we come to an agreement? When we're in public, playin' that little husband-and-wife act, intimate contact will be inescapable, as ya know. But when we're in private, we'll respect each other's boundaries and keep our hands to ourselves."

Her claws dug deeper into Alastor's skin. The blood was seeping through his gloves.

"Both of us. We clear?"

Ignoring the pain in his wrists, Alastor cocked his head at her with a half-lidded gaze. He couldn't remember the last time someone had been foolish enough to fight against him. Someone who wasn't another Overlord, that is. He should really wring her neck, adjust that brash attitude of hers, punish her for pressing him into a state of vulnerability.

And yet, he couldn't help but be…impressed. It was one thing to talk back to him, but to back it up with physical threats? He had underestimated this little bat. There was more to her than meets the eye. She had admitted to killing before. How had she done it? Had it been just the once, or was she hiding more skeletons in her closet?

And was it the blood loss, or had she suddenly become ten times more…attractive? Her hard scowl, the fury in her vibrant, violet eyes, the fangs that were becoming much more prominent. Oh, she was indeed a demon. A demon he could get very used to having around.

"Clear as glass, my dear," Alastor said with a dark chuckle. "In fact, I can see right through you."

The dangerous glow in his eyes indicated that she had pushed too far. Still, Tina refused to back down.

"Oh, really?" She scoffed. "Think you have me all figured out, do ya?"

"Enough to know that you and I truly aren't that different."

His grabbing her had been a trigger. He could tell. She was as touch-averse as he was. He knew why he didn't like being touched. What was her reason? He would wheedle it out of her eventually.

"Would you kindly remove your claws, my dear?" Alastor said. "I'm beginning to feel faint from the blood loss."

She glanced down at his claws on her shoulders. "You first."

"Very well then." Slowly, he lifted his claws away from her. "I'll abide your request. Just know that if you touch me again without my saying so, I won't be so merciful. Until then, consider my hands to myself. Unless the situation demands it, of course."

Little did she realize just how many ways he could get around a condition like that.

Tina held his wrists a few seconds longer before releasing them. "We have a deal then?"

Once again, Alastor was caught off-guard by the sight of her holding out her hand to shake his. She didn't notice, but there was a faint, dark purple glow to her tiny hand.

Usually, he was the one to initiate the deal. It was a rare, yet always delightful, surprise for someone to offer their hand without any prompting from him. The corners of his mouth turned up further as soon as he saw her hand glow, imagining all the ways he could educate this little bat in the art of dealmaking.

"Deal," Alastor said as he took her hand.

He watched as the purple light swirled around their wrists like a chain, locking them into the deal.

Alastor was beginning to understand what Lucifer had meant by this woman being his equal. First, he had witnessed her sonic screech, then he had learned of her inability to use her wings, then she had been on the verge of transforming in front of him, and now, she had crafted her own deal with him. She had so much untapped potential. With the right guidance, she could earn the title of Overlord. At the very least, she would become a fearsome being others wouldn't want to cross.

She would become someone worthy to be on the arm of the third-most powerful being in Hell.

Wait, what was he thinking?

He retracted his hand, not realizing he'd held hers for so long. "Well, now that that's settled. What do you say I take you for a tour of my estate tomorrow? It will be our wedding venue, after all."

"Fine," Tina said, not meeting his gaze. "I won't have to come to work until five anyway, so come by my place in the mornin'."

"Until then, my darling!"

He moved to take her hand.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Tina said, stepping back from him. "Remember our deal!"

He squinted at her smug face, knowing she was fully enjoying this. Oh, you really are a wicked little thing, aren't you?

"Oh, don't look so disappointed, Al," she said with a smirk. "Once we're married, I'll be givin' ya all the kisses ya want."

His ears drooped backward as the color returned to his cheeks.

"I'm talkin' about in public, of course."

"R-Right," he said, backing up as he fumbled for the doorknob. "O-Of course. After all, we'll be, uh, m-married and…we'd be expected to, uh…" After failing to find the knob, he spun around to open the door. "See you tomorrow, bye!"

He whizzed out of there before his face could turn any redder while Tina raised an eyebrow. She couldn't figure this guy out. First, he comes in all exuberant, spinning her around and pinching her cheeks. Then he gets all flustered when she tries touching him. Then, all of a sudden, he's threatening her, close to tearing her arms off, before snapping into a gentlemanly demeanor and then becoming all flustered again.

What was his deal? Was he bipolar? Did he have multiple personalities? Why did he freak out over her touching him but was not afraid to touch her? Did…did she actually make him, the infamous Radio Demon, nervous?

"What a strange man," Tina said as she rubbed her sore shoulders.

Outside, Alastor leaned against the door as he attempted to slow down his heartrate. Strange. He couldn't recall it ever beating this rapidly. His ears were still flat atop his head and his face was boiling.

"What in the name of Lucifer just happened?"


Well, this took a slightly different direction than I'd originally intended, but after watching "My Fake Fiance" again, this is what happened.

Asexual panic. I can relate.