Finally, the blessed weekend came.
Nancy pulled her car into the parking garage near Stark Tower. She could walk from here. She wanted to. Needed to. Needed to see the destruction for herself. The pain and anguish Loki had caused. She had to convince herself that she was ill. She had to be, for feeling the things she felt. At least, that's what Dr. Garner had convinced her of. That she was suffering. Suffering from Stockholm's. She knew she was. Knew it was a mental response to a traumatic event. She had to turn it good to get rid of the bad. Had to love her captor, lest she lose herself in the hatred. She told herself all this as she walked. Tried to convince herself to turn around. But really, she didn't believe it. Perhaps they were the ones who were ill. They were the ones who didn't understand. They weren't there, so how could they know? How could they feel the things she felt? They had never experienced it.
Six months later and the roads were still lined with bears and balloons. Flowers and photographs. Shop windows held monuments to their lost employees. Those that were still standing, that is. She noted each one as she passed. Lost loved ones and people who mattered. Children and lovers and parents and friends. All had perished in the wake of Loki's pride. But he had spared her. Had let her live. For a purpose. There had to be a purpose.
With as calm a demeanor as she could muster, Nancy pulled her S.H.I.E.L.D. ID from her pocket and pounded a fist on the glass front doors, flashing her ID to the guard inside.
"I need to speak with Mr. Stark."
She had to see Loki. Had to. Even if she had to tunnel her way in there, she would. She had to know he was alright. Had to let him know she was there for him. If she was the only person in the universe who was on his side, she'd be that for him. And she wanted him to know.
The guard looked over at her and furrowed his brow. Not many people came to see Stark with such confidence. He grabbed his radio and pressed the talk button. "Yeah. There's a woman here to speak with Mr. Stark." A long pause, as someone on the other end answered. "Yes, ma'am." The guard nodded and tossed his attention to the woman at the door. "Name?"
"Agent Nancy McAllister." Nancy shifted her weight impatiently, hoping this would work. If she played it right and acted like a true cop, maybe they would let her in.
"She says it's... Nancy McAllister." He listened for a long time, nodding occasionally, before he finally reached for a button and buzzed her in. He stood to nod once and offer instructions. "Miss Potts says to come on up." He motioned to the elevator.
Nancy nodded once in reply. Miss Pepper Potts. She was nice enough, or so Nancy had heard. Patient and tolerant of Stark and his moods. Nancy couldn't understand how someone could put up with Stark and his flamboyance. All that work, just to satisfy a spoiled child.
She quickly strode over to the elevator and rode it up to the top. It'd been too long since she'd been here last. Too long since she'd sat by Loki's side, holding his hand. He was still on earth, and she needed to see him. Just to know he was alright. With a quick breath to recomposed herself, Nancy stepped out of the elevator, a bundle of fake case files stuffed under one arm.
"Good morning, Miss Potts," Nancy began with a smile, "Is Mr. Stark available?"
Pepper stepped forward with a cordial smile and extended her hand in Nancy's direction. "It's Pepper. Please. Tony will be here in a minute or two. He was... busy... with science." She shook her head and shrugged. "But he was very clear that he definitely wanted to see you if you were here. You made an impression."
Nancy smiled and shook Pepper's hand.
"Really? I was hardly myself the last time I saw him. I was scared out of my wits, to tell you the truth. Actually, that's why I'm here. S.H.I.E.L.D. knows the war criminal, Loki, is being detained here until Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner finish the device for the Tesseract. They've sent me to gather more information about Loki, while he's still here, in case a disaster like this happens again. Hopefully, we'll be able to stop it in the future."
Hopefully her elaborate explanation was enough to silence any suspicion.
Pepper nodded slowly, patiently listening to her explanation. When Nancy had finished, she motioned her toward the couch. "Well, you'll have to ask Tony," she explained. "It is his holding cell, after all. Can I get you a drink?"
Nancy perched gracefully on the edge of the couch, trying to show familiarity, while still maintaining her sense of authority and aloofness."Oh, no. I'm fine, thank you." She glanced around, impatiently waiting for Stark, and noticed the plastic coverings and half-nailed two-by-fours hanging from the walls. "I see the repairs are coming along."
"Yes." Pepper settled herself in a chair facing Nancy. As though she had done this same thing a hundred times before. Of course, this was the woman who had been in charge of politely escorting one-night-stands from Tony's old residence. She kept her smile. "Tony is really excited about the new lab."
"And the sound system." Tony entered through a door near the elevator, wearing an AC/DC t-shirt and a smile. "Don't forget about that. Agent McAllister! I must say, I loved your reaction to me. I have never had a woman swoon into my arms." He paused, as though to think, and his smile widened. "Well... not for that reason, anyway."
Nancy stood and smiled at him. "Well, I've never had a man point a repulsor at my face, so now we're even." She gave a small laugh, then turned serious. "I am sorry to bother you, Mr. Stark, but S.H.I.E.L.D. sent me to gather more intel on Loki. They want me to observe him. Something about 'his weaknesses now will tell his weaknesses later, should it come to that." She shrugged for emphasis. "You know how the big-wigs are. But it is better to be safe than sorry."
"Whoa, slow down." Tony held up a hand as though to stop her. "First of all, so many words. All you needed to do is ask nicely." He shrugged and tucked his hands back into his pockets. "Second, do you need to run this by his big brother?"
Nancy shrugged again. "It is your holding cell. But if you think it would be best, I can. Do you know where I can find him?"
"He might be down there. Don't think he trusts my walls much." Tony pulled Pepper, who had come to stand beside him, close and kissed her quickly. "Gotta run." He turned back for the door, but turned to walk backward long enough to throw instructions to Nancy. "Sublevel six, McAllister!"
Nancy gave a polite smile and waved her hand. "Have a good day, Mr. Stark!" She turned for the elevator, secretly congratulating herself on a job well done. "And it was wonderful meeting you, Pepper." She had to keep up her act. Had to keep them believing she was sincere. Without another thought, Nancy stepped into the elevator and made her way down to sub-level six. Once there, she stepped out and looked around for Thor. Just one more person to convince. Hopefully, he'd be easier than the others.
Thor stood guard over his brother, hovering near the door that kept him in. He looked more concerned than upset. More caring than angry. He heaved a sigh and didn't note Nancy's entrance.
Nancy carefully walked over to him, cautious of his large, foreboding figure. The closer she was, the more she noticed his expression. He was sad, concerned, mourning. She could tell he really did love his brother. Her heart sank at the thought of what he must be feeling. What he must be going through. As she approached, she spoke quietly,
"Hi. I'm agent McAllister. S.H.I.E.L.D. sent me." she paused and looked up at him. He seemed on the verge of tears. "Are you alright?"
Thor nodded once, then finally tore his eyes from his brother to look down at her. Being Thor, he stood much taller than Nancy ever thought about being. "He was not always this way," Thor confessed. "Could I save him from this fate, I would."
Nancy frowned and turned to stare at the door, the five-inch-thick slab of metal keeping her from the man she was quickly becoming obsessed with. "What's going to happen to him?"
"He will return to Asgard to face justice." Thor sighed and narrowed his gaze at her. "Why are you here, Agent McAllister from S.H.I.E.L.D.?"
"S.H.I.E.L.D. wants me to study him." Her heart sank again at the thought of lying to such a kind, compassionate man. She longed to tell him the truth. That she really only wanted to visit Loki. To be there for him. With him. But if she told, they'd never let her stay. "They just want me to watch him for a while. In case this sort of thing happens again, they'll be prepared. Or might even be able to prevent it altogether. Just in case he escapes."
"He will not." Thor stopped abruptly, closed his eyes, and gave another nod. "But, I understand. I will be one floor above."
Nancy nodded, then paused again. She had to tell him. She couldn't let his hope die. Her words came out in almost a whisper. "If it's any consolation, I believe you. That he wasn't always this way. He kidnapped me during his escape from the hellicarrier. But he was kind to me."
"He used to be very kind, despite his tricks." Thor tossed one last look at his shackled brother and retreated to the elevator, his broad shoulders slumped.
Nancy watched him go, the feeling of guilt never leaving her stomach. With a sigh, she straightened her shoulders and turned toward the one-way mirror, slipping her falsified files into her satchel. Within moments, Nancy's yellow legal pad had returned to her hands, and she was scribbling down notes again. Oh, how this reminded her of the day they'd met. And how she longed to be there again. She glanced at Loki and looked him over. He sat chained to the wall behind him, his chains only giving him so much false-freedom. She frowned deeply at the sight, her heart breaking for him.
Loki's thoughts raced with the hurried details of the past weeks. Everything played out again in his mind. The tortures. The journey. The battle. Had it all been worth it for revenge on his beloved brother and a throne of his own? He wished he could say no. As it was, he would bring the Chitauri down again if he could. To overthrow the Midgardians. To win him the throne he would settle for, because he would never have the one he deserved.
Suddenly, all thoughts of revenge and entitlement ceased. Loki had felt this before. This knowledge that someone else was there. This unease, because they watched another without consent. He blinked rapidly and focused on the feeling that someone was watching him. His brow furrowed in deep concentration, but he didn't look up. No, no. He couldn't have whoever it was knowing he knew. Not yet. First, he would listen. And he would gain knowledge of their mission here.
Remains with head bowed. Awake, his eyes are open. He looks like he's thinking. I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. Furrowed brow. He's thinking intently about something.
Nancy sighed softly and glanced to him again. She hated how they were treating him. Like he was an animal. They wouldn't even let his own brother see him. How horrible. He was so alone. Well, if no one else would stay with him, she would. She always would. She laid a sort of claim on him, she figured. From the moment they'd met, he was hers. She stayed with him when he was injured. She stood by his side before the battle, staring out the window with him. She was the one who held his gaze. They had a connection. She couldn't explain it, but they did.
The scribbling. The same harried scribbling he had come to loathe. The same scribbling he had heard in the cage. In the quinjet. And now here. Nancy McAllister. His obsession. And she had come to him. How quaint. She really had no idea, did she? How this simple action only sealed her fate in his mind.
What was she doing there? Surely she was not there out of concern. She had sworn she loathed him. And then she had kissed him. It hadn't been a terrible kiss, but he had definitely had better ones. So, why was she here? She must know that lowering herself to study him here, after he had been captured, would gain the attention of her director. She must know that this would bring heaps of shame and trouble down upon her. So why did she stay? And why did she keep taking notes?
Well, while she was there, he might as well get some amusement out of it. Just another test to see how she would react. How she truly felt about him. Oh, he just couldn't resist. Loki raised his eyes to the mirror, where they were sure to meet hers.
Nancy watched as he raised his face toward the mirror. She knew it was one of those one-way mirrors, but she couldn't help gazing into his eyes. What would he do if he knew she was there? What would he say? She could only imagine that maybe he was looking back at her, but knew beyond a doubt that he wasn't.
As she stood there, she noticed how hurt he looked. How broken. Angry and vengeful toward a world that despised him. But she didn't despise him. Far from it. With a short moment of hesitation, Nancy placed her hand on the glass, longing to be close to him.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, barely audible.
Sorry? Ooh. He hadn't seen that coming. Loki raised an eyebrow in reaction to the words. What could she possibly have to be sorry about? It was not her fault the world's heroes found him and bested him. No, that was his. Was she sorry about the kiss? Or was this a whole new technique? Was she trying to get under his skin? Play the sympathy card and then stab him in the back? He had seen that before. Had been on the receiving end of the knife wound. What were her intentions?
Nancy immediately noticed his eyebrow raise. He'd done it in response to her apology. It was almost instantaneous. A reaction. He had reacted to her words. She took a step back, cautious of the mirror. She checked the corners, making sure it was, indeed, a one-way mirror. Then she looked back at him, her curiosity causing her mind to race. Perhaps he had heard her after all.
The shuffling had to be a step back. Good. At least he knew he still had the capacity to frighten her. It would be a shame if he lost that. The look on her face when she was afraid was... intriguing. Loki chuckled to himself and lowered his gaze again. Surely she had more to offer than a few stunned reactions. Let her consider how much he could truly see or hear.
Okay, that was definitely a reaction. He was reacting. Nancy reached up to run her fingers along the edges of the mirror, all color draining from her face. "This is a one-way mirror, right?" she whispered to herself, "Right?!" How much of an idiot did she look if this was just a regular window? Oh, this had to be a one-way. It had to be.
So, she had noticed. This was the most fun he'd had since they locked him up in here. Loki didn't look up or make a move. Let her doubt if he could see her. He might as well be able to. She might as well be standing right in front of him with the noise she made. Still, mischief was a tricky game, so he ignored her. Just to plant doubt.
Nancy blinked and tried to pull herself together. Of course it was a one-way. Stark wouldn't have installed anything less. She glanced down to her notebook again, remembering her mission. She had to study him. Study and record. So she could keep the memory of him forever.
Reacts to my actions. Might be able to see and hear me. A little unnerving, but tolerable. Perhaps he can see/hear me because he's an alien? Enhanced eyesight and hearing? Or maybe I'm just losing it. Too early to tell.
More scribbling. Did the woman ever stop? Loki lifted his gaze to the mirror as though, perhaps, he would be able to see through it and watch her. As all the other times, he couldn't. Still, he wished he could.
What if he took notes on her? Not that he hadn't been, his just weren't on paper. But, if he could write something down about her, if he could see the notes he had taken, what would they say? What would he observe and record?
He would note her appearance, first of all. Her glorious soft locks, the ones that felt like silk sliding across his fingers. Her beautiful eyes, the color of a shimmering jewel. Her form, her carriage, her dress. That, of course, could use some improvement. Far too much black for his taste. And not enough... color.
Next, Loki realized, he would note her habits and reactions. The things she liked and detested. And he didn't know enough about those. He sighed. He would have to learn soon. He couldn't very well have an obsession without knowing every detail about it. He would start with her taste in furnishings, he thought. That would suit, when the time came.
Nancy looked at him again, content to simply watch him. Content to simply be near him. If only she could be in there with him. What would she say?
"I know there's more to you, Loki." she whispered, hoping that maybe he could hear her, "So much more than this. If only you'd let me see it."
Loki smirked to himself. So much more to him. She had no idea, not yet. His plan evolved and grew to perfection in his mind, and suddenly Loki knew exactly what he must do next. Exactly how he would get everything he wanted and more. He stood to his feet, giving no warning, waiting for her reaction.
Nancy's eyes widened and she took a reflexive step back. He had heard her. He'd been listening the entire time. Her eyes darted to the edges of the mirror again, her heart racing with panic. She couldn't tell of it was a one-way mirror or not. Either way, Loki could definitely hear her. She swallowed and met his haze again.
As if stepping back would keep her from his clutches. Loki stepped forward, toward the mirror. Toward her. The chains clinked around his ankles, but he ignored them. They wouldn't matter, not when his plan came to fruition. He tilted his head to the side, listening. Wondering when he might see her with his eyes again, and not just in a memory in his mind.
She watched as he tilted his head ever so slightly, listening. Waiting for her to make another move. To say something else. She took a cautious step forward, ready to face anything he might say or do.
So scared, this one. Almost as skitterish as a rabbit. Fortunately, Loki knew that rabbits would just as soon fight when pushed into a corner. And he had seen her fight. He sank back to the ground, crossing his legs, and tilted his head the other way. He almost wished she would say something, just so he could hear her melodious voice. If there was one thing he liked about her, it was her voice.
Now she was confused. Perhaps she'd imagined all of this. Maybe he couldn't hear her. He was just standing and turning his head to relax his tense muscles. She sighed. She'd really hoped that maybe he was listening.
With a frown, Nancy returned to her notepad.
I thought he could hear me, but I guess he can't. He's just moving to get rid of stiffness. I wish he could hear me. I'd say so much.
No words. Just more scribbling. Well, this was beginning to bore him. He leaned back and stretched as far as he could. If he didn't move soon, his muscles were going to freeze like this.
Nancy glanced up when she heard his chains rattle. Her heart sank again. "And chains, too." she whispered sadly. As if this prison of solitary confinement wasn't enough, they had to chain him, too. She had to get him out. Or get in there with him. She had to do something.
Loki smirked toward the floor, then schooled his features. Yes. Chains. He lifted them to give her a better view, knowing she would want to study them. As he had. He had studied them for hours, and yet could not find a way out of them. Well, there was one way, but he was content enough to sit here and let everything play out before he made his move.
He'd reacted again. Lifted his chains when she'd mentioned them. Perhaps he could hear her after all. A small smile lit her features as she thought of it.
"I wonder if they ever let him read. It sure must get boring in there."
Oh, books. Glorious, beautiful books! If only they would let him read in this dungeon. If there was one thing he missed about Asgard – aside from Frigga – it was his books. Shelves to the ceilings and stacks upon stacks in his chambers. He spent ages reading back home. Therefore, being here without a thing to read grated on his nerves and made him jumpy. If he could read, he knew he could escape, if only for a brief moment in time.
Loki made a mental note to discover her favorite books, that he might know that side of her too. Then he dropped his hands into his lap. Not that the chains were too heavy. He only tired of looking at them.
Nancy frowned when he dropped his chains again. He looked so bored. So sad. So lost. "I'll get you one," she whispered, "I'm sure they'd allow one." She paused for dramatic effect. "Stories of cuckolds for the cuckold." She grinned, waiting for his reaction.
And there it was again. The part of her he detested. Why must she make jokes about the half-moon superstitions? Did she not believe him when he told her he was not the one who had been cheated on. Oh, this woman! He would teach her to respect him, one day. When he could speak to her again. When he could see her again.
He only wanted to study her. Was that too much to ask? He wanted to crawl inside her beautiful mind and find all the things she held secret. And then he wanted to study her. Closely.
With a sigh, Nancy checked her watch. She'd definitely overstayed her welcome. As much as she didn't want to leave, she had to. She had to or else they'd get suspicious and never allow her back. No, she had to leave. For now.
"Goodbye, Loki." she continued to whisper, "I am sorry for all this. If only they knew the man I met. If only they knew you. You don't deserve this. Not this."
She forced herself to turn away. Back toward the world that despised him and despised her for wanting him. For wanting to be with him and around him. For wanting to know who he really was inside. Back into the darkness and the mundane. The world she was sick of. With one last look back toward the room, Nancy boarded the elevator and rode up to the next floor.
If only you knew what you've brought upon yourself. Loki smiled to himself and looked up as he listened to her walk away. She would be back. He was sure of it.
Thor – tired, upset Thor – sat in a chair in the corner with his head leaning back against the wall. He stared off into nothing, seeing things only he could imagine.
Nancy walked over to him, cautious of his mood. She didn't want to upset him further. "I was wondering if I could bring a small token to Loki." she began, " To help him pass the time. It's almost our season of kindness." That was a good excuse. It was already November and Christmas was right around the corner. She could bring him a book for Christmas.
He easily snapped back to reality and stood to his feet with a sigh. "What form of token?"
"A book. I know how literate he is. It's my way of thanking him for being so kind to me when he didn't have to be."
"I do not see what harm it could do. Stark will insist on checking it for harmful additions."
Nancy chuckled softly. Of course he would. "Of course. I'd be surprised if he didn't." She gave a small, forced smile, then let it fade. "I can only imagine how difficult all of this is for you."
Thor nodded and glanced toward the elevator. "I keep thinking perhaps it is all a dream. That the Loki I knew has not gone, but..." he shrugged dismissively.
Nancy placed a hand on his arm, understanding the sentiment. She knew all too well how different Loki could be, if he wanted to be. "He's still there. The man I met was different than the man who attacked the city." She paused, deciding to finally tell him the truth. "He healed me."
"He... Loki... what?"
"When the hellicarrier lost its engines and began to tilt, I fell down three flights of stairs. I've never felt pain like I did when I woke. But, when Loki kidnapped me, when we were on the quinjet, the pain began to subside. By the time we landed, it was gone. My only explanation is that he healed me."
Thor's big blue eyes glistened as tears filled them. He reached down and scooped Nancy into a tight hug, more sincere than he had been since arriving. "Thank you, lady Nancy."
Nancy squeaked, the hug too tight. Thor had no idea how tight his hugs could be. How fragile humans could be. "No problem." she squeaked out, awkwardly patting his broad back. As Thor released her, Nancy smiled up at him, truly happy that she had found one acquaintance who would believe her. One person who was on her side. "Don't lose hope." she reassured him, "I haven't."
"You have restored my hope." Thor tried his best to smile at her, feeling every bit of it, but it looked a little forced.
Nancy could tell. The pain behind his smile. She could see it in his eyes. In the way he looked at her. With a polite nod of assurance, Nancy turned and made her way toward the elevator. She had to come back now. She had to. To bring Loki his book. And to let him know he wasn't alone.
