Souji led me downstairs, to the part of the castle converted into Matsumoto-sensei's clinic. I was greeted by Kondou-san who seemed well. His shoulder was recovering and there were big chances that he wouldn't have any sequels from the bullet wound. I was glad for that. Our leader would soon be allowed to come fight again by our side.
I told him about Inoue and Yamazaki and I saw the grievance on his face. Inoue had been a long time friend, helping him manage the Shieikan Hall even before all of us joined. Kondou-san had a lot of respect and affection for him and he was glad that Inoue died a samurai, in honor, fighting to defend what he swore to protect and wearing the Makoto. It meant a lot to him. He assured me that Yamazaki and Inoue's sacrifices wouldn't be forgotten and he asked for a little autel to pray for them.
I then did my report about the Ryu'un temple, how we fell in an ambush and how I lost all my men before fleeing with Chizuru. He reassured me that I made the right choice to protect what I needed to protect. Even if I tried to silence the cannon alone and died with the rest of them, it would have been a meaningless sacrifice since there was nothing I could do all by myself. That brought a bit of warmth in my heart, even if I was still feeling guilty for leading them to certain death. All the men I grew to respect were gone now... Jirô, Tairô, Keisuke... Even Tetsuya, my second. These men believed in me and they all died under my leadership through the years. There was nothing left of the third division apart from its capitan.
When my report finished, he informed me that the next ship was in a month and that we would go back to Edo all together. Souji would stay at the clinic of Matsumoto-sensei and Kondou-san and I would join the Shinsengumi once more to protect the Bakufu and repel the SatCho, already walking towards Edo. I agreed with this plan. I wanted to fight along with my comrades once more and protect what I believed in.
I spoke to him about Chizuru but he had no more information to give me and suggested I ask Sen for answers. I nodded. Sen would be my next stop. Kondou-san was sincerely concerned though and was wondering if it was a good idea to take Chizuru with us and keep her as a medical officer. I didn't know about the doctor position but it was clear to me that I would never leave her behind and Kondou-san smiled when I expressed it, telling me that I was lucky to have found someone that I was so dedicated to. He was leaving his wife behind for five years now, seeing his daughter only twice a year. His eyes were sad when he spoke to me about it and I was unsettled. I wasn't really worthy to be a trusted listening ear for a man as honorable as Kondou-san.
After a while, he told me I could leave and I got back to the women quarters to have a conversation with Sen. She had a very big room with a lot of luxurious furniture, suiting a princess.
« I would like to thank you, Sen-himesama. » I started, bowing « for saving the life of my wife. »
She smiled genuinely and showed me a pillow on the ground. I sat in seiza with her and Kimigiku served me some tea. I hesitated before bringing the beverage to my lips. Could I still eat human food ? I had no information on the subject and Chizuru was mute. Could I get ill ? I decided to take the risk anyway and the tea tasted exactly the same as when I was human. Good. I still could behave accordingly with human beings. Or Oni, for that matter.
« No need to thank me, Saito-san. » she replied politely « it was only natural for the Yase clan to answer the call of Yukimura. »
I nodded and kept silent a few seconds before asking the question that had been burning my lips.
« Did Kazama hurt her ? »
« We unfortunately have no idea... » she sighed, visibly concerned. « We managed to surround them while they were walking together in the woods. Mika, your escort, had already met Kazama and so, she was able to track him. We didn't need to bargain or threaten him too long before he surrendered Chizuru to us. Her kimono was totally ruined and covered in blood. Some of it was yours and so I sent Mika and Koan to find you. Their flair is incomparable, it comes from their bloodline. You know the rest. Chizuru has been in shock since then. No one can make her speak or touch her. Kimigiku and I tried to make her take a bath but she pushed us away. She bathes though but alone, and she dresses herself alone too. We don't know how to cure her... We hoped you could do something. »
I thought for a moment. It seemed like a severe trauma and my imagination was running wild about the possible causes of it. Each of my hypothesis was worse than the previous one and my hatred for Kazama was reaching peaks that I never experienced before. I didn't only need to see him dead. I wanted to see him suffer for days for what he did to Chizuru. Most of all, I wanted to know. Making hypothesis in my mind was driving me crazy.
I stood up and bowed politely to Sen. I needed to get back to Chizuru. I would not allow her to plunge into the darkest areas of her mind. I would not let her drown. I would get her out of here.
« Thank you, Sen-himesama. » I bowed « I shall go back to her now. »
« Please do, Saito-san » she bowed in return as I exited the room.
I walked to the one next to it and announced myself even if I knew now that I wouldn't get any answer and got in. Chizuru was arranging her hair in front of a mirror and she didn't even react to my presence. I came closer to her and sat next to her.
« Can I do something for you, Chizuru ? » I asked in a broken voice.
I couldn't control the pain of witnessing her in that state. She didn't answer and just ignored me. Her eyes were still avoiding mine and I hated it. Maybe if I could look inside her gaze, I could decipher the words she was incapable of saying. I grabbed a comb and approached my hand from her. I remembered all the times when she combed my hair, after the wedding, and how nice it felt to have her taking care of me. I thought that maybe, it could bring memories to her and comfort her, just like it used to comfort me. For me, it was also a selfish way to touch her without intruding. She tensed but didn't move and I passed the comb in her hair, slowly, repeatedly. I felt her relax and again, she smiled as if all this was funny. I couldn't understand that smile and where its roots were coming from.
« Do you like it ? » I eventually asked after minutes of silence.
In a way, it was funny I guess. I always enjoyed silence. I liked to meditate, to be calm and I was most of the time very quiet. But that silence that was imposed on me, that I had no control on, it was terrifying.
« Chizuru-neechan. » I heard from behind the shoji and I answered in her place.
« Ha, come in, Haruhi. »
I put the comb down and arranged Chizuru's hair in a bun and she complied without any fear, which was already progress, I guess. I was feeling like she was nothing but a doll, an imitation of what Chizuru once was. How could anyone break the spirit of someone as strong as her ? She was the strongest person I knew... I was feeling like she was a stranger, I couldn't recognize my wife... That was even more terrifying than the silence.
Haruhi came in with tea and sweets and I felt happy to see Chizuru's smile widen genuinely and her eyes sparkle a bit. She took a sweet in her mouth and her smile grew even bigger. She still had an appetite then, that was relieving. Haruhi and I both took a cup and we smiled too.
« Now we're a family again ! » said Haruhi with enthusiasm and Chizuru escaped a muffled laugh.
A sound. A sound got out of her mouth ! It wasn't a word yet but it was something ! She regained her composure though and drank her tea silently. Nothing else got out of her mouth that day.
