February 1868
We had been walking for days now and I was glad that the weather was bearable. We haven't suffered any blizzards or snow yet. I cut one of the blankets though to stuff Haruhi's socks with it. She wasn't complaining but anyone could see she was really cold. She has abandoned wearing her sandogasa, realizing that it wasn't really convenient for walking and that she wasn't going to get any sunburns from the winter sun anyway. I was still wearing mine and it was really helping me walk in broad daylight, keeping my head in the shadows. I still wasn't suffering from the bloodlust and I was getting better at ignoring the smell of blood. Haruhi was often snuggling against me at night, trying to get warmth from my body and I could ignore her scent much better than before.
We were making fires every night and eating whatever meat Koan and Mika would hunt, mostly rabbits but sometimes birds or ducks. They were always bringing them intact, only with the broken neck as if they caught them and killed them with bare hands. It was unsettling but I already noticed that neither of them seemed to be carrying weapons so I guess they did have a technique to catch prey without traps or bows and knives, probably one of Koan's talents. One evening, the man even came back with a crane and I wondered how he could have killed such a big bird with bare hands.
I was walking behind with Mika while Koan and Haruhi were ahead of us. I prefered to be behind so I could keep an eye on her and decipher when she was tired, cold or hungry. Koan was making her laugh a lot, making little ice butterflies appear out of thin air and dance in front of her eyes. Her eyes were sparkling with enchantment and it was making her forget her sore body for a time.
« How does it work ? » I asked.
I didn't want to admit it but I was amazed too by these butterflies. They were shiny and translucent, like really made of ice.
« It's nothing more than an illusion. » replied Koan without turning to me « there's nothing real in it so the possibilities are endless. »
« Endless ? »
« Endless. » he nodded and in a blink, Haruhi was gone. I started to panic even if I kept my emotionless mask.
« Where is she ? » I asked, and she reappeared and turned to me, puzzled.
« Who ? » she asked.
I stayed silent and Mika chuckled, mocking me. Koan bent over to whisper something into Haruhi's ear and she disappeared again. I wasn't really enjoying this little game. I bumped into something and stopped. There was nothing in front of me but still, extending my hands, I could feel hair tied in a ponytail, a nose, a mouth, ears...
« That's... Haruhi ? » I asked.
She reappeared with a wide smile.
« I asked her to stop walking for the demonstration. With my illusion, you couldn't see or hear her but she wasn't gone for real. That's why you could bump into her, I left you the touch sense. Same applies to the fire. If someone stands in it, he'll burn even if it looks like there is no fire. I can fool all senses. »
« So... The person won't even notice she's burning ? » I asked in disbelief.
« She won't if I decide to hide it from her. » he smiled. « Do you understand how dangerous it is ? »
« You could make us not feel the cold then ? » I asked, looking at Haruhi.
« I could make her not feel tired or cold anymore but her body would still suffer from it and it could lead her to death since she wouldn't be listening to her body and could push it too far. I could make her believe she's eating a feast and she would still die of hunger. »
That made sense. They were only illusions then... I was glad to be on his side and that he only used his powers to make butterflies and hide our fire. I was feeling more confident now that I knew he could hide Haruhi with so much efficiency. I turned to Mika who was still smiling next to me.
« Can you do that too ? » I asked, curious.
« Only males can ascend to this kind of power. Females are more limited. I will never be able to make these kinds of illusions. » she answered calmly « and Koan is very old, he's a lot more powerful than I would ever be. »
Like the healing power then... Kaoru took minutes to close a wound that took hours for Chizuru.
I stayed silent again, looking at Haruhi laughing with Koan and trying to catch the butterflies.
« You still do not want to tell me what you are, Saito-san ? » asked Mika.
« I don't see why you want to know. » I replied coldly, keeping focused on my steps.
« Same reason why you want to know about us. » she chuckled.
I looked at her and saw her smile. Again, I felt the same feeling that I had when I said her goodbye near the castle gates. Something deep in my chest, a desire to make her happy. She was a gorgeous woman but that wasn't enough of an explanation for me to feel that way. There must be some kind of trick there too even if she told me that she couldn't make any illusions like Koan. There was a chance that she was lying. I wanted to please her, to be nice to her and to make her happy. Maybe I should tell her about the Ochimizu. Could that make her happy ?
I turned around, ignoring my heart pounding in my chest and the blood flowing in my body like I was a teenager discovering love. I focused on the pain of the sun that I was trying so hard to ignore since the beginning of our trip and it calmed my body for a while until a now familiar pain awoke.
« Ugh... » I utter with difficulty as the bloodlust took me, making me fall on my knees.
I could devine my hair turning white and my eyes crimson in Mika's silver gaze. I could scent her blood that wasn't really smelling good, just like Koan... But there was someone else...
« Koan ! » yelled Mika and he turned with Haruhi.
Don't look at me !
« Where's Hajime ? » asked Haruhi to Mika.
« He's coming. » she assured her. « He needed a small break. Let's wait for him a bit further. »
Koan had hidden me then... I nodded to thank him and he nodded in return. I was glad that he thought about masking my true nature to Haruhi. Mika took her hand and led her where she couldn't see me.
I gasped for air, my whole body eating itself from inside. I wanted to run after Haruhi and open her up. She was the one with the most savory scent... The two others were stinking like street filth... But maybe I could drink it ? Maybe it could make the pain go away ?
So thirsty...
I shouldn't have focused on the pain... That was the cause of my condition. How stupid... I managed to resist it for days and now, I had no other choice than to dig in my pocket with a febrile hand to take the powder. Chizuru was saving my life again but I hated it. What kind of man relies on his wife's blood to keep on living ? I was nothing more than a monster.
Thirsty...
I swallowed the powder and started to feel better again. My hands stopped shaking after a few seconds and my breath steadied. I saw that I had opened my collar and that I dug my fingernails around my heart. I took away my hand and saw the bloody marks disappear. My legs were strong again even if sore and I stood up and arranged my kimono under the gaze of Koan.
« Let's go. » I told him in my toneless voice, my composure back.
« Saito-san, if you need to rest, we can settle camp here. » he told me, visibly concerned.
« I'm fine. » I assured him.
« Next time it happens, do you want me to take away the pain ? » he asked, very seriously.
« No. » I shook my head « It is my curse. » I kept walking and saw Haruhi and Mika a bit downhill and I turned to Koan. « Just... Don't let me hurt her... and if I lose control, kill me. »
« I will. » said Koan with a nod and I knew he would keep that promise.
