Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans there would be a live action movie out by now.
I'll Be
Part II
Beast Boy
A few hours have passed since our talk. The sun has completely set-it must be close to ten. I find that Raven has fallen asleep in my arms. I'm not surprised. She's used more emotions than I've ever see her do. She must be exhausted. My eyes focus on the gun lying by us, the bullets surrounding it. I was so close, so close for it all to be over. Yet, Raven's passionate words ring in my head, making me smile slightly.
You are not alone
I feel slightly better knowing that she loves me back. A love I've been longing for since we met. Still, her love isn't strong enough to rid me of the anguish I feel on the inside. Maybe it would be better if I just go through what I planned. It'll be easier for everyone.
I pick up Raven fully in my arms and lay her in the bottom bunk of my bed. I pull the cover snug over her and give her a gentle kiss on the cheek. My heart flutters slightly as my lips touch her porcelain skin. "I love you," I whisper. "Never forget that."
I pick up the gun by its silver handle and a bullet. I make my way to the roof. I sit on the edge of the tower, my legs dangling off the side. I load the gun. This time, however, I just twirl the gun in my hands. My mind is unable to escape the terrible events that have occurred this past week. Every harsh word, every painful encounter.
I've been fighting crime almost all my life. I've faced villains who cause minimal trouble, such as robbing a store or attempting to steal something like the H.I.V.E does. I've also faced villains whose main goal is to take over the city, such as Slade. However, I've never dealt with so much hate as Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg have been showing me. Even Nicholas Galtry, my former guardian wasn't this cruel. True, he tried to have me killed twice, but it was more for financial gain than hatred. I never thought in a million years that the people I trusted with my life-the people I consider my best friends would hate me the most.
I don't understand why they hate me so much. I thought that they knew I wasn't myself when I was under the influence of the chemicals. Did something happen while I was under control of the Beast that I don't know about? Did I really hurt Raven? My stomach feels sick from just that one thought. I know that if I was in control I'd never hurt her-no matter how mad she makes me.
I stare at the gun in my gloved hands. There's nobody around. I could do it now. I could pull the trigger and there would be no one around to stop me this time. Just one shot and it would be all over.
Beast Boy, if I had found you dead, if I didn't stop you, I would've lost everything
No. I can't do it. Not now, not ever. I can't hurt Raven like that. She's the only person left who believes in me. I have to hold onto that. I love her and have no intention of hurting her again. Gritting my teeth I clutch the gun by the handle and throw it as hard and far as I can. I watch, almost sadly, as it falls, finally landing into the crystal blue sea below me.
I tense up when I feel someone sit beside me. Raven. How long has she been here? "Thanks for not trying again," Raven says quietly. Her arms wrap around me. I feel warm all over from her touch.
"I almost did," I confess. "But I remembered what you said. I couldn't hurt you like that." I turn to look at my girlfriend. I remember all the times she tried to help me before. I remember when I pushed her away and made her cry. I really was a jerk. "I'm sorry I didn't let you help me sooner."
"It's okay. Pain makes us blind sometimes."
I nod in agreement. "Yes it does. I feel better knowing how much you care, Raven, but it's not enough to make me completely forget what has happened. Inside I still feel like I don't belong here and I still don't understand why. I feel like I've been tossed off the team and wasn't important enough to be informed of it. I wasn't myself for one night and they treat me like a disease. Why Raven? Why do they hate me? D-did I do something while I was in Beast form that you haven't told me? Did I hurt you?"
"No," Raven answers sharply. "The only thing you did was protect me. I told them that. They are the ones with the problem, not you!"
I look away. "I know. I still care about them, though. They are like my family." I pause to think about my previous statement. "They are my family. You guys are all I have left and their hatred makes me feel so alone."
"I'll talk to them. I'll find out why they're doing this and do my best to fix the situation."
Her words are comforting. I am able to relax a little. However, I'm afraid she'll unintentionally make things worse. Or they might start hating her too. I don't want that. "No you don't need to be dragged into this. This is my problem, I'll deal with it."
Raven glares at me. "Yeah and you were obviously dealing with it fine a couple hours ago," she says sarcastically. I flinch. "Sorry," she says in a softer tone. "My point is you are not emotionally stable enough to handle this alone. The team needs you whether they realize it or not. Please let me help you. I love you and I can't lose you."
"I just don't want them to start hating you too."
"I don't care if they start hating me. If I have to choose between you and the team I'll always choose you."
I kiss her tenderly. Even hours later she still tastes like sweet strawberries. That is definitely something I could get used to. "Thanks Raven, that means a lot to me. I love you."
"I love you, too."
We don't speak again. Instead we watch the moon together, holding each other close. Nothing needs to be said. I can feel the love flowing between us and it's the best feeling in the world.
Raven
After a while it became too cold to be outside so Beast Boy and I have been sitting in the living room. For once I'm not reading the book that I left on the couch, nor is Beast Boy playing video games. Instead we're just sitting in silence. My mind keeps reliving what happened earlier over and over like a broken record. The more I think about it, the harder it is to keep my emotions under control. I know that Beast Boy is doing the same by the way he is hunched over beside me, staring dejectedly at the carpet.
I continue to rub his back gently in hopes to soothe him. Unfortunately since I can feel his emotions it's not doing a bit of difference. Despite no longer feeling suicidal, I know that he's far from feeling better. There's got to be something I can do to take his mind off everything. But what? Then it hits me.
Gently I take Beast Boy's gloved hand and pull him off the couch. "Come on. I want you to mediate with me. I think it can help." Beast Boy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't argue. I instruct him to sit cross legged on the ground in front of the TV. "Close your eyes," I instruct. "Try to clear your mind; try to think about something positive. Find your center." As I instruct him, I attempt to do the same. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." I chant.
It takes a while before Beast Boy is relaxed enough to find his center. I want to see what he's thinking about, but I don't want to invade his privacy. It is almost silent between us for a full ten minutes. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," he chants at last.
I smile, keeping my eyes closed. "Good."
Another reason I wanted to meditate is to check on my emotions. They've been stretched to the limit since I found Beast Boy with the gun. It takes me a while to reassure them that he's okay. Hearing him chant beside me is a great help in keeping my emotions stable. I hope that the meditation is helping him too.
I don't open my eyes until I hear the happy chatter from the others. I stand up, Beast Boy following suit. Obviously the others had a great time at the carnival. Starfire has cotton candy in both hands, one pink and one blue. Robin is wearing a red and black jester's hat that must've won at one of the carnival games. Cyborg is holding a huge tub of popcorn in his robotic hands. I feel Beast Boy grab my hand out of nervousness.
"Thank you friends! I had a wonderful time!" Starfire gushes happily.
"Anytime, Star," Robin replies. "Well I think I'm going to-," Robin stops in mid sentence. He stares at us, the others following. I can feel Beast Boy's strong desire to flee. I grip tightly onto his hand to keep him from doing so.
"I'm glad you all had a great time," I say in a colder voice than I intend to. Already I can feel the tension. It's so sharp it cuts like a knife.
"Yeah it was great," Robin says, trying and failing to hide the disdain in his voice. "Uh, Raven, can we talk to you?" he glares at Beast Boy. "Alone!"
Once again Beast Boy attempts to leave the room. I let go of his hand and grip onto his arm firmly. I shoot him a warning look. Seeing Robin still acting like this is making the anger hard to control. When will he get it through his thick skull that Beast Boy is not a threat? "Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Beast Boy."
Robin doesn't change expression. He folds his arms. "Fine. Look, Raven, I know that I don't have a say on who you date, but I want you to know that I don't approve."
"It's a good thing I don't need your permission then," I shoot back venomously.
"What he's trying to say," Cyborg says, his face no longer cheerful, but serious and protective. "Is that you can do better."
I stare wide eyed at the people who I used to consider my best friends. Cyborg's words are like a slap in the face. Beast Boy is his best friend, why would he say something so demeaning? I wait for Starfire to say something, anything to show that she's on our side. I'm sorely disappointed.
"I must agree, Raven. It would not be safe to date Beast Boy."
An uncomfortable silence fills the room. I'm shaking with anger. Rage is desperately trying to come out. A part of me really wants to let her loose. They think the Beast is bad, just wait until they encounter Rage in full form.
Beast Boy speaks for the first time. His voice is monotone, mirroring the voice I use on a daily basis to a T. "Rae, don't."
I glace at the green Titan beside me. He's looking down at the ground, his green face pale. I know he's struggling to hold back tears. Beast Boy wasn't kidding when he said that the team hated him. No wonder he thought suicide was the only way out. I don't even want to know what else the team has been doing to him when I'm not around. My emotions couldn't handle it.
Before I can say another word Beast Boy pulls me out of the living room and down the hall. I'm so consumed with emotions that I let him. We don't speak again until we are alone in his room. Only then does Beast Boy let go of the emotions he was holding back. All I can do is embrace him and run my fingers through his emerald hair.
"I-I'm so sorry Garfield," I say softly once I've completely calmed down. "I had no idea it was this bad. But I promise you, I will fix this."
I pull away slightly so that we are looking at each other. "When I talk to the others I have to do it alone. But first I need to know that you'll be okay. I need to know that you won't try anything stupid again."
His next words ease my worry. "I give you my word as a man."
I don't get any sleep for the rest of the night. Instead I lay in bed, checking on Beast Boy's emotions regularly while simultaneously trying to come up with a plan to make the others see reason before things get worse. If not, this team is sure to fall apart.
To be continued...
