He wanted to dance with her. Finally. After all this time. She'd waited so long.
But the most she'd ever danced was at her sister's wedding. And even then it was only one group dance she'd rehearsed the steps for. Nancy gripped Loki's hand a little tighter, nervousness washing over her. "I'll warn you now," she teased, trying to smile, "I'm not very good."
"I'll warn you now... I am." For once in his life, Loki didn't lie. Frigga herself had taught him to dance, each step and twirl a conscious action. Until it became second nature. Loki pulled her close to him, one hand resting on the small of her back. He held her lightly, not demanding or crushing, but rather soft and tender. How he should have treated her all along. What a fool he had been.
Nancy gasped softly, a light blush crossing her features. He wasn't her captor anymore. Or her master. He was her friend. Noble and handsome. Strong and kind. His regality shone as bright as his armor, dazzling and overwhelming her.
Loki glanced up toward the ceiling, weaving his magic around the room. Music began, a soft lilting tune, coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once. The notes danced on the slight breeze, pulling them in and wrapping around them like a warm embrace. Loki led Nancy through the simple steps with deft and silent instructions, using only his hands and core and allowing her to feel what would come next, where he would move.
The dull pain in her ribs faded from existence. There could be no pain as long as she stood in the arms of the man she loved. All she could feel was his body against hers, moving slowly and gracefully. Nancy gazed up into his eyes, letting his body lead her.
She had finally made eye contact with him again, and Loki couldn't resist his smile. She was so beautiful and innocent, moving lightly in his arms as though made for this. He let his warm emotions shine through his eyes. "A natural."
"If you say so." Nancy chuckled, still lost in his eyes. The light was so bright now. Burning deep inside him, illuminating his soul. She remembered the dark days; the days when they'd first met. A spark, a flicker. But now… now, he was different. He'd changed. And she'd never seen him so happy.
"Will you dance with me at the next feast?" she asked, genuinely hoping he would, "In front of everyone?"
Loki laughed good-naturedly. She hated feasts as much as he did, this he knew full well. If she graced him with her presence, he would more than welcome it. He would, in fact, exclude everyone else if only she would talk to him. "Will you come?"
"Yes. Of course." Nancy moved her hand so she could twine their fingers together. "I don't want you to have to sit through that horror alone."
"Good. I hate sitting alone." Loki spun her into a new step, wider and more intricate. It being similar to a waltz, he supposed she could get the hang of it fairly quickly. She didn't disappoint.
"I know you do." For a moment, she remembered his cell in Stark Tower. How he'd been forced into solitary. Chained and muzzled like an animal. But she'd seen him. She saw his misery and loneliness.
He would never have to face that torture again. She would die before she'd let that happen. "Do you still have that book I gave you?" Nancy suddenly asked him, "From when Stark held you captive."
Loki thought back. His time in Stark's dungeon seemed so long ago now. Like a different lifetime. He barely remembered her bringing the tome, let alone his reading it. He may not have, come to think of it. Those were dark and lonely days. "Somewhere. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering if you kept it." Nancy moved closer, pressing her body against his. No, he would never have to see those monsters again. They would never hurt him again.
"I do not recall ever having the time to read it. What is it about?"
Nancy frowned. What had they done to him? When she was there, he was sitting in his cell. Bored and chained. How could he not have time to read? "It was a book of plays." She swallowed thickly, realizing how painful the memories must be for him. "Shakespeare."
Loki grimaced. Had he the ability, he would have read it. It might have helped him pass the time. As it was, he had been disabled. "My apologies. I was rather... tied up."
"I know. I… I'm so sorry for what they did to you, Loki. You deserved better."
They had ventured into a dangerous subject, but one he expected her to bring up. He switched into a new step, hoping it would distract her enough to make her forget the subject.
"How did you know I was there?" Nancy finally asked after a moment.
Loki laughed. She would never believe him if he said his superior hearing had allowed him to recognize her presence, even when she thought she had been silent. "Love, I always knew when you were there."
"But how?"
"Did you know you have a particularly endearing habit of thinking aloud?"
"Yes. But there was no way you could hear me through that wall." It was steel and bullet-proof glass. There was no way he could have heard her.
The chuckle slipped out before he could stop it. She had such a small imagination sometimes, most mortals did. She simply didn't understand the extent of his abilities, and he was fine to allow her the ignorance she so cherished. "Suit your own fancy."
"You're never going to tell me, are you?" she laughed, staring him down with a mock glare. He would, in time. But she preferred sooner rather than later.
And there was the Nancy he had grown to love. The pestering little mortal who would never give up, no matter the cost. It didn't anger him, it merely grew tiresome some days. He suited with an answer he knew she would understand. "I am the god of mischief and lies. Did you really think you could hide from me?"
Nancy blushed a bit. "No. I guess not." He wasn't a god, but she'd go with it, for now. He was powerful and magical, so she supposed perhaps he could have heard her. And there really was no hiding from him. She'd tried, for so long. But no longer. She had no reason to hide from him anymore.
Slowly, Nancy slid her hands up to Loki's neck, sliding them under the collar of his armor. She softly stroked the back of his neck, under his hair. "Hold my waist." she whispered, drawing even closer, "This is how we dance on earth."
At her suggestion, Loki moved his hands to cup her waist. "I think I much prefer this position." She fit so well against him, in his hands. How had he been so blind for so long? More concerned with his own pride and need for someone to know what he had gone through, he had abused and used her. How could he ever make it up to her?
As slowly as she'd moved her hands up to his neck, she moved to wrap her arms around his shoulders. "I do, too." This was all so perfect. All she'd ever wanted. Nancy leaned her head against his, desperately hoping the night would never end.
Loki's eyes slid closed as a soft, content sigh left his lips. He could spend hours like this, holding her as though nothing had ever happened. In the end, he knew they would both have to return to what their reality had become, as unsafe and uninviting as it was. For now, he simply swayed with her as his arms wrapped around her waist seemingly of their own accord.
The minutes passed slowly. Hours in the span of moments. Finally, Nancy took a step back. Not enough to pull away, but enough to capture his attention. "You say you wouldn't know love if it marched right past you, but I think you would. Everyone has some sort of fantasy about what they think true love is. What it feels like. What do you think it is?"
He shrugged, his eyes fluttering open to look down at her. "I have lied to myself for so long, I do not know the honest answer."
"And what lie would that be?"
"That true love is perfect. That there are no mistakes."
Nancy searched his eyes, a bit shocked at his answer. How could he believe in any sort of situation where there would be no mistakes? The essence of life itself was the fact there would be mistakes. She smiled softly, understandingly. "Yes, that is a lie." But of course he would believe that. He would hope for it with all his heart. The one who had made so many mistakes, who had done so many things wrong… of course he would long for a perfect love.
"Tell me this, then." Nancy wrapped her arms around his shoulders again. "What do you want in your woman?"
The sound that burst from his lips was more breath than chuckle. Of course she would ask that. How could she still think in this vein after all he had done to her? He didn't deserve her love, or her attentions, as desperately as he may want them. "Someone that pleases me. Someone I please."
"Now we're getting somewhere. What else?" Nancy softly brushed her lips over the side of his neck, giving him a tender kiss. He was so sweet when he wanted to be. Vulnerable and… human. He wasn't a god. He was a man. Her friend.
Loki's breath caught in his throat. Breathe, you imbecile, he reminded himself. He hadn't expected her to do that, to open herself so fully to him so soon after all her tragedies. He had brought them on her, how could she still want him? He swallowed convulsively. "Someone who... understands, I suppose."
"You seem a bit... distracted." Nancy grinned. He was finally allowing her to be herself. To tease him, though lovingly. To be real and pure and honest. She leaned her head against his shoulder and gave a happy sigh. "Okay she needs to understand you and please you. What else?"
"Well, she must be beautiful." He shot her a pointed glance. She was beautiful, in so many ways it hurt to think about it. Her beauty radiated from the inside out, not the outside in. She might be pleasant to look at, but she also possessed grace and wit and charm. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her in earnest now.
Nancy closed her eyes, feeling his loving embrace. "There are many beautiful women in Asgard. Yet you won't even dance with most of them, much less love them.
"Because she must also be loyal and genuine." He turned into the step they had started with earlier, never relinquishing hold of her. Good thing it was an easy step, because otherwise he would not have bothered.
"Because she wants to be or is forced to be?" She reached up with one hand and toyed with a strand of his hair. "Even dogs obey their master's whip."
Loki sighed, slowing the step. Of course it was all a lie. He had lied to himself and to her for months now. He deserved her betrayal. She didn't need someone like him, who may never have full control over his emotions. She couldn't want him. Not now. "One cannot force anyone to be completely loyal."
"No, but he sure can try. And try you did." Nancy took a step away from him and gazed up into his eyes once again. "I'm loyal because I want to be, not because you force me to be."
"Thank you, pet." He quickly wiped the look of surprise off his face. She couldn't know how insecure he felt about her feelings. He wasn't entirely sure he had heard her correctly. Still she claimed loyalty to him? Even after his violence and deceit toward her? Even after he had taken another woman who had managed to evoke emotion from him.
She'd noticed his look of surprise. Then the flash of hurt and guilt, quickly masked by his cool demeanor. But she'd seen it. It was there. Nancy stopped fully and studied him. His expression. His eyes. Something was bothering him. "What's wrong?" she whispered, truly concerned.
Loki forced a smile, needing her to think everything was alright, when instead he felt only turmoil inside. "Nothing is the matter. I just... no one has ever been loyal to me out of pure devotion."
"Why not? You're not that cruel."
"Many think I am. Or that all I do is a lie. A trick." His smile faltered. Even his adoptive father had thought that, and his biological father had been no better. Thor may have been one to see through his tricks, but his brother always expected a trick, not honesty. No one claimed loyalty to him, because he did not inspire loyalty.
She watched his smile fade. The hurt that finally showed. His heart and soul bared before her. Nancy wrapped her arms around him, engulfing his pain in a true, loving hug. "Then they don't know the real you." she whispered against him.
"And do you?" He needed only to hold her, to look into her eyes and see the sincerity there.
"I'm starting to." She buried her face in the side of his neck again, breathing in the scent of his skin. He wasn't the villain everyone thought he was. Yes, he'd done some very bad things. But everyone makes mistakes. And if his story of tortures and horrors was true, his actions weren't entirely his fault. She knew his heart, and he was good. She knew that for a fact.
Loki dropped a kiss to her soft hair. She didn't fear him. This was not behavior of someone who feared their captor. How had he managed that? How did she remain so strong that even his most concentrated efforts to alienate her only served to draw her closer?
"I think I saw the real you the day I met you." Nancy continued, pulling away just enough to look at him, "That's why I sat with you after the battle. Why I kissed you. I saw you hurt and broken and alone. But you were still kind to me. I know you healed me on the quinjet. And then you had your men protect me during the battle. You had every chance to harm me, but you didn't. That's the real you."
Was it? Loki wasn't entirely sure. He had played the scoundrel for so long, lied to himself and the realms around him. He had convinced himself he was no better than what they thought of him, and they all thought him a villain. He had attempted to destroy Jotunheim to win his father's favor. He had tried to overthrow Midgard to prove he could rule. He had lived a life in others' shadows, and he had allowed himself to turn into what they saw him as. Could he truly change? Could he become what Nancy saw in him, good and kind and trustworthy?
They continued on in silence for a while, swaying softly to the music. Nancy held him close, holding onto the moment. She knew eventually they had to return to normalcy. To the life they had created for themselves. Pet and master. Companions, at best. But tonight had been beautiful. He had loved her and she loved him. They had been equals, friends… lovers, even, if she'd had the strength for it.
"It's getting late." she finally whispered in his ear, "Are you ready to return to your chambers, master?"
Loki pulled back and smiled down at her. He didn't know the answer to any of his questions, but he knew he could better trace a path that would lead to a favorable outcome. "If you wish," he conceded with a small bow.
Nancy did her best at a curtsy and forced a smile. "How long must I call you 'master'?"
"Mm. I haven't decided. I've rather grown to enjoy that word slipping from your lips." Loki smirked, only half-teasing. He liked the way it sounded on her tongue, but he would no longer force her to use the term.
She shrugged. "It's more habit now than anything." Her smile widened into a genuine grin. No matter what he called him, he was still hers. And she was his. She leaned forward and gave him a light, lingering kiss. "Thank you for tonight."
Every instinct in him wanted to pull her back and claim her lips, to show her how very rare and precious she was to him. One thing would lead to another, however, and he knew she wasn't ready. She may never be ready. He took a breath and nodded once. "After what you've been through, it is the least I can do."
With the mention of her attack, the memories flooded back in. She closed her eyes and tried to push the memories away. That guard was dead. Loki would never allow anyone to hurt her again. She was safe now. Safe in his arms. "What happened to me wasn't your fault." Nancy swallowed thickly and looked up at him. "You don't have to make up to me for it."
"If I had not seen fit to leave you alone in a cell... I knew the dangers lurking in this palace, yet I paid them no heed." Loki slid his eyes closed, but all he could see behind the dark lids were pictures of her battered body.
"This is your home, Loki." Nancy reached up to caress his cheek. He felt so guilty. She could tell. "You should be able to feel safe here, no matter where in the palace you are. And I spent nights in that cell before."
He shook his head. As king, it was his job to know everything. Odin would have seen it coming. He would have done something to protect the woman he loved. "I should have known Galt would betray me."
She wrapped her arms around him. "How could you have known? He was just a bad guy in a bad place. I should have been safe there. You couldn't have known." Perhaps it was somewhat his fault, inadvertently. But she didn't blame him for it. Neither of them could have predicted her attack. It wasn't his fault. He hadn't been the one who'd hurt her.
Loki held her close, relishing her warmth and the security of having her in his arms. She was okay now. She was healing. He bit his tongue to stop the arguments rising, even if he still felt as guilty as he ever had. One of his hands reached to stroke her hair. "Do you wish to retire now?"
Nancy nodded slowly. "I wish I could give you what you want," she whispered, feeling guilty herself, "But I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Not so soon. I'm sorry."
"I understand." Loki nodded in complete understanding. He hadn't asked for it. He hadn't thought she would be ready, not now. Perhaps not for a very, very long time. Half of the blame lay on his shoulders, and he would take the responsibility for it. He would control himself, like the man he had become. "Soon."
A new, soft smile lit Nancy's features. She slid her hand down his arm and twined their fingers together. "But I did promise I'd let you kiss me."
Loki smirked. She had said nothing about teasing, either. Something he was more than brilliant at. He traced his thumb over her hand, tossing her a smoldering look. "Here? Or there?"
With a grin, Nancy walked forward and turned, gently tugging his arm. "Come find out."
Loki put his entire foreseeable future in her hands. Only she knew how far she would want to go or what she liked and disliked. He didn't know the triggers or the places she would find the most pleasure. So he let her lead. Wherever she wanted to go.
The warm firelight reflected off the gold and marble of the halls as they walked, making the way seem all the more peaceful and romantic. Outside, peeking through the ancient lattices and towering columns, the stars and planets blanketed the skies.
Nancy pushed the grand, golden doors open and led Loki toward his bed. She sat down on the edge and pulled him down next to her, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss the moment he drew close.
Every pent-up worry and frustration melted away at her tender touch. Nothing could reach them in this little world of theirs, where they were safe from harm and everything revolved around the other person. He snaked a hand to her waist, needing to feel her beneath him, to tell what she needed. He leaned into the kiss, only deepening it despite his better judgment. He wanted so much more with her. A longing so deep it hurt burst forth into the passion of his exploring kiss.
He wanted more. He wanted to go farther than she did. And he was beginning to take control. Nancy tensed slightly, but continued kissing him. As long as he didn't go too far, she would be alright. She must be.
The instant she tensed beneath him, Loki knew he could go no farther. He wouldn't hurt her again, not after everything she had been through. A kiss, that was what she said, and he had given a kiss. Valhalla and all the stars, it had been a kiss. He smiled at her, placing one last lingering touch to her lips. "Just a kiss. I promised. However, perhaps in a few days, I would like to kiss each bruise better. If you would allow it."
"Yes. Maybe in a few days." Nancy blushed slightly at the thought of his kisses exploring her body. She smiled and stood. "Good night, master. I really did enjoy tonight."
"As did I, pet. As did I." With little to do, Loki stripped to just his trousers and, as always, slid under his silken covers. He gave nary a thought to his pet or her comfort. A side effect of his stupid, selfish ambitions and pride. He regretted it almost the instant his head hit the pillow.
Nancy's smile faded to a frown. Everything had shifted back to normal. He'd turned away from her again. With a sigh, the turned for the chaise and perched on the edge. All this, and I'm still a pet. she thought to herself. Even after everything, after they'd both lowered their barriers and became so close, he still thought of her as a pet. She sat in limbo, somewhere between a prized animal and a cherished friend.
Knowing he couldn't leave her rejected, Loki rolled over, fully intending to offer to let her sleep beside him. Instead, he saw only concern on her features. Concern, and disappointment. He blinked and studied her for a moment. He should have known better. "Something worries you."
Nancy glanced up at him and forced a smile. "No. No, I'm fine. Just... tired, is all." She leaned back against the back of the chaise and pulled the velvet cover over her. "I'm just tired. Really."
"Pet?" He sat up, concerned. She never stumbled over words unless something was horribly wrong. He knew he had made yet another mistake, but he wouldn't correct it until she opened to him and told him what made her look so... sad. "Why do you look at me like this?"
"How am I looking? I'm just watching you until I fall asleep myself." She pulled the covers tighter. "I'm fine."
"I have seen this look before. You desire something." He met her gaze, his own never wavering. "What is it?"
She should know better than to fight him. He was the god of lies and she was a horrible liar. "It's just… your bed is so large. And this glorified chair is so… well, it's not a bed. And…" Should she tell him? Would he scoff at her desires, or open up to her? Would he let her in? "The truth is…" She looked away, embarrassed by her weakness. "I wanted to lay next to you and feel your arms around me. I feel safe when I'm with you. I just wanted to feel your warmth… and closeness."
Loki swallowed. If she laid in his arms, how could he resist her? His control was never so great anyway, so why did he think he could resist her? Then again, how would she ever let him in if he did not at least try? Perhaps, for her sake, he could keep his hands to himself. He reached for the covers beside him and tossed them aside, gently patting his hand against the green silk sheets.
At hearing the rustling of the sheets on his bed, Nancy looked back at him. He was inviting her closer. No favors had to be given. No special words spoken. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.
She stood and joined him in his bed, carefully snuggling close. "I know you would never hurt me." she whispered, drawing closer. "We'll just lay together. That's it."
Loki smiled, trying and almost failing to hold back his laugh at her unfortunate turn of phrase. "Are you familiar with Medieval and Edwardian terminology?" He wrapped his arm around her torso, holding her as she had requested.
"Yes. I know." Nancy rolled her eyes and relaxed against him, finally allowing herself to smile, "'Lay together'. You knew what I meant."
"I only suggest you choose your wording more carefully." He did laugh, then. Her expression was so guileless and adorable. "Lest I misunderstand you."
"You knew what I meant." Nancy insisted, laughing herself. As she calmed, she studied him. Yes, she could look at him all day, but he was so much more than a handsome face and toned body. More than his regality and princely features. He understood her on a level none could reach. His mind and wit were unmatched. His thirst for knowledge and understanding of words were both as great as her own. She'd never met anyone like him, and she never would again. He could very well be her other half. A missing piece of her soul.
"I love you." Nancy whispered softly, nuzzling under his chin.
Loki held her closer, her body pressed against his long, lean muscles. He could lay like this forever and never tire of it. "I knew what you meant this time... but I am not always so coherent."
"I'll be careful what I say." Nancy mumbled, sighing happily.
Loki rested his face in her hair, just as soft as he remembered it being. Even better than having Maija beside him was having Nancy trust him enough to lay in his arms. He mumbled out the habitual words, "I release you to sleep."
As soon as the words were spoken, Nancy found herself unable to keep her eyes open. She was already falling asleep against him. In one last moment of consciousness, she whispered, "Are you ever going to release me from that spell?"
"But I like having you whenever I want." Loki pulled his face from her hair and smiled at his own double-entendre. She really should have seen that one coming. She left the door for it wide open.
Nancy pulled away just enough to give him a playful glare, then rolled over, still snuggled close. She trusted him now, in ways she never had before. He would never harm her, she knew that for a fact. And now, here in his arms, she felt safe and secure and wanted.
Even though she turned away, Loki sensed her need for closeness. He held her gently, but firmly, his own eyes drooping in exhaustion. It had been a long day, and tomorrow was sure to be worse. When one traitor showed his true colors, the rest were quick to follow.
