A/N: Hey guys! Thank you SO much for your wonderful reviews. I appreciate it so much. As a reward for your feedback I decided to put up the next chapter sooner. I struggled a lot with this chapter when I was writing it while on vacation. I'm still unsure about it, but like it. Let me know what you think. I hope you like it. Take care. Love, Ellivia22
Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans we would see more of Beast Boy's serious side. Call me crazy, but I almost like his serious side better than his joking side. Probably because I like serious situations lol
I'll Be
Part X
Robin
I stand frozen in the common room, staring transfixed at the closed elevator doors. Starfire's words keep repeating in my head. I can't believe that she would be willing to close the door on our friendship, especially when I know in my heart that it could be something more. I love her and I know that she loves me. I don't understand why she would choose Beast Boy's health over our love. He is worth nothing and our love could be something amazing.
I trudge through the tower, feeling utterly alone. Cyborg is not here to play game station with me; Raven isn't here to read her books in the common room and give me practical advice. And Starfire isn't here to give me the love I desperately need. All because they are at the hospital supporting that little irritant. I should've kicked him off the team a long time ago.
I find myself standing in front of Beast Boy's door. I scowl. Of course my wanderings would bring me back here. It seems like no matter what I do I can't escape that pest. I open his door. It has been a while since I've been in here. Seeing his room so clean and tidy is a complete shock. I see a pile of bullets in the middle of the floor close to his bed. So he really did try to kill himself. I thought Raven was just making it up so I'd feel sorry for Beast Boy. I guess she was telling the truth after all. Even if she was telling the truth about everything, it's not going to make me hate Beast Boy any less. It's his fault the entire team is falling apart.
I let out a sigh, sinking to the ground. A pile of fitness magazines is right next to me. On top is a letter addressed to me. I grab it, opening it up. Then I begin to read.
Dear Robin,
I don't know if you will read this, but if you do there are some things you need to know. By now I'm sure you guys have already found my body. I'm sorry that it has taken me this long to do what I should've done years ago.
I know what you think of me. I know you think I'm stupid, worthless, and too immature to be on your team. I admit, I do act stupid and immature a lot, but it's not because I am those things. It's because I've never trusted you or any of the other Titans enough to show you who I really am. Especially after everything that has happened this past week. You guys know nothing about me, nor did you take any time to learn anything about my past.
If I had trusted you enough, I would've told you how I lost my parents in a boating accident at age five and how I blame myself EVERY DAY for not being able to save them. I would've told you that I was kidnapped by two low life criminals and forced to use my powers to commit crimes. I got beaten severely when I would refuse them. I would've told you about my guardian, Nicholas Galtry. He only pretended to care about me to get the inheritance my parents left me. He tried to have me murdered twice so he could receive it before I turn eighteen. Throughout my life I've been too terrified to trust anyone in fear of being hurt. All the pain and regret I've been carrying all my life I keep hidden behind a goofy mask. You've never taken the time to to see behind the mask and see who I really am: just a broken boy who longs to be accepted. I know you will never take the time to know me because of how much you hate me.
Robin, in all honesty, I'm not mad at you. I know that you are trying to be a good team leader and I know you won't succeed with someone as worthless as I am on your team. I tried my hardest to be strong and powerful like the others, but I've failed. I've disappointed you. So I'm going to spare you any further burden and end it now. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I hope you succeed in whatever you do.
Your Friend,
Beast Boy
P.S. I hope you and Starfire have a bright future together.
I read the letter three times. If it weren't for Beast Boy's messy handwriting, I'd believe that this letter was written by someone else. I've always wondered about his past, but never bothered finding out about it. I always figured it was happy, go lucky, just like his attitude always was before he got infected by the chemicals at the lab. However it's a great surprise to learn that he's childhood was as traumatic as mine-even more so. At least I had Batman for a while. Beast Boy had no one to rely on. Reading this letter makes me feel a connection with him I've never had before. I also lost my parents at a young age due to a tragic accident.
I feel the anger and the hate that I've been holding towards my green teammate fade slightly. How did he do it? I can't help but wonder. How did he always act so upbeat and happy despite the past that he had? A part of me wonders why I am even dwelling on this. It shouldn't matter. I hate Beast Boy and want him gone so that the team will be better. And yet...reading this letter makes me wonder if I've been unfair. Perhaps I have been a little hard on him. It seems there's another side of Beast Boy that I'm not aware of. Perhaps he's not nearly as stupid and immature as I thought.
While I'm reflecting on this, I notice a photograph in one of the piles close by. I pick it up. It's a photo I've seen before. The photo contained a tall man with blonde hair, a woman with long brown hair, and a young boy. He also had blonde hair and green eyes and has to be no older than four years old. The boy doesn't look like the Beast Boy I know, but I recognize the features in his face. It is definitely him. It must've been before he gained his powers. I flip the picture over. Mark and Marie Logan with son Garfield. Underneath is Beast Boy's handwriting. I lost two angels on August 21, 1995. Rest in peace, Mom and Dad. I love you. Seeing this picture I suddenly remember an incident a couple of months before the incident of the Beast. A moment where I did see a different side to the Tower comedian.
It was a typical day at Titan's tower. It was raining heavily and storming so much that I had decided to have our usual training session in the gym. I figured this would be a good day to exercise, stay in shape, and fit so we could be ready for any threat that was to come to Jump City. Starfire, Cyborg, and Raven were in the training room, doing the normal stretch routines to prepare for the different training equipment I had ready for them. The green changeling was nowhere in sight.
"Where in the hell is Beast Boy?!" I demanded, pacing back in forth. "He's late."
"Probably sleeping in," Cyborg said casually. "You know that BB isn't much of a morning person."
I sighed in frustration. Why was Beast Boy being so irresponsible?! He usually was never late-at least not fifteen minutes late. It looked like I was going to have to give him a stern lecture about staying up too late playing video games instead of going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep.
"I'll go get him," I grumbled.
I stormed out of the gym and walked down the hall toward Beast Boy's room. This better not be a habit, otherwise I'd be forced to remove him from the team. When I arrive outside his door I heard what sounded like muffled crying. I placed my ear against the door. Yep it definitely was quiet sobs. Why was Beast Boy crying?
I knocked sharply on the door. "Beast Boy!"
The crying stopped abruptly. A few seconds later, the door opened. Beast Boy looked nothing like the happy, cheerful, joking Titan that I knew. Instead his eyes were puffy and red. His cheeks shone with tears and there was no happy spark in his eyes. Instead his green eyes were dull. I noticed he was clutching onto a worn photograph.
I struggled to say something. I wanted to ask Beast Boy what was wrong, but I couldn't find the words. Besides, I had to remain professional. There was no time to waste when potential villains were on the loose. "Beast Boy, you're late for training," I told him sternly. "Let's go."
The changeling didn't look at me. Instead he looked sadly at the photograph in his gloved hands. I looked at it briefly. It was a picture of two adults and a young child with blonde hair. I wondered who those people were. "I-I'm sorry, Robin," he said in a choked voice. "I-I'll be right there."
I felt myself soften slightly. It became apparent to me that Beast Boy was in no condition to train today. "You know what," I said in a much gentler voice. "It looks like you could use the day off. Just for today though."
Beast Boy forced a smile of appreciation. It looked like it took a lot of effort. "Thanks Robin," he said quietly.
The curiosity got the better of me. "Who's in the photograph?" I asked.
He looked down at the photograph, then back at me. "People I used to know a long time ago."
More tears leaked from his eyes. I couldn't stop staring at him. I had never seen him this sad before. He looked like his world had ended-just like when Terra betrayed him. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. Beast Boy shook his head. "Very well. Get your rest."
Without another word, Beast Boy closed his door. I stood outside his door for a few minutes. It didn't take long for me to hear the sobs again from the other side. A part of me was confused on why he wouldn't tell me what was going on. I thought he trusted me. I put the situation out of my mind. I had more important things to think about-such as Slade's next movements.
I continue staring at the photograph. I hadn't thought of that memory again until just now. It never made sense to me until now. He must've been mourning his parents. If he was so good at holding back his emotions behind his goofy mask, why didn't he do so and just come to practice? This memory doesn't prove his other side. It just proves that Beast Boy is weak. It's because of his weakness and immaturity that we fail at missions. We'd be better off without him.
And yet why did Slade want him in the first place if he was so weak? A voice whispers in my head.
That one thought reminds me remember of the conversation I had with Slade while I was battling him in the run down mansion.
"Why did you take Beast Boy?" I demanded. I finally had him alone. The masked villain was attempting to escape the run down mansion. I managed to catch him close to the door leading to the outside."What do you want with him?!"
Slade swung his bo staff toward my head. I ducked. "Well I figured since you guys didn't want him, I'd gladly take him off your hands. He'll make a fine apprentice. In fact, he'll be a much better apprentice than you ever were. "
I was fuming. Slade was just trying to bait me. He still wanted me as his apprentice and chose Beast Boy to lure me into his trap. "Your trick won't work, Slade. I will never go back to working for you! You can keep Beast Boy for all I care!"
Slade chuckled lightly. "Jealous, Robin?" he taunted. "Your hate has made you so blind, you never saw the strength and loyalty that Beast Boy possess. And your loss will be my gain."
I saw Cyborg approach me from out of the corner of my eye, his cannon pointed at the masked villain that I detested so much. Now that I had back up, I pulled out my many discs, ready to throw them at Slade.
"Until next time." Then before we could move, Slade threw an object on the ground, surrounding us with thick grey smoke. Once it cleared I realized that he had disappeared.
I sighed, putting my discs away. There was no time to waste. I had to get back to the tower and track Slade's movements. We had to be ready to attack when he decided to strike again. All four of us.
Cyborg came up from beside me. "I called an ambulance to take Beast Boy to the hospital in Jump City. Let's go."
I didn't look at my metal teammate. "You go ahead. I've got to track Slade's next movements before he strikes again."
"But-.
Without saying anything else I left the run down mansion and rode my R Cycle back to the Tower.
Slade's smug words are beginning to haunt me. What was he talking about? What possible potential could he see in Beast Boy? He's weak, annoying, and couldn't save the day if his life depended on it. I would be a much better apprentice than he could be ANY DAY! I'm the most skilled, the master of martial arts. I have defeated countless villains. And who has Beast Boy defeated on his own?
Adonis a voice whispers in my head. And that space monster that tried to kidnap him. You couldn't defeat him without Beast Boy. And who was the one who was able to get through to Terra even with a broken heart? Beast Boy.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how wrong I've been. If it weren't Beast Boy's ability to change in any animal, we wouldn't have had the advantage in several missions. And as much as I can't stand his jokes, I must admit having his cheerful spirit always kept the team's morale up. I swallow hard as the reality finally hits me hard. Starfire is right. He's not pathetic. I am. I am pathetic, not just as a hero, but as a team leader. I let my judgment take over and started hating someone for no good reason. It's obvious to me now that there is so much more to Beast Boy than I originally thought. He is a better hero than I am, and a better person. I've hurt someone who didn't deserve it, and never deserved it. Not only have I been treating him badly, I've destroyed the person he used to be. A large lump forms in my throat and I feel the tears trickle past my mask and down my face.
"I-I'm sorry, Beast Boy." I whisper to no one in particular. "I'm really sorry for everything I've done."
Why am I still here? I ask myself. Star's right. I shouldn't be here at the Tower. I should be at the hospital, supporting not only my teammate, but my friend. I have no idea how bad his condition is. He could be dying right now. Without thinking twice I rush out the room and down the elevator to my R-cycle. I have to get to the hospital and apologize before it's too late.
Fifteen minutes later I park my R-cycle in the garage of the hospital. I ignore the looks of awe and surprise of the citizens of Jump City as I make my way to the emergency room. I'm on a mission and nothing is going to stop me. Once I reach the waiting room, I feel my blood run cold as my veins turn to ice. Oh no! He's dead!
Cyborg has his arms wrapped around a sobbing Starfire. I can see tears of his own running down the metal man's face. Raven is being consoled by one of the nurses. Random objects are exploding everywhere, but she doesn't seem to notice or care. Something has happened. Something bad.
"What happened?!" I demand, coming closer to Cyborg. Starfire looks up from Cyborg's shoulder and glares at me. I ignore it. My heart is pounding. I'm afraid of what I'm about to learn.
Cyborg let's out an anguished sigh. "BB's dying," he says in a choked voice. "The doctor is trying to save him, but I don't think there is any hope that he will survive."
All the air escapes my lungs. I struggle to breathe. I'm too late: too late to apologize for everything I've done, too late to make everything right. I feel my knees give way. I collapse in the closest chair, my head in my hands. I'm sorry, Beast Boy I think over and over again. Please live.
To be continued...
