A/N: First of all, I would like to apologise for being a liar. In the author's note of the previous chapter I said that since I had already started on this chapter, it shouldn't take me as long to get out while in reality, it's been a long time since the last update. I had written the first 4k words of this chapter back in August of 2016, but then I got distracted by MakoHaru events and other fic ideas and that was why I took a step back from writing this chapter and wrote other things. I didn't continue with writing this chapter until about a week ago. It may be hard to believe since it's been months since the last update, but I've written this chapter much, much faster than any of the previous ones; they took me somewhere between 1 to 3 months to write, while I wrote the largest portion (over 11k words) of this chapter in less than a week. I'm pretty glad about that since I'm usually a slow writer but I somehow got the strength to write this a lot faster

Second of all, my sincerest apologies that it has taken me so long to get this chapter out. I love writing this story and I'm definitely going to continue it beyond this point. I'm not going to make any promises but I hope that I can get another chapter out before the end of this year.

Lastly, my usual disclamer. I'm not an expert on any of the medical and cultural stuff I write about. I do my best to research everything as well as I can but it just can't match up to having first-hand experience and knowledge.

Anyway, I think I've blabbered enough for now.

I hope that you'll enjoy this chapter and that it was worth the wait!


Feet bigger than his own intertwined with his, legs pressing against his calves and the back of his thighs, his back enveloped by a warm chest, and a large arm wrapped around his body, the palm of the hand placed over his heart. That was what Haruka woke up to.

The sky was still pale, clouds covering up most of the light that shone from the faint winter sun. Haruka didn't open his eyes yet, purposefully keeping them shut although it wasn't because the daylight was bothering him. There was just something in him that didn't want to break whatever this was, this trance-like tranquility that was filled with feelings of rightness. A feeling of belonging, of home.

Almost automatically, his right hand came to rest over Makoto's on his chest, careful not to disturb this moment. They had shifted in their sleep but that didn't change the close atmosphere that had lingered from the night before, the ambience that had given Haruka the confidence and courage to reach out.

He knew Makoto was awake - he could feel his rhythmic breathing against his hair - and he was sure Makoto knew he was awake, too. In that moment it didn't matter. Although Makoto was usually more reserved in terms of physical contact as well, Haruka figured that he felt the same need, to have the closeness of someone he could build upon, someone to hold onto and be held by during the most difficult time of his life. Makoto was not one to outright tell his needs and feelings, especially regarding his condition, so Haruka was glad that by taking the first step towards him, Makoto gave in and communicated his thoughts non-verbally.

In the past, this knowledge and proximity would have made him hyper-aware of his surroundings, it would give him the feeling of nerves coiling in his stomach, though always in a good way. It didn't now. All it did was make him feel at ease, more at ease and peaceful than he had in years, even before leukemia came crashing into their lives and destroyed everything they held dear.

That didn't matter right then either. Moments like these gave Haruka the feeling everything would be alright as long as they had each other. Conveying these feelings was hard for the both of them, so for now, this was enough. The warmth Makoto emitted, the breath tickling his hair, the heartbeat thrumming against his back, the hand in his, the body pressed against his own, it was enough. The knowledge that he could be Makoto's rock, his boulder of support like Makoto had always been for him, just that was enough.

This could be their little secret.

"Onii-chan! Haru-chan!"

Or not.

The voices of the twins and the sound of them barging into Makoto's room echoed through the house, drowning out the voice of their mother who yelled at them to be quiet. Like that, the spell was broken. The arm that was wrapped around Haruka moved and he immediately missed the warmth and weight.

Makoto sat up as Ran and Ren bounced on the end of the bed, completely forgetting the circumstances in their elation. In the meanwhile Haruka's tired mind was torn between being annoyed at the twins for interrupting them and being glad that Makoto and he had been lying with drawn-up knees, otherwise his legs would have been crushed.

"Onii-chan, Haru-chan! Santa-san came!"

A yawn escaped Makoto's lips just as he was stretching his arms over his head; his attempt to cover his mouth with his hand was in vain. The twins were still yelling about presents and more but Haruka didn't listen, trying to tune them out by burying his face deeper in the duvet. Mentally he tried to make them disappear but unfortunately, sheer willpower was not enough. He loved Ran and Ren, he really did, but sometimes they made him wish he could mute them. Especially when they were being loud after he just woke up.

Seeing that he wouldn't be able to return to sleep like this, let alone convince Makoto to join him, Haruka sighed deeply before reluctantly pushing himself up. As he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he vaguely registered that Makoto had gotten up and was now responding to the twins, who were jumping around him full of enthusiasm, pulling on his arms. Knowing there was nothing else he could do, he got out of bed as well and allowed Ran to grab his arm and pull him along.

The children led them down the stairs and into the living room, where Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana were waiting for them, the former with an old video camera in hand and recording his children as they walked in, the latter standing next to her husband as she took pictures.

Ran and Ren plopped down on the floor as Makoto and Haruka seated themselves on the couch. Presents in all shapes and sizes were lying underneath the Christmas tree.

Mr. Tachibana began to ask them all kinds of questions, about what they were doing and what day it was, in order to give the video he was making more context and to make it more lively. Immediately Ren and Ran started to babble as they each picked out a present and read the name that was written on it.

"This one's for Ren," Ran read and she handed her twin the present she was holding.

"And this one's Haru-chan's," Ren said, offering Haruka the present.

"For me?" Haruka inquired, a frown settling on his face in bewilderment. From the corner of his eyes he shot a questioning look at Mrs. Tachibana, making sure the twins didn't notice it. All he got in return was her usual gentle smile.

He accepted the proffered present and peered at the name on the sticker, reading the familiar character of his own name. It really was for him.

"Only one person opening at a time, please," Mr. Tachibana requested, wanting to capture every moment on tape.

"You can go first," Haruka said to Ren, knowing that the boy already had a difficult time containing himself before, so he was most likely ready to burst with giddiness now.

A huge smile lit up Ren's face and he wasted no time before he started to tear the wrapping off.

"Wow!" he gasped, completely astonished as he held up some kind of toy car he had wanted to have. "Thank you, Santa-san."

"Hold it up and smile!" Mrs. Tachibana instructed so she could take a photo. Ren did as he had been told and grinned, brighter and more animated than he had in a long time, his large brown eyes shining with euphoria.

"Next up is Haru-kun," Mr. Tachibana exclaimed as he pointed the camera towards Haruka.

If there was something Haruka wasn't fond of, it was being the center of attention. He didn't like having his picture taken nor being recorded on a video only to be seen and laughed at in years to come. But he didn't want to ruin the lighthearted and joyous ambience that was created, so he just played along with it all.

Like he had the night before, Haruka began to open the present at the folds. However, this time he wouldn't get away with it that easily.

"Haru-chan, you have to rip it off!" Ran protested.

"Yeah," Ren agreed, "otherwise it's no fun!"

Deciding to humour them, Haruka proceeded to tear the wrapping off instead. The torn up paper revealed a sketchbook. Picking it up to study it closer, he saw that the pages were thick and firm, a better quality than the average sketchbook found at a toy store. This meant that Mrs. Tachibana had gone out of her way to get him this.

When he looked up he saw the flash of the camera, soon followed by Mrs. Tachibana's sweet smile.

"Thank you, Santa-san," is what he said, but his words were clearly aimed at Makoto's parents.

Continuing with the gift unwrapping, Ren selected another present from the pile and looked at the label.

"Hey," he remarked, "this one says 'Ran and Ren'!"

"Oh? I think that means that it's a present for both of you," his father responded.

"But then who gets to unwrap it?" Ran asked in confusion.

"You both do. Grab a piece of the paper and then rip it off at the same time, okay?"

The children nodded and each of them took a piece of paper in their grasp.

"Ready? Go!"

At the sign they had been given both Ran and Ren pulled at the paper, easily ripping it off the box it was wrapped around. It was some kind of board game, but Haruka didn't know it.

"Oh! It's the game we played at Yumi-chan's place!" Ren beamed.

"Yay!" Ran cheered, throwing her hands up.

"Ah, you really enjoyed that game, right?" Mrs. Tachibana questioned, pretending not to know anything about her children wanting to have it.

"Yeah!" they simultaneously said.

"We really wanted to play it with Onii-chan," Ren explained, "but I didn't think we would get it!"

"Me neither," Ran chimed in, "Santa-san is really amazing..."

"He really is!" Mr. Tachibana laughed and Haruka was positive that he was referring to himself when he said that, and he snorted inwardly.

After their mother had taken another picture of them holding up the board game, Ran picked out another gift.

"Makoto," she read out loud, "This one is for you, Onii-chan!"

"Thank you," Makoto nodded and he took the present from his sister's hand. Unlike his friend, he immediately began to rip the paper off, taking out a book from between the packaging. Haruka recognised it as the sequel to a book Makoto read not too long ago.

A wide smile stretched Makoto's face, showing his white teeth as his eyes squeezed shut. It was obvious Makoto really liked the present, but he wasn't consumed by childish glee like his siblings were. Still, Makoto was happy, and even if that happiness was short-lived, Haruka was glad.

"Santa-san, thank you very much!" he uttered, his words sounding genuine. Yet Haruka detected something else in his voice, like there was a deeper meaning expressed than simple gratitude to his parents for getting him a book.

Before he could analyse it further, Ran spoke again.

"Now I want a present for me," she said, looking through the remaining gifts to find one with her name on it. Ran had a lot of qualities but unfortunately, patience wasn't one of them. In this case Haruka couldn't blame her for it, though. She had been looking forward to unwrapping presents for days and from the moment she had woken up she had been buzzing with excitement, so to see everyone receiving gifts while having to sit by and just watch must have been excruciating for her - the board game she had unwrapped with Ren obviously didn't count, she wanted to receive a present that was for her and her alone.

When she found one she immediately began to rip the paper off, making her parents and brother chuckle at her zealousness. Out of the wrapping she pulled a set of colourful markers. A content expression lit up her face, although it was probably more because she was glad she had finally gotten a present rather than what said present actually was.

Mrs. Tachibana snapped another picture and the same scene repeated itself multiple times. Ran and Ren picked out a gift, gave it to Makoto or Haruka if their name was on it and unwrapped it when their own name stared back at them. Mr. Tachibana pointed the camera towards the receiver of the particular present while his wife took pictures.

At last all the presents were unwrapped and the children's hunger for gifts was satiated - at least for now. Next to matching sets of markers, they had gotten all kinds of gifts, from dolls to games to clothes and props for their dress-up and role-play games and more. Haruka figured that they had been spoiled this year, even more so than otherwise. It was most likely an attempt of their parents to make things up to them. Because Ran and Ren were used to being the center of attention but lately, most of that attention had been shifted from them to their brother. While that couldn't be helped, Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana probably felt bad about it. They didn't neglect their two youngest, but it was easy for them to feel that way when everything suddenly revolved around someone else. Making them feel like they were in the limelight for once and trying to mend the emotional wounds in their hearts in a material way, that was what their parents had wanted. So they felt loved and cared for, just that little bit more than normally, or so Haruka guessed.

Though they usually couldn't decide what they wanted to play with first because they simply wanted to play with everything at the same time, for once they actually knew what they wanted to do.

"Onii-chan, let's play!" Ren said, holding out the board game in front of his chest.

"Breakfast first!" Mrs. Tachibana called from the kitchen.

"We'll play after breakfast, alright?" Makoto proposed, smiling gently at his siblings.

"Yay!" they cheered, pleased with their brother's response.

Haruka walked into the kitchen under the pretense of wanting to help Mrs. Tachibana out with breakfast, but he actually had an ulterior motive. When he was standing next to her and made sure the twins were out of earshot, he spoke.

"Thank you."

Surprised by his sudden words, Mrs. Tachibana turned her head to him, a smile beginning to form on her face. "You're very welcome, Haru-kun. We didn't really know what to get you, so I'm sorry if you don't like them."

"It's fine. I like them," Haruka said honestly. Like the sketchbook, he had been gifted art supplies mostly, things like a new set of watercolour paint, brushes and pencils. Not only were these useful for him since he liked to draw, but also because they kept him busy; they were instruments of distraction. He could have also been given something that would useless to him, so this was definitely the better alternative for everyone. A little stock never hurt. "You didn't have to give me anything in the first place."

"Haru-kun, Santa-san doesn't skip any good children," Mrs. Tachibana dismissed gently, winking at him to show that she implied more with this.

It wasn't as if Haruka didn't understand this, because he did, but he somewhat felt like he was intruding on private family moments so the last thing he had expected was to receive presents on top of that. He knew that they didn't want him to feel excluded and that with the general absence of his own parents, they wanted him to feel loved and cherished like any child should. The fact that it would be weird to Ran and Ren if Santa-san didn't give him any presents probably played a part as well, but even then, Haruka really appreciated that during this difficult time in their lives when everything was supposed to revolve around their children, Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana still thought of him and wanted to include him.

"Thank you," Haruka repeated, feeling the need to express his appreciation verbally.

Another smile was cast his way and he was reminded of something she had told him before, about her practically having four children. She had mentioned it in a loving way and though it made him feel a bit guilty to be another burden for her, he knew she was right. These past few years she had been there for him, more of a mother figure than his own had ever been. Even now, when he was going through so much pain, a frequent phone call to ask how he was doing or how Makoto was doing was too much to ask for. He didn't exactly blame his parents since he knew they were busy, but their lack of empathy disappointed him a little. Mrs. Tachibana knew this and that was probably the reason she wanted to involve him with everything, why she offered up a spot in her own family for him. "One day you'll join our family for real, but for now, you're an honorary member" she had said in the past and back then he didn't really think twice about those words, but now he understood what she had meant.

Mrs. Tachibana's voice broke him out of his reverie.

"I can handle breakfast on my own, Haru-kun. Can you go help Makoto to put away his gifts?" she asked. This was something she did quite often lately. Although in the past she rejected his offers to help her nine out of ten times, lately she was doing this more often and instead proposed that he went to Makoto, using whatever reason she was able to come up with. It was like she was purposefully trying to create scenes in which Makoto and him were together, because she knew that both Makoto and Haruka felt most at ease around each other and though she might have thought she was being subtle with it, Haruka noticed it either way. Still, he was thankful and he appreciated her thoughtfulness.

So, Haruka did as she had instructed and went back to the living room, helping both the twins and Makoto to carry their stuff to their place of destiny. Makoto had gotten mostly clothes, since a lot of his old clothes didn't fit anymore after his grow spurt last summer and also because he needed a bunch more comfortable clothes now that he was sick and lying in bed for the majority of the day.

Upstairs in his bedroom, Makoto tried on the clothing he received to see if they fit; the price tags were still on it so Mrs. Tachibana could return them if they didn't. Haruka confirmed or denied whether or not the clothing actually fit in his opinion and kept track of two piles, the first for things that fit and that Haruka had taken the price tag off, the second for things that needed to be returned to their respective store. Some shirts were a bit loose on his torso and some pants hung a bit low on his hips - with the recent changes of her son's body, it was probably difficult for Mrs. Tachibana to figure out what the right size would be for him - but it wasn't like they were too big, per se.

"You'll grow into them," was Haruka's initial response to them and immediately after he said it, he realised his slip up.

Makoto had only smiled and tilted his head accompanied by a small, "You're right."

After Makoto had tried everything on and the clothes that fit were thrown into the laundry, they went back downstairs with the clothes that didn't fit and the severed price tags. By then Mrs. Tachibana was serving breakfast and they were right on time to sit down and dig in.


New Year's drew nearer and it was time for some major end-of-the-year cleaning. The floors were polished and the furniture was moved out of the way so every nook and cranny of the house could be thoroughly cleaned. The only exception was Makoto's room, as Makoto was sleeping and he wouldn't be able to if his room was emptied and cleaned. He had woken up that morning feeling more tired than he had since being back at home, which was most likely due to him having been so active and engaging the previous days. So during the time Makoto was washing up, taking a shower, and eating breakfast Mrs. Tachibana cleaned his room and changed his sheets so he could go straight back to bed once he was done and wouldn't be disturbed when he was sleeping.

At first Mrs. Tachibana had tried to stop Haruka from helping them out, claiming that he shouldn't have to clean a mess he didn't make and that he already had to clean his own house, but when Haruka ignored her protests and got to work, she sighed and quietly accepted his stubbornness.

Later that afternoon Haruka was helping the Ran and Ren to clean their room. The furniture was pushed to one side of the room and the twins were scrubbing the floor while Haruka was wiping down their desks. As they worked the twins were altering between singing some popular songs and humming the parts they didn't know the lyrics of. Their voices filled the air, singing a bit out of tune but it still provided for a nice background sound, Haruka supposed. Until one of the voices suddenly stopped and spoke instead, making the other voice cease as well.

"Hey, Haru-chan?" Ran began, stilling her hands and turning her head towards him.

"What?" Haruka questioned, unlike Ran not stopping with his ministrations.

"You really love Onii-chan, don't you?"

That made Haruka stop rubbing as well and he looked down to meet Ran's eyes, surprised by this unexpected inquiry. The question itself was simple enough yet Haruka wasn't entirely sure what she meant with it. Next to that he didn't know how much she knew about what was going on between Makoto and him - to be quite honest he didn't even know what exactly was going on - and he wasn't sure if this was something he wanted to discuss with anyone, let alone his best friend's seven-year-old sister. Still, he knew that if he kept quiet or didn't answer truthfully then she would make a big fuss about it and then it could escalate into something much more troublesome. So Haruka had no choice but to humour her, though he still intended to brush it off a bit.

"Of course. So do you, right?"

"Yes, but it's different," she stated as she resumed her cleaning, now knowing that she had gotten Haruka's attention.

"Why, because you're family?" he shot back as he followed Ran's example and continued wiping the furniture, trying to come off as nonchalant but he was not completely sure if he was succeeding.

"You're family too, Haru-chan," Ren added, indicating that he had been listening while showing no further interest to partake in the conversation, too focused on making sure the floor was becoming as clean as could be.

It warmed his heart to know that he felt that way, it really did, but this was not what Haruka needed right now.

"Yes, you are, Haru-chan, but it's still different," Ran insisted.

"How so?"

"We love Onii-chan because he's Onii-chan," she explained, probably making more sense to herself and Ren than to him, "You love Onii-chan like Mommy loves Daddy."

"What makes you say that?" Haruka asked in a lousy attempt to dodge her statements.

"You were cuddling with Onii-chan just like Mommy and Daddy do sometimes. When I asked Mommy why she does that she said it was because she loves Daddy very much."

"I cuddled with you too when you were sad."

This attempt at dismissal steered the conversation into a whole other direction. "Was Onii-chan sad?" Ran wondered, sounding genuinely concerned.

"No, not really," Haruka sighed, wishing Ran wasn't as inquisitive as she was. Whenever she wanted to know something she wouldn't stop asking questions until she got the answer she was looking for. While Haruka didn't consider this to be a bad trait per se, it could be incredibly tiresome, especially in cases like this when he just didn't feel like giving her the answer she was fishing for.

"Then, why?"

Another sigh left Haruka's mouth. These past few days he had wasted more words than he usually would have in a month, courtesy of the twins. He really didn't feel like spelling everything out to her and would have preferred to just keep cleaning in silence, but he knew that she wouldn't stop pestering him about it if he told her to drop it.

"When you got into a fight at school and feel upset about it, cuddling with your mother or your brother makes you feel better, right?"

"Oh, so you had a fight?"

"No, that's not what I meant." At this point it would probably just be easier to give in to her and tell her that she had been right, so he'd better come up with a valid excuse that would satisfy her soon before he said something he'd regret later. "Cuddling just makes you feel better sometimes. And friends can cuddle too, just like family."

"So I can cuddle with my friends too?"

"If you want to, but only if they want it too."

"I see," she mumbled under her breath, "So you cuddled just because you both wanted to?"

"Hm," Haruka hummed with a nod of his head, hoping that she would finally stop questioning his intentions. And technically, he hadn't even lied to her.

"I want to cuddle with Onii-chan too," Ren suddenly confessed, his voice barely louder than a whisper. This made both Ran and Haruka stop with their cleaning to look at him.

"Do you miss him?" Haruka asked, thankful for the switch of topic he was able to make because of Ren's words.

Ren nodded along with a small hum of his own. "I'm happy that he's home now and I don't want him to go back to the hospital."

"Onii-chan has to go to the hospital otherwise he can't get better!" Ran scolded with a frown at the implication of what her brother had said.

"I know that, and I want him to get better. I just miss him a lot," Ren defended before he added almost inaudibly, "I wish he wasn't sick."

The frown fell from Ran's face to make place for a pout. "I miss him too," she admitted sorrowfully, but then she took a deep breath and said, "But we have to be strong, remember?"

"Yeah…"

The crestfallen looks on the twins' faces made Haruka feel guilty for even if he was grateful for the change in conversation, it hadn't been his intention to make them sad, especially since they had been so cheerful before.

"Maybe you can cuddle with Makoto later," he proposed, "When he's awake and if he feels a bit better after dinner."

"Is that okay?" Ren asked hopefully.

"Won't we have to leave him alone so he can rest?" Ran added.

"That depends on how he's feeling. If it seems like he's feeling better, then you can ask him. I'm sure he won't mind if you're calm and sit still."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but only if he's feeling well. Don't be too disappointed if he can't, though. Then you just have to wait until he does feel better."

"Alright," they said in unison, their faces lighting up with small smiles.

"We better hurry up, then," Haruka suggested, "otherwise we might not be done before dinner."

Those words made the twins quickly continue their scrubbing, bringing a tiny smile to Haruka's own face as he turned away from them and continued to polish their furniture.

Soon enough the conversation with Haruka had been forgotten again as Ren and Ran resumed to sing softly, this time picking the opening theme of an anime that they had talked about before. Haruka just focused on their voices, letting them distract him from any thoughts in particular.

The evening came before they knew it and luckily, the vast majority of the house had been cleaned by then so everyone could relax after dinner. Cleaning the entire house was pretty taxing and even the ever-energetic twins were exhausted. This was always a good thing, but especially today. When they had finished their meal Makoto, who felt a bit better after having slept all day, proposed to watch a movie together and this reminded Ran and Ren of the conversation they had with Haruka that afternoon. They asked if they could cuddle with him and Makoto had smiled and said, "Of course."

Unlike usually, it didn't take them long until they had picked a movie and Haruka knew that was because it wasn't the movie itself they were excited about. Makoto invited them to snuggle up against his sides underneath his blanket and they happily did, circling their arms around his waist and resting their heads against his chest. In return Makoto wrapped his arms around their smaller bodies to hold them close.

This time Haruka watched them not with envy, but with serenity. He wasn't the only one who craved Makoto's embrace and he knew that the children had missed their brother immensely. If there was anyone who understood this feeling, it was Haruka and he even got to see Makoto more often than Ran and Ren did. Next to that he knew that Makoto missed his siblings just as much as they missed him and therefore he was probably just as happy at that moment as they were. And if Makoto was happy, then Haruka was, too.

They didn't have much time to enjoy the movie nor being cuddled up together, though, as it didn't take long until Ran and Ren had dozed off and were snoring softly. This brought a fond smile to Makoto's face and Haruka snorted inwardly at the sight. Makoto didn't seem to mind too much and he pressed a kiss to both of their crowns before he focused his attention on the screen again.

But Haruka didn't have much time to be amused either because he fell asleep himself not long after the twins lost consciousness.


At last New Year's Eve had arrived and Haruka was sitting on the couch with Makoto and his parents, spending the last hours of the year watching tv together and eating some mochi. Haruka didn't care much about the popular music show that was playing on the screen, but he couldn't really complain because he did enjoy the warm and cosy atmosphere that always resided inside Makoto's home and that he and his family always provided.

They would enjoy the remainder of this year inside of this living room, but soon after the new year had officially begun they would go out for their first shrine visit. The initial plan had been for the entire family to go as that was tradition, but because of the snowfall and the prospect of people with colds or other types of illnesses being at the shrine as well, they had decided it would be better if Makoto stayed at home. The risk of catching something was too high and the year couldn't possibly start worse than with Makoto getting the flu. Because no one should be alone during a holiday, Makoto's mother would stay with him while his father, siblings and Haruka would go to the shrine. Usually Haruka would have offered to stay with Makoto instead so Mrs. Tachibana could go with her husband and children, but for once he felt the need to go to the shrine as well and therefore he kept his mouth shut.

The twins were taking a nap upstairs because if they stayed up the whole evening then they would be too tired to go to the shrine later. At first they put up a fight like they always did, claiming that they wanted to stay awake the entire night and that they would definitely have enough energy left to go out and about, but they eventually gave in when their mother promised them that she would wake them in time so that they could say goodbye to this year and enter the new one consciously.

But honestly, they were not the only ones who wouldn't be able to stay up the entire evening and night, and it didn't take much more than the comfort of the couch and the safety of his surroundings before Haruka dozed off as well.

The sound of Makoto's soft voice calling out to him was what Haruka woke up to. When he opened his eyes he was met with Makoto's gentle green eyes and his sweet smile.

"Haru, it's almost midnight," he whispered, careful not to startle him awake.

Haruka blinked a few times to get rid of the fog before his eyes and he noticed that he was lying beneath a blanket and that his lower legs and feet were resting on top of Makoto's lap, feeling the warm weight of his hands on his ankles. He was positive that he hadn't been lying like this before he fell asleep, which meant that Makoto had maneuvered them in this position so he could share his blanket with him. Again and again he proved that there were no boundaries to his thoughtfulness and considerateness and even gestures as tiny and simple as this reminded Haruka how much he cherished Makoto, how important it was for him to hold onto him. It was funny how something so small could mean so much to Haruka, especially since it was most likely Makoto's natural reaction, but that was exactly why; Makoto was so kind and genuine that he did these things automatically and it made Haruka's chest burn with affection for him and with anger at what he was forced to go through.

He did his best to will the feelings of rage away, for they would only ruin the ambience and it wasn't like thinking about how unfair everything was would change the situation anyway.

He wished he could pull Makoto towards him and bury his face into his chest like he had done a week ago, wrap his arms around his body to hold him close. But he knew that he couldn't, so instead he pushed himself up until he was sitting beside Makoto and though he stayed beneath the blanket, he immediately missed the warmth of his body against his legs and feet.

The warmth soon returned, but against his arm this time as he sat up and lightly leaned into Makoto's side. Makoto gave no sign of protest or discomfort so he allowed himself to remain where he was seated.

"Mom is waking the twins right now," Makoto continued with his adorable smile, "and I thought it'd be better if I woke you up before they'll come downstairs."

"Thanks," Haruka murmured earnestly, his voice still a bit groggy from sleep. If he had to pick between being awoken by Makoto's calm and compassionate whisper or the excited screams of Ran and Ren, then he'd definitely pick the former so Makoto's effort was dearly appreciated once again.

And it was just in time too for less than half a minute later the twins entered the living room, one even more bubbly and lively than the other. Ran began to blabber enthusiastically while Ren just quietly sat down next to his father, raising his hand to his face to cover a yawn he couldn't stifle. Seeing this made Haruka yawn too and Makoto chuckled softly at the sight, and when he realised the reason behind Makoto's chuckles, he blushed a little and turned his face away, flattening his hair against his scalp to keep his hands busy and in an attempt to draw the attention away from himself.

The last minutes of the year ticked by quickly and soon enough the countdown of the last sixty seconds had begun. In the meanwhile Ren had lost every remnant of sleep and was now excitedly bouncing next to his twin as they yelled out the numbers of the passing seconds. At first their mother had wanted to tell them that they should keep it down a bit but when she had looked over to her eldest she was met with him smiling and shaking his head, clearly conveying that he didn't mind them being so loud for once. This was a special occasion after all and if Makoto hadn't been sick, then they would have been allowed to be as noisy as they wanted during the countdown. It wasn't like he was sleeping or even trying to rest right now, therefore he was unbothered by their rowdiness and he actually enjoyed seeing them so carefree and cheerful.

When their countdown reached zero, the twins squealed, "Happy new year!" while their parents shared their first chaste kiss of the year. Makoto just looked over at Haruka with that special smile that was reserved for him alone and Haruka smiled back at him, neither needing any words to understand what the other was thinking.

A little while later they were getting ready to go to the shrine and Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana did their best to bundle up their youngest kids, who were practically buzzing with impatience. Just as Haruka was pulling on his own coat, Makoto suddenly told them to wait before leaving as he speeded upstairs. When he came back down he was completely out of breath and panting lightly and Haruka saw what he had grabbed from his room: the brown and green hat and scarf that he had been part of Haruka's Christmas present. When Makoto regained his composure he proceeded to put the hat onto Haruka's head and wrapped the scarf around his neck.

"Makoto!" he objected as he half-heartedly tried to swat Makoto's arms away.

"But it's cold outside!" Makoto insisted, showing no mercy for Haruka's protests.

"I don't need it!"

"What if you get sick?"

Those words made him pause. He knew Makoto had said them out of worry for his well-being, and not his own. But truth of the matter was that if he got sick, he subjected Makoto to the possibility of getting even sicker than he already was. It would be incredibly irresponsible of him to play with Makoto's health like that, and if he did get sick then that meant that he wouldn't be able to be in Makoto's presence and would have to stay away from him until he got better. That was about the last thing he wanted.

All of those reasons made him cease opposing to Makoto's meddlesome nature. Even if Makoto's nagging could be annoying sometimes, he was right most - if not all - of the time. Next to that was Makoto's scolding always well-intended and he did appreciate his concern. He never expected for a day to come where he would appreciate and even enjoy Makoto's nagging, but it had arrived nonetheless.

With a satisfied smirk Makoto pulled the hat even further down Haruka's head so it covered his ears entirely before he tied the scarf around his neck.

"There," he said teasingly, "now you're ready to go."

Haruka pouted and averted his eyes and at that moment Makoto's parents began to laugh at the scene that had played out before their eyes. It was only then that he realised that they were not alone and that Makoto's family was standing in the hallway too, and that made his face flush a bit and therefore he hid it into the scarf. Although it wasn't like he had knitted it for himself to wear nor had he wanted to wear it at first, he had to admit that it was pretty convenient after all.

The shrine wasn't too far from Makoto's house and the walk there didn't take very long. Mr. Tachibana was holding Ren's smaller hand in his and Haruka was holding Ran's, in order to prevent them from running off or getting lost in the crowd.

Although there weren't as many people at the shrine as Haruka had expected due to the snow and the cold, there were still a fair share of people who were making small talk or paying their respects to the deity of the shrine. After they washed their hands and rinsed out their mouths, they joined the short queue in front of the altar and waited for their turn to say their prayers. The entire way here the twins had been mindlessly chatting like they always did, but now that they were in the queue they stayed quiet. They were probably too focused on trying to think of what they were going to say in their minds.

It didn't take long until they were at the front of the queue.

"Do you have your coins?" Mr. Tachibana questioned to which the twins nodded in confirmation and got their coins out.

"Can I ring the bell?" Ran asked hopefully.

"Sure."

"No fair," Ren thought, "I want to ring the bell too!"

"You can ring it together, okay?" Mr. Tachibana offered, not wanting his children to make a scene here.

"Okay."

At that moment they threw their five yen coins into the offering box and Ran and Ren rung the bell, after which they all bowed and clapped their hands before praying with their eyes closed.

Usually when they stepped away from the altar to make place for the next person to express their gratitude to the deity, the twins would ask what the others had prayed for. But this year, they both kept their mouths shut and didn't even mention it. Even they knew that for this year, everyone only had one wish and that they had all prayed for the same thing. They didn't need to hear it to know.

In silence and almost automatically they walked over to the small shop of the shrine. They all put another coin into the boxes for the fortune slips and drew their fortune for that year.

"Yes! I got 'great blessing'!" Ren cheered, "Now my prayers have to come true!"

"Ehh, I have 'curse'," Ran whined with a pout.

"Then you better tie it to the tree," Mr. Tachibana advised, "so the bad luck will wait there."

"Yeah…" Ran mumbled, not completely able to conceal her envy of her twin's fortune.

"Daddy, what did you get?"

"'Small blessing,'" he said and he showed his slip to his children.

The twins rambled some more about the specifics of their fortune, asking their father about the words they couldn't read or didn't understand, but Haruka didn't catch any of it as he was too absorbed into the words written on his own slip. He tried his best to read them but for some reason he couldn't get the main fortune out of his head. Half blessing.

"Haru-chan, what do you have?" Ren then asked him, making him cease his attempts to understand his own predictions.

Wordlessly he showed his slip to him after which Ran took the bottom of it so she could read it too. They didn't make any further comment about it, as it was not particularly good or bad.

"Can I tie it to the tree now?" Ran impatiently requested, seeming like she wanted to get rid of her curse as quickly as she could.

"Are we all done reading it?" her father asked, and the twins both exclaimed that they were. Haruka just nodded in confirmation that he was done too.

Once they got to the tree, Haruka and Mr. Tachibana tied their slips to one of the branches before Mr. Tachibana lifted his daughter so she could do the same. Haruka reached out to Ren but he simply shook his head.

"You're not going to tie it?"

Ren shook his head again. "I want to keep it for good luck," he explained.

"Make sure you don't lose it, then," Mr. Tachibana warned with a smile and at that Ren nodded. He folded his slip back up and put it into his coat's pocket, zipping it up so it couldn't fall out. "Are we ready to go home?" Mr. Tachibana then asked to which the twins nodded.

"Wait," Haruka responded, "There's something I want to get first."

"Alright," he simply said, not prying any further.

Haruka led them back to the shop of the shrine and he stopped at the booth in front of the good-luck charms.

"Are you going to buy a charm, Haru-chan?" Ren inquired, trying to see what Haruka was looking at.

"Hm," Haruka answered as he ran his eyes over the various colourful bags. There was a wide variety to choose from, but alas he could not immediately find a charm that was specifically what he was looking for. It wasn't surprising since this was only a shrine in a small town, but he was a little disappointed nonetheless. That meant that he had to settle with something similar, he supposed. "For Makoto," he added in further explanation.

"Oh!" Ran gasped before she turned to her father, "Daddy, can I get a charm for Onii-chan too?"

"Me too!" Ren cut in, not wanting to be left out and be the only one without a present for his brother.

A soft smile stretched Mr. Tachibana's lips. "Of course. Why don't you both pick a nice one to give to Onii-chan?"

"Yes!" the twins cheered, "Thank you, Dad!" and they joined Haruka in the quest to find the perfect charm for Makoto, standing on their tippy toes to see everything better.

There were many charms that simply didn't apply to Makoto, for even if Haruka was sure that Makoto would appreciate the thought anyway, that was not the point of giving him a charm. It had to be useful and although he would like for Makoto to have academic success too, that was not what he was trying to express nor was it the thing that he wished for him to have. Giving him a charm for romance and love was not exactly the way he had in mind when it came to confessing his feelings to Makoto, and the very last thing Makoto needed was safe childbirth. What he wanted was a charm that would give him strength: mental, emotional, physical strength. Unfortunately, no such charm was available at this shrine.

"What about this one?" Ren proposed as he pointed at a charm, "It's for good health!"

"Well," Mr. Tachibana started, "the good health charms are usually meant to prevent you from getting sick and to keep you healthy. I'm not sure if they would work for Onii-chan since he's already sick," he informed and he raised his hand to tip his glasses a little further down his nose so he could read the characters better. Then he pointed at another one. "This one would be better; it's one to get well soon."

"That one's perfect!" Ren exclaimed, "Can I give that one to Onii-chan?"

"Well," his father echoed, "Maybe Haru-kun wanted to give that one to Onii-chan. It was his idea after all."

"Haru-chan?" Ren looked up at him with large, questioning eyes.

Although it would most likely be the closest charm to the one he had in mind, it was admittedly not the charm he had initially been looking for. Since Ren - or his father, technically - had seen it first, it would only be fair to let him give it to Makoto. He would have to look for another one to convey his feelings and prayers for the new year. "It's okay, you can give that one."

"Are you sure?" the little boy asked, probably intending it to be a question of assurance but he couldn't help the excitement that slipped into his voice.

"Yeah."

"Yay! Thanks, Haru-chan!"

For a second Haruka shot him a small smile but then he turned his attention back to the charms.

"Can I give this one?" Ran gestured to a charm for good fortune.

"Sure," Mr. Tachibana affirmed, "He can always use a little luck, right?"

"Right?" Ran repeated cheerfully, vigorously nodding her head.

"Then, all that's left is Haru-kun."

"Haru-chan?" the twins spoke simultaneously.

Haruka hadn't fully registered their words for his eye had fallen on one charm in particular. A charm to ward off evil. The instant he read those words, he was reminded of the story he had told the twins. Although leukemia was probably not the specific type of evil that they were created for, Haruka supposed that evil was open to interpretation. It was the first thing that came to his mind when he read the characters and he believed that if he saw it that way, then Makoto would understand what he meant with it too. Finally, he knew he had made his choice.

With all the charms selected, Mr. Tachibana paid for the ones of the twins while Haruka paid for his own; Mr. Tachibana's offer to pay for Haruka's one as well was politely declined. Not only because he generally felt that Mr. Tachibana shouldn't have to pay for his stuff especially after he had been practically living with them for these past few weeks, but also because for some reason, it felt like it was less genuine if Makoto's father paid for it instead of Haruka himself. He was going to give this to Makoto straight from his heart, and he wanted to fully feel like he was, too.

At last all of their business at the shrine had been finished and they started to head back home. But they hadn't as much as left the street before Ran already began to whine.

"Dad, I'm tired. Carry me."

Knowing that it was late for seven-year-olds despite the naps they had taken earlier, Mr. Tachibana complied and put his hands under his daughter's armpits and lifted her up.

"No fair," Ren protested for the second time that night, "I want to be carried too!"

Mr. Tachibana was seemingly torn. He wanted to spoil his children and fulfill both of their requests but he couldn't carry them both at the same time. Still, he didn't want to let his daughter down after he had just agreed to something, but Ren did have a point. Haruka understood this and offered the only solution possible in a situation like this.

"Here," he said as he crouched in front of Ren, inviting him for a piggyback ride.

"Yay!" Ren cheered again and he wrapped his arms around Haruka's neck, holding onto him as Haruka stood back up.

A look of gratitude flashed through Mr. Tachibana's brown eyes and Haruka nodded in acknowledgement before they continued their way home. It didn't take long until the twins fell asleep in the arms of their father and Haruka, and the remainder of the walk was spent in comfortable silence, neither of them needing any words to fill up the emptiness of the night.

Once they got back home, Mrs. Tachibana was waiting for them on the couch, drinking some tea as she had been watching tv to pass time. She informed them that Makoto had gone to bed a little while before they arrived and Ran and Ren - who had been woken up so that they could go brush their teeth - were a bit disappointed because they had wanted to give their charms to him immediately and now they were told that it had to wait until the morning.

They didn't have much time to be disappointed though, because it was late and they had to go back to bed. Since they hadn't been able to spend much time together lately, Haruka offered to put the twins to bed so Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana could be alone for a moment before they went to bed too. This offer was gratefully accepted and the twins both kissed their mother and father goodnight before they went upstairs with Haruka, not even having enough energy left to put on a fight.

Upstairs Haruka helped them change into their pajamas and he changed into his as well, after which they went to the bathroom to brush their teeth. When they were all done in the bathroom they went back to the twins' room. It didn't take much more than a mattress beneath their bodies for Ren and Ran to fall asleep again, and Haruka couldn't help the amused smile that appeared on his face when he heard their light snoring. He tucked them in and ran a hand through their hair nonetheless.

Although he was quite tired himself, he didn't lie down onto his futon just yet. Instead, he grabbed the jeans he had taken off before and took the charm out of its pocket. Even though Makoto was asleep already, he still felt the need to give it to him immediately; he would put it beside his pillow so Makoto would find it when he woke up. That way, he was sure that Makoto would receive his first and he was convinced that he would know that it was Haruka who had given it to him. Even if he would have to miss out on his reaction, he also didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of not knowing what to say in response to Makoto's words and that beautiful smile that would surely paint his face.

With a nod to himself like he had made up his mind, he held the charm tightly in his left hand while he grabbed Makoto's hat and scarf with his right. If he was going anyway, then he might as well return the accessories at once.

When he was standing in front of Makoto's room, he could see a bit of light coming from underneath his door, the only light in the dark hallway. Wondering if Makoto had fallen asleep with his lamp still on, he slowly opened the door. Instead of lying in his bed like Haruka had been expecting, Makoto was standing in the middle of his room. Before Haruka could ask what he was doing, Makoto smiled at him and beckoned him inside.

"Haru," he said with a gentle smile, "I was waiting for you."

A frown settled on Haruka's face and he unconsciously clenched his hand around the charm. "How did you know I was going to come?"

Makoto merely shrugged. "I just had the feeling you would." 'Because I know you,' was what Haruka read in those gorgeous eyes of his. He walked over to his closet and rummaged a bit through it before he turned back to Haruka, remembering that he hadn't told him why he was waiting. "I was wondering if you'd like to watch the first sunrise with me."

Warmth spread throughout Haruka's chest at that question. "Are you sure?" Haruka asked despite wanting to. "It's going to be a while until dawn." Not only was it still cold outside, it would probably be best for Makoto to just go to sleep since it was literally the middle of the night.

Hearing the concern that was hidden inside Haruka's words, Makoto's smile softened and he nodded. "If you're not too tired, that is," he added, knowing that Haruka was an early bird and would otherwise not be awake at this time.

"I'm not," Haruka replied earnestly. He had been tired before, but it was as if seeing Makoto's angelic smile had recharged his energy entirely. Sleep could wait for later, right now there was not a fiber in his being that did not want to spend a meaningful moment alone with Makoto. There was no way he was letting this opportunity slip away from him because he had to hold on to these moments. They were his light in the darkness, the lifeline that prevented him from disappearing in the abyss, the air that filled his lungs while he was drowning. Without them, he would be done for.

"Good." Makoto simply smiled again before he turned back to the closet, taking out two blankets and throwing them on top of his bed. Then he pulled a sweater and a warm jacket from their coathangers and handed the jacket to Haruka, who accepted it wordlessly after dropping the scarf and hat onto the blankets and he put it on.

While Makoto was pulling the sweater over his own head, Haruka took the second his head was covered to put the charm inside the jacket's pocket, not having to worry about holding onto it anymore.

"What if I hadn't come?" Haruka suddenly asked, wondering if Makoto had noticed all of those times he had watched over him while he slept.

Makoto just smiled and shrugged once more. "But you did."

Snorting and rolling his eyes at Makoto's simple answer, Haruka decided to just drop it. It wasn't like Makoto was going to give him a better reasoning behind his own thought process since he most likely didn't even know himself. Besides, it didn't really matter; all that mattered was that he was here and he was glad for he wouldn't want to miss out on seeing the first sunrise of the year together with Makoto.

When Haruka opened the curtain to Makoto's balcony, he saw through the glass that the snow had been cleared off the wooden platform and the railing. Makoto had planned this, and that made him smile fondly, the warmth inside his chest increasing and spreading to his stomach.

"Wait, Haru," Makoto called and when he turned around with a questioning look, Makoto held out the hat and scarf to him again. Knowing that he wouldn't win the argument even if he tried, Haruka wrapped the scarf around his neck again and put the hat back on. Makoto put the orange ones on himself.

Then Haruka unlatched the door and slid it open, after which Makoto gave him the thinner blanket of the two. Not needing any words to know what Makoto meant, Haruka put it down onto the floor of his small balcony before he stepped outside. With the other blanket in hand Makoto joined Haruka on the balcony and closed the door behind them. He reached out the corner of the blanket to Haruka who took it and wrapped it around his shoulder. They sat down at the same time, cuddled close together with the blanket covering them and shielding them from the coldness of the outside world, their thighs lightly pressing against each other.

The dark blue sky was clear that night, illuminated by millions of stars in the distance. The moon was not completely full yet, but the majority of it was lit up and stood out brightly against the atmosphere that surrounded it. It was truly a magical sight.

"The sky is so beautiful tonight. All the stars," Makoto whispered, his pleasant voice a nice addition to the air of tranquility that cocooned them, "and the moon."

Haruka turned his head to look at Makoto. He was staring into the vast sky and the moonlight softly grazed over his profile, caressing his handsome features and at that moment Makoto looked even more ethereal and angelic than he normally did. When he felt Haruka's eyes on him, he looked back at him and he smiled that special smile again, his gentle green eyes squeezing half-shut in fondness.

For a while it was quiet, a comfortable silence settling between them as they gazed at the stars. But soon, Haruka felt the charm burning in his pocket, like it was trying to remind him that he had not given it to Makoto yet. Haruka was a little unsure, lacking a bit of courage and wanting to wait for the perfect moment to give it to Makoto. But then he realised that with Makoto, he always had the courage and not a better moment could have presented itself. So he reached into his pocket and took it out, stroking over the fabric with his thumb.

"Makoto," he murmured and Makoto's eyes found his in a questioning glance. "Here."

"Haru," Makoto said in that same tone he always did when he was surprised as he looked at the charm inside Haruka's hand. "You're really spoiling me lately, aren't you?" he giggled lightly before he reached out to accept the gift and he held it against his chest. "Thank you, Haru-chan."

There was nothing but genuine gratitude and sincerity in Makoto's voice and the smile that adorned his lips was a thankful one. Everything about this moment was so heartfelt and pure that Haruka even forgot to tell him to lay off the '-chan'. Their eye-contact remained and the air around them was charged with a certain type of intimacy that Haruka couldn't really explain. But he didn't need to, because he was with Makoto and everything was always so natural and familiar with him. So Haruka did what felt right at that moment, and he scooted even closer to Makoto, leaned in and placed his head on Makoto's shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent.

Makoto's smile softened even further and he put the charm down in his lap and wrapped his arm around Haruka's shoulder to hold him close, gently resting his head against Haruka's.

Although they were merely a fleck in the endlessness of time and space, at that moment it truly felt like they were the only two people in the entire universe.

They sat there and watched how the sky slowly changed as the world turned, time passing without their awareness for it might as well stand still. The wind was cold but they felt nothing but the warmth of each other's body and the blanket that secluded their little bubble of safety, protecting them from harm even if only for now.

At last the heavens were turning a soft orange, intermingling and contrasting against the varying shades of blue. The ocean was sparkling with the yellow light that was cast upon it, and the sun was shyly peeking above the horizon, greeting them with the first day of the new year.

"Happy new year, Makoto."

"Happy new year, Haru."

Those soft whispers were all that was said, and it was enough. As the morning sun shone upon them, Haruka felt like this year, everything would be different. Unlike the last one, this year was going to be a good year, one that was filled not with angst, grief and uncertainty, but with hope, happiness and love.

This year, everything would be alright. Haruka was sure of it.


On the third of January, Haruka went back to his own house. Tomorrow Makoto would go back to the hospital and he himself had to go back to school for the last term of his first year. Although he had been invited to stay for as long as he wanted at Makoto's home, Haruka knew that it would be better to go back today rather than prolong his stay, not only so that he would get used to being by himself again, but also because he hadn't cleaned his house at the end of last year like he usually would.

So he would use this remaining day to give it a major cleaning and though it was a lot of work for him alone, he didn't really mind. It was good for distracting him from the emptiness of his house. Even if he had never minded living alone before because he generally wasn't bothered by solitude, he had to admit that the walls surrounding him felt much colder now than they ever had before. It couldn't be helped, he supposed, for there just wasn't as much liveliness and warmth inside his house as in Makoto's. It was the truth, but it made his chest hurt a little and he did his best to will these thoughts away, for the last thing he could use right now was to get carried away by his emotions.

In silence he got to work, trying to focus his attention solely on the tasks at hand so he wouldn't have to feel anything in particular.

About half an hour after he started the silence was broken by the sound of his doorbell. It startled him, because he wasn't expecting anyone and there was only one guest that would ever arrive unannounced and Haruka was completely sure that it wasn't him.

And it wasn't. When Haruka slid the door open he was met not with Makoto, but with Makoto's mother. He was surprised to see her; he knew she was going to the shrine today for her first visit of the year but he hadn't expected her to stop by.

She saw the confusion on Haruka's face and she explained that since he had helped them clean their house, it would only be fair that she helped him with cleaning his house as well. Haruka tried to decline her offer like she always declined his, but he was not the only one who was stubborn and Mrs. Tachibana invited herself inside and simply got to work. Though Haruka really thought it wasn't necessary for her to help him, he still appreciated her thought and concern dearly.

Suddenly, the walls around him felt that much warmer.

The next day Makoto returned to the hospital. Since there weren't that many patients in the department, Makoto was lucky enough to get his old, familiar room back: room number 12. The drawings that the twins and Haruka had made for his birthday were put back in place on the wall across from the bed. The charms that Makoto had gotten during New Year's were kept inside the drawer of his bedside table so he would always have them near, within reach so that they could bestow their fortune upon him. Everything went back to normal and the fact that this was what they considered to be normal nowadays was sad enough on its own.

Although the scarves Haruka, Ran and Ren had made for Makoto weren't utilised much since he was practically always inside, the knitted hats were actually worn a lot by Makoto. Not only because it could get pretty cold inside the ward and Makoto's room, but Haruka figured he also liked them because they made him feel less bare and naked; they covered up his baldness. Haruka was glad that his gift had actually meant something to Makoto, that it had been able to give him some comfort because the gloves that Makoto had given him had done just that; Haruka wore them every day and everywhere he went.

Days passed and although it took a bit of adjustment and getting used to at first, they all gradually fell back into the same flow and pace they had been in before; in the mornings Makoto's mother would stay with Makoto, after school Haruka would stop by with Makoto's homework and keep him company, and most evenings Mr. Tachibana would visit, sometimes with his wife and the twins.

The only change was the way Makoto felt. Since his last cycle of chemotherapy hadn't delivered the desired effect, for this cycle he would receive a higher and more intense dose. Compared to the fatigue and nausea that he was experiencing now, the side effects during the first cycle were practically nothing more than a headache. Good days turned into bad days, and bad ones turned worse. If Haruka thought that he looked like he was dying before, then he definitely seemed to be terminal now. But he wasn't. Even though the first cycle of chemo had failed and only made things worse, the doctors hadn't given up on Makoto just yet; Makoto was a strong, young man who was determined to get better and was positive despite all of his misery and hardships. If there was anyone who could get through this, it would be him.

That didn't mean that seeing Makoto go through a living hell didn't hurt Haruka. Regardless of what the doctors said, it was clear that Makoto was suffering immensely and Haruka almost couldn't take it. He wanted to take all of it away but he couldn't. Makoto had to go through this, he had to endure it all or else he would die and even though that had been reality for these past couple of months, Haruka still couldn't comprehend it. He couldn't imagine what his life would be like without Makoto and he didn't want to, yet that didn't stop his chest from burning with grief and panic whenever he thought about it.

On one particularly rough day for Makoto it was storming heavily outside and Haruka was walking back home from the hospital. It would have been much quicker to take the train back, especially considering the heavy rainfall, but he was crying harshly after he had seen how difficult it was for Makoto to keep up with fighting. To see the person he loved most having such a hard time was absolutely soul-crushing, and all of it would be bearable if they knew for sure that fighting this battle would be worthwhile. But they didn't, and that uncertainty was the scariest thing they had ever experienced. Even though he was out in public, Haruka allowed himself to cry, his tears intermingling with the rain and his soft sobs were drowned out by the thunder. He barely even noticed the harsh weather for the storm inside his heart was far greater.

If only he hadn't done that. When he woke up the next day he had an enormous headache and his nose was clogged up and he knew he had caught a cold. Immediately he cursed himself; not only did he feel like shit and would he be unable to go to school so Makoto would miss valuable information, this also meant that he could not visit Makoto or his family for the time being. He was so incredibly stupid. After all this time of doing his best to avoid getting sick he ruined it in one emotionally unstable afternoon. Now, if something terrible happened to Makoto and his illness took a turn for the worse he wouldn't even there to support him, or in the worst case possible, say goodbye to him.

He did his best to shake the depressing thoughts away and rid his mind from them, but it was tough. For three days he had to stay home from school and in total he didn't go to the hospital for about a week and a half. During that time he missed Makoto so much but he didn't let those feelings persuade him, he wouldn't go for as long as there were still traces of the virus lingering in his body, until he was sure every risk of infecting Makoto was gone. Better safe than sorry.

It was also during this time that the nightmares returned. One dream differed from another, but they all ended up the same way and were all terrifyingly vivid. In his dreams he would go to visit Makoto at the hospital to see his bed surrounded by doctors trying their best to make Makoto's heart start beating again or Makoto's body would already be inside a body bag. He would go to school to find a flower vase standing on top of Makoto's desk, which would make him angry and he would smack it off the desk with a cry of "he isn't dead yet!" only to be told that Makoto had actually passed away already. Regardless of what happened in the nightmare of that particular night, it always resulted in him waking up sweaty and in tears, completely panicked and distressed because for a moment it had felt as though the dream had been real. He never had many nightmares as a child but ever since his biggest fear had become reality he was a lot more prone to nightly terrors produced by his own imagination. But no matter what he tried, he couldn't stop them and he was almost afraid to go to sleep because he wasn't sure how much more he could take before it broke him beyond repair.

While Haruka was unable to visit him due to being sick himself, Makoto was just as sweet as he always had been. Even though Makoto definitely felt much, much worse than Haruka did, he still took the time to ask him how he was doing and worry about him just like he normally did when Haruka caught a cold, although it was via messages now. Haruka obviously didn't tell him about the nightmares, but he was so touched that Makoto still thought about him despite feeling absolutely miserable himself and the contact with him was pretty much the only thing that kept him going during that time.

When Haruka was finally able to go back to the hospital, he was pleasantly surprised and incredibly relieved to see that Makoto was doing way better than he had two weeks ago; he had received different types of medication to suppress the side effects he was experiencing and they had worked quite well. They were not completely gone, but they had been reduced to a point where they were much more tolerable and he no longer slept for the better part of the day nor barfed up every single bite of food he ate. For the time being, it calmed Haruka's troubled and frightened heart.

After that everything felt much easier. The end of the school year was drawing nearer and Makoto was resolved to pass this year. Not only because he didn't want his illness to cause him to get behind and delay his education and therefore future, but also because Haruka would surely pass this year and it would be a lot harder for them to study together and for Makoto to receive his schoolwork in general if they were in different years. So from then on they spent many afternoons studying together, helping each other out with subjects the other wasn't as good in or if they didn't understand something,and cursing about English together which they were both bad at. It was fun, not so much because they actually enjoyed the homework but moreso because it felt normal. If Makoto wasn't sick they would be studying together like this all the same, so in those hours spent with each other it was easy to forget everything even if only for a brief while. And somehow, solving all the questions and problems together made Haruka feel like they could solve this situation as well as long as they had each other.

On the 23rd of February, Ran and Ren turned eight years old. It was a bittersweet occasion, for the twins were always excited about their birthday and all the presents, the cake, and the attention they would get, but this would be their first birthday party without their brother. They still went to visit him on their birthday and they were very glad about that, but the party simply wasn't the same without him. As a small form of comfort Haruka gave them both a plushie similar to the one that he had given Makoto on his birthday, Ran a stuffed seal and Ren a stuffed shark, which were a little smaller than Makoto's orca. He remembered how much they loved that orca plushie and that they had been a little envious of their brother, so it seemed like the perfect gift Haruka could give to them on their birthday. And he had been right.

Next to that, Haruka lent their parents a hand during the party wherever he could, doing the things that Makoto normally would have done and he tried his best to cheer the twins up. He obviously couldn't fill in the void that Makoto had left behind and he wasn't trying to either, it was just that he felt obligated to give back to Makoto's family after all they had done for him. And if Makoto hadn't been sick, then Haruka would have been at the party all the same, so the least he could do was help out where he could.

Ren and Ran still had a lot of fun with all their friends and family members, but anyone who stepped into the room could feel that the air was different than it usually was at a Tachibana birthday party. The fact that Makoto's illness was one of the main topics of discussion was a large contribution factor to the dampened mood and his absence probably played a role as well.

Haruka could only imagine how Makoto must have felt, alone in his hospital room while he knew his family and best friend were at home celebrating. He would never say anything about it, but Haruka was sure that it must have felt awful. In turn, it made Haruka feel guilty for being at the party while Makoto was all by himself, but he couldn't split himself in two parts and be at both places at the same time and unfortunately, a party with dozens of people just would have been too much for Makoto to handle so it wasn't like he could come home for the day either.

While they had almost gotten used to the new situation of Makoto not being there during their daily lives anymore, it was occasions like these that reminded them once more of the difficult time they were all going through and the thought of Makoto's absence becoming permanent was truly horrific. For now, all they could do was hope that on the twins' ninth birthday, everything would be back to how it was before and Makoto would be there to celebrate it with them.

There was not much time left before finals and because Makoto still struggled with some things that Haruka just wasn't educated enough on to teach or he simply didn't understand it himself, Makoto's parents were able to arrange for a teacher to come to the hospital and tutor Makoto so he would be able to keep up with the material and eventually he would be able to do his finals at the hospital too. Luckily the school was compliant for it was not standard nor commonly accepted for a student to make their tests outside of the school setting, but they gladly made an exception for Makoto since he had always been a serious and driven student and most likely because his illness was also much more serious and dangerous than the ones other students had when they were sick during finals. The only downside to this was that Haruka couldn't visit while Makoto was taking his tests, but eventually Makoto passed them all and the time spent apart was all worth it.

By the time the school year was over and spring break arrived, Makoto's cycle of chemotherapy had ended as well and he was able to go home again until the next cycle would start around the beginning of April. Unfortunately, the cancer was aggressive and there still hadn't been any improvement, but the chemo had prevented the leukemia from spreading and it luckily hadn't gotten any worse either. The doctors were setting their hopes on the next cycle and if there was still no improvement then they were going to reconsider his treatment and look for an alternative.

Makoto did his best to keep his spirit up, but Haruka could see right through his mask of optimism; in reality he was scared and nearing desperation. He simply couldn't understand why it wasn't working when the success rate of this treatment was so high. But there were always people who had to be the part of the percentage for which it didn't work out, and while that usually were adults in the case of acute lymphocytic leukemia, that didn't mean that it was guaranteed to work for every child and teenager. This fact didn't anger Makoto though, it only made him sad.

Haruka wanted to do everything in his might to cheer him up, even if he himself was feeling just as sad as Makoto was. This time Makoto had been open and honest with him throughout the entirety of him being at the hospital so it wasn't unexpected but it still frightened him to his very core. But Haruka did his very best to turn his pessimism around, for the train of thought that was filled with what-ifs would surely kill him if it crashed. He had to believe that the next cycle would rid Makoto's body of the cancer. It was only natural that after it getting worse after the first cycle, standing still after the second cycle, it would get better after the third cycle. Third time's a charm.

Unlike the last time Makoto was back home, it hadn't been Haruka's intention to stay over the entire time. But he had always seen Makoto every single day and that didn't change now, and even if he didn't sleep over at first, eventually he was staying so late each day that Mrs. Tachibana told him to just stay. It still felt like he was intruding if he wasn't outright invited, but she assured him that he was always welcome in their home.

For the short period that he was in his own familiar environment again, everyone tried their best to make Makoto forget about his cancer for as much as that was possible. Although he still couldn't do everything he could do before as he was still very sick, they wanted him to have fun in the ways he still could.

Many nights were spent playing games and watching movies, sometimes with the twins, other times just by themselves - Haruka got the impression that Mrs. Tachibana purposefully called the twins away every other night, not only so that she and her husband could spend some time with them, but mainly so that Makoto and Haruka could be alone for a little while. This along with countless other things told Haruka that Mrs. Tachibana knew that they shared a bond that was beyond regular friendships and that slowly but surely, their relationship was changing, or rather, progressing. Strangely enough, for the time being Haruka didn't want to speed things up. Although he felt like he had to hold onto and cherish every waking moment that they spent together, what he truly wanted was just to go with the flow and let everything happen naturally, without any rush. For now, he simply wanted to enjoy himself together with Makoto in a way that was familiar and comfortable and safe, and when the time came they would naturally take the next step.

Then again, he always fell asleep at some point during a movie and would eventually lean against Makoto in his sleep, which he may or may not have done purposely. While Makoto pretended that he didn't know that Haruka was feigning sleep, Haruka pretended that he didn't notice Makoto's fingers running through his hair and caressing his skin.


Spring came and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. The third cycle of Makoto's chemotherapy started the day of the entrance ceremony and Haruka had skipped it in favour of going to the hospital. The first couple of days of receiving chemo again after his body had rested up for two weeks were always the most draining and Haruka wanted to be there for him and support him through it. It wasn't like the first day of school was important anyway.

Makoto felt differently, though.

"Haru, you promised me you'd go to school even if I'm not there!"

"I know," Haruka grumbled at his lecture, "It's just the entrance ceremony; it's not like class has already started."

"But still, you-"

"I wouldn't have gone even if you were there. It's just a waste of time."

That comment was so typically-Haruka that Makoto couldn't help but snort and fondly shake his head.

"I'll go tomorrow," Haruka mumbled almost inaudibly and at that Makoto actually giggled softly.

"Thanks," Makoto beamed, and although he had been laughing before, Haruka knew that he really meant it. Part of the reason why he was going in the first place was for Makoto, so he could get all the information that they needed and convey it to Makoto along with his homework and assignments. Makoto knew this and usually he would have felt guilty to know that someone was going out of their way for him, but in this case he didn't, because he knew that ultimately Haruka was doing what was best for himself as well and it just happened to be beneficial to Makoto, too. The school had made sure that Makoto and Haruka would remain in the same class so it would be easy for Haruka to keep Makoto updated on his schoolwork.

Hours passed and they simply talked, about everything and anything inside of room number 12, that had become much too familiar. This hospital room was basically Makoto's temporary home and the fact that Haruka was also starting to feel at home here after the months they had spent in this room was horrible if he really thought about it, because he shouldn't feel at home inside the ward of children's oncology. He never should have been here in the first place. But it wasn't odd either, because the truth was that Makoto was sick and anywhere Makoto was, Haruka felt at home.

Eventually Haruka had to leave for the day and they were saying their goodbyes like they usually did.

"Have fun at school tomorrow," Makoto suddenly said with a small smile and Haruka snorted and sceptically raised his eyebrow. "What? I mean it!"

"I know," Haruka assured him, despite his words coming out of nowhere. If there was a place where Haruka definitely wouldn't have fun, it was at school and Makoto knew that he dreaded it much more than he looked forward to it, but Makoto's wish had been sincere nonetheless. "I'll try."

Makoto laughed lightly at the heavy emphasis Haruka put on the last word, before his smile softened. "Thanks for coming, Haru."

A tiny smile slipped onto Haruka's face as well and he nodded in acknowledgement to Makoto's gratitude along with the promise of returning tomorrow before he left his home to go back to his house.

The next morning everything was hard. Haruka always had to drag himself out of bed and to the bathtub on school days, but somehow it was much more difficult at the start of a new year. Especially now he felt like there was something weighing down on him, something that held him back and made him feel hesitant. Perhaps that was because it was spring.

In autumn and winter, everything turned a bit darker. They were cold, not only in temperature but in general ambience as well. The carefree summer had ended and had taken its warmth with it, leaving behind grief and depression and that was all acceptable. When spring arrived, everything reawakened; the flowers were in bloom and it was getting warm again. Spring was filled with hope and light, it signalled a new beginning, a new chapter. But not for Haruka. While the world filled with joy and liveliness, Haruka was forced to stay on the same, melancholic page he had been reading for about half a year already. While sadness was left behind in the past, Haruka feelings of sorrow and desperation lingered. There could be no start, no beginning of something new without Makoto by his side. Until Makoto was healthy and happy again, no new day would arrive for Haruka.

As he was sitting in the bathtub, trying to get some comfort out of the water, he was reminded of something his late grandmother would always say to him. "When you're ten, they call you a prodigy. When you're fifteen, they call you a genius. Once you hit twenty, you're just an ordinary person." He remembered his desire to grow up quickly so he could finally be ordinary, but all he wanted now was for Makoto to get the opportunity to become an ordinary person alongside him.

This would usually have been around the time that Makoto would pull him out of the tub with his "Goodmorning, Haru-chan" but no matter how long Haruka sat around to wait for it, he knew he wouldn't come. Although he hadn't come for six months already, it somehow stung a lot more now. Maybe it was because it was a new school year and Makoto was always able to give him the energy, the final push that he needed to actually get on with his life. Haruka never wanted to leave the tub but the only things that always persuaded him easily were Makoto's kind smile, his gentle green eyes, and his warm outstretched hand, pulling him up and along. And on this particular morning, he had no strength in his being to push himself up.

Still, a promise was a promise and Makoto would be disappointed in him if he stayed at home today as well. It took a lot of effort and he was a little later than usual, but eventually he was able to lift himself out of the water.

Since Makoto's absence was hurting him more than it did normally, Haruka allowed himself to grill some mackerel and eat some toast before he left despite already running late. At that moment, he even missed Makoto's nagging. He tried his best to not think about Makoto too much, for it was only making him sadder and his mind was wandering off, which was not something he could use while grilling his fish. He wouldn't want to burn and waste a perfectly good mackerel because of his own sentimental thoughts.

Haruka left his house when he was done eating, but before he opened the door, he put on the gloves Makoto had given him. It was fairly warm outside and he definitely didn't need any gloves but he wore them anyway. It was the closest thing to having Makoto by his side and he could pretend that the warmth enveloping his skin was Makoto's warmth, like Makoto was holding his hand like he had done so many times before.

The sea breeze blew through his hair as he walked past the beach. His ears should have been filled with Makoto's meaningless chattering, but all he heard were the sounds of the wind, the seagulls crying in the distance and the waves lapping on the shore. Soon enough the ocean would be warm enough to swim in and that was something Haruka had always half-heartedly looked forward to in the past, but he didn't care for it now. It wasn't like he would have the time to swim anyway, and Makoto's absence would be too much. Even though Makoto was still scared of the ocean, he'd always keep him company at the beach and wrap a towel around him when he came back to him. Without that, it just wasn't worth it.

Almost automatically, Haruka went to his classroom and sat down in his assigned seat, the one in the far back next to the window. Window seats were truly a double-edged sword to Haruka; he always enjoyed staring outside much more than paying attention, but since he was taking notes for two it would be unfavourable for him to lose himself in the vast blue sky or the horizon.

His homeroom teacher was new at Iwatobi High School, Haruka had never seen her before. She began to call the names of the students who would then respond to affirm their attendance. Eventually his name was next and it went precisely like he had expected.

"Nanase Haruka-san."

His classmates giggled at the teacher's slip up. This would be the moment Makoto would lift his hand and say "Sensei, Haru is a boy." But Makoto wasn't here and Haruka was unable to say it himself; he could hear Makoto's voice in his head muttering those exact words but they didn't sound out in reality. It was quiet for a second before a feminine voice spoke up.

"Sensei, Nanase-kun is a boy," said the girl who Haruka remembered to be the class president during their first year.

The teacher apologised and blabbered on, but Haruka honestly wasn't listening anymore because his mind had inevitably wandered off again and in his head he was not in this classroom, but in his most treasured memories.

When lunchtime arrived Haruka had already had more than enough of school for the rest of the year. Everything was just empty without him, not just the seat next to his or the space beside him, but his chest as well. It was difficult and draining and Haruka wasn't sure if he could keep going like this for much longer. He didn't really understand it, the situation had been like this for months now, why was it that it suddenly hit him so hard like this?

To that question he didn't find an answer. Maybe it was because he had been spending so much time with him like he normally would have these past two weeks or maybe it was because he began to miss Makoto more the longer this continued and the feelings of longing were only growing stronger. He really didn't know, and thinking about it gave him a headache and filled him with despair.

It would be better if he just focused on the day at hand instead of deciphering the mystery that was his own feelings. The majority of the school day had passed and he could get through the last remaining hours as well and after that he would be able to rest and recharge.

Then he remembered that he had once more forgotten to make himself lunch in his absent-mindedness and he got up from his seat and left the classroom. He was deciding whether he should go buy something or if he should just go to the roof to get some fresh air. While he was still making up his mind he walked into the stairwell and contemplated whether he should go down or up.

This wouldn't even be much of a problem if everything was still the same as it was last year. When he forgot his lunch in the past then Makoto would offer him part of his own lunch, always willing to share with him. Even if Makoto didn't have mackerel in his bento, whatever he had that day would taste so much better because it would be served with a smile.

"Haru-chan!"

The sudden call of that name pulled him out of his reminiscence. There were only a select few people who called him "Haru-chan" and it couldn't be any of them. He looked over where the sound had come from and he was greeted with a mop of blond hair, large magenta eyes, a wide grin and a hand that was excitedly waving at him. He couldn't believe his eyes.

At the bottom of the stairs stood Hazuki Nagisa.


A/N: Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

From this point on we're catching up with the Free! timeline and the rest of the characters will enter and I just wanted to say that they are going to act and respond differently than they did in the series because of the change in circumstances. It's kind of obvious, but I wanted to mention it nonetheless.

If there was anything you didn't understand in this chapter, then please don't hesitate to ask!

You can find me on Tumblr and Twitter DatHeetJoella, feel free to come talk with me about MakoHaru!

Thank you so much for continuing to support this fic after almost two years and I hope that you'll continue to support me in the future, for this fic is definitely going to continue.

I hope you'll have a wonderful day and until next time!