Loki tapped a finger on the table and flipped through another file. He didn't know how many times he had been over this. Millions, perhaps. It still felt strange. He still didn't understand why she kept so much information if she hated him so much. Yes, it had all changed with their relationship and… the secret, but he still didn't understand. She had never asked.
Loki didn't know what else to do, or how to address what must have been the pivotal object in her former life. He closed the files and weighed the device in his hand. It couldn't be more than an ounce or two, and yet so much had once depended on it. Was this her lifeline, of sorts? Had he really made that big of an impression? Was that why she cried when he took the things and scattered them? He heaved a sigh, knowing what he had to do. He stood, shoved the device in his pocket, and headed for the garden, where he knew she would be.
Finally. Finally, she was allowed outside. Well, sort of. The garden was technically outside, even if it was still within palace walls. But Nancy wasn't complaining.
She smiled as she felt the warm Asgardian sunshine on her face. It was so nice to be able to sit in the grass again, under the shade of a large oak tree. The birds sang beautifully above her. The clouds mingled with stars in the endless expanse of sky, swirling softly amidst a cool sea breeze. Everything was at peace.
It had taken her some time to gather up the courage to come out here by herself. Ever since her attack, she was on edge and jumpy, always expecting something to grab her from around a corner. But Loki wouldn't let anything happen to her; he'd promised. He even made sure only the most loyal guards stood outside the garden doors, all to protect her. She still avoided the area where she was taken, but none of that mattered now. Not when there was sunshine and trees and birds and fresh air.
With a contented sigh, Nancy looked down to her wrist, where a thin, green snake sat coiled around her arm. It felt cool and strong against her skin, the touch of its tiny muscles so familiar now. This was the same snake that had once coiled around her neck, now tame and trusting as Nancy herself held it.
She carefully lifted her hand to her face, tilting her wrist ever so slightly so she could see its eyes. "Now, you don't bite me, and I won't squish you, okay?" she whispered to it, tentatively lifting a finger to stroke its head. Ever since her first dreadful experience with the snakes, she'd made great efforts to overcome her fears. And the fact she was around them all day, every day helped her immensely. Her greatest source of bravery, however, came from Loki's promise that his snakes would never harm her. As long as he was there to protect her, nothing could ever hurt her.
Loki paused in the garden entrance to watch her. She had taken quite fondly to Snori, one of his smallest but most useful snakes. He couldn't help but watch her amusement. It had once been fear, but she had changed. Perhaps she would forgive him this ancient fault. He cleared his throat.
Nancy jolted from the sudden sound in the silence. She immediately glanced up and found her lover's kind face. With a breathless laugh, Nancy gave a short sigh of relief. The snake wasn't trying to bite her. Thieves weren't trying to attack. It was only Loki, come to check on her.
"You scared me." she laughed, a bit embarrassed. She stood and walked over to him, lifting her arm as she approached. "Look, I think he likes me." Nancy held her arm out towards him, knowing he'd be proud of her for her accomplishment. She'd finally overcome her fears… for the most part.
Loki smiled sadly. Yes, he had scared her, with the slightest noise. Once upon a time, she would not have thought twice about it. Would have ignored him and turned her back. Now she was fragile, yet still so strong. He stroked Snori's head. "I told you he did."
"So you did." Nancy leaned close and gave Loki a soft kiss, remembering those old days. Even back then, he never allowed true harm to come to her. He protected her and ensured she only reached the precipice of breaking; he'd never break her fully. He was too kind and brilliant for that.
As Nancy pulled away, she noticed Loki's wan smile. "What's wrong, darling? You look like you've just seen a ghost. Some new development with the traitors or something?"
"No, it isn't that sort of ghost." Loki reached to take her hand in his, easily peeling the snake off and sending him back to the ground. "I've something I'd like to give you."
Nancy tilted her head and studied his eyes. What could he possibly give her that would cause him such pain? Such sadness and remorse. "What is it, dear?" she asked, concerned.
Loki took a deep, calming breath. "Why don't we sit, so we can discuss it?"
He was being ominous and cryptic again, and she didn't like it one bit. "You're starting to scare me." Nancy chuckled nervously, sinking down onto the bench under the oak tree, "And I don't scare easily. What's wrong? What happened?"
She did scare easily, now, but Loki kept that thought to himself. He stroked a thumb along the back of her hand. "It isn't so much a gift, as a return."
Nancy eyed him suspiciously. What was he hiding? A return… of what? What had he done? "You're stalling, Loki, and not well, either. Just tell me. Or give it to me. I can handle it."
Loki kept one of her hands in his, but held his other out flat. A green swirl started in the center. "I thought, since we've reconciled our differences, you might like this returned to you." The light died out to reveal her drive, an oblong disk that had meant the world to her, and he knew it. It was the cruelest trick he had ever played on her. Far worse than a flogging.
Nancy could feel all color drain from her face as she stared at her drive. No… gaped at it. She'd forgotten he had it. All her secrets. Her innermost fantasies and desires. Every whim and will. It was more than a flash drive; it was a digital diary. Everything she'd ever felt toward him, every hope and dream, were all on there. Not to mention specific logs of when and where she'd gone in search of him. Her very soul was on that drive. And he'd had it… for so long.
Finally, Nancy forced herself to lift her eyes to meet his. "Did you… look at it?"
Loki winced. "Quite."
Nancy blushed intensely and turned her attention back down to the drive, debating whether to be furious or embarrassed. At this point, she was both. How dare he steal what was most precious to her? How dare he peek inside without her permission? He'd seen everything. But she couldn't rage against him. She knew better than to try it.
With a heavy sigh, Nancy finally took his hand in hers and curled his fingers back around the drive. "Just keep it. You've already seen everything." She groaned and leaned her head back against the trunk of the tree. "Oh, how awful."
"I didn't think it was awful." Loki grinned wickedly. "I thought I made a very good impression. I just didn't realize how good an impression it was. Tell me, how good was it?"
Nancy gave him a wan smile. "It was very good. So good that I made a complete fool out of myself trying to find you again." She sighed and gave him a real smile, remembering. "I had so many questions. And I couldn't stand the thought that I'd never see you again. I knew there was so much more to you. And I couldn't live knowing I'd never get to see it."
Loki's grin widened. "At least the whole 'invade Midgard' thing wasn't a total waste. I had thought I'd get a better reception, especially from the women."
Nancy laughed outright. "Oh, you! You're so full of yourself!" She pushed him playfully, then hugged his arm, drawing him close. "If you'd done any sort of research on 'Midgard', you would've known we're not keen on being ruled. By anyone." She narrowed her eyes playfully at him, challenging him.
Loki laughed and leaned forward to kiss her. "I know. I only jest; I never expected it to be easy. You proved more worth my time than the realm." He put the drive away and instead produced a single sheet of folded paper. "Perhaps, if you will not take your disk, you will accept this in its stead."
Nancy glanced down at the paper and hesitantly took it. She knew his tricks by now. Just when they were enjoying themselves and trusting each other, he'd play a prank on her. But he only did it out of childish affection. But, still. She knew him. Nancy didn't move to unfold it. "What is it? If something jumps out at me, trickster, I'll jump at you." she warned, on to him and his methods.
"No, it's nothing like that. I thought, perhaps, I owed you as much as I took." Loki placed his fingers gingerly atop it. "This is my observation of you, from the first time we crossed paths, in the custody of your beloved agency."
Nancy tilted her head and carefully opened the page. "Where did you get paper that day?" she mumbled. When did he have the time?
"I didn't. I have a remarkable memory, if you don't know. I wrote that in the cell here on Asgard, where Odin placed me after my return. I couldn't very well cease my thoughts about the encounter, so I wrote them as I remembered them." Loki stared at the paper. Even if he couldn't see the words, he knew what it said. He had memorized them.
She walked into the room with such an air of superiority, I felt sure I would never like her. I didn't give her the satisfaction of seeing me look up, instead choosing to leave a clone seated on that awful bench and watch her without being observed, myself. I had never seen a woman so beautiful, yet so unaware. Her attire, though probably professional for Midgard, was not flattering. I thought at once of at least four other things I'd prefer to see her in. The way she scribbled intently instantly told me what she was about. She wished to study me, like a lab rat. I have to admit, I thought she would be much more timid than she turned out to be. I frightened her, like I frighten everyone, and though I could see her pulse in the curve of her dainty neck, I could not shake her facade. This intrigued me. If I ever go back, it will be for her. I cannot get her quick wit and unique observances away from my mind. She could make a grand project, one day; far grander than the ladies of Asgard.
Nancy gasped softly as she read the words, tears rising to her eyes. Is this what he truly thought of her, all those years ago? He wasn't appalled, as she thought he'd been. He didn't hate her. Rather, he was attracted to her. He thought her beautiful.
When she was finished reading, Nancy glanced at Loki again and grinned. She leaned close, as if she was going to kiss him, and whispered, "Were my dress-pants really not that flattering? I liked them." Her eyes flashed with her own mischievousness. "Thank you, darling. This is lovely."
"You're welcome. It's the least I can do." Loki's glance flicked to her lips, but he wouldn't take advantage. If she wanted a kiss, she would come to him.
Nancy smiled, noticing his glance, and leaned closer, brushing her lips over the corner of his mouth. "'Far grander than the ladies of Asgard.' Did you mean that?" she continued to whisper.
Loki slipped a hand up to the back of her neck. "Oh, yes. I don't write anything I don't mean."
"Neither do I." Nancy kissed him deeply, savoring this side of him. Her equal, her friend, her lover… the other half of her soul. Slowly, reluctantly, she pulled away and glanced down, still thinking of the drive. "But all those files." Nancy nearly whined, "You looked at them all?"
Loki grinned again and kissed her tenderly. "Yes. All."
"But some of them were so… revealing." Nancy could feel the blush rising to her cheeks again. "My video logs were the worst. I never meant for anyone to see them."
"I didn't mind so much. I enjoy seeing what you think of things. How you think of things."
Nancy smiled. He liked studying her thoughts. The same as she enjoyed studying him. They were a perfect pair. "Well, as long as you weren't offended." she chuckled, then turned a bit to lean back against him, "When you first discovered the drive, I was so afraid you'd tease me endlessly about it."
"If I had looked at it, at that time, I probably would have." Loki brought her hand up and kissed the back. "But no longer. I promise."
Nancy nodded, satisfied. "Fine. Just never, and I mean never, show that drive to anyone else. Ever."
"As my lady wishes."
His words were as good as a promise. He'd never embarrass her like that anyway. He loved her far too much.
Nancy sat in silence for a moment, thinking. Remembering the two long years she spent searching for him. The passion that fueled her. The questions that stole her sleep. "Darling… there's something I've been meaning to ask you. Those two years I searched for you, I always wondered… why did you save me? Why take me from the helicarrier? You didn't need me. They were chasing you nonetheless. Why spare my life?"
Loki smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Darling, don't you know? You intrigued me. Endlessly. A quiet but outspoken woman who found me fascinating? I couldn't ask for a better human subject to toy with."
Nancy chuckled. "And that's it? You just wanted a toy?" She eyed him with a smile, knowing there was more to it than that. There was always more to him than that.
"At first." Loki sighed and tapped her lips with a finger. "I saw more in you. Much more. You were more than they gave you credit for. More than their ridiculous rules. I saw a woman who could understand me if I gave her a nudge. Besides, you were quite beautiful and shapely. I could not stop thinking of you."
Nancy smiled and blushed, fully enraptured with his words and finally knowing how he felt about her. "I knew I intrigued you. I just never knew how much." She turned towards him and hugged him tenderly. "I love you, darling. Thank you for everything."
"Please don't thank me for everything." Loki winced, remembering those terrible times in the dungeons for her. He should never have left her down there. Not ever. He should have kept her close from the beginning.
Nancy rolled her eyes and kissed the end of his nose, knowing what he referred to. "You know what I mean." She'd forgiven him his faults a long time ago. There was no use in dredging them back up now. "Besides, without those moments, I wouldn't be who I am today."
Loki smiled tenderly at her. She was so amazing, and he couldn't imagine not having her. Would his life have turned for the better if not for her? "I'd rather you didn't, but thank you for trying to move on. I was wrong in my ways of going about things."
Nancy bobbled her head a bit, debating on agreeing with him. "Yes, darling. You were." she finally sighed. "But they were necessary." She frowned deeply, remembering her months in the cell. The endless days without sleep and fully realizing what true hunger was. "I was so stubborn. I never knew how difficult survival was before those times. How dark the world could be."
Nancy glanced up at him, then, and studied his eyes. His regret and remorse. The knowledge of what he'd done plagued him constantly. He would never rid himself of it, no matter how many times she forgave him. But she could offer him one thing in his darkness… the same thing he'd offered her: hope. " Even though those were hard, dark times, you were still always my light. You will always be my light." His kindness and the hope that one day she'd be able to love him fully were the only things keeping her going while she wilted away in the cell.
It was the sweetest thing she could have said to him. Loki needed that, to be a light in someone's darkness in order to forget his own. He needed to be wanted and desired, not for what he could do but for who he was. "Darling, have I mentioned you are perfect?"
Nancy giggled and pulled him closer, needing to feel him next to her. "I don't know if I'd say perfect…." She shrugged and smiled. "But so are you. Perfect and handsome and charming and mysterious. The same as you were the day I met you… but so much better."
"Love, I'm touched." Loki pressed a hand over his heart as he gave her a sincere smile. "You really thought all that about me from the start? Quite a lot for me to live up to."
Nancy shrugged sheepishly. "I was completely and entirely infatuated with you from the very beginning. Why else would I spend two years searching for you? Looking for ways to contact you again? Mourning your loss? I loved you, Loki. Even then."
"I was the villain then." Loki knit his brow, not quite understanding what she saw in him even back then. He couldn't stand the thought of some of the things he did, let alone bear to consider what others might think of his actions.
"Yes, but you were so much more. Hidden beneath the pain." Nancy took his face in her hands. She needed him to understand what she saw in him. The light she saw in him. "I saw you, not the villain."
Loki blew out a breath and kissed her deeply, pulling her into his arms in an attempt to remind himself she wasn't like the others. "You are wonderful."
"And you, dear. So wonderful and so completely mine. As I am yours. Forever." Nancy kissed him again, savoring his love and affection. It had taken so long, and the cost had been great, but finally, finally they were together. Equals and partners in life. Lovers and friends. And it had all been absolutely worth every moment of pain. It was all so worth it.
