The Darling siblings were soon idle no longer; each sibling set about working on one room of the house. Baelfire was in charge of the living room. John took the dining room and Michael took over the kitchen. Wendy began to work on the library. Their days were soon full and in the evenings, they lounged together as a family. They read and played games and ate and laughed. Wendy was quite sure she had never been happier in her life.
However, at night, she was lonely. She spent them grieving.
A childish part of her had hoped against all hope that when she returned from Neverland, she would return to her parents. Her mother and father were always in the back of her mind when she was on the island. The hope that she would see them again were what kept her going.
She missed them.
Wendy had never gotten to say good-bye to her mother and father. More often than she would care to admit, she almost couldn't remember what they looked like. Their faces had grown fuzzy over the decades and sometimes she forgot things. She had told herself, foolishly, that when she saw them again it would not matter, but now… she had to face the reality that she was never going to see them again.
She finally had enough time to grieve. She lay in her bed with tears slipping down her face. She tried tightly to close her eyes and remember their faces, their voices, their smell. She tried to conjure up memories to comfort herself. Sometimes they worked, but most of the time they made her more sick with grief. She knew would never again smell the thick scent from her fathers pipe or the floral scent from her mother's perfume. She would never feel the rough fabric of her father's coat when she hugged him when he returned from work. She would never feel her mother's hands as she combed and braided her hair. All of that was lost forever.
Most of all, she knew they had not lived good lives. They had been destroyed by her disappearance. Unlike her brothers, she couldn't place all the blame on Pan. She was the one who left and he was only indirectly responsible. It was her fault. She would never be able to apologize to them, never explain herself. They lived out the rest of their days, withering away, wondering where their daughter had gone.
She had so desperately wanted them to live good and happy lives. She wanted them to have many, many grandchildren who filled their days. She wanted them to spend lazy days about the house. She wanted their hair to grey and their faces to grow wrinkly from smiling and laughing so much. But they hadn't gotten that. They had both wasted away, missing their daughter and son.
She couldn't even go and visit their graves to mourn them properly.
The grief and the guilt kept her up almost the whole night. She would usually tire herself out in the early hours of the morning and would fall into a sleep that was filled with their faces and voices. She would wake up from the dreams and remember all over again that they were dead.
One night when the grief hung over her, almost suffocating her, she threw back the covers and dashed out of the room. She crept through the dining room and then into the empty kitchen. She made herself a cup of tea as quietly as possible. She could just make out shapes and figures of things as pale moonlight streamed in through the window. After she made her tea, she crept out the back door into the garden that was still just a tangle of vines and bushes. The summer air was warm and still. It smelled sweet and lush.
By the back door, there were a couple of rot iron chairs and a small table. She walked softly over to the table and nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized someone was already there.
"Bae!" she exclaimed. "You gave me a fright!"
He sat at a chair with a tea cup beside him, presumably doing what she was about to. He looked the oldest out of the three of them. When he smiled, his eyes crinkled at the edges and his hair had become much more peppered with grey over the past little while. But he still had that same look about him as he had all those years ago: he was a little tired, a little lonely and altogether wonderful.
Looking at him just then, Wendy felt as if they had never been apart. It was strange to think that she had spent more than a century without Baelfire and her other brothers.
He scratched the back of his head and offered her an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," he said. She took a seat in one of the chairs and put her cup beside his. They both looked out at the dark garden. The trees rustled lightly in the distance and she could hear crickets chirping. It was peaceful.
After a few moments of silence, he asked, "Couldn't sleep?"
She shook her head. "You can't sleep either?" Baelfire shook his head. "Why not?"
He shrugged and explained, "I lost a lot coming back here. The transition's been hard." She could tell he was trying to keep voice light and casual, but it was laced with longing. She knew a piece of his heart was back on Earth with Emma and Henry and wherever the hell Gold was.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. She meant it. She knew what it was like to be worlds away from family. "Missing family… It's an awful thing." Her words felt small in the face of the emotions she knew he was feeling.
He chuckled. "Yes, you're unfortunately an expert in that." He gave a small smile in return. It shouldn't have been funny, but it was. "I know I didn't have them for a very long time, but I feel as if my soul's been ripped apart without them."
She looked over at him and met his eyes in the darkness. She hoped he knew that she understood him with all her heart.
"We'll find a way back to them," she reassured him. If she was able to hold out hope for a hundred and twenty years, she could have hope that Neal could be reunited with Emma, Henry and Gold. He gave her a cautious look and she continued, "I have hope."
He hummed a small smile. "I know you do. It's part of who you are," he said. "You're the example I try to follow." She looked at him, surprised. She had never much thought of herself as an example to follow. Getting trapped on an island for a hundred and twenty years wasn't incredibly impressive. "It's amazing what you did, you know?"
She scoffed. "I'm not so sure."
"You gave up your life to save me. You're still kind and hopeful and loving. Pan didn't break you," he said.
"I'd never have let that bastard break me," she said. She did not mention that she had very nearly been broken many times. "Sometimes, it felt like the only reason I kept my humanity was to spite him." Neal laughed.
After he sobered, Baelfire continued, "Thank you." She turned and gave him a questioning look. "I should have thanked you a while ago. But thank you for everything you did, to get me back. You're the best sister in the world." Neal's voice was thick with tears. She could feel her own throat close up, too.
"I'd do it all over again," was all she could manage. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. She hoped he would understand her without words.
"I'd do the same for you, you know." She nodded.
They let the silence fall again and sat for a while, listening to the night. A breeze rustled the trees. It was warm and sweet. The grief and the guilt did not feel nearly as suffocating anymore, but it still lingered.
"You're having trouble sleeping?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"Mhm."
"Is it because of Neverland? Are you having nightmares?"
She shook her head. "No. It's been a while since that place gave me nightmares. I haven't been scared of it for a long, long time."
"Oh." He considered for a moment. "So you aren't scared of Pan?"
She thought for a moment. "Perhaps of his powers. But not of the man. It's hate I feel for him, not fear." She paused. "I'm working on indifference, though."
"You don't talk about it much," he commented. She wasn't exactly sure why he kept bringing up Neverland.
She shook her head. "No, I don't."
"Do you want to?"
She thought for a moment. She had lived almost two lifetimes on Neverland. So much had happened. There were parts of her that her brothers had no idea existed. She didn't know if she was every going to find the words to tell them or if she even wanted to tell them.
She thought of Gavin, too. Her child. Another piece of her soul. She had been a mother, if only briefly and her brothers didn't even know. She wanted to tell them, but she hadn't been able to find the words just yet. She didn't know how to explain it to them. She hadn't talked about Gavin to anyone in several decades. No one alive even knew Gavin besides her, now that Pan was dead. She thought it might be better if she just kept him safe in her heart. If only for a little while longer.
She searched for words to explain this. She didn't want to cut Neal off.
It was difficult and strange to put into words what had happened on Neverland. She had to deal with the loss and the pain of being separated from her family, knowing that she would never see them again. She had lost her child. Those times were nightmares. Other times on Neverland, she had just survived. The days were bleak and she was lonely, but the grief she felt over her family didn't consume her those days or most days even. She just lived. That's what she had done.
It was emotionally taxing to explain and she didn't have the words. Eventually, she said, "I think I need more time to process."
Baelfire nodded. "When you want to talk about it, I'm here. After all, I was on Neverland, too."
"Thank you, Bae. I'll take you up on that eventually," she said.
He paused for a moment. "Why are you up then?"
"Mother and Father." She sighed. "I always thought I would get to go back to them." She put her face on her hand. She knew that if she actually said the words, she would cry. She was right. She wept, softly.
Baelfire reached over and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Sometimes, I can't remember their faces," she managed out. She began to cry harder. She missed them so much.
She cried and Baelfire sat by her. He didn't need to say anything. He knew how she felt and she knew she was understood by him. His presence was comfort enough.
XXX
Days passed and turned into weeks. The weeks soon melted into months. The siblings continued to work on the house. John moved on from the living room to the outside of the house, stripping the sides of the manor of all the vines that had crept up over the years and now clung now the windows. He made serious headway one day when he discovered that the old dingy laundry room that was constantly pitch black actually had a window. Michael and Wendy worked in the garden pulling away layers of weed and overgrown bushes. Baelfire worked in the field with the wood he bought from a nearby town. He made a lovely dining room table with matching chairs.
Wendy began to live with her grief. She discovered that it did not lessen (and she suspected it never would). Instead, she got better at managing it. She found the courage to talk to John and Michael about it and the siblings reminisced together about their parents. She remembered the good times and the joy and love she had felt. She managed to sleep through the night. Not well, she admitted, but she did sleep.
She buried down the deep guilt she felt. She could never talk to her brothers about it. How could she talk to them about the grief and sorrow she had caused their parents? She had been the reason for their undoing.
She didn't want to be absolved. She didn't know what she wanted. All she knew was that she didn't want to feel the guilt so she wrapped it up and tried to shove it to the back of her mind. Sometimes, she was successful. Other times, she wasn't. The guilt would burst out of its nicely prepared cage and wreak havoc on her. It would drag up the grief she attempted to manage. Those nights she got no sleep. Sometimes she allowed herself to weep. Other times she read or sat in the garden and tried not to feel suffocated by it all.
But, she convinced herself she was managing it much better. Yes, she would even say she managed it well.
She also rationalized that she couldn't focus on her grief and guilt just then. Baelfire was presenting a bigger problem. She could tell he would have preferred to be putting his effort into bringing his father back. He fidgeted around when he wasn't working, his fingers constantly pulling at his clothes, twisting around each other. When he talked, there was a look in his eyes that made him seem like he was some place far, far away. He picked at his food. His eyes were bruised from many sleepless nights. She knew he was sleeping much less than she was. She knew it was because of his family. Even if he was with his siblings, there was a huge hole in his heart that missed his own family of Emma, Henry and Gold.
She could understand it. Even though she had been reunited with John and Michael and Bae, but there was still an empty place in her soul that her mother and father left. She tried to talk to him about it, but she knew nothing would alleviate his grief other than being reunited with his family.
One night at the dinner table, Michael said bluntly, "Baelfire, you walk around as if you're a ghost. Is everything alright? Is it because of your family? Have you started trying to get Gold back?"
John choked on his piece of chicken and spent a few minutes wheezing and trying to form enough of a sentence to reprimand Michael. Baelfire, however, was unfazed.
"I don't even know where to begin, Mike," he said, casually pouring a glass of water for John, who continued to splutter.
"You need access to the Dark Castle, yes?" Wendy asked. She was still hazy on all the intricacies of Gold and just who he was. She admitted she wasn't a fan of the man and it still baffled her he had managed to produce such a wonderful son. "But you don't remember where it is?"
Neal nodded. "Belle's out looking for it now. She wanted to go on her own and would send word when she found it. But it's been almost a month now," he said. "I'm just beginning to worry is all."
"Why don't you just go after her?" Michael asked casually, talking with his cutlery, forgetting that there was food on his fork and it splattered across the table. John turned to him, incredulous. Michael hardly batted an eye. Wendy's father would have taken a bird if he had seen his son act that way.
"I don't know where she was headed," Neal explained. "It'd be pretty hard to go after her that way."
"Seems like a real predicament you're in-"
Just then a loud knocking came from the front door. They all looked at each other. They didn't know anyone very well yet in the next town and most of the people from Storybrooke had moved on. Wendy wouldn't have been able to even guess who it was.
John stood up and made his way towards the door, grumbling about how terrible a dinner it had been. They all craned their necks, watching as he opened the front door.
"Speak of the devil," he laughed. "Come in, Belle."
Seeing Belle, Bae stood up straight at the table, nearly knocking over his plate. Hope shone in his face. Wendy held her breath, hoping that Belle brought good news. Belle cracked a smile and Baelfire let out a strangled laugh.
Belle had found the Castle and Baelfire was one step closer to being reunited with his family.
XXX
Belle and Baelfire threw themselves into their work. As it turned out, the Dark Castle was only a day's ride from their new home and Baelfire was able to split his time between his home with the Darlings and his research at the Castle.
Baelfire was not well-versed in magic and Belle was not much better. Both of them were out of their depth when it came to finding spells or magical objects or really anything of use. Wendy was sure they just fumbled their way through and tried to make the best of it. She packed up food for Neal to take on his journey to the mansion, sending bread and cheese with him, hoping that he ate. He would return days later, looking like he hadn't slept or eaten since he had left. He would collapse into bed and wake up hours and hours later, better rested, but still desperate.
She understood the grief he felt. He wanted his father back. He wanted Emma and Henry back. She could understand grieving one's parents and one's child. She wasn't able to find the words to tell him any of this, but hoped that he knew that she understood when she made his favourite meals and tidied his notes and sat with him when he couldn't sleep.
The nights grew longer and before she knew it the trees were bare. Baelfire continued researching endlessly. His mind was filled with magic and potions and fantastical creatures. When he had a good night's sleep, he would tell her what he had learned. He told her about banshees whose wailing signalled death. He told her about imps who fed off of people's fears and grief. He told her about dragons and unicorns, rare now, but still beautiful and enchanting. Although she had spent so long shirking magic, she found it interesting when Neal told her about it.
The other siblings found other things to keep them occupied while Baelfire studied. Michael built beautiful furniture and Wendy worked in the garden, preparing it for winter. John found work in town at a law office. He became an associate there. Wendy knew he found the work fulfilling and she was happy her brother had found something that gave his life meaning.
Belle grew closer to the Darling siblings. Wendy figured the Dark Castle was lonely with just one person in it. She could tell that Belle missed Gold. Although she had strongly disliked the man, she mourned for Belle. She had truly loved Gold, had seen the best in him. She did not see many redeeming qualities in Gold, but Belle did and apparently that was enough for her. She wondered how she could love someone who had caused her and so many others pain. She couldn't imagine it.
Wendy didn't ask much about it though. She found they both had a common love for books. She enjoyed Belle's company. She was kind and smart and funny. It was nice to have another friend in the world. Belle introduced Wendy to authors from the Enchanted Forest. They devoured books and talked about them together. They debated over which plot device should have been used, if this twist was as good as it seemed, which character was the best, how they should have acted in a certain situation. They spent Belle's free time hunting after copies of books from the Land Without Magic. Wendy desperately wanted Belle's thoughts on the books she remembered from long ago, but it was difficult to find. However, it was a relatively mundane activity for Belle, since she spent most of her time searching after a resurrection spell. She figured the woman needed something relatively normal in her life.
Soon, the wind grew sharper, colder and snow began to dust the land. Wendy let the garden sleep for the winter. Belle and Baelfire helped her re-learn how to ride their horse, Ash. She had spent months tending to the creature, but had been so out of practice she didn't dare to ride him. Baelfire had taken Ash with him to the Castle, but Wendy had dearly wanted to spend more time with the creature.
Soon, she was able to get him to trot and canter and even gallop. When they had had riding lessons, she had only ever ridden horses side saddle and had only every trotted around, while her brothers had been encouraged to gallop around, the wind rushing through their hair. Wendy had never been fond of riding side saddle. She had founded it boring and sluggish and uncomfortable. But this was glorious. She loved the wind whipping through her hair, Ash under her and the fields and trees flying by her. She had never felt more free when she was riding Ash. She knew that there was still a wide world out there for her to explore and she could see herself doing that with Ash by her side.
With Ash, she would spend hours explore the woods around her house. She would trot through town, getting to know the people there. She made friends with them. She swapped recipes with the baker and got new dresses made at the tailor's. She felt comfortable in the small town and could see herself living there. She would eventually have to find a doctor or nurse to train under, but she really was in no rush. She had her whole life ahead of her. She would finish her training, start a career. Perhaps, one day she would fall in love, get married and have a family.
She still grieved though. She had prolonged this mourning period for decades. It was to be expected that it would lingered. She managed to get by on five or six hours of sleep each night. She reasoned that she was dealing with it pretty well. She would still sit next to Neal in the dark some nights, sipping on tea. She eventually began to talk about Neverland and Pan. She told him about how she was made to heal the Lost Boys, about her treehouse, how she had wandered the island for decades looking for him. She still didn't have the words to explain Gavin, but she knew she would find them one day.
She even began to talk to Michael and John about her time on Neverland. In turn, they talked to her about their time working under Pan. They told her about how they chased after this or that for him, the different cities they had lived in, what their lives had been like. They talked about their childhood, laughed about over warm memories of her parents. She felt her heart beginning to mend. She felt as if she was not bearing the loss of her parents alone— she had her three brothers to carry it with her.
All four siblings spoke openly with each other. They shared the pain they had gone through and how it still followed them. They also shared the mundane things. They argued over where to put a desk in the study and it felt so nice to bicker about something so trivial, so normal.
The weather grew colder and ice hung off the trees. But Wendy was happy. She was safe and warm inside her house with her brothers. Her eighteenth birthday passed, her first birthday in a hundred and twenty years. Her brothers and Belle sang to her over the glow of birthday candles. They bought her dresses fit for a young woman and books with beautifully embossed titles. She treasured them and she treasured simply growing older. After more than a century, she was officially an adult.
Christmas soon came upon them. The fields were blanketed with soft snow and the cold didn't seem so terrible when the house was adorned with Christmas decorations. They sang carols and baked cookies and made stockings and basked in each other's presence.
On Christmas morning, Wendy, Michael, John, Baelfire and Belle opened presents by the Christmas tree. They had decided to make each other gifts that year. John had tried his hand at knitting and gave everyone lopsided scarves in different colours. They were ugly, but would most certainly keep Wendy warm on her rides with Ash. She had sewn them all aprons, embroidered with their names and floral designs. She was pretty proud of them. Michael made them various things that he had put together with their woodworking. He made John a rocking chair, Belle a jewellery box, Wendy a cookbook holder and Neal a bookshelf. Belle had crocheted them hats, which were all much better than John's attempts at scarves. Neal stole the show with his presents. He had been secretive about them and he hadn't told a single soul what he was making. He had made them stained glass murals, each just as unique and beautiful as the next. They were all in awe.
After presents, they sat down to a big brunch. There were waffles and bacon and preserved jams and muffins and coffee and tea. They all ate until they were full, laughing and smiling. One the meal was finished, they lounged around, reading. They threw snowballs and made snow angels in the evening and told stories the fire before bed. Wendy went to bed glowing. It was like a dream.
They continued their lives and days became ordinary and beautiful. Wendy tended to the house, John worked in town, Belle and Baelfire researched and Michael began to sell his wooden creations. The snow soon melted and the barest hints of spring began to appear. Birds returned from their winter migration and Wendy found small, fragile flowers growing in the woods on her escapades with Ash. Wendy began to tend the garden again, planting seeds for the summer and fall. She saw her future there.
One day, in the early afternoon while she and Michael were weeding in the garden, Belle and Baelfire came galloping up the path to the house. From a distance, she could tell from how fast they galloped and the relaxed set of their shoulders that they brought good news. When they finally reached the house, they both burst into laughter, the months of stress rolling off of them. They had found a spell to bring back Rumple.
At dinner that evening, Baelfire announced that he would be leaving in a week to go find his father. Wendy's heart dropped at the announcement, but she knew that this had been coming all along.
"I'll only be gone a few weeks," Neal reassured them. "You won't even notice I'm gone."
"When you come back, you'll have to make up for all the dishwashing you'll have missed," Michael told him. Her youngest brother gave Neal a warm smile across the table and her heart felt full.
The week passed quickly and before she knew it they were wishing Baelfire goodbye at the gate.
"Thank you for welcoming me into your family," Belle said to Wendy, holding her shoulders. She smiled down at her and Wendy hugged her tightly. She would miss her friend.
"You already are family," Wendy said. She let go of Belle and the woman turned and went to stand by her horse and Baelfire's new horse while Bae said good-bye.
He hugged John tightly and they whispered loving words to each other. He moved next to Michael, they hugged each other, too. Michael whispered something that Baelfire laughed at, but once the laughter subsided, they both looked as if they were about to cry.
Baelfire then turned to her and wrapped her in a tight hug. She hugged him back tightly.
"I love you, Bae," she said.
"I love you, too, Wendy." He pulled back from her. This was not a time for long-winded goodbyes. They all knew that they would be in each other's hearts. Baelfire carried the Darling siblings with him wherever he went and the Darlings did the same.
"I'll be back before you know it," he told her.
"You better," she said with a grin. "It's a good life here."
He turned and joined Belle. They both swung up onto their horses and waved goodbye before riding off. Wendy, John and Michael stayed at the gate until they could no longer see Belle and Bae disappearing into the horizon.
