Flashing images haunted Harry while he slept. His Uncle and Aunt shouting at him that he was worthless, Professor Quirl trying to kill him, Lockheart attempting to obliviate Harry and Ron and take all the glory, nearly killing his beloved godfather before he understood what was going on, being hunted with the intent of being killed during the Triwizard Tournament, and watching not only Cedric die, but also watching the rebirth of Voldemort. All these things would flash before him. Then Dumbledore would approach him and pause the images. He would try to crawl to him, seeking comfort only to be kicked away.
"You could have done more, Harry." Dumbledore said looking straight ahead, not even attempting to look at the pathetic excuse of a wizard he was. "You could have prevented what happened to so many people. You are one of the great wizards and was able to defeat Voldemort as a mere infant."
Harry started to tremble. Dumbledore was right, he should have done more. It did not matter that he was only a teen. He had to do more than what was already done, but he couldn't. Why could he no longer do the things he needed to do?
"It's because, Harry," Dumbledore said seeming to read his mind, "you are simply a failure. You can't protect a friend from someone you have defeated before. You nearly got your only family member that hated you killed. You caused the Basilisk to roam free and allowed your friends to get hurt while others lived in fear. You failed to save the stone, as simple as it was."
Harry began to space out into a world of self pity while Dumbledore spoke of all his fault. Kicking him occasionally and telling him to stop crying because he couldn't show any negative emotions. He was the 'chosen one', he could not live in fear of what was to come. He had to be preparing for Voldemort's comeback in the world and to save it one again.
"You killed, Harry." Dumbledore said suddenly.
"Huh?" Harry was confused.
"You killed one of your Professors. You are no better than the scum that crawls in the sewers."
"I-I-I didn't mean to! He was going to kill me first if I hadn't!" Harry cried out, but it was already too late. He was no longer being surrounded by his different failures. Insted, he was back in the room with Quirl and the Mirror of Erised.
As familiar as the room was, he caught a glimpse of him in the mirror. It was him, but didn't look like him. The person staring back at him was laughing. He had the corpses of his friends surrounding him. The person staring back at him was not him at all, it was a monster. Quirl had tacked him out of nowhere and had both of his hands wrapped tightly around his neck. Harry. Could. Not. Breathe. He was choking.
In a bling fury of panic, he started to claw at Quirl's face. He watched in horror as the face began to mutate to different people he loved and each of their faces were blistering away as he touched it. The faces began to scream out in pain and anger. Harry grabbed its throat and it let go of his. He was not on top of the blistering creature as it struggled to breathe as he just had. Harry felt a cold flash of satisfaction to get revenge for what it had done to him. Watch it whither in fear and struggle to breathe as he controlled whether it survived or not. It was a sense of power and control Harry did not feel in his day to day life. As soon as those feelings had taken over, a new set of thoughts tore away at his emotions. He was a monster. He felt good when he held power and control over others. He wanted them ALL to suffer as he had. He was sad, jealous, angry, and remorseful all at the same time. Harry began to cry over the body he was still strangeling.
"See," said Dumbledore reappearing, "You killed one of your Professors in cold blood and you want to do it again."
"No! I don't! I don't! I don't!" he cried again and again. WHY IS HE DOING THIS? WHY CAN'T I STOP! …. Do I even want to to stop? His thoughts grew muddled as the room reset itself to replay what happened. Panic set in and the anxiety of doing it again washed over him. He couldn't breathe, just like when he was being strangled. But this time, noone was where with their hands around his neck. Whenever he tried to calm down, he remembered again that he couldn't breathe and repeated to process. Again and again, the cycle went on until he heard Ron shouting at him from somewhere. Getting louder and louder. All Harry wanted to do, was to be left alone to suffer fore he deserved it. The voice seemed to not get the idea and grew in volume until-
Harry shot out up and out of bed suddenly. Sitting up in a flurry of panic he flung himself out of bed. He blinked for a few seconds when he realized he was no longer in his dream and that he was covered in sweat. Glancing around, he noticed that it was still dark in the castle. Not even in his panic did he awake someone. Harry slowly got up from his bedside and looked out the dorm window. The sky was dead black and was lit up by the stars. Harry secretly liked that part about where the school was. Far away enough so one could see the stars in the night sky. As peaceful as it was, Harry felt like someone was watching him, like their eyes were trained on him and watching his every move. Not only were those eyes watching him, they seemed to have a specific intent to do something. Something bad. Laying back down in his bed, the feeling only grew. Sleep outright refused to come to him. It seemed to be laughing at him and taunting him with small bouts of drowsiness, but never allowing him to sleep.
Every time he would start to feel drowsy, the feeling of something watching him woke him have him back and awake in seconds. The cycle continued until Dean Thomas and Seamus got up to get ready for the first day of school. Hearing them both get ready made him realize how little sleep he had actually gotten. After helping out the new Professor find the classroom, the others had already changed and in deep sleep. Then considering that Harry had trouble falling asleep due to his excitement for the following day took up even more time, he estimated he had a grand total of 2-3 hours of uncomfortable sleep. He heard Ron and Neville get up soon after Dean and Seamus had left. They both chatted about nothing and started to prepare for the day.
"Oi! Harry, it's time to get up!" Ron's call to him made him jump in surprise.
Reluctantly, he pulled the warm blankets off him and allow the chilly air to encase him. Only then did he feel the effects of his night in his body. He ached all over, he had a pounding headache, his eyes were sore and hurt to open, and the anxiety from the night did not lessen. If anything, it only grew and was more insistant.
"Bloody hell, mate." Ron said in surprise, "You look awful."
"I feel awful. I hardly got any sleep." grumbled Harry in a response. He got up and started to get his clothes on to prepare for the exhausting day.
Neville and Ron shared a look of concern for him. They both knew that Harry sometimes had sleep issues and had some nightmares which lead to an irritable Harry for the day. The three of them chatted idly as they finished getting ready. As they walked to the Great Hall, Hermione caught up with them and had a similar reaction as Ron over Harry's appearance.
"Harry, you look as if you had gotten less than 4 hours of sleep!" she said.
"Not far from the truth." Harry replied in an annoyed tone giving her a look. Could they not shout?
"Oh, Harry." she said much quieter this time, "you should go to bed early tonight if you are having trouble sleeping again."
He responded with an eye roll. Of course he knew that. It was only a matter of the damn anxiety he felt whenever he tried to sleep.
Arriving at the Hall, they found a place to sit at the Gryffindor table. They talked about Quidditch and trashing the Slytherins along with the Daily Prophet. Professor McGonagoll eventually came around and gave everyone their timetables.
Ron groaned and exclaimed "We got History of Magic, double Portions, Divination, and double Defence Against the Dark Arts!"
"Well, at least you don't have Professor Binns any more." Hermione added thoughtful.
"Yeah, but instead we got Snape, Trelawney, and Umbridge." retorted Harry.
"Yeah Hermione, you at least don't have to deal with Trelawney." Ron said in a spiteful manner.
Hermione only humphed and turned back to examine her schedule for the rest of the week.
The three of them soon left the Great Hall and headed toward the History of Magic classroom. Harry hoped it would be more interesting with a new Professor teaching it. He wondered what Professor Aldrige meant by talking about things. Yeah, he had been through a lot, but why would he need to talk about those things? Sure, he had some nightmares, but they were few and far between. He also knew about his anxiety, but it wasn't crippling his ability to learn and get through the day. He was totally fine, mentaly and physically. Besides, there are people out there who have gone through far worse than him, so why should he complain?
The three of them made their way into the classroom and noticed major changes. It was no longer a boring looking room, the windows had bright red curtains with gold fringe along the edges, shelves of artifacts and old and torn books, the walls were filled with colorful flags for who knows what, skeletons of magical creatures hung from the ceiling, the desks were arranged in a similar way as Professor Binns had had it, and the once drearly looking classroom was filled with life.
"Well, I think this year, History of Magic may be one of my favorite classes." Harry said in awe.
"Agreed."both Ron and Hermione said in agreement.
As the other students filtered in, they all noticed the major tone and decoration change. The room was quickly filled with chatter. Most of the girls were excited for a close up of this new, younger Professor who seemed attractive enough at the feast while the boys complained about how they were no longer going to get an extra one and a half hours of sleep. The bell rang soon enough and the Professor was still not in the classroom. Everyone seemed slightly confused at the tardy Professor. In every other class, the Professor was always right on time or early, never late.
Suddenly the small door at the back of the classroom bust open and a man fell to the ground along with a stack of papers and books. The few students closest to him quickly stood up and began to help their new Professor gather his things.
"Ah, thank you!" he called behind the wall of things he was carrying. "You may go back to you sets now!"
While the students returned to their seats, the Professor walked swiftly down the aisle toward his desk in the classroom. Wobbling all the way down in an attempt to not lose any books or papers. He finally reached the desk where he plopped everything down in exhaustion and looked up giving the class a much better view of his face.
His hair while commed, seemed to be fighting against whatever he had put on to calm it down, his cheeks were flushed in embarrassment, he was even more gangly looking as now they could see his slightly sunken cheeks, long bony fingers and long, but muscular limbs.
"Hello!" he greeted simply.
The class murmerd a hello response. Some of the girls were eyeing him in what was not a PG rated way.
"Um, I will be your new History of Magic Professor." he said with uncertainty. "You will address me as Professor Aldrige and nothing else."
"I am sure you all know plenty about the Goblin War Professor Binns was so fond of teaching." he added with a tad bit of a sarcastic note which some of the class snickered in response.
"So, for today, I am going to give you a test." the class groaned in response.
"This test will be over all of the things you should have coverderd in the past few years. This test is only going to me so I have an idea of what we need to go over and what you all need refreshers on. Tomorrow I would like for you to make sure you all have paper and quills ready to take notes with." he explained with a small smile due to the reactions of the students.
"Well, he seems to be a much better teacher."Hermione whispered to the other two who nodded in agreement.
While the Professor passed out the test, the students got out their ink and quills. Faces of confusion soon was quite prominent of the students. They could remember nothing to very little from the past few years in the class, most of which were the ones who spent the period sleeping rather than taking notes. Hermione was one of the only ones who seemed to know how to answer the questions. Even then, there were a few she had met her match with and guessed on the answers. Harry was having a hard time keeping awake due to the quiet classroom and found himself drifting off every few minutes making it very difficult to get just one question done. Ron was being Ron and had almost no idea what any of the questions were asking. It may as well have been in a different language at that point for him.
The period ended soon and they all turned in their tests. He gave each of the students a smile and thank you as they turned them in. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all walked out completely exhausted. Each wondering how they were going to last their next few classes. Especially with double Potions with Snape next. Hermione and Ron spent most of the passing period either complaining about classes or exchanging theories as to why Professor Binns left.
Harry just wanted some sleep, but the anxiety kept him from doing just that. That anxiety would not leave him alone. It put him on edge, almost making him jump at every sudden sound in the hallways. He would constantly look over his shoulder and his brain would yell at him 'DANGER! DANGER' even though they were just walking down the hall. Not to mention he was getting annoyed very quickly whenever Hermione or Ron complained over the smallest of things. He wanted to shout and scream at them to shut up or shoot spells to make them stop. The anxiety didn't dim as time went on, it merely rose.
The three of them made their way to the dungeons for Potions. By that time, Harry's anxiety and exhaustion was making him feel greatly annoyed. He was absolutely dreading Potions. Walking into Snape's classroom made that dread multiply by 100.
Harry was already bad at potions, he didn't need Snape to degrade him further. But that is what Snape did exactly. He picked out a finicky little potion to brew and made it as hard as possible. While Harry worked on his, the bouts of drowsiness were getting to him and made it extremely hard to focus on the instructions. He knew for a fact that his was not going to turn out good when he looked around to see the others potions. Hermione had a silver mist emitting from the cauldron while his was a dark grey color that held a slight bad odour. Ron's was even worse, shooting green sparks and smelled like rotting food.With ten minutes left, Snape finally walked over to Harry for the kill.
"Potter, can I assume that you know how to read?" Snape asked in his slow and cold voice.
"Yes, I can Professor." Harry responded tensely looking down at his unfortunate concoction.
"Then please explain why you skipped steps 1,5, and 6?" he spoke softly. Unfortunately, some of the Slytherins had overheard and or looked over only to snicker at Harry getting into trouble.
Harry looked at the board and his heart sank.He had indeed completely skipped over those steps in his half sleep like state.
"I forgot to do them, Professor." Harry responded quietly while his right hand was tightening around the ingredient he held.
"Well then Potter, I hope you can understand that this potions is absolutely worthless." Snape said and used a spell to empty the cauldron.
It was far too late to restart now. The potion had taken well over half the class time to even begin brewing. There was no chance for Harry to get his marks for the day. Watching the others finish their potions made his anxiety rise even more. He had absolutely nothing to turn in and was going to start the year with poor marks. As soon as the bell rang, he dashed out of the class and was one of the first ones to reach the lunchroom. Thank God for having lunch right after Potions. It allowed him to recharge in a way after the first two classes. He could now at least eat and wake up a bit before having to deal with Umbridge in his final class for the day. Hoping for the best, he started to eat his lunch and waited for Ron and Hermione to arrive at the Great Hall.
