The night before Caleb's aptitude test, I approach Marcus after dinner.

"Dad, if you want, I can talk with Caleb about his test."

Marcus lowers his reading glasses and glares at me like I'm an idiot. "Why would I want you to do that?"

I'm confused. If Marcus doesn't want to talk with Caleb himself, why won't he let me volunteer for the job? "Well…I only took the test two years ago. I remember it pretty well. I can talk to him about what he'll face. Maybe he'll worry less about the test if he hears it from me."

"He will hear nothing from you. Or me." To emphasize that he is done with me, he goes back to reading the papers in his hands.

The thought of what he did to Caleb the night of my own aptitude test keeps me standing in front of Marcus. It is one of my few memories of pain that has not dulled with time. "I…" I lower my voice in case Caleb's door is open. "I remember you telling me not to mention if I felt like I was in two places at once during the sim. That it could be dangerous. Wouldn't it be dangerous for Caleb, too? I could help him be less scared so he can get his true result." Sometimes I can prevail when Marcus and I disagree if I use logic. Caleb already has enough to fear where Marcus is concerned. He shouldn't have to fear his aptitude test on top of that.

Silence. Not knowing how Marcus will react to what I've just said is almost worse than knowing he's about to hit me. But I am stronger now than I was before my own test. If Marcus thinks he will beat Caleb into hiding his awareness during simulations, he is wrong. Caleb will go into his test with no fear, without a scratch, and I will do anything to ensure that.

I never realized how long a minute is until I wait for Marcus's answer. It is so quiet I can hear the tick of the clock on the mantel. He looks at me and squints, and I feel like he is seeing all my imperfections. Maybe he's trying to decide whether to hit me for being so inquisitive. I'll take it, if it means he'll be too tired to go after Caleb. He shakes his head and says with total surety, "Don't speak about things you don't know for certain. I know things about the simulation that you do not. You'll keep your mouth shut. The simulation will feel completely real to Caleb. He will make the right choice on his own, choose the right faction." He pulls me to him by my shirt and whispers in my ear, "He is not cursed the way you are."

So he knows. All my thoughts for Caleb leave when Marcus releases me. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it. Marcus didn't warn me about the bilocation feeling because he thought it might happen. He warned me because he knew it would. He beat Caleb the day before I chose because he knew that if I denied my awareness during the simulation, I must be lying.

"But…how?" I ask him. All the questions I've held back for two years come rushing out. "What is it that makes you so sure? How do you know? Is it the simulation itself? The serum? What?"

"Are you actually concerned for Caleb, or do you want me to tell you about yourself?" He shakes his head. He sounds like a teacher I used to have who always sighed and berated the class when we didn't respond as expected. "You haven't earned the right to know. And judging by the way you can't let this go, you'll never earn it."

I am risking grievous injury, but I can't stop myself from asking, "Do you have it, too? The…curse?" I don't know what else to call it. If it were a gift Marcus probably wouldn't be so worried that I had it. He would be more forthcoming with me, too.

Marcus hesitates, then looks away from me. I want to believe that he is gathering his thoughts, that he wants to tell me all about the curse and how it works and what other traits it brings besides awareness during simulations. He will explain how it engenders all my frustration at Abnegation's restrictiveness and tell me how to live with it, even overcome it. The hope disappears after about two seconds. I know he would be the last person to ever tell me any truth about himself. Or me.

"Caleb does not, and that is all that matters," he says, and goes back to his papers. It's clear that no matter what I want, he has no intention of continuing the conversation.

I want more than anything to ask him what is it that he sees in me, or in Caleb, that makes him so sure I was aware during my simulation where Caleb won't be. Perhaps the answer is right in front of me: Marcus does have the curse, and he has learned how to hide it from me, from Abnegation. I am much more like him than Caleb is. We both know he can see the short temper and inquisitiveness I work so hard to keep in check. It's the reason he's always hated me more, beat me more, shut me in the closet more. He can see that I am rebellious and doubtful too often where Caleb is not. Without my having to tell him, he knows that I only say a small percentage of the words in my head. He must, as I do sometimes, see my mother when he looks at Caleb. He sees what he lost of her when he looks at him: her instincts for altruism, her ability to see beauty in everyday things. When he looks at me, however, he sees all the parts of himself he works to hold back.

But Marcus beat my mother, too. She was never any safer from him than I am.

I drop the subject and dismiss myself.

The next night I'm lying in bed, wide awake in the thick darkness, when I hear a light knocking on my door.

"Tobias? Are you up?"

It's Caleb. "Come in."

Caleb closes the door quietly, as not to wake Marcus. I can't remember the last time he came to visit me in the middle of the night. It's like no time has passed, though, as I make room for him, turning onto my side and pressing my back against the wall. Caleb and I are too big now to fit comfortably on the bed together, but we'll tolerate a little discomfort for the sake of closeness.

"Are you thinking about your aptitude test?" I ask once he has settled, lying on his side facing me.

"Yes."

"Want to tell me what you got?"

"Not really," he says, but I don't sense that he's hiding something from me. It's more like he's disappointed.

"Okay." It's nearly killing me not to know. I know he told Marcus while I was working in the garden earlier, because Marcus would not have given him a choice otherwise. Regardless of what his result was, he must have either told the truth or lied well enough to make Marcus believe him, because he is unscathed. Marcus hasn't even raised his voice this evening.

"Can I ask you a question?" he says after a minute.

"Of course. You can always ask me anything." I might have to lie to him, but I would never refuse a question from him.

"Why did you choose to stay in Abnegation?"

I am sick with the idea that I cannot tell him the truth. It's the one thing I've wanted more than anything, but I cannot chance the shame he may feel if tell him that I stayed to protect him from Marcus. He didn't, would never, ask me to do that, and I haven't done as good job of it as I thought I could. At least he's not sleeping on his back tonight because his stomach and ribs are bruised, the way he had to do before my own Choosing. Maybe that knowledge alone has made my choice worth it.

"I believe in our place," I begin. It's only part of the truth, but it'll have to do. "I believe the most important thing we can do is be unselfish and give what we have to those who need it more than we do. As long as I can see that there are people who lack the things I can give them, I'll know I made the right choice. They don't even have to be big things. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them, and the best thing you can do is give them your time. If I can help others, why wouldn't I?"

"Not a lot of people leave," he says. "Does everyone who stays think that, too?"

Do you? I want to ask. But that would be intrusive. Selfish. Instead, I reply, "I think they do. They take joy in helping others and are satisfied with their only reward being that joy. I think that's what's most important to them."

The answer seems to satisfy him until he says, "Even Dad?"

"I think… I don't know." Because even though Marcus is a different person at home than he is at work, he does things every day that benefit people in other factions. I say, "I know that Dad believes in his work on the city council. As for everything else…" But I don't need to say it. Caleb is smart enough, observant enough, to put the pieces together.

"His definition of selfless is warped."

There's a little Candor in the way he is so blunt, but I can't deny his statement. He said it so quickly, I know he's had those words in his head for a while. I wonder how long. I sigh. "That's one way to put it."

I settle into the darkness and silence, minutes from sleep, when he asks, "Will you come with me tomorrow? To the Choosing Ceremony?"

"I wouldn't miss it for anything. It's one of the most important days of your life."

"It's not selfish for me to think about what faction I'll choose, is it?" He doesn't sound concerned, just curious. Maybe he carries a tiny bit of what seems to be the family curse in that way.

I shake my head. "I don't think so. I think it's normal. Even for people who get an Abnegation result and want to stay here, I think everyone has at least a minute where they wonder what it might be like to be part of a different faction. I knew it was right for me to stay, but I'd be lying if I said I never thought about choosing to go somewhere else."

He appears to consider this, chewing at his lower lip the way he does when he's working a difficult math problem. "And you chose Abnegation because you think you really belong here."

I'm not sure whether it's a question or a statement. He's so observant. He noticed that I said it was right that I stayed, not that I made the choice because Abnegation was the right faction for me. Then I come up with an answer I can justify to myself: I belong in Abnegation because my true place is here, next to Caleb, doing whatever I can to protect him. "Yes," I say, studying the shadows over his face. The very fact that he is here with me and Marcus has barely touched him in weeks is reassurance enough. "Absolutely."

Caleb nods and closes his eyes. In minutes, he's snoring. I think about prodding him in the shoulder but decide I don't want to disturb him. Instead, I get as comfortable as I can, folding my arm under my head since he's now taking up most of the pillow. Warmed by his body heat, I am able to relax into sleep knowing that he is secure here with me.

I wake alone to the buzz of my alarm clock. Caleb must have gone back to his room in the middle of the night. For once, I don't wake with feelings of dread or anxiety. The few hours of sleep I had were some of my best in months. I've done it. Caleb is safe. Marcus won't do anything to him the morning of the Choosing Ceremony. I pull up my shade, letting my eyes get used to the sunlight. My window faces the back yard, and I admire the neat rows of herbs and vegetables. It was a small thing I did, but I did it perfectly. Maybe that's too much pride. I let myself feel it for a minute, then it's time to shower and dress.

It's Abnegation's turn to lead the ceremony this year, so Marcus will be giving the welcome speech. Because of this, Caleb and Marcus and I leave so early that we all get seats on the bus and don't have to give them up. Caleb looks lost in thought, watching the city blocks go by. Marcus and I do not press him.

The auditorium in the Hub is exactly as I remember it from my own Choosing Ceremony two years ago, exactly the way it was last year, exactly the way it will be next year. The stage is set with the faction bowls: Dauntless and Abnegation on the left, Erudite in the center, Amity and Candor on the right. Max, the Dauntless man who gave the speech at my ceremony, is there, arranging the coals to provide enough air flow for them to burn for the entire time. I can't help but feel a little envious of him as I watch. He looks powerful and strong, wearing his muscular chest and scabbed knuckles like they're badges of honor. Dauntless was never an option for me, but I wouldn't mind having some of that bravery against Marcus. I make myself look away and put stones in the Abnegation bowl. When I finish, I see Marcus talking to Caleb at one side of the stage.

The last moments before the ceremony begins are one of the few times the Abnegation allow themselves to be selfish, saying what they know could be their final words to their sons and daughters, their brothers and sisters. I step away as Marcus says whatever it is he has to say to Caleb. I don't care. He's probably saying the same thing he said to me, that he will see Caleb at home. No reassurance of love, no smiles, no words of encouragement. It would be too much to expect from Marcus, anyway.

A minute later, Marcus is engaged in conversation with Johanna Reyes from Amity, and I reach toward Caleb. We haven't hugged each other in years, I think, but whatever may come, I need to do it now. He needs to know that someone, somewhere, cares about what happens next in his life. His grip is strong around my shoulders, though it feels like he's trembling a little. Probably it's nerves.

"It's okay," I say as I pat him on the back. "I'm here for you." It's inconsiderate for me to so openly show him affection where everyone can see us, but if he thinks I'm being rude, he doesn't show it.

"I feel like I'm about to throw up," he says when we break apart.

"You'll be fine," I tell him. "You won't throw up. No one ever has."

"What if I trip? What if I accidentally drip blood into the wrong bowl?" He looks toward Marcus, who doesn't see us. For once I'm glad for the sameness among the Abnegation. We'll be difficult to pick out in the crowd.

"You won't. You're going to be fine. You'll make the right decision."

There's less than a minute now before the ceremony is scheduled to start. The Dauntless are still laughing and standing around but everyone else is starting to take their seats, forming blocks of color in the rows. I put my arms around Caleb one more time and kiss him on the forehead, just like our mother used to when he was worried or scared as a child. "I'll be here. I promise."

"I know," he says, looking right into my eyes. The way he does it unnerves me. He just told me something important with that look, but I don't know what it is. Before I have time to think about it, I have to take my seat with the other Abnegation.

Caleb's class is smaller than mine was, with only about seventy who will choose. As usual, Dauntless has the lowest number of transfers in and Abnegation has the lowest number of transfers out. My stomach knots as the line gets shorter and shorter. Caleb shouldn't have to take his knife from Marcus. It probably wouldn't be the first time a child had to take a knife from their parent, but those other parents could not have been the monsters Marcus is. But by now Caleb has to know what he'll do. Even if Marcus weren't there, his decision would still be the same. I trust that.

Just like I promised him, he does not trip when Marcus smiles and calls, "Eaton, Caleb." If Caleb feels anything less than secure in his decision, he doesn't show it. He walks slowly to the bowls, but his steps are sure. Marcus hands him the knife and nods. I'm nervous, but I don't understand why. Caleb is considerate, giving, and selfless, everything an Abnegation initiate should be. Putting others first is his reflex. He's regaled us with stories of how much he enjoys his community service projects on the occasions he has the turn to talk. He will be an asset to Abnegation, and he must know that.

Caleb cuts his left palm, makes a fist, and extends it in the direction of the Abnegation bowl. I lean forward in my seat, squinting to focus on his hand. Before he turns his wrist, he lifts his chin and looks directly at Marcus.

There is a hiss when his blood drops onto the Dauntless coals, and with that sound, everything I am dissolves.

The loud cheer of the Dauntless has the attention of the Erudite, Candor, and Amity in the seats. Everyone from Abnegation, however, is watching Marcus. And Marcus is watching me. I know that look. Marcus blames me for what Caleb just did. I don't know if anyone else caught his flash of rage. He replaced it with solemnity in less than a second, waiting for the Dauntless to quiet so he could call the next name, a child he has as little regard for as he must have for Caleb now. The other Abnegation probably thought he was just surprised.

I am torn between feeling betrayed and triumphant. What Caleb did was…I want to say it was terrible, but the outcome is terrible only for me. It was defiant. Selfish. Courageous. I succeeded in my plan, but not the way I thought I would. Marcus will punish me for Caleb's rebellion. And I will bear it, knowing that if Caleb is not safe among the Dauntless, he is at least free. I curl my fists, digging my nails into my palms. I am not allowed to feel betrayed. I only made sure that Caleb could make his own choice. He did not owe me his decision. Though I could see he was made for Abnegation, he knows himself better than I do. I told him that the only way he could be selfish would be to choose his faction for the wrong reason. Dauntless must have been right for him.

I wish he'd been able to tell me why.

Nearly everyone from the four other factions has left by the time I'm able to gather the strength to stand at the end of the ceremony. Other members of my faction are helping to clean the bowls, working together to keep from spilling the water or cutting themselves on the glass. My body goes through the motions of gathering the Abnegation stones and placing them in a box to be broken down and recycled, but my mind has only the sound of Caleb's blood boiling on the coals. I almost reach for those coals myself, wanting to burn my hand in order to feel something other than loss and emptiness. I don't know where Marcus is. I know the other Abnegation are looking at me, the lonely Eaton child, and I wish they wouldn't. I know their words: the choice was his to make; it would be selfish for him to stay in Abnegation if he doesn't have the aptitude for it. They would say these things with no knowledge of what really goes on in my house, and I can't deal with their ignorance.

I realize now that Caleb is braver than I could ever hope to be, not because he chose Dauntless but because he didn't choose Abnegation. Against my Abnegation will, I feel envious of him. I hate myself for my cowardice. I was so blind. So naïve. I was so focused on giving him the opportunity to make his own choice that I never considered he would make a choice that left me completely alone.

He had to have given me a sign somewhere, at some time, that he was going to leave. That no matter what I did, it would never be enough to keep him in Abnegation. But I can't think of that. I only promised myself that I would protect Caleb, that I would let him live in as much peace as he could until his Choosing Ceremony. Now that moment has come and I… I am lost. I am hopeless. I had never given any thought as to what might happen if Caleb didn't stay. It seemed so obvious that he was born for Abnegation. All my plans for the future involved him at least peripherally. Now, looking into the future is like turning the last page in a book.

Blood. Faction. Right now, I couldn't care less about either.