"What's this for?" Benny asked, looking down at the bandana Jim paced in his hand.

"For you to cover your eyes with," Hopper stated, also handing one to Karen who raised her brow in Joyce's direction for answers. "Did you really think my dad would let us drink in the house? I'm lucky he didn't kick my ass when I came home high a few weeks ago. I'm not gonna risk him smelling your pot or catching us drinking in the barn."

"That still doesn't explain why you don't want me or Karen to see anything," Benny commented as he grabbed his overnight bag from the back of his truck and flung it over his shoulder.

"Joyce and I have a place we can go where no one will bother us, but it has to stay a secret. Only four people know how to get there and I plan to keep it that way." Hopper insisted and took the alcohol Karen was holding to put inside his and Joyce's bag.

"You guys wanted to do something fun tonight and both of your parents said they didn't want anyone over. Just trust us." Joyce chimed in, nudging Karen's shoulder with her elbow.

Benny sighed and rolled his eyes, finally lifting the makeshift blindfold to his face and tying the material behind his head. "Happy?"

"I swear if this is some kind of prank…" Karen huffed, following Benny's lead and covering her eyes.

Hopper grinned and checked both of their bandanas to make sure they couldn't see before grabbing Benny's hand and resting it on his shoulder. "It's about a fifteen-minute walk from here. Just go slow and hold onto me so you don't trip."

"Why do I feel like this is the start of a really shitty horror movie?" Benny grumbled and took a few steps forward when he felt Jim start moving.

Joyce giggled and took Karen's hand in hers, following in behind the boys. There was still a little piece of her that wanted to keep the tree house a secret forever, but it was also somewhat exciting to share this with people she trusted, with people she called her friends. Friends were something she never expected to have, and doing this felt like another way for her to open up to the people that cared about her.

"Ow! What the hell Joyce? You're supposed to be making sure I don't get hurt and you're leading me through a field of razor blades." Karen whined when some briars raked across her legs.

"We have two strong men in front of us, blame them for not making sure the path is clear."

"Do I need to remind you that I can't see a fucking thing?" Benny said and blindly reached out behind him for Karen to make sure she was alright.

Joyce smacked his hand away playfully and pushed on his back to keep him moving. "It's just briars, Benny, it's not like she's bleeding out and you'll never see her again."

Hopper chuckled and shook his head, stopping to make sure Benny and Karen made it safely over a branch that had fallen on the trail once they entered the woods.

"Are we even close?" Karen asked, her fingers tightening around Joyce's hand when she forced her to take a sharp left. Silence followed her question for a few more steps until she slammed into someone's back who had paused in front of her.

"Alright, you can take the blindfolds off now," Hopper said as he approached the base of the old oak tree.

"Fucking finally," Benny growled and pulled the blindfold down so it hung around his neck, his eyes instantly going wide at his surroundings.

"Look at my leg!" Karen cried and quickly dabbed at the blood on her shin with the bandana, ignoring everyone else who was walking toward the ladder of the tree house.

Joyce turned around and went back to her, lightly tugging on her sleeve. "Come on, we'll take care of that when we get up there. I have a first aid kit inside."

"Up where?" Karen asked with a huff and finally lifted her head to see the tree house a short distance away. "Whoa."

"Do you see this babe? Hurry up!" Benny called from his spot beside Hopper who was grinning at the childish look on his friend's face. He never knew their hideaway could be this exciting to someone else.

"Is this thing safe?" Karen asked as she approached Benny and looked up at the tree she was about to climb.

"Yes, it's safe. We were just out here yesterday to drop off some things and a few months ago Jim replaced part of the ladder that broke." Joyce said before stepping in front of Karen and starting her ascend up the tree. She stopped when she reached the hatch and dug a key out of her pocket to open the lock. When she lifted herself inside, she reached through the open hole in the floor and grabbed a bag Hopper handed her, quickly tossing it into the corner of the small room.

Once everyone was inside, Joyce took a step back and plopped down onto the couch as Hopper closed the hatch and placed the bag of alcohol on the table by the window.

"Oh my god, look how young you two were!" Karen gushed, eyeing the years of Polaroids across the wall. Benny joined her and wrapped his arm around her lower back, his hand resting on her hip.

Hopper flicked his eyes in Joyce's direction, smiling at the pink tint rushing to her cheeks as their friends got a glimpse of a life not many people knew about. As calm as she seemed, Hopper knew this was a big step for her. She was extremely private, and while the pictures on the wall showed the two of them smiling and laughing, he wouldn't forget all the horrors that had taken place in this very room and knew she wouldn't either. Thankfully neither Karen nor Benny asked about the recently burned photo on the last row as they parted and Karen joined Joyce on the couch.

"Guys this is fucking awesome," Benny said with a grin, moving to sit on an upside-down wooden crate that was meant to be used as a chair. He leaned back against the wall and rested his elbow on the table, still taking in the numerous shelves and random objects around him. "I'm guessing the Chief had something to do with this?"

Hopper gave him a nod and crossed the room to sit on a small stool opposite of Benny. "He did most of the work, but my mom, me, and Joyce also helped."

"You got it made out here." Karen smiled, turning slightly to cross her legs Indian style on the cushions of the couch.

"Yeah, it's been like a second home to me for a few years now," Joyce admitted as she kicked off her shoes.

Karen frowned and quickly wrapped her arms around Joyce's neck, pulling her into a tight hug.

"A few years? How long has this thing been up here?" Benny asked curiously, pulling his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"Um...like four or five years I think?" Hopper said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Well, I for one think it's wonderful. Jim, your parents are saints." Karen laughed, getting a light chuckle from the others as well.

An idea suddenly hit Joyce and she carefully wiggled her way out of Karen's hold to stand. She kicked her shoes to the side as she walked over to one of the shelves, picking up her Polaroid camera. "Alright, boys, on the couch." She demanded playfully.

Benny raised his brow and looked over to Hopper before getting to his feet. "So bossy." He teased and dropped down beside Karen, his arm instantly going around her shoulders.

Hopper already knew what Joyce was planning and took her hand in his, pulling her into his lap as he got comfortable beside Benny. He plucked the camera from her and extended his arm, leaning in closer to their friends. He gathered their attention and snapped a photo of them all smiling. When Joyce took the ejected picture, she whispered in Hopper's ear and watched as his arm rose once more. Quickly turning in his lap, she reached behind Benny and placed her hand over Karen's eyes, not expecting Hopper to follow her and lick his tongue up the side of her cheek as a flash filled the room.

"Ew!" Joyce whined with a laugh, Hopper's hold on her waist tightening when she started falling into the gap between Benny's back and the couch. Pushing on his shoulders to wipe off her cheek, Joyce snagged the second photo and got up to place them on the wall with the hundreds of others.

"Are you planning to keep all of those up here forever?" Karen questioned as she swung her legs over Benny's thighs, her back resting against the arm of the couch.

Hopper spoke before Joyce had a chance to respond. "Might as well. I'd like to think our kids would enjoy this place as much as we have once they're old enough."

Joyce paused mid-step on her way back to them and stared at Hopper in awe, a heat stirring in her chest at his comment.

"I'm honestly surprised you don't already have any kids. I know damn good and well that's exactly what this couch is being used for." Karen gasped at Benny's joke and slapped his shoulder to shush him. Leave it to him and his mouth to ruin a sweet moment.

Hopper glared and grabbed Benny in a headlock, wrestling him to the floor by Joyce's feet and putting him in one of the many holds she'd seen the team use during practice. "You're just jealous that our parents trust us and give us privacy."

Benny laughed and struggled against Hopper's tight grip around his neck. "Of course I'm jealous." He grunted, grabbing his wrist and turning his body to gain the upper hand. "You two can do whatever you want up here."

"Well maybe if you and Karen didn't get caught in your bedroom together, you'd still have some privacy." Hopper chuckled and finally let go of him to catch his breath. Wrestling had been finished for a few months now and he'd forgotten how much energy it required to pull off even some of the most basic moves. "Fuck I'm out of shape." He huffed, spreading out on his back in the middle of the floor as Benny scooted to lean against the wall by the door leading to the balcony.

"How the hell can you possibly be out of shape living on a farm?" Benny asked, swiping a bead of sweat from his brow.

Something small suddenly hit Hopper's chest with a thud, causing him to startle. When he looked down, he saw his pack of cigarettes staring back at him. "That right there is exactly why you can't breathe." Joyce giggled from her spot on the couch.

"Not my fault you're all a bunch of babies and can't handle a real cigarette." Hopper quipped, his fingers wrapping around the small box.

"Says the guy who almost coughed up a lung the first time he smoked pot." Benny grinned, kicking the bottom of Hopper's boot as a pack of unfiltered camels came flying past his head.

Karen giggled at the boy's banter and climbed over Joyce to grab the bottle of whiskey she'd stolen from her dad's liquor cabinet.

"Are you sure he's not going to notice it's missing?" Joyce asked quietly, unable to hold back the uneasiness she felt at Karen possibly getting in trouble.

"Unlike Benny's parents who freak out when he goes to the bathroom alone, my parents are too busy with work to notice I'm even home most days. This isn't even on their radar." Karen smirked, placing her palm around the cap of the unopened bottle.

"Hey!" Benny snapped, jumping to his feet. "My parents aren't that up my ass, geez."

"Sure they aren't." Hopper joined in. "That's exactly why your parents won't let Karen come over anymore." He teased and willed his body to stand as well, his joints cracking with the effort.

Benny scoffed and motioned for Karen to slide over as he took the bottle from her. "She only got away with taking this because her dad has more alcohol than any one person needs. You've seen her parties."

Joyce sat quietly and bit her tongue as the others talked among themselves. She was the only one out of their group who had never attended the biggest end of school party in Hawkins and had no idea how to contribute to the conversation. She'd heard stories throughout the years, but this would be the first time she'd be able to go and the thought made her queasy. Everyone from their school went and there were several faces she wasn't exactly excited to see again.

Hopper placed his hands on her hips and adjusted her back into his lap, stirring her from her thoughts just in time to see Benny take a long swig from the bottle of whiskey, his eyes scrunching at the burn flowing down his throat.

"Will Chrissy and Marissa be there?...the party I mean?" Joyce asked and Hopper's grip around her waist tightened.

Karen looked across the couch at her and handed the bottle of alcohol to Jim. "More than likely, it's usually an open invitation." She admitted, lightly touching Joyce's leg. "Don't worry though. They'd be stupid to try anything there."

Joyce nodded and took her turn with the whiskey when it was shoved into her hand. They talked about the party, prom, college, and their future while slowly working toward a nice buzz, or as Benny was trying to achieve, getting completely shitfaced.

"Do you guys have any cards up here?" He asked, stumbling to his feet to search the shelf closest to the couch.

"Should be some over there." Hopper pointed across the room. "What do you feel like playing?"

"Strip poker!" Karen joked as she slammed the almost empty bottle down onto the floor between her feet.

Hopper frowned when everyone else agreed to play. "Absolutely not." He growled.

Joyce shifted in his lap to look at him with a smirk. "Afraid you'll lose?"

"No..." He said, surprised at her accusation. "I just don't particularly want anyone seeing you naked."

Joyce gasped in faux pain, shoving herself away from his chest. "And what exactly makes you think I'll be the one losing?" She challenged with her brow raised.

Hopper sighed and tried to pull her back against him. "That's not what I mea-"

"Come on Jim, stop being a party pooper," Benny said, tossing the deck of cards to Karen.

Hopper scowled at Benny and carefully moved Joyce out of his lap before grabbing his pack of cigarettes and disappearing outside onto the balcony.

Benny held out his hands in confusion, looking over at the women still on the couch for answers. They both shrugged their shoulders.

"Fuck…" Benny whispered and scratched at the back of his head.

Joyce glanced at the window and saw Hopper leaning against the railing, staring off into the woods as he exhaled a lungful of smoke. She wasn't exactly sure what happened but knew Benny should be the one to go talk to him. Remembering Karen's bleeding leg from earlier, she made up an excuse to focus on her and gestured for Benny to go outside and talk to his friend.

Swiping up the bottle of whiskey on his way, Benny hung his head slightly and stepped through the doorway, shutting it behind him.

Hopper looked up from where he was standing and stubbed out his cigarette on the railing. "I'm sorry...I don't know what's wrong with me."

Benny took a step closer. "You don't have to explain anything." He offered with a small smile and held out the alcohol for him to take. "I could use some fresh air anyway." Letting the bottle go, Benny lowered himself to sit and leaned back against the side of the tree house.

"What about the girls?" Hopper asked as he joined Benny on the balcony floor, already unscrewing the cap to the amber liquid.

Benny dug into his pocket and pulled out a small felt bag. "Joyce wanted to look at Karen's leg, and I think they said something about painting each other's nails." As soon as he finished his sentence the radio from inside came on and giggles drifted out through the cracked window. Benny rolled his eyes and emptied the bag onto his lap. "See? No ones mad, so lighten up." He chuckled and elbowed his arm.

Hopper allowed a smile to form on his lips and took a long swig from the bottle. His emotions had been all over the place lately and he was grateful he hadn't upset anyone. The alcohol was at least starting to warm his insides and make his head swim, helping him relax.

"Want some?" Benny asked after taking a hit off his joint.

Hopper shook his head. He had no idea what mixing the two substances would do and he didn't exactly want to feel like shit later. "I'll stick to this." He said, swishing the little bit of liquid around in the glass.

"Suit yourself." Benny teased and shifted to get comfortable as he arched his chin to blow smoke above them.

Avoiding any mentions of the draft, the two of them made small talk until Benny was giggling almost as bad as the girls they could still faintly hear inside. Hopper had fallen into a similar state and was a lot drunker than he remembered feeling ten minutes ago.

Benny struggled to pull himself up from the floor, having stretched out across the balcony once his joint was completely gone. He peeked through the window at the girls before scooting closer to Jim like he didn't want anyone to hear what he was about to say.

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?" He questioned softly.

Hopper shrugged and dropped his head back against the wall, his legs stretched out through the bars of the railing. "I suppose."

"Does Joyce let you go down on her?"

A laugh escaped Hopper's lips and he turned to face Benny, his eyes hooded and red from the whiskey. "Are you only asking me this because Karen won't let you?"

Benny pulled a knee toward his chest and wrapped an arm around his shin. "Maybe."

"Sucks for you." Hopper grinned and brushed a hand over his face in an attempt to clear his vision.

"Come on man, this is serious." Benny smiled and lit a cigarette. "What's it like?"

Hopper leaned forward, his brows furrowed. "You mean to tell me after all the girls you were with before Karen, you never got a taste?"

Benny tried to hide his blush behind his cigarette. "And how many girls were you with before you got laid?"

Hopper opened his mouth to speak but laughed instead. "Good point." Reaching out to take the offered smoke from Benny, he scratched at the stubble on his chin. "I can't speak for other girls, but everything about Joyce is amazing. I'd suck her toes if she asked me to."

"Ew." Benny chuckled, taking the cigarette back.

Hopper shook his head. "You have no idea. Something about a girl moving on your face and pulling your hair, begging you to do anything to send her over the edge does things to a man you can't even begin to imagine." Just remembering the way Joyce would shake and moan right before she came had him straining against his jeans. If he hadn't been drunk, he may have been embarrassed when he adjusted himself in front of Benny and got to his feet, the need to see his girlfriend far greater than continuing this conversation.

"Easy," Benny said when Hopper lost his footing and had to grab the railing to steady himself.

Wrapping an arm around Benny's shoulder, Hopper carefully made his way inside with his assistance but stopped just as he stepped over the threshold. He wasn't exactly sure how long the two of them had been outside, but the sun was setting and the girls had already folded out the couch bed and set up the air mattress.

"Finally realize you missed me?" Joyce teased from her spot on the bed where she and Karen were playing cards, all of their nails freshly painted.

Hopper grinned and let go of Benny to clumsily crawl across the bed and over to Joyce. "You're so beautiful." He said, a hand coming up to caress her cheek before giving her a sloppy kiss.

Joyce giggled and lightly pushed on his chest, the taste of whiskey still lingering on his tongue.

"What were the two of you out there doing for so long?" Karen asked from the foot of the bed where she was sitting, a few cards still clutched between her fingers.

"Talking, smoking, you know." Benny shrugged and kicked off his boots.

"Uh-huh...Then explain to me why Jim suddenly has a hard-on and is undressing Joyce right in front of us?" Karen asked.

"Hop!" Joyce squealed and grabbed a hold of his wrist when he pulled her shirt up her body. "Stop, what are you doing?"

"Don't hide." He slurred and wiggled a hand free to snake up her side and over her ribs. "I want you." His lips lightly touched her ear and the sensation mixed with his voice caused her to shiver.

Joyce swallowed and grabbed his wrist again. "Honey we have company, we-"

"Please." He begged and before she had a chance to think, he was pushing her back onto the sheets and settling between her legs, thrusting against her.

Joyce bit her lip to keep from moaning and thread her fingers into his hair, tugging on the strands hard enough to make him wince and still his mouth at the crook of her neck. She shot Karen and Benny a silent apology as she maneuvered out from underneath him and got to her knees, his head between her hands.

"Jim, look at me." She demanded, her eyes locking on his hazy ones trying to focus on her. "I love you, Honey, more than anything, but we can't do this right now. Karen and Benny didn't come out here with us to get a free show." She joked, her fingers stroking over his scalp to soothe where she had gripped him moments before.

Hopper's eyes fluttered closed and he whined like a defeated child. "But I need you." He whispered, his nails digging into the skin at her hips.

"How about you sip on this for the rest of the night Jim?" Benny suggested and held out a bottle of water, interrupting them when he noticed Joyce's struggle.

Hopper sighed as if he finally realized he was embarrassing himself and dropped his forehead to Joyce's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Joyce kissed the side of his head and shifted them to where they were both sitting, his larger frame leaning against her. She took the bottle of water and opened it for him.

Karen looked over at Benny curiously once the room fell quiet and started picking up the cards. "I'm going to ask you again, what in the hell were the two of you out there doing?"

"I already told you. We were just talking." Benny said as he settled onto the air mattress, watching as she packed the cards away and stood from the bed.

"About what?"

"Guy stuff." Hopper chuckled from his spot beside Joyce, water dripping from his mouth and onto his shirt.

Joyce rolled her eyes and took the empty bottle from him, tossing it into the small trash can in the corner as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Did anyone happen to bring food?" Benny asked, his bloodshot eyes looking around the room. A cooler slid across the floor and stopped within a few inches of his foot.

"Mom always goes a little overboard when we come out here. Eat whatever you want." Joyce offered and settled back against Hopper's chest, his arms wrapping around her waist. His lips instantly found their way to her neck, pressing light kisses over her skin and making her shiver.

"Mrs. Hopper has definitely outdone herself this time." Benny grinned as he dug through the various snacks within the cooler, fighting off Karen for a bag of chips.

Joyce shut her eyes and bit her lip to hold back a moan when Hopper suddenly sucked at the sensitive spot behind her ear. One of his hands had found its way to her hip, gripping her hard and pulling the lower half of her body against him, his erection digging into her back. His other hand was carefully brushing her hair to the side, allowing him better access to touch her.

His fingertips lightly drifted up her neck, caressing her jaw before turning her head to press his lips to hers. He eagerly slipped his tongue into her mouth and kissed her slowly. The hand on her hip shifted lower until it was between her legs, his fingers pressing firmly against an ache that had been building since the first time she had stopped him.

Joyce gasped and quickly reached down to wrap her hand around his arm, pulling him away from her. "Hop-" Her words were cut short when he threaded his fingers into her hair and shoved his tongue back into her mouth, a moan of his own getting lost in his throat.

Somehow Joyce ended up on her back with him over top of her again, still kissing at every bit of exposed skin he could reach. Turning her head to the side, Joyce was able to create some distance between them and sat up. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, or do anything she didn't want him to, she just needed him to understand that they weren't alone.

The tree house had always been private. A place they could go to be alone. A place to share secrets and feelings with one another without being interrupted. Between the alcohol in Hopper's system and the fact, his subconscious made him think this was perfectly normal, Joyce had to find a way to keep him focused on their friends and not her, or else things could get extremely awkward.

"I love you." He whispered into the crook of her neck and Joyce finally grabbed his face.

"I love you too Honey, but you have to stop, okay?"

Hopper's face fell at her words. "Why?" He asked, his hips moving against hers.

Carefully turning his head in the direction of Karen and Benny trying to catch food in their mouths, Joyce leaned closer to his ear. "Because our friends are here."

Hopper sighed and closed his eyes, dropping his head to rest on her chest. "I forgot…" He shifted his weight to where his hips were pressed against the bed instead of her and wrapped an arm around the part of her back that wasn't touching the couch cushions. "Can I just lay here and hold you?"

Joyce smiled and kissed the top of his head, her hand rubbing down his back. "As long as you behave." She teased and jumped when a skittle hit her shoulder. Her eyes darted across the room to find Karen giggling and shot her a playful glare.

"You guys wanna play a game or something?" Karen asked, stuffing a chip into her mouth.

"I'm still fine with playing poker...normal poker." Joyce laughed and shifted to sit up a little more, Hopper's weight on her not making the task easy. "Can you hand me another water first?" She asked and reached out the best she could to take the offered drink from Karen. "Thanks."

After unscrewing the cap, she gave the bottle to Hopper and waited for Benny and Karen to join them on the bed, creating a circle the best they could to play the game.

Darkness quickly filled the small room after a few hands and Hopper finally sobered up enough to join them, allowing Joyce to move and stretch out once he lifted off of her. When he stood to light the lantern he swayed slightly and Joyce really hoped he wouldn't feel like shit in the morning.

"You going to sleep already?" Benny asked as he took a card from the top of the deck and watched Jim walk over to his bag.

"Not yet, just getting comfortable." He said and grabbed a pair of gym shorts, his head still a little fuzzy. He dropped his jeans to the floor and slid on the shorts, not caring if anyone saw his boxers. Before coming back to the bed, he grabbed a snack from the cooler and returned to his previous spot beside Joyce. Instead of being all over her, he sat with his back against the couch and curled his legs toward him Indian style as he munched on a snack cake.

He stayed quiet and watched the three of them play a new card game, not wanting to join in as he tried to remember every little detail about this moment. From the sounds of laughter around him to the smile on Joyce's face, he soaked it all in. Once he was gone this feeling of warmth and safety would become foreign. He'd be alone and cold, in constant fear, and there wouldn't be laughter to calm his nerves or a soothing touch to keep him grounded.

"You okay?" Joyce asked, obviously sensing his mood. He felt her hand give his knee a reassuring squeeze and he turned to face her with a nod.

"Just thinking." He said with a forced smile that made Joyce's brows furrow. He shook his head and pulled her to him, kissing her temple. "I'm fine Honey, just tired."

"We can lay down if you want." She offered, giving Benny and Karen a look. "No one has to go to sleep or anything, but we can move if you want the room to get comfortable."

Hopper didn't want to ruin their fun, but he really was exhausted.

Benny straightened and started gathering the cards. "That's fine with me." He said and glanced at his watch. "It's already after midnight anyway."

Hopper lifted his shirt over his head and pulled back the sheet to lay while everyone else settled down for the night.

He must have nodded off at some point or another. Because the shock of Joyce's freezing feet brushing against his calves woke him abruptly.

"Shh, it's just me Hop." She soothed and curled as close to him as humanly possible. His arms instinctively wrapped around her, needing her close. When he once again found a comfortable position he let out a content sigh.

"I'm not going to be able to sleep without you beside me," Joyce whispered, not wanting Karen or Benny to hear what was probably one of their more intimate conversations.

"I know Honey. I won't be able to sleep either, but if by some miracle I can catch a few hours here and there, I'll be dreaming of holding you just like this. In the safety of our tree house, and I know deep in my heart that you'll be doing the same."

He heard Joyce's sharp intake of breath and knew she was trying her best not to cry.

"For now though, I'm right here Joyce. I'm all yours. So please, try to rest." Hopper placed a kiss to the top of her head and felt her relax further into his embrace. He fought sleep relentlessly until her breathing became even and her heartbeat matched his own.

00000

As if on queue, Hopper woke to something uncomfortable hitting his back and scrunched his face in irritation. With a groan, he blinked a few times to clear his vision and rolled over to find Joyce twitching in her sleep.

Her strange dreams and nightmares had subsided dramatically once her migraines had disappeared, but with her most recent visit to Brenner less than a week ago, they had returned every night since. He should have been happy Brenner declared her migraine free and had taken her off her medication. However, waking every night like clockwork because of her nightmares was only adding to his sleep deprivation and doing nothing to ease his constant stress.

Carefully wrapping his arm around Joyce's waist, he leaned in close and kissed the side of her head, finding it damp with sweat. "It's ok sweetheart, I'm here." He whispered, trying to soothe her awake.

She continued to twitch, her breathing becoming labored as she attempted to move away from his touch.

"Joyce, wake up Honey, it's just a dream." His thumb gently rubbed against the exposed skin near her hip and pulled her back against his chest, caging her in as gently as he could to make sure neither of them got hurt.

"No...No, please." She cried, fighting against his hold. "Hop don't...stop"

Hopper tensed, his eyes darting to her face. He shook her lightly and was about to speak again when he felt a hand on his forearm. He startled and turned to find Karen standing beside the bed.

"What are you doing?" She asked with concern.

"She's having a nightmare." He said quickly, wanting her to know this wasn't what it looked like.

"I...I don't know." Joyce suddenly blurted out and moved against him.

Hopper tightened his hold and shook her again, harder this time. "Joyce." He said in a more stern tone, his deep baritone filling the room.

Joyce kicked and opened her eyes, taking a second to gather her bearings before jerking away from him violently.

Hopper withdrew his arms as if he'd been burned. "Honey it's me, I'm not going to hurt you."

Even in the darkness he could see tears running down her cheeks and out of instinct he reached for her. She immediately flinched, her entire body going rigid.

"Joy-" Hopper stuttered, his words getting caught in his throat when she stumbled off the bed and darted for the door to the balcony, leaving him sitting there stunned and confused. She had never been afraid of him like this after a nightmare and he felt lost. He understood her mind needed a second to detach from the dream to focus back on reality, but she had always allowed him to comfort her afterward.

"Is this normal?" Karen asked through the silence, making his gut drop.

"No." He said and clenched his jaw, a feeling of shame washing over him at what she was probably thinking.

As if Karen had read his mind, she reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I know you would never hurt her Jim. Just give her a few seconds to catch her breath then go talk to her. I'm going to lay back down and keep Benny from waking up."

Hopper nodded, trying his best to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. Mentally counting to thirty, he quietly crept to the door that led to the porch and stuck his head out. He found Joyce with her back to him, her elbows resting on the railing of the porch with her head in her hands. The warm pink and orange of sunrise was beginning to show above the tree line as Hopper cleared his throat, trying not to startle her, he stepped forward and stood at her side.

"You okay sweetheart?" He asked softly, his hands sliding into the pockets of his shorts to keep from touching her.

Joyce was silent at first, pondering her own answer. "I was at that place...the lab..." She started hesitantly and continued gazing out into the fields surrounding the tree house. "Brenner was doing whatever it is he does when we go to that back room with the nurse. They had me in this chair, the one I always have to sit in, and before I knew what was happening the nurse was strapping me down. I couldn't move, then Brenner turned around, only…." She tensed, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. "It wasn't Brenner anymore...Travis...it was Travis...he..." She choked out a sob and dropped her hands to the railing, gripping it until her knuckles turned white.

Hopper shifted closer and noticed how the muscles in her back twitched. He paused, leaving a space between them and placed his hand on the railing beside hers, his thumb moving to lightly stroke against the back of hers. "Honey it was just a dream. Travis is in prison, he can't hurt you anymore. And we don't have to see Brenner ever again. Everything's fine."

Joyce jerked her hand away from him and pulled it protectively against her chest, taking a step back. "What if the things I'm dreaming about are true? I can't...I don't remember anything he did to me after I went into that room, and...and I keep seeing things. Things that don't make any sense. Things that might haunt me forever."

Hopper dropped his arm when she moved and stayed frozen in place where he stood. "I know going there was scary, but Brenner did exactly what he said he was going to do. He cured your headaches. And with everything that's happened lately, I'm not surprised going back there triggered your nightmares. You haven't slept properly in weeks and you've been carrying enough stress for the both of us. You need to rest."

Joyce lifted her eyes and shook her head, her fingers gripping her collar. "You...you wouldn't stop…"

Hopper frowned and stared at her confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You…I... I didn't mean to wake you." She said, purposely avoiding the question.

"Joyce." Hopper whispered and stepped forward to comfort her. She immediately tensed and he sighed. "You know I would never hurt you. It was a dream. You don't have to talk about it, but you have to remember it wasn't real. It didn't happen. I won't hurt you."

"You've been hurting me for weeks." Joyce cried, the words slipping from her mouth before she could stop herself.

It was Hopper's turn to flinch and he stumbled back slightly.

"Hop, no...I didn't mean-"

"You know what Joyce, at this point in time I don't really care what you think." He snapped with anger. "Ever since I got that Goddamn letter all anyone around me has done is worry about themselves. How they aren't going to be able to function without me here, how things are going to change so much for them once I'm gone, and no one has ever stopped to consider how the fuck I'm handling all of this! I'm the one who's being shipped off to another fucking continent halfway around the world to be shot at, possibly tortured, not knowing a word of their fucking language for an undetermined amount of time, and all anyone can think about is how horrible things are going to be for them here in fucking Hawkins!" Hopper yelled, not caring who heard him.

"Jim you know-"

"And the worst part of all Joyce, I have to act like going over there doesn't bother me. Because God forbid that Jim Hopper show any amount of weakness. I'm fucking terrified. What if I start day dreaming about you for a split second instead of focusing on what I'm doing and I catch a bullet? What then? If I could go back in time and make you not love me, to spare you from this I would. I would give anything to keep from hurting you. You have to know that." His voice wavered on the last word, tears pooling in his own eyes.

Without giving her a chance to speak, Hopper closed the distance between them and placed a bruising kiss to her lips, the moment ending before she could even register what had happened.

"I'm going back to the house, I need to be alone for a little while and find something for this headache." He said softly, trying to contain all the different emotions he was currently feeling. He gently leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Joyce's forehead, then turned his back on her for the first time in his life.

00000

Joyce found him a few hours later in the training ring dressed in a worn grey flannel rolled up to his elbows, faded jeans, and his work boots. The Hopper's newly acquired horse Clyde was being walked around the ring at a steady pace. Joyce stared in awe at the way the two of them moved together, the dark black colt easily following Hopper's quiet commands as he turned this way and that inside the pin. Joyce stood with one foot on the bottom rail for what felt like an eternity just watching the two of them get to know each other.

Eventually Hopper noticed her standing to the side of the pin and carefully nudged Clyde in her direction.

"I was beginning to wonder if you had seen me." Joyce commented, taking a sugar cube out of her pocket and holding it out for Clyde, who sniffed her curiously before taking her offer.

"I saw you walk up, just didn't feel like talking to you yet." Hopper admitted, running his hand up and down the length of Clyde's nose. Joyce was quiet at first, not exactly sure how to reply to his comment.

"Mom sent me to come get you for lunch, said you would need your strength if you're going to be working with Clyde for the foreseeable future." Joyce mumbled, not trusting her voice to be any louder. She heard Hopper sigh, then he coaxed the colt to the edge of the pin, his grip on the reins tightening out of habit.

"Come on little buddy, let's get you brushed then you can have some fresh hay." Hopper calmly spoke to the horse as if he were a frightened child.

Joyce's heart ached as he walked away. She knew how bad she had hurt him that morning, the evidence clear in how his eyes refused to meet hers.

The box fans placed in various windows inside the barn caused a cool breeze to flow through the faded red building and over Joyce's sweaty forehead as she followed after them.

"What can I help you with"? Joyce asked hesitantly, trying to take a step closer to Hopper as he tethered Clyde to a stall post and went to search for a brush.

"Nothing. Just go back to the house. I'll be in soon."

If the huff that escaped Joyce's lips caught Hopper's attention he didn't show it. "Is this how it's going to be from now on? You giving me the cold shoulder and leaving without saying a word?"

It was Hopper's turn to huff. "That's not it Joyce and you know that. I just need to be by myself for a while. Fuck, you basically said I cared about no one but myself this morning. Now you want to be around me all of a sudden? I can't do anything to make you happy right now. I give you space, you don't want it, I'm by your side, and then you need space. I don't know what to do!" Hopper growled, finally finding a brush and stepping back to Clyde's side.

"I always want you by my side! Why do you think I've been begging for us to get married? Just so we can get it over with? Christ Hopper, we're not even out of high school yet, what other reason would I have to want to get married other than to keep you by my side?!"

Clyde gave a whine of annoyance and Hopper rubbed against his nose lightly.

"I don't want to marry you just so I can stay home. I want to marry you because I love you. I want to marry you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you! To have a family with you!"

Joyce blinked. Her heart was torn between beating out of her chest, or breaking inside of it. "Then why won't you just marry me Jim? I love you more than anything in this world!"

Silence took over the barn for several seconds before Hopper took a step back from Clyde, his hands going into the pocket of his jeans. "I didn't know the right time to do this. I wanted to wait, needed to wait until I knew I was coming home. That I would be able to hold you in my arms again. But now I'm afraid. Afraid that I won't make it back." His voice cracked.

Joyce took a step toward him, her feet moving on their own accord. She paused in front of him and noticed his closed fist tremble slightly.

"You have been the most stubborn, wonderful, annoying, and cherished woman in my life. I chased after you for so long that when you finally agreed to be mine that I nearly howled at the moon. I love you more than life itself." He inhaled, moving until a few inches were between them. Unclasping his fist, Hopper lifted his hand. Pinched between his thumb and finger was a tiny gold band. "This isn't an engagement ring, but a promise to you that when I come back I'll marry you. If for some reason I don't make it, you have to promise me that you'll move on and find someone else to give your heart to. Someone to grow old with that will love you as much as I do."

Joyce tentatively reached for the ring, her fingertips barely brushing against the cold metal before she pulled her hand back. "I don't want it."

Hopper's lips parted in disbelief. "What?"

"I don't want it." She repeated. "Why would I want something that represents a promise you can't keep?"

Hopper shut his eyes and flexed his jaw, visibly shaking as he tried to hold back the anger he could feel about to tip over. "Fine." He said between clenched teeth, the ring biting into the skin of his palm with the tight fist he was making.

"You're basically telling me to accept I'll never see you again and that's not going to happen Jim! I don't want a ring that will mean absolutely nothing to me if you leave. I want a ring that's going to keep you here by my side where you belong!" Joyce snapped out of frustration, the air around them suddenly feeling a hundred degrees hotter. "I've literally spent my entire life fighting just to have one ounce of happiness and I'm not going to stop fighting now because you care more about your pride than our fucking relationship!"

Before Joyce had even finished her sentence, Hopper growled and kicked a bucket full of horse feed as hard as he could across the barn. The thick plastic slammed into the wall with a loud thud, knocking a shovel over. The noise caused Clyde to startle, his back legs kicking out so suddenly that Hopper didn't have a chance to move before a hoof was making contact with the side of his knee. He heard a pop and white hot pain instantly shot through his leg, sending him crashing to the ground.

"Hop!" Joyce yelled, quickly grabbing Clyde's reins to calm him down when he tried to buck again.

"Fuck! Fuck, FUCK!" Hopper cried and clutched his knee to his chest, unable to focus on anything other than the pain overtaking his entire body. He could barely hear Joyce calling his name, the tunnel vision he was experiencing making the rest of his senses slowly fade out.