Title: Beauty in the Mundane Moments

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law&Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Jack, Benji and Emmy have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: A series of stand-alone, non-chronological ONE-SHOTS set in Hello Goodbye, Welcome Home, Facing Forward, Best Laid Plans, A Step At A Time, The Night Before AU. Olivia Benson navigates the job, parenthood and marriage while trying to find the difficult work-life-family balance that comes with being a cop.

PLEASE NOTE: These chapters are stand-alone SCENES or one-shots. This is not a chronological story and there is no purposeful continuity. It is just a collection of moments. Some will reflect random ideas or potentially fun, humorous, heavy scenes to write with these characters. Others will expand on a scene from an episode (past or present) or recast the way a scene went while imaging it in this AU. Others will take a kernel from an episode and use it as inspiration for how these characters might've interacted with it going forward. Wherever possible, a year, season number or episode name will be provided to give some context of the general timeframe of the scene — to provide some guidance on where the characters are at mentally/emotionally and the ages of the children.

TIMEFRAME: February 14, 2020

Olivia looked up at the rap on the side of the doorframe of her office. Rollins was standing there with a coy smile on her face as she cradled a flower arrangement in the crook of her arm.

"Special delivery," Rollins teased.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at her. "You shouldn't have," she said.

It got a more real smile out of Rollins, who wasn't quick to give anyone a smile that looked much like that most days. But she stepped in and handed them off to Olivia as she stood to retrieve the gift.

"You know, I've been working here eight years now. I'd say at least five or six of which you've been shacked-up with Cassidy – and can't help but notice this is the first Valentine's Day he's sent you flowers at the office," Rollins said as she set the vase and a little gift bag on the corner of the desk with the least amount of space.

Olivia made her own amused noise. "It's the first time he's sent me flowers at the office, period," Olivia muttered.

But she couldn't help but smile a little as she stood from her desk to take a look at the flowers. Brian knew what she liked. It was a beautiful arrangement. Stunning, really. Red and pink roses, oriental lilies, gerberas and carnations mixed with greens and whites of chrysanthemums and statice. All delicately arranged in a tinted, heavy glass vase that would be a keeper and tied with a heart-decorated bow. A little much – and she was sure the price tag on it was probably a little much too.

"So, I've gotta ask, what'd he do …?" Rollins teased a bit again.

Olivia only allowed her another small amused smile, but she reached for card amid the foliage and opened the envelope.

"Forensic profiler in me sorta feels like there's something in the ALL-CAPS of the CAPTAIN on written on that envelope too," her detective pressed.

Olivia rubbed her eyebrow a bit at that comment – but reserved comment as she read Brian's neatly-sloppy writing that always shifted between lower-case and upper-case – usually mid-word.

"SuNSHiNe:

ToDay May nOt be a reaL hOLiDay. But yOU MaKe every Day SUPer anD I ShOULD teLL yOU that MOre.

YOU are OUr family's SUPer POWer anD My WODer WOMaN. YOU're the reaL SUPer herO.

LOVe yOU LOtS, TrUST yOU MOre.

BRIaN"

She sighed a little at that and reached to take a peek into the little gift bag that had been sent up with the flowers.

"Jewellery or something to share with the whole class?" Rollin enquired.

Olivia made a slightly amused noise at that and pulled two little boxes of season BrickHeadz Lego animals out of the bag. A Bumble Bee Mine and a Puppy Love set.

"Not unless you feel like doing a Lego," she said.

Amanda scrunched up her nose at that. "And I thought he was doing pretty good with that flower arrangement," she said.

Olivia allowed her a little smile and shook her head, working to put Lego back in the bag.

"The Lego's for the kids," she explained. "Brian says he's not going to buy into the 'fake, commercial holidays' – and then every one of them he goes and gets the kids these sets." She closed her eyes a bit. "He's done it since Benji was really little. It's just … a thing now."

"And then he sends them to you?" Rollins asked with some notable confusion.

Olivia sighed a little and gestured at the flowers, but then worked to crease the card from Brian several times and to put it into her desk drawer.

"We've had … some challenges with … figuring out how to parent a child dealing with chronic illness lately with the new treatment plan Benji is on. And then having another child at home. A couple weeks ago, Brian and I had a blow-out about our approach and his … tendency to end up the super hero in any of it. To always be the good cop while I get to be the bad cop, meanie mom."

Rollins cringed a bit. "Don't think I would've wanted to see that come to blows."

Olivia just shook her head a bit. "It wasn't pretty," she muttered. "We've … done some work on it. And … we had a rough week with Benji … more related to the dyslexia than lupus. But just him getting so frustrated and stubborn about his schoolwork sometimes. Priorities and attitude. And … so many excuses. Trying to turn the lupus into a catch-all excuse. There's moments where … I see so much of his uncle … Jack, in him and I just …" she made her own frustrated sound, and clenched her fist. The urge to wring the child's neck if it would just get through to him. How much the pendulum could swing between her Little Fox, a sick little boy, a smartie pants middle schooler and this tween too big for his breeches in even a single day. It made her feel like she was in a pinball machine some days trying to get through to him.

"So Brian stepped up," she exhaled, "And he let Benji know last night that he wouldn't be getting any allowance this week. We usually have it set out at breakfast on Friday morning. And the last couple years, before their Winter Break, we've given him a bit of a top up so they can take some financial responsibility and money sense in what happens over the break. So, no allowance on Valentine's Day with tween angst and Secret Pal-entines and … whatever they are doing at his middle school that he wanted to toss money at. No allowance going into Winter Break. And no allowance as we are about to take a long weekend away. So we got to endure a bit of a tween tantrum last night that had not yet completely abated this morning." She lifted the bag with the Lego. "This is Brian's way of letting me decide if the kids get these this year. And, I guess, be the super hero to his meanie, if I decide to give them to them."

"Sounds like a rough night and rough start to the day," Rollins said. "And like you deserve those flowers."

Olivia allowed a dismissive sound.

"They are beautiful, Liv," Rollins tried. "And," she shrugged a bit, "Cassidy probably felt like you deserved them too. Above and beyond familial conflicts and politics."

Olivia adjusted the arrangement slightly. "Of course he decides – for once - to go and spend money on flowers when we're going to be away for three days. They'll probably be wilted by the time I'm here to enjoy them."

Amanda shrugged. "That's not usually what men are thinking about when they send flowers."

Olivia did allow her a small sound of acknowledgment at that and she sat back down behind her desk.

"You are still going away with this grounding going on at home?" Rollins asked.

Olivia nodded a little nod and folded her elbows up on the desk. "We are," she shrugged.

Actually, while Benji was having his meltdown, there'd been a threat to cancel the getaway if he didn't calm down and get himself under control and start acting respectful to his parents. After the kids had been put to bed her and Brian had continued to talk seriously about calling the hotel and cancelling their reservation. But they'd concluded that the whole family just needed a could days with a change of scenery. That her and Brian very much needed it. That cancelling would be punishing themselves as much as the kids. And it'd be punishing Emmy for her brother's actions and attitude when their little girl took so much of the brunt of having a chronically ill child in the family already. She didn't deserve to have something that they'd been talking about as a family for weeks taken away from her too.

There was also the hope that the change of scenery – and the dedicated time with their children – might be a bit of a reset for them. Maybe it'd help them get through the next few bumps in the road. Or at least give them the space to breath a little while they continued to try to regroup and move on from the scare they'd ended 2019 with – the effects which still seemed to be lingering into the new year.

Brian needed the distraction too. They were just about at the one-year mark where his bottled-up childhood secret had come tumbling out for too much of his whole professional and personal world to see. It was a band-aid that had been ripped off a wound that he'd barely even begun to let heal in the more than 30 years since it'd happened.

And, really – even though her and Brian had worked on that area of their life and their relationship and their communication as a couple and his healing – they also hadn't done nearly enough. A lot of their year had been filled with lupus and dyslexia and … Benji. Because they were getting to the one-year mark of lupus becoming their life in so many ways too.

And, Olivia recognized that that reality – and what Cassidy was dealing with in finding his personal definition of manhood and fatherhood within his survival of that trauma – had been part of the reason he was at times too much of a soft touch with their kids. It contributed to him wanting to be the good cop and the super hero for Benji. Because a father and a protector wasn't something he had in his life as a little boy. He hadn't had anyone to save him the way he needed to be saved. And, Olivia knew too, Brian often felt like he was failing as a man, husband, partner, father and even a boss at his office. But it smarted even more when he felt like he was failing his kids.

They lived a family life now where they near constantly felt like they were failing Benji. That they could protect him. That they couldn't save him. And it made it very challenging to be the parents he needed in day-to-day life. Not just the parents who cuddled and reassured and held him and cleaned him up when he was sick. They needed to be the parents who helped him to reach his full potential and to grow into the kind of man they could be proud of – and proud to see him one day go on to become a friend, husband, partner and father too. They couldn't do that for him if they were always the 'good guys' to him. It just didn't work that way.

It was hard for both of them. Olivia knew that. But she also understood that right now – in the timeframe they were in – it was a different kind of hard for Brian. So maybe the time away – as a family – would be good for his soul and well-being too.

The trip wasn't a reward. It was … them trying to survive. Trying to find balance. Just trying to keep their heads above water. Day after day after day.

"I'll be leaving in the early afternoon," she said. "Pick up the kids at school and hit the road. Or that's the plan."

She gestured at the phones, because you never really knew when a phone call was going to come in that completely derailed your plans. Olivia's hope was that she was leaving early enough in the day that she'd avoid that – and her location would be just far enough way that no one would expect her to come back early unless it was a real high-level emergency. The kind of case that One PP got involved in right from the get. Otherwise, Fin could handle it.

Though, he'd expressed his distaste about 'you know the kind of cases we catch on Valentine's Day. Hate Cupid's Day almost as much as I hate Halloween. You're leaving me to deal with all these entitled assholes that will be having their asses dragged in here?'

Olivia had shrugged it off, telling him that's what the detective on the lowest rung was for. Though there did tend to be an uptick in reported rapes and domestic violence around Valentine's Day – they almost always counted as what Olivia would classify as 'straight-forward' cases. As straight-forward as any case that involved this kind of so fundamentally personal form of attack was. But, it came down to the incidents being reported usually just consisted of taking some victim statements, collecting some rape kits, having the accused in, maybe asking for some warrants. By and large – it was paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. And, technically, Fin should be able to hand most of that off to Kat over the weekend.

But he'd still given her that look. "I know you got kids at home now, Liv. But Thanksgiving, Christmas and now Valentine's Day. That ginger-headed Mick hubby of yours better not be lookin' to take you out on St. Paddy's Day to go have some kinda corned beef in some kinda dive. Because I got a life too. I done my time too. And there were sure a lotta reasons I didn't want to go takin' that sergeant's exam. Case and point. I got your back – but it's getting' to the point, you owe me. And if you don't – Cassidy sure does."

She'd only patted him on the shoulder. "You're right. Only don't you owe Cassidy – for freeing up this spot in SVU for you. Putting you on this illustrious career track."

"Don't butter me up," he said. "I'm serious."

"I know," she'd given him a smile and a wink. But she'd also left for the day – to get the kids from their after-school care – while he was still sitting at his desk and mumbling about, 'hate how you and Rollins are always pulling the Mom Card. Only guy left in the Panty Unity and only one not wearing panties anymore.'

"C'mon, Fin," she'd called back at him. "You always knew who really wore the pants in this unit?"

"Sure did when it was you and Stabler," he muttered a bit more elevated her way. "Never thought I'd be missing Munch and his psycho babble so much."

She'd only smiled and got on the elevator. Leaving him to stew about his ruined non-planned plans for Valentine's.

Olivia on the other hand had real planned non-plans for Valentine's. Or President's Day weekend. Or the kick-off of New York Public School's Winter Break. Or the escapism of the one-year mark of Brian's trauma and Benji's lupus. It really didn't matter what label you put on it. What mattered was she was getting the hell out of the office – and out of the city – for a few days, which was a feat all unto itself as a cop and as a cop who was a parent.

"Where are you goin' again?" Rollins asked.

That did get a real sound of amusement out of Olivia and she looked the other woman in the eye. "Springfield, Massachusetts."

Rollins stared at her. Any significance to the small city was clearly not dawning on her readily.

"There one of those Great Wolf Lodges there or something?" she asked.

Olivia did snort out some amused distaste at that and shook her head. "No, dealing with our two little monsters will be more than enough on this getaway. We don't need to join the families of every other school district that's starting Winter Break with a long weekend at an indoor waterpark. And, I'd advise against ever letting anyone talk you into Great Wolf Lodge."

Amanda looked at her. "Really? 'Cuz Carisi's sister was tellin' me that it's worth putting some money away for when Billie's really walkin' and about out of diapers. Said it's basically a paradise for the grade school set."

"Ah, yes," Olivia nodded. "And, hence, it will in no way be a 'vacation' for the parents. Likely closer to one of the rings of Hell in Dante's Inferno."

Amanda gave a smile. "What about Legoland?" she said with a gesture at the bag containing the blocks. "Pretty sure that's gonna be the next big thing in the state. Think Carisi might be almost as excited about it as I'm assuming Benji is. Heaven on Earth for your guys and deeper into hell for you and Brian?"

Olivia smiled and shrugged. "All I know is that we won't be in the first hordes amassing at the gates to find out when that place opens. But I'll wager it's like more of a purgatory."

It got a quiet sound of amusement from Amanda.

"But, while we're on New York family getaways rights of passage – The Crayola Experience …," Olivia shook her head again and held up her hands. "Never again. Avoid it at all costs. No matter what any of the Carisis try to tell you."

Rollins gave her a smile. "So then what exactly are you doing in Springfield?"

"As little as possible," Olivia said.

"Somehow I don't think that will be a problem …," Amanda said.

Olivia smiled. "Only there – doing as little as possible also means I'll have a weekend without laundry, cleaning, groceries or errands."

"Ahhhhh …," Amanda nodded. "So Heaven on Earth for parent. OK. I hear ya on that kind of getaway."

Olivia smiled thinly again and rubbed at her eyebrow. "The Basketball Hall of Fame is there," she said.

"Ahhh …," Amanda nodded again. "I thought I recognized the town from somewhere. Guess heard it in the news. Kobe's posthumously induction."

Olivia nodded. "Brian hates museums but he's been talking about wanting to go for a while."

She shrugged at that. She was relatively indifferent to basketball. She'd played a little in her Fresh Man year in high school. She liked that Benji still had a sport he was able to manage participating in without too much fear of injuries or flares. She enjoyed bouncing and shooting the ball with him and Emmy. She didn't mind watching sports with Brian. Or at least she didn't mind them being on the TV screen. She had a fun outing when they did get out to a Knicks game, even though that didn't rank high on the list of things she'd ever spent money on before Brian and the kids were in her life. But Brian also put up with tagging along to a lot of things he didn't really have any particular interest in for the sake of family time.

She'd never been to any 'hall of fame' for anything. So she wasn't entirely sure what to expect. The website wasn't entirely explicit on what was inside. She assumed basketball history and 'artifacts' from previous inductees. In the very least, she was pretty sure Brian and Benji would take some enjoyment out of it. And, she'd do her best to keep Emmy from ruining the couple hours they were in there for them. Try to distract her and find something interesting to look at. But she was trying to go in with an open mind. She previously would've thought that a Firefighter Museum and a Transit Museum would be beyond duds. And they were both high on her family's annual museum rotation list. Though, they'd fallen a little farther down the list as the kids aged. And that was a little sad.

"It will just be nice to get away for a few days. It's Dr. Seuss' hometown so there's a little museum and some kind of sculptor garden. The hotel we booked has an indoor pool and a waterslide," she shrugged again. "We'll eat a couple meals out."

"A lot of fine dining in Springfield?" Amanda teased.

Olivia rubbed her eyebrow self-consciously again and shrugged. "Benji and Emmy might actually be thrilled if all we can find is Burger King and Dunkin' Donuts. They don't get that much here. And, we've really had so few nights where we've actually gotten out of the city, sleeping in a hotel is still an exhilarating vacation to them."

Amanda allowed a little smile. "I hope they have fun. You and Brian too."

"Thank you," Olivia mouthed silently and smoothed her hands on her desk. "What about you? Plans for tonight?"

"Ah …," Amanda shrugged a little. "Maybe. Al's offered to take both the girls for the night. So, I don't know, maybe try to find somewhere to get dinner or a drink."

"Mmm …," Olivia nodded, tilting her head a bit. "He got reservations for that?"

Amanda smiled a little but examined the floor. But she eventually shook her head and shrugged. "I really don't know. I don't even know if or when he's getting off work. Tonight or any other. You know … new gig, paying dues …"

"Mmm …," Olivia allowed but watched the detective.

Amanda fidgeted a bit and sat up a bit straighter. "Ah, but he isn't the on-call on the docket for the weekend. And he did book this making and decorating a chocolate letter thing for Jesse. At … one of the children's museums? I don't know."

Olivia allowed her a thin smile. "He's good with your girls …"

Amanda just shrugged.

Olivia tapped at her desk a bit. "Amanda, I haven't wanted to bug you about this, but you know we – I – can't talk in circles around who 'he' is forever. There's going to have to be a point where you publicly disclose so you two don't get into a conflict of interest situation. You've seen what that can do to a career and a relationship," she said, giving her a little nod. Though, at that point – David Haden was a story from a long time ago.

Amanda just shook her head and looked at the floor again. "You know, Liv … Captain … I'm just not ready to send out a memo on that yet. I don't even know what … it is right now. It's not much of anything right now with his job. It's where his focus is and it's like … you know, we weren't enough before for either of us to even make it all official that we aren't much now at all."

Olivia tilted her head at her younger detective. "He's still a part of your personal life, Amanda. He's a part of your girls' lives. You have weekend plans with him. Valentine's Day plans …?"

"That's the thing, though," Amanda said and looked at her. "Do I really have plans wit him? Or does he just have plans with Jesse and Billie? You know … it's like … to get all Jerry Maguire on you … he loves my girls and he just really likes me."

Olivia allowed her a little frown at that. "You know, Amanda, I understand," she said. "I do. I've been there. And, I can tell you … that maybe sometimes in these circumstances … he knows to be with you, those girls of yours, need to be a big part of his life. And figuring out a way to let him have that and to still let yourself be – a woman in a relationship with a man … that's a big piece of the puzzle in finding that relationship that's going to fit your family. You both need to figure out how to be both people. That person for your girls and that person for your partner. It's not an easy puzzle to solve."

Amanda made an amused – but annoyed – noise and looked to the floor. "Yea," she snorted.

Olivia sighed a little and sat back in her chair. "Amanda, I'm not saying now – but the two of you, you do need to figure out when and how to send out that memo and go on the record – before something that comes up that bites either of you in the ass. You've had that happen too many times. And, you and Carisi both have too much at stake now to let it happen now. You're just friends or you're not. The grey area isn't going to be allowed to stay that way much longer."